Jump to content

Post Coital Depression / Tristesse & Asexuality


Recommended Posts

MyWifeIsAce

Has anyone here ever been diagnosed or read about post coital depression or post coital tristesse in connection with Asexuality. 

This is something I'm just learning about and it would seem natural to be a part of an asexuals experience however I've not reading anything on this forum or elsewhere that uses this language in connection with asexuality. 

Is this something that either you or if your ace partner have experienced? (presuming you have participated in some sort of sexual activity (either currently or previously) and had direct feelings of the following: depression, let down feeling, sadness, irritability, agitation, anxiety, and/or depression after or during sex with a partner).

 

If you have experienced this could you please share? Some things that might be helpful to others could be possible triggers (timing, actions such as crossing of boundaries, or any other feelings or experiences), coping mechanism if this was part of your journey, or if this language has helped you understand that you are asexual, or anything else that might be helpful to those finding themselves along this path.

It seems this experience is something that sexual people also deal with, however it seems this language falls close to asexuality yet it is not talked about very well either among asexuals or for sexual as a possible sign that they might be asexual. To clarify, the language doesn't seem mention or cross over into the asexual discussion (maybe it shouldn't, but maybe it should?). If these feelings are part of some asexuals experience it might be helpful to share here or be another way to discuss and explain the asexual experience to your loving sexual partners and friends.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful consideration to the questions and I look forward to greater understanding on behalf of others, myself, and my Ace.

 

Thank you. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don’t mean to dodge the question here, but I will say that, as a rule, these are things your partner needs to answer. Not every asexual person is the same, even when it comes to feelings about sex. 
 

While there are a number of us here who could potentially share our personal experiences, we don’t know your partner, and we can’t tell you how they feel.

 

I would, perhaps boringly and predictably, advise you to talk this over with your partner, and check in frequently, including during and after sex. If they aren’t feeling positive about the experience, take it upon yourself to recognize that and try to fix it, whether that is by slowing down, stopping, or changing course. But all these things have to start with open and honest communication. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
MyWifeIsAce
16 minutes ago, Epic Tetus said:

I don’t mean to dodge the question here, but I will say that, as a rule, these are things your partner needs to answer. Not every asexual person is the same, even when it comes to feelings about sex. 
 

While there are a number of us here who could potentially share our personal experiences, we don’t know your partner, and we can’t tell you how they feel.

 

I would, perhaps boringly and predictably, advise you to talk this over with your partner, and check in frequently, including during and after sex. If they aren’t feeling positive about the experience, take it upon yourself to recognize that and try to fix it, whether that is by slowing down, stopping, or changing course. But all these things have to start with open and honest communication. 

I'm way ahead of you here... believe me anything posted here is not only a discussion with my partner first, but we also discuss bringing it to the forum to see if anyone else has or has found this language in there search for answers. I have a bunch of things posted in the ace partner section and everything of previous discussion can be found on my profile page.

 

For us this is all very new so there are a ton of unanswered questions. This new language of post coital feelings was something we discovered on our own so the question from both of us for this forum is does anyone relate to these ideas or has this been part of the journey. As we seek answers together to our couple experience we are looking to others who have come before us and have much more experience to the language and the process. This is not something diagnosed but a lateral connection that we found might be part of the asexual experience or might be something individual and not ace related. 

 

I guess the more direct question is does this language seem to explain a common asexual experience or not? Since this is not something that is written about in connection with asexuality it's more of a question if there is a correlation for some or if this sounds mostly far left field for many asexuals. 

 

Thank you for your comments and helpfulness in the process. 

 

Kindly,

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...