What's the Incentive to Have Sex A Second Time?

[Traveler40]

7 hours ago, hudsonvalley76 said:

I'm gonna stick to the sex repulsed threads. Looking for a community of like minded people, not looking to be reprimanded and for people looking to take offense.

On 5/7/2022 at 12:28 AM, hudsonvalley76 said:

I have a true Ace mind.

 @alsjeblieft responded in good faith and asked a fair question in return:

 

On 5/7/2022 at 12:59 AM, alsjeblieft said:

What is a "true ace mind" anyway?

I also stand by waiting for the answer of what was meant…
 

This is a thread started in the SPFA section as there seemed to be a genuine curiosity to know the answer. Folks responded honestly and accordingly.
 

Frankly, I’m not certain of why you’re offended and @alsjeblieft’s question is fair enough. I don’t see it as them reprimanding you, but explaining factually that asexuality and ace’s represent across a spectrum and one is not better, truer or “more” than another.
 

“True ace mind” comes across elitist in my estimation and may not be what was intended. I suspect that’s why they asked for clarification. Correct me if I’m wrong. 

[J. van Deijck]

13 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

Frankly, I’m not certain of why you’re offended

me neither, but these days people seem to get offended by everything, so.

 

and yes the last part of your post is correct. 

[J. van Deijck]

6 hours ago, hudsonvalley76 said:

I'm gonna stick to the sex repulsed threads. Looking for a community of like minded people, not looking to be reprimanded and for people looking to take offense.

...alsjeblieft zeg.

 

I've only asked a question

[Lord Jade Cross]

9 hours ago, hudsonvalley76 said:

I'm gonna stick to the sex repulsed threads. Looking for a community of like minded people, not looking to be reprimanded and for people looking to take offense.

I dont believe people are looking to be offended. As another asexual, I can understand, especially at first that the relations as it were, between asexuals and sexuals can be tense or aggresive because as asexuals we have experienced a lot of shit coming from sexuals and have grown to resent anything coming from them.

 

BUT, I have also learned (and it definately took time so Im aware its not something that should be expected to happen overnight) that sexuals have their disagreements amongts themselves about what is tolerable. Just because someone is sexual, it doesnt mean that they will automatically agree or enjoy something sex related. The very same thing will happen to us asexuals, as we can have disagreements on things that would be seen as a given for being as we are.

 

Even more surprising is finding out that there are sexuals who behave in ways that would be seen as asexual and the same holds true in reverse. That was why I mentioned that there is no "pure breed" amongts any of the orientations.

 

The important thing is that we dont promote being at each others throats or that we take agreeing with others of a different orientation as a sign of betrayal to who we identify as. Ive certainly learned and have gotten to be friends with sexuals, some of which I started out trying to get at their throats because it felt like it would somehow strip me of being asexual if I didnt held onto extreme views of what it meant to be asexual, as learning about asexuality helped me finally come to terms with years of feeling inadequate just because I couldnt behave in sexual ways as others did so seemingly easy

 

At the end of the day, I can agree with a sexual and they can agree with me and we both know that, that wont change who we are. We can mutually benefit from each others opinion (and I have seen this and experienced it) They will still desire to connect on a sexual level with others and I will not, and thats perfectly ok.

[iff]

On 5/7/2022 at 8:12 AM, hudsonvalley76 said:

If it doesn't feel good the first time, why do allos go back for seconds, and thirds, etc...

I mean I feel like as an asexual, there are a lot of things I did not like doing the first time that I did go back to do a second, third, whatsoever.

 

Some things can just be given up on, but others require practice and work to get right. I don't know about sex, just stuff in general. 

[Traveler40]

20 minutes ago, Lord Jade Cross said:

That was why I mentioned that there is no "pure breed" amongts any of the orientations

Huh. I didn’t know this was a thing or preponderance over yonder. From this explanation, it seems to be an ongoing discussion elsewhere on the forums. We learn things every day around here.
 

Sexuals understand we fall on a spectrum in deed, desire and quantity. I haven’t ever heard of sexuals creating a hierarchy or “breed” thought based on that though. Differences are expected for sexuals, so this idea of elitism among asexuals on the spectrum is new and news to me. 
 

It has come up in a few threads in various ways recently, so clearly it’s an issue. It’s both a revelation and a curiosity to me, the uneducated on it. I don’t understand that line of thinking and disagree with it full stop. 
 

Insecurity often breeds need to put oneself above others I suppose. Interesting anyhow. 

[Traveler40]

Oh, and for a hot second I felt like I’d stumbled into Hogwarts…..😂

 

We should all focus on how we are similar versus how we are different. Just a thought. 

[uhtred]

To the original question, I think for some sexuals,  while their first sexual experience wasn't on the whole enjoyable, they can tell that it could be enjoyable if some things were done differently, or with the right partner or whatever.

 

Other people (including asexuals in general) might try sex, and decide that there is nothign about it that they want to repeat.

[Ceebs]

On 5/8/2022 at 5:49 AM, hudsonvalley76 said:

I'm gonna stick to the sex repulsed threads. Looking for a community of like minded people, not looking to be reprimanded and for people looking to take offense.

If anyone here has taken offence, it appears to be you. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm certainly not offended. (Side note: I can't stand the way people seem to use the word 'offended' these days... 🙄) You asked a question, some of us answered. Don't ask questions if you're uncertain as to whether you'll like and/or feel comfortable with the replies...?

[Traveler40]

1 hour ago, Lady Telecaster said:

You asked a question, some of us answered. Don't ask questions if you're uncertain as to whether you'll like and/or feel comfortable with the replies...?

As my lover says, “If you’re afraid of my answers, don’t ask scary questions!”