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Asexual Equivalent of "Makeup Sex?"


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UsiresAedon

Hello, folks.

I had a bit of a shower thought this morning pertaining to asexual relationships. For context, I happily belong in an asexual romantic relationship with my partner (we're both ace). Like any relationship, we occasionally have disagreements and arguments. In an attempt to put forth effort and better understand conflict resolution, I have turned to the internet for ideas on how to put negative thoughts and feelings to rest. The internet, as I am sure you know, is a mixed bag. There is good information and bad information. I would say a lot of the advice out there is applicable to asexual romantic relationships, but some of it is not. 

The idea of "makeup sex" is often suggested. And this got me thinking. What alternatives, if any, could exist within a mutually asexual relationship? As a sex-averse asexual, the thought of using sex as a tool to "fix" things absolutely disgusts me. Though in fairness I suppose I am heavily biased and have a lot of misconceptions about the subject. Still, I wonder if the overall lack of sexual connection in an asexual relationship can make them more difficult to maintain? I don't necessarily think so, but it remains curious to me. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

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Lysandre, the Star-Crossed

Probably feeding each other cake while holding hands 

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UsiresAedon
8 minutes ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said:

Probably feeding each other cake while holding hands 

Definitely an idea! Who needs sex when you can have cake?

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Blue eyes white dragon

Kissing? 

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everywhere and nowhere
40 minutes ago, Lysandre, the Star-Crossed said:

Probably feeding each other cake while holding hands 

I would advise against holding hands. Feeding someone else cake is much easier when you have a free hand for holding the plate...

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Boondocks Paradox

Cakes aside, eat your favorite dish together. A makeup dinner if you will. When you do get spaghetti and have that "Lady and the Tramp" moment, you decide if you push through or cut the strand out and have a good laugh 😅

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StarryNightAllAlone

A makeup hug or a fist bump.

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I was confused and wondered why having sex while wearing make-up needs an asexual equivalent. Maybe I should go lay down.

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Deltalorian
2 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

Memes.

As the great Monsoon said: "Memes. The DNA of the soul." Jokes aside, I'd say just cuddling next to each other in bed, with only each other's embrace to keep you warm. Just no sex.

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Watching a movie together with snacks might work.

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nanogretchen4

First, make sure that you have actually resolved the conflict. If there is an ongoing disagreement about chores or finances or plans for the future, make sure that you have either reached a compromise you can both live with or agreed to table the issue until a specific time. If either of you has behaved badly and hurt the other's feelings, apologies may be needed and you may need time to process your feelings. Make up sex often distracts from unresolved problems that have been swept under the rug, but it is not a lasting solution.

 

Once you have done the necessary work to restore your relationship to a good state, anything that you both enjoy and that gives both of you a feeling of closeness and comfort within the relationship will work. 

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Janus the Fox

Makeup garlic bread :P

 

Not quite the same as garlic bread makeup :P

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Blue eyes white dragon
1 hour ago, Phalena said:

I was confused and wondered why having sex while wearing make-up needs an asexual equivalent. Maybe I should go lay down.

Thats what I thought too at first😂

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Whatever works for you both - every relationship is different. I can't say it better than this -

 

2 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

First, make sure that you have actually resolved the conflict. If there is an ongoing disagreement about chores or finances or plans for the future, make sure that you have either reached a compromise you can both live with or agreed to table the issue until a specific time. If either of you has behaved badly and hurt the other's feelings, apologies may be needed and you may need time to process your feelings. Make up sex often distracts from unresolved problems that have been swept under the rug, but it is not a lasting solution.

 

Once you have done the necessary work to restore your relationship to a good state, anything that you both enjoy and that gives both of you a feeling of closeness and comfort within the relationship will work. 

👆

 

For a more lighthearted answer, there's also this - 

by @TheAceOfShards

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Boondocks Paradox
7 hours ago, Janus the Fox said:

Not quite the same as garlic bread makeup :P

Garlic bread makeup hmmm... 🤔

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When I saw the title (before I read the thread) my first thought was, "hmm, why do people have makeup sex? I guess they have a lot of pent up energy that needs to be used up somehow?" (I'm guessing.) So I thought about alternatives to that: You could go for a run through the park together, maybe just "race you to the [whatever]" if running in itself is not appealing. Being out in nature can also help to transition from high-energy to relaxed; I could see it ending in a pleasant walk, holding hands, or sit on a bench and watch the sunset. Or put on some high-energy music and dance! Dance can also transition from high-energy to something more relaxed/slow and potentially romantic if you're so inclined. 

 

I also really like the idea of having a meal together. Cake is nice, but for me it would be less about the food and more about the gesture, of making a special effort to do something nice for each other. So yeah, cooking a special meal or baking something is definitely a great way of doing that, or even getting something from your favorite bakery. 

 

Two very different approaches. :D  I guess it depends whether you feel like you have excess energy to get rid of, or not. Either way, hugs should definitely be in there somewhere. 

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Geekykitty
17 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

First, make sure that you have actually resolved the conflict. If there is an ongoing disagreement about chores or finances or plans for the future, make sure that you have either reached a compromise you can both live with or agreed to table the issue until a specific time. If either of you has behaved badly and hurt the other's feelings, apologies may be needed and you may need time to process your feelings. Make up sex often distracts from unresolved problems that have been swept under the rug, but it is not a lasting solution.

 

Once you have done the necessary work to restore your relationship to a good state, anything that you both enjoy and that gives both of you a feeling of closeness and comfort within the relationship will work. 

Yes I agree. How does having sex help the situation if you still have unresolved issues? If there is a disagreement about something then 2 people should be able to give their points of view respectfully and come to some kind of resolution. I used to hate it so much when I was growing up and my mother and I would fight about something.  I would want to discuss the issue and resolve it but she just always would want to pretend the issue didn't exist and that everything was back to normal without anything having been resolved. It caused me alot of inner resentment towards my mother. 

So yes talking about the issue and resolving it is so important rather then being too afraid to discuss difficult problems. Then afterwards maybe a nice cuddle if you like that? Or each do something nice for the other one - cook a favourite meal, give a massage, watch a favourite tv show etc.....

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KatDeLacey
On 5/12/2022 at 2:52 PM, UsiresAedon said:

As a sex-averse asexual, the thought of using sex as a tool to "fix" things absolutely disgusts me.

I'm not sex averse and this still confounds me. Someone recommended a romance novel to me by saying the male lead is "so hot because he gives his partner oral when she's mad at him." I'm sorry? How is orgasm more sexy than mature conflict resolution? #veryacemoment

So yes, absolutely on board with the other suggestions here of talking it out and sharing a fun/stress relieving activity (which I guess is what makeup sex is for allos anyway.)

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