Question about kissing

[blue_carrot]

Stupid question ahead.

I do know that asexuals don't feel the urge to have sex, and I'm wondering if it's the same with kissing? I'm 17 years old and trying to figure out if I'm asexual. I've kissed one guy in my entire lifetime and didn't find it enjoyable. Nor was I attracted to him. I just wanted to try. And I never had sex either. So, for you asexuals, do you enjoy kissing? For those who are repulsed by sex, are you repulsed by kissing too? Or am I just the crazy one?

[FISH']

From what I hear, kissing is the stage where sex is realised by the participants as a mutual goal and they go from there. I don't think I've heard of any asexuals who enjoy kissing.

[Ten]

I've heard a number of people on this board say that they enjoy kissing.

I've also heard a number of people here say that they don't like it.

So, I guess asexuality is a mixed bag as far as kissing goes.

[mdw]

From what I hear, kissing is the stage where sex is realised by the participants as a mutual goal and they go from there. I don't think I've heard of any asexuals who enjoy kissing.

I could see that logic. But if both people already know that sex (and anything else) isn't a mutual goal (like if one or both are asexual) then it can be enjoyed for what it is.

[mouri_shin]

From what I hear, kissing is the stage where sex is realised by the participants as a mutual goal and they go from there. I don't think I've heard of any asexuals who enjoy kissing.

I could see that logic. But if both people already know that sex (and anything else) isn't a mutual goal (like if one or both are asexual) then it can be enjoyed for what it is.

yes, but haha, proving to an asexual whose 'been around the block' as it were that that's -not- the goal is the hard part.

[mdw]

From what I hear, kissing is the stage where sex is realised by the participants as a mutual goal and they go from there. I don't think I've heard of any asexuals who enjoy kissing.

I could see that logic. But if both people already know that kissing (and anything else) isn't a mutual goal (like if one or both are asexual) then it can be enjoyed for what it is.

yes, but haha, proving to an asexual whose 'been around the block' as it were that that's -not- the goal is the hard part.

Heh, one wonders how this could be proven.

[FISH']

I love the way you two post together. It's so hilariously cute.

[mouri_shin]

:oops:

[Dargon]

Plenty of asexuals here say they enjoy it. I've never done it, but the concept seems absolutely repulsuive. Interesting thing about that is I'm one of the asexuals who is indifferent to sex and could go through with it to please a partner.

[ily]

I'm not really repulsed by sex, but kissing (with tounges) makes me go *eeeecccchhh!* :shock: I've done it once and that's enough for me. Other, non-tongue kinds of kissing are fine with me.

[EIito]

I'm not really repulsed by sex, but kissing (with tounges) makes me go *eeeecccchhh!*. Other, non-tongue kinds of kissing are fine with me.

This pretty much sums up how I feel about the matter too. Not too surprising, considering I'm extremely picky about what goes in my mouth to begin with and thus no desire to taste the remains of someone else's dinner (or worse, for that matter).

[Starless]

I'm not really repulsed by sex, but kissing (with tounges) makes me go *eeeecccchhh!* :shock: I've done it once and that's enough for me. Other, non-tongue kinds of kissing are fine with me.

My favorite place to kiss my husband is on his forehead.

I could never get into tongue kissing... the sucking sound ruins it for me every time. >_< that, and it's just plain gross. Icky yucky slime pits are meant to masticate food, nothing else. :D

[mouri_shin]

the sucking sound ruins it for me every time. >_<

yes!

and hearing it all the time in public or from my roommate's room does not help >.<

makes me want to scream and/or throw things for some reason o.o

[Siete Sevens]

I'll have to jump on the tongue-kissing is gross bandwagon. I couldn't get the taste of the first boy I kissed out of my mouth for days, and it was not pleasant. Even though I really liked him, I did not enjoy his saliva. Now I need to go brush my teeth with memory-erasing toothpaste!

[Nico-Nico Friendo]

I've never tried kissing (on someone's mouth), but it seems just plain repulsive! I do NOT wish to exchange saliva, germs (and all that other nasty stuff in peoples' mouths) with ANYONE! Yick! >_< I really do not understand the appeal of such an act . . . just thinking about it makes me cringe in disgust.

[rosalie]

Soft kisses can be nice....

[Dindrane]

Blue Carrot

Here's the thing about kissing (sorry for the folks who've heard this rant before):

First of all, it's probably not going to be all that enjoyable if you're not attracted to or don't have feelings for the person in the first place.

Second of all, it depends on how you and the other person likes to kiss, how sensitive they are to your needs, and how much "technique" they possess -- the movies (and society in general) have a tendancy to lie about that "magical first kiss" -- they make it seem like an instinctive behavior. But it's not. It has to be learned and practiced (by both partners) to make it good.

That's not to say that once you learn how to do it and get some practice, you'll automatically enjoy it -- but I don't know how you could enjoy it without learning/practice.

Further, from my (somewhat limited) experience, it seems that girls kiss better than guys, or at least, are more sensative to their partner's needs and take things slower/gentler. Whenever I've kissed a guy, it's always about him jamming his tongue down my throat as far as it can go, basically trying to mimic the act of sexual penetration.

So long story short, it takes a lot to make kissing good, whether you're asexual or not. And this doesn't necessarily apply only to kissing --- I have a VERY sexual straight f friend who says that sex with guys isn't automatically good, and that she had to learn how to "make it" good.

So I guess I would provide the following suggestions:

(1) Don't assume you're asexual just because you don't like kissing.

(2) Hold off on your judgment about kissing until you get the chance to kiss someone you have feelings for or are attracted to.

(3) If you can find someone (you trust) to teach you technique (or maybe find a book about it), try that -- then, if you wind up with a partner who doesn't have much in the way of technique, try to make some gentle suggestions to help him out.

(4) BUT DON'T FORCE YOURSELF TO DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!!

Good Luck!

Dindrane

[sparklypixie]

Some days kissing sounds absolutely repulsive, and some days I'm really curious and would like to try it. But since it would take practice and such, I don't think I'd want to do it enough to get any good at it where it might be more enjoyable...

[ghosts]

Well, I might be in the minority here, but I'm asexual and I love kissing. That includes tongue kissing. :P

[tarnim]

well I'm not asexual and I never kissed anyone. I like the idea of kissing but not tounge kissing (I just don't see the point of it). I won't knock completly it untill I've tried it but the idea is not very appealing to me.

[mdw]

Blue Carrot

First of all, it's probably not going to be all that enjoyable if you're not attracted to or don't have feelings for the person in the first place.

Yeah, kissing someone you aren't attracted to is... odd at best.

Further, from my (somewhat limited) experience, it seems that girls kiss better than guys, or at least, are more sensative to their partner's needs and take things slower/gentler. Whenever I've kissed a guy, it's always about him jamming his tongue down my throat as far as it can go, basically trying to mimic the act of sexual penetration.

I don't have any experience kissing men and never will, but I've heard that a lot about how some guys kiss. It's a lot more fun to be gentle and make sure you're both enjoying it.

So long story short, it takes a lot to make kissing good, whether you're asexual or not. And this doesn't necessarily apply only to kissing --- I have a VERY sexual straight f friend who says that sex with guys isn't automatically good, and that she had to learn how to "make it" good.

So I guess I would provide the following suggestions:

(1) Don't assume you're asexual just because you don't like kissing.

(2) Hold off on your judgment about kissing until you get the chance to kiss someone you have feelings for or are attracted to.

(3) If you can find someone (you trust) to teach you technique (or maybe find a book about it), try that -- then, if you wind up with a partner who doesn't have much in the way of technique, try to make some gentle suggestions to help him out.

(4) BUT DON'T FORCE YOURSELF TO DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!!!!

1) Not asexual so I have no statement on the matter

2) agreed

3) agreed

4) agreed

[Dargon]

the sucking sound ruins it for me every time. >_<

yes!

and hearing it all the time in public or from my roommate's room does not help >.<

makes me want to scream and/or throw things for some reason o.o

This is where getting silly putty and mimicing the sound with it loudly (and sporatically adding farting noises in it) comes in.

[mdw]

the sucking sound ruins it for me every time. >_<

yes!

and hearing it all the time in public or from my roommate's room does not help >.<

makes me want to scream and/or throw things for some reason o.o

This is where getting silly putty and mimicing the sound with it loudly (and sporatically adding farting noises in it) comes in.

I don't think I can really imagine audible kissing, or maybe I'm just not a loud kisser and have tended to hang out with nerds who never had girlfriends, still it's a weird thought that there would be a sucking SOUND or any sort of sounds you could reproduce with silly putty.

[mouri_shin]

i never thought about it.. but the silly putty thing (gak to date myself less =P ) was always amusing.. maybe a subconscious knowledge that that did not come out of a person?

:roll: :lol:

[ratatosk_lemur]

I could see that logic. But if both people already know that sex (and anything else) isn't a mutual goal (like if one or both are asexual) then it can be enjoyed for what it is.

I can't imagine what it is ever being enjoyable, though. It just sounds really, really gross.

[mouri_shin]

i think this goes back to the hormonal responses (just like sex, which is probably where so many ppl get that 'eww' connotation )

i've heard ppl refer to a 'rush', especially with a first kiss or a surprise one.

this is one of the few topics that my parents have not discussed at me in painful detail about their own relationship XD so i have little to report

[mdw]

i've heard ppl refer to a 'rush', especially with a first kiss or a surprise one.

Yeah, if the other person is also kissing you and not just you kissing them. There are also the butterflies that come with what kissing someone usually signifies, that they are also interested in you if they kiss back, maybe not in a sexual way, but in a way that is different than the interest you have in most friends. Of course, generally for sexuals this means that they are at least interested in you in some way that may lead to sex, but it still holds a somewhat similar meaning in any personal relationships, a context of something deeper than what most people consider 'friends'.

[funaladanaly]

I'm not really repulsed by sex, but kissing (with tounges) makes me go *eeeecccchhh!*.

Today I was watching the matchmaker show on A&E, and a guy held a girl's hand over the dinner table and I squeeled because I thought it was so creepy!

I definitely don't like kissing. My ex had a hard time explaining to me that physical contact doesn't lead to sex. To me, if you're kissing someone and holding their hand and all, doesn't that mean you're taking the steps to eventually have sex? That's how I see it.

[mackat5]

Holding hands or kissing doesn't always lead to sex. My friends, who I do hug, know better than to take that tack. Besides, most all of my close guy friends are gay. Nothing would happen in any case other than the kiss on the cheek or a hug, because I'm the wrong sex for them. :D And some of us have held hands briefly.

[Dove]

kissing (with tounges) makes me go *eeeecccchhh!*

LOL That's pretty much my take on it too. I don't get it. It sounds gross, and I don't wanna do it. Yuck! To me, tongues are gross, slimy ole things. I love to kiss the tops of my little niece and nephew's heads, as well as my cat's head. That's it. If someone ever came near me to kiss me, on the lips, I'd back up pretty quickly. If they want to give me a friendly kiss on the cheek, I can handle it, but that's my limit.