Calliers Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 11 minutes ago, MarRister said: Hate to break it to you, but using being nice as a form of manipulation is an asshole thing to do. In this case the self prescribed 'nice guy' is finishing last, not because he is nice, but because he is an asshole. Okay... so now I just feel like you have something against me. Where oh where did I say that I propose that people be nice in order to manipulate women? At this point I don't think I will reply to you any more... just not worth it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sister Mercurial Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 1 hour ago, MarRister said: Hate to break it to you, but using being nice as a form of manipulation is an asshole thing to do. In this case the self prescribed 'nice guy' is finishing last, not because he is nice, but because he is an asshole. That was my point. That's why I said "self-described 'nice guys'", as opposed to actual nice guys. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MarRister Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 3 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said: That was my point. That's why I said "self-described 'nice guys'", as opposed to actual nice guys. Oh yeah I meant that to be an agreement with that aspect of your post. Was just trying to address the inconsistencies between that post being agreed to but then also saying nice guys always finish last because they are actually nice and that is an undesirable trait compared to being an asshole for some reason. 4 hours ago, Calliers said: Okay... so now I just feel like you have something against me. Where oh where did I say that I propose that people be nice in order to manipulate women? At this point I don't think I will reply to you any more... just not worth it. I think you missed my point in that, but I generally don't take too kindly to unkind stereotypes of my entire gender that are not based in any fact whatsoever. I don't have a problem with you personally per say, just the bad stereotype that you are promoting like gospel truth. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Morays Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 On 5/29/2022 at 5:32 PM, Calliers said: Wow people, when did I say you can't be nice and still be attractive? Like where? All I'm saying is what the norm is. And whether or not you like it I'm spittin' straight fax here. This is one of those topics that no one really likes to talk about but personally I call a spade a spade. I tell it like it is. *Sigh* This again? The notion that something as complex and varied and emotionally freighted as human relationships can be boiled down to a one-sentence formula involving naught but wealth and a Disney-movie-level asshole/nice guy moral dichotomy should make anyone suspicious, to say the least. You seem like a perfectly amiable person and I have no vendetta against you, but seeing this tired mentality about dating crop up over and over again on this site is wearing me down, and it makes me deeply sad to see a perfectly amiable person promote it. Because this mentality is a deeply warped and harmful one. It enables and perpetuates misogynist extremism in the incel/MGTOW communities that preach it as gospel. It promotes an incredibly shallow representation of both womanhood and manhood, and erases anything outside of heterosexuality and binary gender. And in the end it hurts absolutely everyone, women and men alike. It's harmful to the women it's inflicted upon, it's harmful to the men who subscribe to it and tailor their actions accordingly, it's harmful to the many genuinely kind and unambitious men who are painted as undesirable and weak and lesser by this theory when, in fact, there are many people who desire them, who pursue them, who are in active partnerships with them everywhere one looks. You're not "telling it like it is" when your theory doesn't account for such wide swathes of the population. To acknowledge complexity as a brief aside and then go right on speaking in universal declarative terms just doesn't add up. I really can't repeat this enough: there is no single formula for how dating works. Women look for all kinds of different things in men, because we are different people who want different things. We are not a mathematical equation awaiting the correct monetary input. We are not a BMW-seeking hivemind. We are not assimilating men into the Borg. We have not convened in some secret underworld congress in hooded robes to decree the Laws Of The Dating World. If I sound bitter, well, it's a bit frustrating to have these things implied with nothing but a vague appeal to one's anecdotal experience, and have your own experience in turn unilaterally dismissed by someone "telling it like it is" from a vantage point about a thousand miles away from being in your shoes. I've appreciated your usually friendly presence on this forum in the past, and it's because I appreciate it that I openly ask you to reconsider this mentality and really, deeply examine where it comes from. I genuinely think you can do better than this. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MarRister Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 @Morays I can always count on you for some grounded words. I was going all over the place and not being very constructive 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Morays Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 38 minutes ago, MarRister said: @Morays I can always count on you for some grounded words. I was going all over the place and not being very constructive Haha, thank you, I really appreciate that. 💜 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Calliers Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 On 5/29/2022 at 3:18 PM, Calliers said: There are a lot of other nuances and it is actually all very complex. Look, I even agreed with @Sister Mercurial.... I already know all of that stuff, I apologize, maybe I just didn't word it properly. I am sorry if it seemed like I was attacking your gender, I didn't mean to do so. Maybe if I had articulated myself better. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Morays Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 4 minutes ago, Calliers said: Look, I even agreed with @Sister Mercurial.... I already know all of that stuff, I apologize, maybe I just didn't word it properly. I am sorry if it seemed like I was attacking your gender, I didn't mean to do so. Maybe if I had articulated myself better. Thank you for the apology, but I'd recommend giving the nuance a lot more thought. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Calliers Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 18 minutes ago, Morays said: Thank you for the apology, but I'd recommend giving the nuance a lot more thought. Oh I have lol. Personally I like to observe people, and their different relationship dynamics, it's all very interesting and exciting. And believe you me I do it while staying completely neutral. I have no allegiance to any group or school of thought when it comes to relationships (or relationshits as I sometimes like to call them). I've watched many of my friends have divorces over and over, I've watched some of my friends go into marriages then have the most toxic relationships, likewise I've also seen some of my friends have some of the happiest and best relationships one can hope for. And everything in between. It's all very interesting, and very curious indeed. Edit: I subscribe to the saying listen to all, follow none. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rai N. Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 On 5/17/2022 at 6:54 PM, Reindeer said: As I am getting a little exhausted with side stepping love interests and I not sure how to casually bring up "Hey I not looking for romance. Yeah I totally understand. I think our world is heavily driven by romance, (i mean it shouldn't be, but it is) and some people just don't know about or understand the fact that some people don't get that feeling, or some people who do aren't looking for it all the time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 On 5/29/2022 at 2:32 PM, Calliers said: Wow people, when did I say you can't be nice and still be attractive? Like where? All I'm saying is what the norm is. And whether or not you like it I'm spittin' straight fax here. This is one of those topics that no one really likes to talk about but personally I call a spade a spade. I tell it like it is. You're telling it like you see it, not necessarily like it is. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Calliers Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 55 minutes ago, Sally said: You're telling it like you see it, not necessarily like it is. *nods head* "I see" said the blind man. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 5 hours ago, Morays said: and erases anything outside of heterosexuality and binary gender. QFT, with no intentions behind it other than remembering the world is not necessarily cis and hetero in some cases. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.