i need a little help

[anonymousperson]

hello i am very new to this place. i have been in a relationship for about 5 years now. i lost my virginity to her , however she did not to me and in the beginning we had sex about once a month, then it gradually stopped and now my girlfriend has come out and told me that she hate sex. she said that she only did it because she felt obligated. which i think is kind of weird because she would initiate it almost half of the time. i am struggling with this because i love her and would never leave her over this issue. the thing is, she has come out and told me to have sex with other woman. i don't think i could do that because A. shes the only woman i have had intercourse with and B. sex to me is about loving the person you are with. i just don't feel like a normal guy that could stick his dick in anything with a pulse. i just don't know what to do . should i suggest help , is she Asexual or does she have a disorder?

[Camella]

So you are both asexual?

Well, asexual isn't a disorder and I don't believe that she has one of those. I don't even think I have a disorder.. I'm autistic but I think that i'm normal although the doctor diagnosed me with asperger's.

I think that you should let her post on this forum too and maybe she'll learn even more about herself. Knowledge is what everyone wants afterall. I'm constantly seeking for more of it.

Anyway, I'm in a relationship with a wondeful guy that loves sex and I'm constantly trying to make it fun for him even if I don't "dig it".

I don't think that your gal has reached this "being" yet.

[anonymousperson]

i am a very sexual person , she was and now is not. she doesnt know i posted here and she has never used the term asexual. the reason i ask if it is a disorder is because i read about desire disorders that can maybe be treated

[Camella]

i am a very sexual person , she was and now is not. she doesnt know i posted here and she has never used the term asexual. the reason i ask if it is a disorder is because i read about desire disorders that can maybe be treated

Asexual is not a disorder (to my knowledge) and anyone who is asexual probably wouldn't even want to be treated. I know I don't! So don't go putting her in an institution thinking someone can give her drugs and she'd me a miracle cured and then you can happily go on f'cking her again.

[M51]

Anonymous,

Your girlfriend could be asexual or could have a disorder. If her lack of desire for sex upsets her (ie, she wants to be sexual but just doesn't feel the urge), she might have a disorder. But if she doesn't desire sex, doesn't want to desire sex, and would be happy if she never had sex again for the rest of her life, she could very well be asexual.

I would not seek help for her without discussing with her which one of those she most likely falls under extensively.

If she is asexual, her behavior is not necessarily unusual. Sometimes the asexual "learns" from previous relationships or from societal pressure that they must give up sex every (___) days/weeks/whatever. In this case, your partner may have initiated sex somewhat regularly because she thought she had to do that to keep you happy, even if you never talked about it or pressured her to do that.

I used to be married and I would occasionally initiate sex if I sensed that he was getting grumpy, which happened predictably every third day or so. I could not keep up with that frequency, though, and he was unwilling to compromise so we are now divorced.

It is good that you are talking with about this. There is no easy answer for "mixed couples". Some couples do allow for sexually "open" relationships and this works great for them. Other couples work out a compromise, such as once a month, or scheduling a date. What will work for you depends on your personality, her personality, your relationship, and other factors, so you may have to try several different things. The key is communication. Although communication has not by any means saved EVERY "mixed" relationship, I don't know of any that succeeded without communication.

[anonymousperson]

thanks, i have been communicating with her about it , although neither of us have mentioned the term "asexual" she told me she was sexually abused by her father once as a child but she said she freaked out and ran out before he could abuse her. i still call it abuse if her father made passes at her even though he didnt succeed, it definatley took its toll on her. she still talks to her dad which i cant understand. i want to show her this forum but i dont want her to take it the wrong way i guess

[Chiaroscuro]

thanks, i have been communicating with her about it , although neither of us have mentioned the term "asexual" she told me she was sexually abused by her father once as a child but she said she freaked out and ran out before he could abuse her. i still call it abuse if her father made passes at her even though he didnt succeed, it definatley took its toll on her. she still talks to her dad which i cant understand. i want to show her this forum but i dont want her to take it the wrong way i guess

My wife was abused as a child, and it's had tremendous repercussions on her, sexually and in other ways. She IS sexual, but that part of her is usually underground, particularly when she's feeling threatened in some way. In those circumstances she identifies 100% as an asexual. But then the sexual part of her does emerge every now and then. She's been in therapy at a local rape and abuse clinic for many years now, and it's been really helpful to her. You might suggest it to your partner if she seems open to it.

-Chiaroscuro