Confused about my aromanticness and crushes

[KayAce]

   I think I'm aromatic but I always been confused about my past crushes. I think i had a crush on two guys in my life. Once in first grade and once in 6 grade. In first grade there was a boy I couldn't stop thinking about and I tried to clean his face with napkin at lunch once 😅 (which now makes cringe thinking about). But I was young so I didn't know about dating or wanted to date.

        Then in 6th grade there was a boy I always got butterflies around and tongue tied. But I didn't want date him and I didn't think about him or want to get to know him that much. I also didn't feel bad that he had girlfriend. 

       

      After that I would get strong urges to want to get to know guys but it always felt platonic (I'm 19 yr old now). It's hard to imagine myself in a romantic relationship and I feel uncomfortable when people find interest in me. But I do want to have a close emotional bond with someone one day. 

       

       Because I'm not sure about my feelings I'm not sure where I fit. I think I might be greyromantic or just aromantic. I also took some quizzes that say I'm demiromantic but I never had a super close bond with someone to know. I want to get advice about what attraction I might have felt if it wasn't romantic and where I might fit on the aromantic spectrum.

    

[steel_quill]

Caveat the following with: I also haven't figured out my romantic orientation, but this is based off some of the things I've read:

 

One of the common traits of romantic people is becoming jealous/possessive of their partner/target of attraction. From this:

On 5/19/2022 at 11:55 PM, KayAce said:

I also didn't feel bad that he had girlfriend.

It doesn't sound like you were jealous of the 6th grade boy's girlfriend. 

 

On 5/19/2022 at 11:55 PM, KayAce said:

I couldn't stop thinking about [...] I always got butterflies around and tongue tied

These types of physiological responses are common during the "infatuation" stage. From what I understand, though, it's tough to know what type of infatuation (romantic or otherwise) it is, because:

• alterous/queer-platonic/other attraction --> infatuation --> squish --> desire for non-romantic primary relationship (like a QPR)
• romantic attraction --> infatuation --> crush --> desire for a romantic primary relationship

The type of attraction that led to the infatuation, then, can only be determined by (a) knowing what type of attraction it was; or (b) knowing what type of relationship you'd want to grow out of it. You could ask yourself what type of relationship you would've desired with people in the past.

[KayAce]

I guess I just wanted to be friends. I wanted to get to know them but I lost interested pretty quickly.