How do other aromantics experience kissing? Advice?

[Undefinable]

I wasn't sure if I should put this here, or in the relationships discussions. But I made this account just to ask this question. 

 

I am aro-ace, and I have identified as this for a good 8 years now. I've never dated anyone or had interest in dating until very recently. I've always been very comfortable and happy with this label. But I recently moved in with a long-time friend of mine, and we have sort of fell into a unique relationship. We don't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend and we don't have sex, but we are basically together in every other way. He's known I am aro-ace since the beginning and 100% accepts that. He always has, and continues to tells me that I don't/won't hurt him if I don't feel the same romantic/sexual feelings that he does.

 

But the other day I let him kiss me for the first time, and it was the first time that I've started to feel bad about my romantic identity. I felt nothing when we kissed. I was nervous because of it, but I didn't actually feel anything new. There was no emotion or spark as people say. It was just touching skin and a bit of saliva. He enjoyed it, but I got nothing out of it. It's not quite repulsive, but not even close to being pleasant. I explained this to him, and he's still supportive of me and respects my boundaries. But I can't help but feel bad. I want to be able to experience what he does, and be able to enjoy kissing. He's kissed me a few more times since then, but I still can't feel anything. I do it at this point because he likes it, not because I do. I don't want to hurt him, but it feels like there's some sort of disconnect in my brain. I've never felt upset with my romantic identity before now. 

 

So I was wondering how other aromantic people experience kissing, if any of you have tried too. Do you feel anything during it, or does it feel empty like I described? I don't expect to get many responses, but I appreciate any experiences or advice that people may have. I also don't expect a fix, I just want to put my thoughts out there somewhere. 

[Janus the Fox]

Kissing with the BF, feels really of nothing except for a mild physical pleasure which is very rare and even this pleasure could be absent.  I don’t desire kisses or have no need for them to fulfil a relationship.  I guess a ‘nothing’ feels different than feeling ‘empty’ is if I’d expect kisses to feel fulfilling.

[DarkStormyKnight]

I'm gray-romantic, I personally like kissing my partner but more because it lets me be close to him than anything else. I get why you'd feel bad about it though, it's held up as this big thing in all sorts of media, but kissing is no different from anything else you'd do in a relationship. Think of it like holding hands, you either like it or you don't, and it shouldn't be a big deal either way. Unfortunately that isn't always the case, and relationships are always tricky, but I think if you've had success communicating this to your partner (or whatever term you both are using) then it'll be okay.

[gndrqrd]

I'm still kind of in the process of questioning if I feel romantically about others or not but in the meantime I call myself cupioromantic. I like kissing as foreplay and that's honestly about it, tbh. I don't really naturally feel the desire to kiss my boyfriend outside of a sexual context. When he kisses me randomly it's just kind of like, oh, okay.

[WhiteCatandcherries]

Interesting 🙂