Any advice on being out as trans?

[AceActor]

I'll try to avoid going too hard on personal angst. I'm finishing up uni and I've been out at uni as non-binary for about a year, they/them pronouns, but I'm really bad at correcting people and presently people can basically just ignore the fact that I'm trans.

I've kind of weighed it up in my head for a long time. I hate that almost everyone perceives and treats me as a woman, it sucks a lot. But because it's so easy for people to ignore that I'm trans I have an easier time in other respects, I don't have to deal with people being too weird about it. If people misgender me I can pass it off as an honest mistake. But with the end of uni coming up I feel the time pressure, and I feel like I've reached something of a tipping point where the relative "ease" of people just ignoring the fact that I'm trans isn't worth it anymore.

I desperately want to change my name. I have done so with a very small group of friends quite recently but 98% of the time when people refer to me they are using a name that they have no reason to know I can barely stand the sound of anymore and using the wrong pronouns and referring to me as a woman etc etc and I am 100% the type of person to just convince myself that it's selfish or whatever and it isn't worth the hassle (I know this is untrue it's just tricky to not) so I'm basically sure that I really need to be like properly out, change my name, correct people on pronouns etc before leaving uni or after uni I will just retreat so far back into the closet that I won't come back out for like another decade.

Thing is, that's scary. I am an incredibly self conscious person and there's a big part of me that would feel like it would be an imposition to just ask people to refer to me differently, so changing my name to what is typically a man's name, completely losing the option of people just ignoring that I'm trans is terrifying.

Thankfully I presently have a really excellent support structure, another reason why I feel the need to come out before the end of uni, because I need the practice of standing up for myself while I still have people to fall back on who understand. I just feel like I need some advice from people who are out as trans, like, how did you tell people you'd changed your name? How was the whole situation? How did you deal with people being crappy? I'm not gonna deny I have a fair bit of internalised transphobia, very low self esteem, I'm slightly afraid that the second anyone's like 'Why change your name to Felix? You're not a man' or whatever, I'll just be like 'Yeah, no, you're right, I'm an idiot.' and quit, so I guess any tips on having a spine, not caving immediately, not listening to yourself when you're being aaa. Or just if anyone has any advice for being out as trans, visibly trans, or just is willing to share any of their experiences if they relate or whatever. I think I just need something to make it feel less impossible, because currently that's how it feels. But I'm not okay with being even vaguely in the closet any longer.

Many thanks, Felix

[Zoroark]

What I did was I made a post on social media to come out. It seemed easier than telling people irl, and it made it to everyone I interacted with at once. I told people my new name (even years later haven't been able to afford a legal name change) and corrected them if they said the wrong name. If they were persistent, I stopped responding when deadnamed. I ignored them completely until they addressed me as I'd asked to be. This was very effective and I recommend this approach.

 

The most important thing, though, is to be firm and always correct people you'll encounter more than once. It can be difficult, and sometimes it isn't worth correcting (i.e. a stranger on the bus, a cashier, etc.) but when it matters, you just gotta take a deep breath and speak up. Not sure how else to explain it, but you are the most important person in your life, and so you gotta look out for yourself and take care of yourself.