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Thanx for the answer to my question,i'm still notsure i understand it tho,like i said i have had sex in the past,it was not just a one off i was married at the time,i loved mywife very much but on a purely romantic and emotional level,the act of sex never became pleasurable,wether tihs was due my asexuality and lack of sex drive and interest i can't say

I also agree with the others that have made comment, Homicidal bunny do something with your avatar dude!

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Nico-Nico Friendo

Question -

What I find weird about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, is that if you look at the pyramid you'll see at the bottom with the most important needs is 'sex' but 2 higher on lesser needs is 'sexual intimacy'.

So does that mean that sex take priority over love and people should just simply 'f*ck' before they ever 'love' each other? I don't get why Maslow's chart is arranged that way. It seems rather odd.

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maslows heirarchy is a theory of human motivation, so its not necessarily what people SHOULD do but rather a picture of WHAT people do. my criticism of his theory is that, it seems that our motivations are easily influenced by the morals and ideals of the time period, and who knows what these influences were at the time he constructed his theory as opposed to the different influences we have today.

on the category of love,

"They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure. e.g. an anorexic ignores the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of belonging."

my best guess is that in todays society, much less emphasis is put on friends and family, and we turn instead to the last remaining source of a sense of belonging; romantic love/sexual intimacy. i suppose if you are severely deficient in a higher level, it can take precedence over a lower level.

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This sounds so Thoth... at the top of the temple resides the two "Lords" and within the two is found balance and in the balance of the two Lords is found the logos of the universe.

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Rikusephirosu

Sticking a body part into another and exchanging fluids? Definently alien work! *Covers her eyes* 1+1= Unknown :oops: :oops: :?

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I have a very very low sex drive. It's so low it's awesome actually. I am just thinking about all these "doctor's" *cough*davidson*cough* who seem to think most people with a low sex drive need help bringing the drive up.

I am going to go with this analogy about sex being, like drugs, a chemical dependency. Just like in highschool before I ever touched a drug, people were saying "you don't do drugs? omg what's wrong with you, you are missing out!!" Turns out I wasn't missing out on a single thing except for terrible side effects (due to my really shitty genetics, substances of any kind effect me rather negatively). Now all my friends from highschool who were smoking pot, etc, are still doing it. Some of them are so absolutely bored without them they can't enjoy life unless they have a joint in hand. Some of my friends who started doing drugs just sit around home and get high, or only hang out with other people who will get high with them. They won't go out and broaden their views of the world because they are addicted to doing what they do. Maybe marijuana is a bad example because it kind of screws with your motivation anyway.

But I have friends who are so caught up in problems with sex too. They will choose to have sex in these really stupid dependent situations, hanging out with certain people, instead of listening to their will power or standing up for themselves as individuals. You have no idea how happy I am that I don't have some ridiculous vice like a sex drive. If only the rest of the world could be open to the idea that this is possible though. (I mean for me to be quite normal without being ridiculously horny all the damn time). And I think it's so stupid that lots of people will only talk to you and hang out with you extensively if they have the idea that there is a possibility of having sex with you. Sorry boys, I'm in it for the friendship. I notice such a huge difference in the way people will relate with me after they find out I'm unavailable. People really do put huge emphasis on these sexual/romantic relationships, when we could be having amazing friendships!

I've been talking to very sexually open people lately who are involved in polyamorous relationships. They seem quite happy, though I don't know these people well. But anyway, I think it's a great idea. My only problem is when people aren't OPEN about it in a relationship, when they're lying and cheating. It's ridiculous. Communicate people! Lay down the situation. You know? Find like-minded individuals.

Now, while I'm totally open to these kinds of relationships, and I'm splendidly happy about the way that sexuality is totally changing (for the better), I'm still gritting my teeth for all of the diseases being spread, the precautions not being taken, etc.

And I myself would never be in any kind of relationship outside of friendship that is not monogamous. Because, although I don't have a sex drive, I am such a reserved and introverted person myself that I would never be comfortable in an intimate relationship with someone who was sleeping with other people. To me, it wouldn't be intimate if this was the case. That is to me, if I was the kind of person who was by nature polyamorous, I would probably be fine with it. I guess it all depends on how you express intimacy. I'm fine by myself though, so it's not selfish.

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Rikusephirosu

I never did understand why doctors feel they must boost a person's sex drive if it was "too low". I feel that if a person's sex drive was too low, then it surely was too low for a reason... Using drugs to enhance that..I dont think its right. Then again, I refuse to pollute my body with such things.. People throw their lives away by doing that.. They dont realize they have much to live for. :cry:

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But NOT having sex has NEVER killed anyone! (It could possibly kill you if you DID have it, but not from NOT having it.)

Therefore, I do not consider it a genuine 'need'. It is more like an illusional need. Sex is simply nature's 'trick' to get things to reproduce.

is the heroin addicts' addiction merely an illusion because he could stop any time without fear of death?

Well, at least we agree on that -- the need for sex uber alles is a strange, pathological addiction that rules peoples' lives and makes them do incredibly self-destructive things that make no sense to those of us who don't have the same addiction.

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Rikusephirosu

Agreed. :?

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the way i see it, whether or not you consider sex a 'true need' or an 'illusory need', it is still absurdly extreme to compare it to food and water! it is simply not (& never will be) on the same level, or same spot on the 'hierarchy of need' (call it what you want... or should i say, 'call it what you need?') as food and water.

that's all i'm trying to say....

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Rikusephirosu

Well said. *:cake: time!* :)

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the way i see it, whether or not you consider sex a 'true need' or an 'illusory need', it is still absurdly extreme to compare it to food and water! it is simply not (& never will be) on the same level, or same spot on the 'hierarchy of need' (call it what you want... or should i say, 'call it what you need?') as food and water.

that's all i'm trying to say....

Word.

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I agree, tho i would like to know why sexuals seem to think that we as asexuals are odd for not having the desire for sex

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Rikusephirosu

And they wonder why we seem to think sexuals are just as odd if not odder for being sex crazed and driven by their libido instead of their intelligence, and forgetting that the brain is not in their pants, its in their head.

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there are certainly advantages to not having a sex-drive, although given the option to permanently decrease mine i dont think i would. i would definitely try out some libido reducers if they only work short term just to see what affect it has.

i really see a future for libido reducers. im sure there is a very high correlation between an absurdly high sex drive and sex offenders/rapists/stds. a slighly lower sex drive, and still a high correlation with stds, unhappiness, anxiety, stress. i have a high sex drive, but not so obsenely high that it overly affects my life negatively.

on the other end of the spectrum, people with low to zero sex drives are perfectly healthy and happy. i do find it ridiculous that doctors feel the need to increase it to a "normal" level.

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I don't see how not having a need for sex has anything to do with health but that might just be down to being asexual,i just don't get it

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I don't see how not having a need for sex has anything to do with health but that might just be down to being asexual,i just don't get it

Are you a guy? Are we talking about being male and staying healthy?

ok on the note of staying healthy. I know this for a fact.

Have any of you guys gone a week perhaps without even touching/wanking your member?

I had a friend who went 1 year without touching himself. He complained that stinky stuff was cuming out of his member/penis. He went to the hospital and told a doctor what was going on and how long he hadn't wanked.

The doctor wanted a sample of the stinky cottage cheese looking sperm.

He said that the doctor had him wank right in front of him and it hurt so badly that he couldn't proceed. I'm not telling you what the doctor did next but nothing came out... the nasty stinky sperm was pasted in his balls and his balls were dead/non-functioning.

So, he was scheduled for surgical castration.

I might have posted this up somewhere but probably not in this full of details.

I always thought that it was the sperm count that caused the male labido to perform well... or perform low. I'm not sure... all I know is, a man needs to wank at least once a day to keep his member healthy. If he doesn't wank... he's up for surgery/castration in his future.

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I don't see how not having a need for sex has anything to do with health but that might just be down to being asexual,i just don't get it

Are you a guy? Are we talking about being male and staying healthy?

yeah i am a guy,well biologically speaking, i consider myself as gender neutral

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I have gone a long while(more than a month at least)without masturbating i just dont feel the need or desire to

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The funniest thing that happens to me is when my friends are like, "I haven't had sex for a whole week and I'm going nuts!!" And they ask me "when's the last time you got lucky Caitlin?" And I instantly become very embarassed because I realize that 1. I don't consider it luck or lucky, and 2. they would consider it a really long time ago and wonder what's wrong with me, while I on the other hand would feel it was far too recent and I don't planning on doing it again for a very long time. And I just suddenly feel like...weird...I simply don't have the desire to have sex. You know? I don't think going without sex for six months to a year is anything really at all. But all my friends think a week is a horrendous sin. And as for masturbating, I would consider once a month frequent!

I don't know what's wrong with me. :shock:

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Nico-Nico Friendo

I have a similar question to Ten's . . . If a person didn't have a sex drive before, could having sex GIVE them a sex drive (like if you don't take drugs ever, then one time you decide to try it just as an experiment and then you end up becoming dependent upon the drug)?

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Rikusephirosu

Thats interesting.. Yet, which is the most important to you? What do you need the most?? Is sex required in your daily life more than food and water? :?

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Hey, Question,

did you want to have sex before you had it

and/or did other experiences lead to it?

ive had a sex drive since i was 12, and didnt have sex until 16, so yes.

I have a similar question to Ten's . . . If a person didn't have a sex drive before, could having sex GIVE them a sex drive (like if you don't take drugs ever, then one time you decide to try it just as an experiment and then you end up becoming dependent upon the drug)?

i really doubt it, if someone has no sex drive, i dont know how having sex could somehow complete the circuit and give them a sex drive. now even without a sex drive, would it be possible to become addicted to the physical pleasure of sex? judging by all the asexuals' opinions on sex (the highest opinion of sex was neutral and the lowest, emotionally damaging), i dont think its possible to enjoy sex physically without a sex-drive. sexual people im sure could become addicted both in the sense of satisfying their sex drives and in the sense of the physical pleasure of sex. and quite possibly in a third sense; that the sex-drive itself is already akin to an addiction.

Thats interesting.. Yet, which is the most important to you? What do you need the most?? Is sex required in your daily life more than food and water? :?

its not so much which is most important, but how strong the desire (and subsequent anxiety, unhappiness) is associated with each drive. humans are not rational beings, and as we can see, even our brains are wired to be irrational as "nature's 'trick' to get things to reproduce."

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Rikusephirosu

Humans are rational beings. Just irrational when compared to animals. Its because we are rational that we even came up with the technology that we have today. Heck, we had to be rational to come up with the word rational! :roll: Perhaps sexual people arent rational, but the day we asexual people asked ourselves "do we want to do this? are we interested in sex?" or better yet" Why do I not feel sexually attracted to anything? Why am I repulsed by the mere thought of sexual intercourse?" and we found it sensible as to why we didnt want to be sexual, then we rationalized our asexual ways. Perhaps nature just didnt like us. :|

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Hey, Question,

did you want to have sex before you had it

and/or did other experiences lead to it?

ive had a sex drive since i was 12, and didnt have sex until 16, so yes.

Then it appears 20 is not "too young" to know your sexuality... gah, the things people have told me to try and change me...

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Why do sexuals think that sex is a 'need' like food and water? An individual does not DIE if they don't have sex. I've never heard of anyone dying simply for the reason they didn't have sex. I really hate the analogy.

This has already been answered, but I have to weigh in - we compare sex drive to food and water because it FEELS like the need you have for food and water. In fact, at any given time, I'm much more likely to be craving sex than water (the water bottle doesn't say no, though, so I can have that whenever). I guess I can see why it bugs you, but when you ask what it feels like for a sexual to go without sex, you get pretty much the literal truth when they say "It feels like being hungry". Because...it does! It doesn't matter that you won't *actually* die. You feel hungry. You feel deprived. You are uncomfortable and unhappy.

I already know about all the chemicals and stuff. This is probably why I'm not romantic. To me, sex looks like a drug addiction. People don't NEED drugs, but once they get started on drugs, they become dependent upon the drugs and FEEL they NEED to have it. If they don't get that 'hit' or 'high' they start to feel bad withdrawal symptoms and will do anything to get their hands on the drugs they crave.

Now on the other hand, I take big issue with *this* analogy, because you don't crave drugs until you have them, whereas sexuals will crave sex or at least sexual expression whether they have them or not. I could have gone my whole life never having been touched by a man and I would still have a sex drive, and I would still want to experience it. I remember being in high school, before I'd ever had anyone touch me in a way that caused physical pleasure, wiggling around and feeling like I was going to explode from the strength of the feelings I had - and they were *definitely* sexual feelings. I didn't even know how to masturbate at that point, had never orgasmed, nothing.

Now how can I have an addiction to something I've never experienced? That just seems silly. Sexual people are wired for sex, it's a completely natural part of their identity and body chemistry, and it would exist even if people were physically restrained from touching themselves 24/7, 365. And saying it's an "addiction" honestly seems like an effort to me to make yourself feel better by making sexuality seem worse.

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Nico-Nico Friendo

Bunny K. and question -

If the 'wired in' sex drive itself is already 'the addiction' I can't say I can relate to such a thing at all. It seems so strange and mysterious to me that a person will feel unhappy, uncomfortable and unloved without sex, but thanks for trying to explain.

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Bunny K. and question -

If the 'wired in' sex drive itself is already 'the addiction' I can't say I can relate to such a thing at all. It seems so strange and mysterious to me that a person will feel unhappy, uncomfortable and unloved without sex, but thanks for trying to explain.

I feel exactly the same about this "wired in" sex drive,something i just cant get my head round

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