What happens with sexuality and being genderfluid?

[Crystal dragon]

Lately I’ve been really confused, I’m pretty sure I’m genderfluid, but does that mean I would only be compatible with people who are pan? Or omni? Since my gender isn’t really defined by anything, I just feel more masculine ish or more feminine ish from day to day. I wouldn’t describe myself as non-binary, or agender, or a binary gender, genderfluid is all I really feel I am. Would that make me non compatible with people who are bi, homo, or hetero romantic/sexual? Specifically bi, since it’s in the area between what I would assume would be compatible and what I would assume would be incompatible.

 

Another question: I thought I knew the definition of bi, but it gets increasingly more confusing as I try to clarify. Most definitions say men and women, or more than one gender.

Does this mean people who are bi like more than one gender, or that the more than one gender is always men and women?

 

Other than that I feel like I know most of the other definitions but correct me if I assumed something wrong.

 

If I felt sometime in the future that sometimes I identify as a binary gender what then?

My brain is in twists.

 

[SilenceRadio]

39 minutes ago, Crystal dragon said:

I’m pretty sure I’m genderfluid, but does that mean I would only be compatible with people who are pan? Or omni? Since my gender isn’t really defined by anything, I just feel more masculine ish or more feminine ish from day to day. I wouldn’t describe myself as non-binary, or agender, or a binary gender, genderfluid is all I really feel I am. Would that make me non compatible with people who are bi, homo, or hetero romantic/sexual? Specifically bi, since it’s in the area between what I would assume would be compatible and what I would assume would be incompatible.

There aren't any answers set in stone. From what I've seen, there's been a lot of discussions regarding whether bisexual nonbinary people who are both men and women can be MLM and WLW simultaneously. Some believe they can be both, others believe they're neither. Nonbinary people in this situation tend to seek bi/pan/other m-spec people so that they can be confident that they'll be consistenly attracted to them (since some gay people reported that they'd lose attraction as soon as the person's gender changed).

 

36 minutes ago, Crystal dragon said:

Another question: I thought I knew the definition of bi, but it gets increasingly more confusing as I try to clarify. Most definitions say men and women, or more than one gender.

Does this mean people who are bi like more than one gender, or that the more than one gender is always men and women?

Depends on the bi person. Most bi people do (at least) like both men and women (if not all genders), but some people identify as bi because they're into "(wo)men and nonbinary people", which most of the time isn't really correct since it treats nonbinary as a monolith. Some people are attracted to (wo)men and unaligned nonbinary people and ID as bi due to that (since their partner might be uncomfortable if they solely ID as straight or gay). All I'm saying, is don't assume a bi person would necessarily be incompatible.

[Lysandre, the Star-Crossed]

36 minutes ago, Crystal dragon said:

Lately I’ve been really confused, I’m pretty sure I’m genderfluid, but does that mean I would only be compatible with people who are pan? Or omni? Since my gender isn’t really defined by anything, I just feel more masculine ish or more feminine ish from day to day. I wouldn’t describe myself as non-binary, or agender, or a binary gender, genderfluid is all I really feel I am. Would that make me non compatible with people who are bi, homo, or hetero romantic/sexual? Specifically bi, since it’s in the area between what I would assume would be compatible and what I would assume would be incompatible.

That's more of a question for the other side to answer, and it's pretty individualistic how each person answers. Speaking as someone who is a non-binary AMAB and presents in a fluid manner, my experience so far has been that anyone open to dating men will date me and anyone not open to dating men will not date me. One of my partners is on the other side (AFAB NB) and doesn't have a fluid presentation (theirs is more femme but fixed). Their experience has been the same. 

 

Some heterosexual/homosexual people will only date male or female gendered people whereas others will only date male or female bodied people. I consider myself pansexual, but in the past I identified as heterosexual and would only date people who identified as women. It was a gender preference, not a genitalia preference. A past partner of mine went the other way, only dating people who were male bodied without a preference towards their gender identity. Neither way is wrong, just a different type of preference.

 

People outside the binary seem to frequently run into one of two common situations. Either we are lumped in with people of our body type or the gender we're perceived to be closest to, at least by a lot of folks. Some of us are okay with that, some aren't.

47 minutes ago, Crystal dragon said:

Another question: I thought I knew the definition of bi, but it gets increasingly more confusing as I try to clarify. Most definitions say men and women, or more than one gender.

Does this mean people who are bi like more than one gender, or that the more than one gender is always men and women?

Usage seems to vary for that term. I usually see it used to mean "both binary genders" or "one binary gender plus non-binary". The problem is that the commom discussion include often anything beyond the binary back in the olden days, so there was no pressing need to draw a distinction between "two (out of two)" and "two (out of more than two)". 

[Milque Toast]

50 minutes ago, Crystal dragon said:

Another question: I thought I knew the definition of bi, but it gets increasingly more confusing as I try to clarify. Most definitions say men and women, or more than one gender.

Does this mean people who are bi like more than one gender, or that the more than one gender is always men and women?

I think there are many different definitions for the bi- prefix. Some people take this to mean you like both men and women. Some people see this as liking only two genders, i.e. women and androgynous people. Some see it as liking more than one gender, but not all genders (although there is also poly- which fills that role imo). 

Personally, what I think makes the most sense is the difference between bi and pan:

- pan means that gender doesn't make an impact on your attraction, and that you are attracted to the person

- bi meaning that gender may impact your attraction- whether it means you experience attraction to different genders in different ways, or different intensities

 

but some people would argue that you can have preferences even when you're pan. I think that's where omni comes in, as well, so.. it's a little tricky, honestly.

[alto]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it.  I would just let whoever is attracted to you be attracted to you, and let yourself be attracted to whoever you are attracted to.  

[Crystal dragon]

I would, but the problem would be I wouldn’t want to be rude by telling someone I have feelings for them when they would view their sexuality as incompatible to mine. But I think it’d be best for me to just explain wouldn’t it?

Thank you guys, my brain is in a little less of a twist now. 

[Zoroark]

Not sure if you're still looking for input, but. As someone who is trans and pan, I came to the conclusion that any relationship I'm in is automatically "gay" or "queer" as blanket terms, and any partner I have would have to be okay with that. As someone leaning demi, also, however, I typically don't find myself interested in people who'd have a problem/identity incompatibility with dating me as I tend to get to know people before being interested in them. I dunno how helpful that may be bc I don't know how you personally become interested in someone, but I feel it's worth making your identity and views on the possible relationship known very early on.

 

That said, I have seen people of all sexualities be open to genderfluid and other GNC folk, it really does depend on the person. Any sexuality can be perfectly fine with genderfluid partners and I have encountered many bi people who definitely are. At the end of the day it's more about not compromising your identity for someone else and being clear about that. There are many people who'd be compatible with you and many who won't be, so it's important to make sure you don't conform to someone else's idea of who you should be just for the sake of a relationship. 

 

Idk, maybe this is just me being pan talking, but I think a potential partner should be interested in you for you, anyway.