faithlessfate Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hey, I'm new to this board, my name's Faith, and I'm a (highly sexual) bisexual female. I'm currently dating an asexual woman, and I knew before we began dating. I respect her (non)sexual orientation, and using open, honest communication, I'm learning about what things are okay with her, and what things aren't. You know what? It's not really all that difficult. I like her a lot, but it's a different sort of feeling...even as a sexual person, being in a relationship with her is freeing...there's no feeling that I need to live up to sexual expectations of any kind, which lets me be more myself. My first thoughts, were admittedly, "how is this going to be any different from the good friendship I have with her now?" but even after a couple of days, I'm realizing it is very different. I feel the closeness to her, emotionally, and it's intense, but...different, and my emotional brain KNOWS that this isn't "friend" space, but "girlfriend" space, without being "sexual" space, if that makes sense at all. being a polyamorous person(which she has no issues with), I can "get my jollies off" elsewhere(I'm in two other relationships, one primary long-term, and one secondary recent)and focus on her in ways that respect her, and her (non)sexual orientation. I guess this is sort of an introduction, and invitation for comments, questions and such... Faith Link to post Share on other sites
Hayley Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Comments...? My life would be so much the easier if I met more women like you! Other than that, welcome to AVEN. It's wonderful to see more sexual members and, more importantly, a happy sexual in an asexual-sexual relationship. :D Have some Link to post Share on other sites
mdw Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 Hey, I'm new to this board, my name's Faith, and I'm a (highly sexual) bisexual female. I'm currently dating an asexual woman, and I knew before we began dating.I respect her (non)sexual orientation, and using open, honest communication, I'm learning about what things are okay with her, and what things aren't. You know what? It's not really all that difficult. I like her a lot, but it's a different sort of feeling...even as a sexual person, being in a relationship with her is freeing...there's no feeling that I need to live up to sexual expectations of any kind, which lets me be more myself. My first thoughts, were admittedly, "how is this going to be any different from the good friendship I have with her now?" but even after a couple of days, I'm realizing it is very different. I feel the closeness to her, emotionally, and it's intense, but...different, and my emotional brain KNOWS that this isn't "friend" space, but "girlfriend" space, without being "sexual" space, if that makes sense at all. being a polyamorous person(which she has no issues with), I can "get my jollies off" elsewhere(I'm in two other relationships, one primary long-term, and one secondary recent)and focus on her in ways that respect her, and her (non)sexual orientation. I guess this is sort of an introduction, and invitation for comments, questions and such... Faith Welcome, it's good to have sexual partners of asexuals here. I think it lends more credibility to the belief that these relationships are very possible. Link to post Share on other sites
osito Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I, too, am very heartened by your post, Faith. I'm asexual and never had much luck working it out with sexuals, and I gave it many tries. I am very intrigued with what you say about it not being "friend" space but rather "girlfriend-but-not-sexual" space. I cannot speak with any authority about the sexual point of view, but there are discussions here that have really helped me to understand how valid it is in a caring relationship, and how vulnerable sexual attraction to a SO can make one feel. It helps me to understand better how I have no doubt hurt a number of sexual men, and a couple of women, in refusing to have or to continue having sex with them. I feel that people like you are breaking new ground, really. Or else you are the explorers who are returning with an inspiring story to share. I am also optimistic that, as asexuals find their legitimacy and community, and as we communicate more deeply with sexuals, that stories of success will be a growing trend. Thanks! osito Link to post Share on other sites
mdw Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 I cannot speak with any authority about the sexual point of view, but there are discussions here that have really helped me to understand how valid it is in a caring relationship, and how vulnerable sexual attraction to a SO can make one feel. It helps me to understand better how I have no doubt hurt a number of sexual men, and a couple of women, in refusing to have or to continue having sex with them. I've always found that being emotionally/romantically attracted to someone made me vulnerable, generally sexual attraction follows the romantic attachment, but by that point you're (or at least I am) very emotionally vested in what this person thinks of you and whether they want to spend time with you and are accepting of your affection and if they are affectionate in return. Setting ground rules helps prevent a lot of confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
mouri_shin Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 It helps me to understand better how I have no doubt hurt a number of sexual men... in refusing to have or to continue having sex with them. true ;.; Link to post Share on other sites
faithlessfate Posted August 10, 2007 Author Share Posted August 10, 2007 I am very intrigued with what you say about it not being "friend" space but rather "girlfriend-but-not-sexual" space. I wish I could explain it better, I just kind of feel more emotionally for her than a friend, I have for some time, I guess, but before now, I didn't think there'd be any chance. I assumed 'asexual' meant 'non-romantic' too, and while it may be true for some people, it's not true for everyone. My brain just kind of goes, "mmm, [name withheld] is a girlfriend, luvvles, but no going further than cheek kisses, and that's okay." As an extremely sexual person by nature, it's something that I'm pleasantly surprised I don't have an issue with. It will take some getting used to, as I'm so accustomed to showing my emotion and affection in physical, pseudosexual ways, like kissing, and stroking, but I find that it's okay to not do those things. [name withheld] said it's okay to kiss her cheek, but I'm finding I don't even realize I'm not doing that, because there are amazing WORDS to show my affection. I cannot speak with any authority about the sexual point of view, but there are discussions here that have really helped me to understand how valid it is in a caring relationship, and how vulnerable sexual attraction to a SO can make one feel. It helps me to understand better how I have no doubt hurt a number of sexual men, and a couple of women, in refusing to have or to continue having sex with them. While I know it's valid, and possibly better than some, I understand exactly the power sex and pseudo/sexual behavior has in 'sexual' relationships, It's not neccesary, and I believe that while it may hurt, if it were ME, and someone refused to have sex with me, being in a relationship already, and explained to me that they didn't enjoy sex, I'd back off, and try to give them my understanding. Faith Link to post Share on other sites
Freed_Spirit Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Welcome Faith! I guess this is sort of an introduction, and invitation for comments, questions and such... You rock!! and are amazing!! and should be immediately covered in a mountain of Wow! As others have said, reading your post makes me very happy and hopeful for my own romantic future. I'm a complete gushy squishy hopeless romantic who goes falling in love all the time... with no idea how this will translate into a workable relationship. However I completely identify with your that this isn't "friend" space, but "girlfriend" space, without being "sexual" space I am very lucky in that one of my previous (sexual) relationships has now evolved into something like this - we're in different towns but when we're together there is as much love as there was when we were partners, but no sex, but lovely intimacy (huggles and snuggles and little kisses). We laugh about trying to describe this to other people - it is way more than friendship.Welcome once again to AVEN and I hope you'll be here a while. Link to post Share on other sites
SadNoirPlot Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 Wow, Faith. I have nothing meaningful to say besides you rock 8) . If only everyone was open-minded like you, we'd live in a much better world. Link to post Share on other sites
Livet Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 You rock the boat! That's the kind of bond that we find so rewarding and fufilling in a nutshell. Congrats and welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Carsonspire Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Well, Faith, by now you must know that you rock! :D I look forward to seeing you around the boards and getting to know you better. I have a feeling you have a lot of insight to contribute here. ~Carsonspire Link to post Share on other sites
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