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Worst argument I had ever had.


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I was in a conversation with a friend. He told me that he was Asexual. So I asked him "When you look at attractive women do you automatically want to have sex with them?" he said "yes its a natural scientific fact that everyone has a sexual impulse." He said "Why do you take Vitex? Because you are trying to suppress a scientific fact of life. " He said "Noone can be like what I am claiming." I told him that he wasnt asexual simply because just because he doesnt want to have sex doesnt make him asexual. I told him he was celibate not asexual. He again pushed on me saying that why do you take Vitex? (To stop yourself from Masturbating?) Why am I trying suppress a scientific  proven fact that all humans are sexual and that My asexuality does not exist. He kept telling me over and over that science does not support my view of sex at all. That I am wrong and that there is something wrong about me. I'm sorry it just was such a awful conversation. I explained to him that Asexuality is devoid of Sexual Desire. Yes there are different variations but over all Asexuals do not lust. He kept trying to tell me that my masturbation is proof that I still lust.. That is not true. I do not think about having sex with other woman. I just cant stop myself from masturbating so I take Vitex and that compulsion is gone. He's saying science doesnt support the asexual view at all.. I mean we were yelling at each other. I dunno I was just looking for some support.

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Deltalorian

Sounds like he needs to touch some grass. If you're ever going to get into a debate about what truly makes us human, just don't. You just end up arguing semantics or accidentally claiming that some birds/mammals are humans because of some certain shared traits. It's honestly never worth your time.

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I tried my Best to respect his beliefs but he wouldnt respect mine.. Constantly telling me that science supports Lust as a natural body function.

I'm just all riled up about it.

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Deltalorian
17 minutes ago, Tirisilex said:

I tried my Best to respect his beliefs but he wouldnt respect mine.. Constantly telling me that science supports Lust as a natural body function.

I'm just all riled up about it.

Lust is a natural body function... for some people. Just like how not everyone can see every colour/certain colour combos. It'd be like trying to argue that deaf people don't exist because everyone has ears. I'd definitely try to avoid talking to him about anything similar to this, for a while at least.

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steel_quill

Your friend sounds harshly insensitive. 

 

This:

20 hours ago, Tirisilex said:

Why am I trying suppress a scientific  proven fact that all humans are sexual and that My asexuality does not exist. He kept telling me over and over that science does not support my view of sex at all. That I am wrong and that there is something wrong about me.

JUST. NO. 😪 Erasing someone's identity is not okay. 

 

Also, I think your friend is probably conflating several things:

  • Arousal -- feeling "turned on" by visual (or otherwise) stimuli; comes from the reptilian brain; can be experienced by aces
  • Libido -- a craving for sexual contact; probably the closest concept to "lust"; also can be experienced by aces
  • Attraction/Desire -- from what I understand, these are more about to whom one's attraction/desire are directed toward; for allos, there's a specific subset of people at the receiving end of attraction/desire; for aces, there isn't anyone (with exceptions for gray-/demi-/etc.); and this is why we identify as asexual. 

There's also a great thread here about countering aphobic statements. :) 

 

And this:

19 hours ago, Deltalorian said:

It'd be like trying to argue that deaf people don't exist because everyone has ears.

YES. +1 to the power of +INFINITY.

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sneakerhead

I got into a sort-of argument with someone I met on reddit (HUGE mistake, I know, but I was bored and craving a chat with a human). I was trying to be honest because I was hoping to become friends and he just didn't understand where I was coming from. It felt like he was giving me side-eye through our DMs. I tried to be patient in explaining what being gray-ace is, but he had trouble conceptualizing a lack of sexual desire. Wouldn't have been so bad if he just TRIED TO SEE THINGS FROM A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW.

 

Even after we decided to text rather than use reddit's chat feature, he still didn't try to see things from my perspective. I've since been ghosted by him, and I feel like I dodged a bullet.

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My friend has become very arrogant with his views about science.. It kind of reminds me of Doctor Strange...

He thinks science is the only truth and that Spirit is folly.

 

That my sexuality cannot exist because his science doesn't support it

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Ella of Frell

Maybe it's because I enjoy playing devil's advocate, but I would ask your friend what scientific proof he has that all humans feel sexual desire. It kind of sounds like he's just saying it without any real proof or scientific reasoning. And, I wouldn't take "the biological need to procreate" as a valid reason since that only possibly explains heterosexual desire. 

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