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Do you think it's polite to ask a new person what their interests are, right after introducing yourself?


Eroell

Do you think it's polite to ask a new person what their interests are, right after introducing yourself?  

46 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you think it's polite to ask a new person (who you just met for the first time) what their interests are, right after introducing yourself?

    • yes
      36
    • no
      5
    • other answer
      5

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You know where this question comes from?

I came to the conclusion that all of my recent problems with meeting new people comes from that only one little issue: if I can just straight away ask someone what their hobbies are? And some people tell me that it's not polite, and others say that it actually is, so I'm really confused and I don't know what to do.

Yes I'm aware that it differs from country to country but I have no idea where else could I post such a poll, so here you go.

Remember that I'm 19 old, and I'm talking about meeting new people my age

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Well I'm really bad at social interactions, so if I am going to talk to someone, I kind of need some stuff to talk about. So yeah, if someone asked me what my interests are I wouldn't find that rude at all, just a way of finding a common ground.

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It's a neutral and non-invasive question that everyone on the planet will have some kind of answer to. I can't imagine what's rude about it, unless you're in a situation where it's inconsiderate to be attempting prolonged conversation at all.

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verily-forsooth-egads

Right after they confirm that they'd like to try to get to know you? Sure. Without that? Absolutely not, I don't know or care who you are and I want to go home.

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Tree snake

Usually I learn people's hobbies by quiet observation. What people are into tends to come up in conversation sooner or later. In groups you'll always find those individuals that want nothing more than to fill a silent void, they'll end up talking about what they like, whether it be music, cars, sports, make-up etc and when they do others will follow, giving up their interests as well.

 

Straight up asking the question "What are you into?" can come across as rude because some people perceive it as intrusive and nosy and because it is an unusual question people are rarely prepared for it. They get caught off guard.
I know a fair share of people who'd like that sort of straightforward approach, I wouldn't mind it myself. So it isn’t clear cut what people will think.

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Blue eyes white dragon

If the interest and intention of making friends is there, that what I do

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Impolite? No, definitely not, but think it's probably a bit socially awkward if you just say 'Hi, I'm [your name]! What are your interests?' You can find ways to work the topic of interests into conversation soonish, though. It requires figuring out ways to use things you observe about the other person and the context of the situation to your advantage so it doesn't seem so abrupt. Let's say you're sitting next to someone on the bus and they're doodling in a sketchbook. You're intrigued and would like to strike up a conversation because they look interesting and you're a creative person too. Perhaps it happens to be a really warm summer day outside. You can say something like 'Man, it's so hot out today! I was planning to stop at [name of some coffee shop nearby] for a coffee, but I think I'll switch up my usual cappuccino for an iced latte. I like to go there and sit and people watch... gives me ideas for my writing sometimes. Oh is that a sketchbook you've got there? Cool!' Add in some relaxed and friendly body language (smiling, a small laugh if appropriate, that sort of thing) and they'll probably be willing to chat a bit. Your specific question gives them the opportunity to discuss something they're clearly into. If they seem interested in talking to you and the conversation keeps going, you can ask more about their art and tell them about the creative stuff you do as well, and perhaps it'll lead to more general chatter about the things you both like.

 

Of course, I have social anxiety and almost never initiate conversations like that myself lol, but if I wasn't afraid that's how I'd do it.

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I generally try a very neutral question that allows the other person to either extend their answer or politely end the converstion.  So sitting next to someone on an airliner, might say something like "are you traveling for work or fun".  They can just answer "work". and no more, and I won't as anything else. Or they can say "work, I'm a on my way to ABC to do XYZ..." which invites more conersation.

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RoseGoesToYale

I wouldn't say that immediately asking about their interests after an introduction is either rude or not, but it can come off as jarring, kind of like they're being interrogated. It's always better if you can look for clues about that person and then ask about them to start a conversation, e.g. if someone's wearing a t-shirt with a band you like, you can ask if they've ever been to a concert or if they've ever heard of -insert other band here-. If your hobby is something you could do while in public (knitting, photography, drawing, playing an instrument, etc) you can also attract the attention of people with the same hobbies who might strike up a conversation with you.

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36 minutes ago, verily-forsooth-egads said:

I don't know or care who you are and I want to go home.

Same.

I think the reason people find it rude is that is it so different from the complex social speech that people use that I don't understand, so there are way more ways to get people to open up about what they like to do (no idea of any though, not in my skill set) and that is what they'll be used to so it will be surprising and can appear nosy or seeming like you're interrogating them. 

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Purple Red Panda

I try not to ask people too many questions about themselves as I'm always a bit paranoid that I might be seen as being a bit too intrusive. Generally I'll just try and let the conversation flow and hook onto anything where we have a mutual interest or shared opinion. In some ways I hate the whole getting to know someone bit or at least the early stages of it and wish I could just fast forward to the point where I know them and am comfortable with them.

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Absolutely not. People only ask me that to judge me.

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Interesting responses. Humans are complicated. :lol: 

 

(I am not one to strike up conversations with people, nor even to meet people. I'm socially awkward, shy, and am afraid to pry or anything, so I usually don't ask people questions, or talk with people much at all unless I know them well already. So, I don't have anything useful to say on this question.)

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Rhyn Corinn

I don't know that I'd feel comfortable asking someone so soon as idk how they'd react, but I don't think I'd mind if someone asked me. 

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I don't think it is rude per se, but just because something isn't wrong, rude or bad doesn't mean you should do it.

 

I'm in the camp that you should kind of try to get them to "open up" by jumping from roof top to roof top in dialogue, and like @Lady Telecaster said that might mean looking at the context and setting that you are in, for example many years ago there was this one girl that looked pretty on the bus and I wanted to strike up a conversation with her, so I was like how do I do it? I noticed she had an interesting Indian style tattoo on her wrist and fingers I said "Those are really cool tattoos, are they real?", she smiled and obviously was happy to reply with "Yes they are!" to which I responded "Wow did they hurt?" and just like that, I was in!

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J. van Deijck

IMO it's definitely more polite than talking about yourself the whole time.

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Thank you all for your answers!

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9 minutes ago, szarlotka said:

Thank you all for your answers!

You're most welcome! :D

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Probably? I mean I would do that, but then again I'm not the one to turn to for social advice

I would probably just ask because I want friends who have more or less the same interests

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  • 2 weeks later...
Lord Revan

As long as your not a jerk about it, it's totally fine, no one cares.

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I don't think that it's impolite to ask someone. How else can you learn about a person to see if you all share some of the same interests, if you don't find out what things they like?

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Luftschlosseule

I have prosopagnosia, commonly called face blindness. Up to a degree I confuse people, and this does not only concern outward appearance but names as well. If you give me something more to remember, chances are I will.

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Anomaly Q3Xr

I have no idea, as social customs and social interaction utterly baffle me.

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  • 11 months later...

@Eroell

 

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

  

iff, Census Forum Moderator

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