Sammy ㅤ Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 TW for s-xual trauma I feel like because of my s-xual trauma I'm not really ace...? People tell me that it doesn't change me being asexual but I just... I feel like it makes me not asexual I don't.... really want to be asexual just because of my trauma... I kind of feel like I'm misleading people by saying that? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anomaly Q3Xr Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 TW also Spoiler I was abused for four years as a child and also raped at the age of 12. These two were by different people, but the abuse stopped after the rape because I started having panic attacks all the time and was in and out of hospital for them. I never told anyone about any of it until recently (mostly because no one really cared enough to ask why I was having so many panic attacks). I have struggled with the trauma of those events for several decades, and when I was in relationships before I tried to push myself into having sex for the sake of the relationship, but never could. Whether the result of the trauma, or because I would have been asexual anyway, is immaterial to me. I am asexual because I do not experience sexual attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lysandre, the Star-Crossed Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 19 minutes ago, Professionally Average said: TW for s-xual trauma I feel like because of my s-xual trauma I'm not really ace...? People tell me that it doesn't change me being asexual but I just... I feel like it makes me not asexual I don't.... really want to be asexual just because of my trauma... I kind of feel like I'm misleading people by saying that? Does it really make a difference? You don't experience sexual attraction or desire (or whatever definition you use), who cares why that is. Does the reason change anything? No. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Blue eyes white dragon Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 Trauma might impact how you feel about The Thing like if you're repulsed or if you're ok with compromise or what you want to do in a relationship or trying to act sxual to trbto regain control or if you can bring yourself to be in a relationship (whether or not it being sexual). Being Asexual is about if you don't experience sxual attraction and/or desire sx with someone for your own personal satisfaction. Plenty of sxual people still experience sxual attraction but just can't bring themselves to connect with people that way after trauma or they go to therapy because they are still sxual and want sx but are hurt. If you are asexual then you are asexual no matter what happens 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted May 9, 2022 Share Posted May 9, 2022 Hello. I'm sorry about the trauma you've been through. If it helps, here are a couple of threads, of others who've been through trauma, in case you'd be interested in reading them and knowing you're not alone in having similar questions. (TW for both threads, for sexual assault) Asexuality and Sexual Assault - Intersectionality - Asexual Visibility and Education Network Aces Who Grew Up Abused (TW) - Disability, Mental Health and Neurodiversity - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Geekykitty Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 On 5/9/2022 at 11:11 AM, Professionally Average said: I feel like because of my s-xual trauma I'm not really ace...? I don't think there's anything wrong with identfiying as asexual if its because of trauma. Sometimes its hard to know for certain what makes us the way we are. I have experienced many things like depression, body image issues, anxiety .... how can I ever really know for sure if one of them has made me asexual ? Certainly its worth pursueing counselling to help deal with trauma you have experienced. But that's not magically going make the trauma disappear and "cure" you of asexuality. Sometimes things happen to us that shape who we are and they can't be undone. So maybe through counselling you can overcome your asexuality - possibly - but its probably more likely you won't. Its perfectly ok to not desire sex or to consider yourself asexual even if you feel that the trauma was the cause. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted May 10, 2022 Share Posted May 10, 2022 I am sorry that happened to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gndrqrd Posted May 12, 2022 Share Posted May 12, 2022 I felt the same way about my sexuality and even more so with my gender. Just these huge crises over me not really being trans because maybe I'm only like this since I survived CSA/incest. And then I realized that it doesn't really matter if it "caused" me to be trans or not, because, at the end of the day, I am still trans. Ultimately, the "cause" doesn't matter and worrying about it makes a weird implication that being trans is only acceptable in certain contexts. Same goes for aceness. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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