Jump to content

Okay, I'm Just Really Confused


Recommended Posts

I was wondering what the difference between celibacy, abstenince, and asexuality is. I've never liked the ideaq of having sex and I really wouldn't want to have it. I get the arousal, but I only masturbate in order to be able to stop thinking about it, I don't do it for pleasure, simply to get it to stop. Now I think that I've made the desicion not have sex, but it has nothing to do with spirituality or religion. So what am I?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Cake analogy! (hehe whoever came up with this originally is amazing XD )

You have a slice of cake. Really yummy, sweet, chocolate cake. Most people would eat that cake, because they like chocolate cake and enjoy eating it. They would be sexuals.

Some people really want to eat the cake, but they can't, because they are allergic to it in one form or another. They have various sexual disorders.

Some people recognize the fact that the cake is full of sugar, fat, calories, etc, and is generally not healthy. Or it goes against some sort of cake-worshipping moral thingy. Or they really don't like cake, even if they get huge cake cravings every once in a while. Either way, they choose not to eat the cake, regardless of whether they actually want it or not. They would be celibate or sexually abstinent.

And some people plain just don't care for cake. They might eat it if their friends/partners need to eat cake, but being cake-less for a while doesn't really bother them. They are asexual.

Of course, we can't tell you what you are -- only you can do that. But honestly, to me, you sound celibate. Celibacy isn't always related to spirituality or religion; that's usually one of the main causes for it, like waiting for sex until marriage or only having sex for procreation.

:cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Celibacy and abstinance don't indicate any lack of sexual desire. Asexuality does, that's how I see it.

As someone who isn't asexual I obviously don't know what being asexual is like. The matter is one that is close to my heart at the moment though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Celibacy these days tends to mean choosing not to have sex for a prolonged period of time, or permanently. Abstinence simply means choosing not to have sex (be it on specific occasions or for prolonged periods). Asexuality is not a choice but an orientation. Asexuals may or may not abstain from sex, but as they lack a desire for sex are much more likely to abstain than sexuals are.

However, these is some controversy over whether this makes permanently abstaining asexuals celibate, as although some asexuals do choose to have sex for whatever reason, those that do not often consider their decision is not a choice in the true sense of the word, in the same way that a homosexual may not feel they can choose to have heterosexual sex, so feel the term is misleading.

But you may well ask, if abstinence is also a choice, does that mean asexuals do not "abstain" either? Well I can't answer that, but perhaps some further consideration of the difference between abstinence and celibacy might help.

The word abstinence does not really carry any baggage. It just does what it says on the tin. Celibacy, however, being necessarily a prolonged state, has more of a lifestyle-choice implication about it, and the concept is loaded with baggage. Celibacy is considered unnatural and unhealthy by many sexuals, who often assume everyone wants and needs sex as much as they do, and that anyone who becomes celibate will therefore suffer terrible frustration, even though sexuals themselves vary vastly in their level of desire for sex. It may therefore be that asexuals have disassociated themselves with the term celibacy at least in part because of this negative publicity, and not just because celibacy implies choice, which as already stated they often feel they don't really have.

But as the desire for sex is a sliding scale, not some black and white categorisation scheme where you are necessarily either highly sexual or totally asexual, there are inevitably people occupying an uncertain middle ground between the sexual and asexual camps. For those in this grey area that abstain from sex permanently or for prolonged periods, a cast iron distinction between being asexual (implying abstinence due to orientation) and being celibate (implying abstinence despite having sexual desire) might not be very helpful.

Sorry this is a bit long-winded, but hope it helps.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I was wondering what the difference between celibacy, abstenince, and asexuality is. I've never liked the ideaq of having sex and I really wouldn't want to have it. I get the arousal, but I only masturbate in order to be able to stop thinking about it, I don't do it for pleasure, simply to get it to stop. Now I think that I've made the desicion not have sex, but it has nothing to do with spirituality or religion. So what am I?

Sexual abstinence is the practice of voluntarily refraining from some or all aspects of sexual activity.

Celibacy refers either to being unmarried or to sexual abstinence.

Asexuality is a general term or self-designation for people who do not exhibit sexual attraction, or who otherwise find sexual behavior unappealing.

Celibacy kinda equals abstinence.

Now, if you're asexual you are uninterested in having sex or aren't sexually attracted, and thus choose not to have sex- or participate in sexual abstinence. However, abstaining from sex doesn't mean you're asexual- it just means you're going to wait or see sex as something you don't need or will just end in problems. (disease/pregnancy/etc.)

:)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...