Does anyone else get irritated when someone says "I wish I were asexual"

[AppleSas]

So, I have a friend who is allosexual and very much desires to one day have a sexual relationship. She grew up being told masturbation is wrong, sexual desires are wrong, etc etc. So, a lot of the time she will say "I wish I was asexual because it would be easier." I never yell at her for it, but I do get irritated. Not particularly at her, but that in the culture she grew up in they make her feel this way, but the moment she gets married they'll be expecting her to have sex with her husband all the time and that she'll need to in order to keep a happy relationship. I know that it would not be easier for her because I have an asexual friend who grew up in the same culture. Neither of them win and it makes me angry. They aren't allowed to want sex but they also have to have it.

Outside of that, it feels like whenever someone says "I wish I was asexual because it would be easier" don't even realize how annoying and irritating it can get. If you want to date, then it's incredibly difficult to find someone who will be okay with never having sex (if you don't want to make exceptions like me) and if you don't want to date you get told you need to, it's not normal, etc. Like, no it wouldn't be easier. Especially they think being asexual means not having a libido which makes it even more infuriating. I understand why people say it and where they're coming from, but it would only be easier if everyone was asexual with no libido. I feel bad for getting irritated, but I just get upset when people think it's easier when it's not. It makes me feel like I'm not allowed to have my past and current issues with being asexual.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

[SilenceRadio]

22 minutes ago, AppleSas said:

Anyone else ever feel like this?

I suppose it's a "the grass is greener on the other side" situation. I mean, sexuality-wise, no one wins: it's damned if you do (want/have sex), damned if you don't. So I can definitely get how irritating it might be.

On the other side, I haven't had much experience of people saying this sort of thing. But in the past, as someone who would much rather stay permanently single and hadn't discovered yet that he could be asexual, I often wished that I could be ace. So I can't really fully condemn the sentiment, though if someone assumes your life is easier than theirs because of that, then yeah, that's an issue.

[AavaMeri]

Haven't heard of that on my face, but anyway. WITHOUT the context, if someone told me that they wished to be asexual, I'd probably be like, "uh, okay". Due to my orientation, I see it troublesome to commit my time and energy to that whole sexual attraction thing, so if there is a sexual person who does have sexual attraction but sees sex as waste of time (for what reason, that I don't know), it would be okay if they felt they didn't want to experience sexual attraction. Probably I would get irritated if I heard the claim over and over again.

BUT in the context that OP talked about, it's horrible. Though the problem here isn't really about wishing to be an ace, but the whole "simultaneous demonization and demand of sex" thing. That sounds awfully toxic to anyone no matter the orientation. 

In broader sense, I see this as a classic example of "well-meaning protocol evolving into a toxic tradition". Sure, prior the times of birth control it was desirable to prevent STDs/pregnancies outside enforced economic support systems (=marriages), and on the other hand sex is proven to be a powerful emotional glue in allo relationships... But if you forget where the protocols came from and just go "God said so", you get toxic traditions fast. A square peg in a round hole and so on.

I hope that different societies grow out of the "because X said so" mannerism and seek the broad pictures, seek why things are made. Moreover, rattle those traditions and seek if they are still relevant in the modern life.

[everywhere and nowhere]

Not at all.

2 hours ago, AppleSas said:

Outside of that, it feels like whenever someone says "I wish I was asexual because it would be easier" don't even realize how annoying and irritating it can get. If you want to date, then it's incredibly difficult to find someone who will be okay with never having sex (if you don't want to make exceptions like me) and if you don't want to date you get told you need to, it's not normal, etc.

I too encounter problems such as invalidation, such as social life being tailored to the assumption that everyone desires sex and people who happen not to desire it being perceived as Impossible. But I am - regardless of that - very happy to be asexual. I'm sex-averse, so I'm completely immune to the concept of "dreaming to be like everyone else" (which is a lie anyway, because everyone is unique). I would never want to be allosexual or even capable of having sex, so I really have no problem with allosexual people who would prefer being asexual. It's true that they may very well misunderstand asexuality and what it's like to be asexual, but I anyway don't perceive such statements as offensive.

[Lilibulero]

Very happy to be ace too. IMHO, if I got angry at folk who said they wished they were ace like me ( and someone has), that would imply I wasn't happy being ace myself.

A bit like  ' I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy'.

[Janus the Fox]

I feel lik many don't realise how difficult it is for Asexuals, especially those seeking some romantic, platonic or otherwise a experience or desire to have someone in their lives.

[uhtred]

Its a real issue. Its not the same issue as asexuality, but also real.

 

Some people desire sex, and are miserable because they cannot find a partner. They may reasonably wish they didn't desire sex.

 

Some people have a strong physical drive / libido for sex, but emotionally don't want it. Its sort of like an itch they feel they need to scratch - but not pleasant.

 

Some people  desire sex, but feel so guilty afterwards that it makes them unhappy

[R_1]

The person that said that would trade one problem for another. That being said, as a former allo, can't say I miss a single attribute of being an allosexual.