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I have never experienced any sexual feeling in my entire life. I have zero sex drive, zero sexual desire, zero sexual attraction, and so on. So what is a sex drive? What does it feel like? Sorry if this has been asked before.

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Well I am asexual and my sex drive is low, but it is hard to explain. I cannot give you a full explanation for it, sorry. Maybe someone else who has a higher sex drive can.

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A sex drive is just that-a feeling so strong that it 'drives' you to want to have sex. Like being thirsty and needing a drink of water, the water quenches your thirst, having sex quenches the need to have sex. I have no sex drive either, no desire to have sex, or to go looking for it. It's freeing, actually, to not have desire-there's so much else to do in the world instead of have that burden!

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A sex drive is just that-a feeling so strong that it 'drives' you to want to have sex. Like being thirsty and needing a drink of water, the water quenches your thirst, having sex quenches the need to have sex. I have no sex drive either, no desire to have sex, or to go looking for it. It's freeing, actually, to not have desire-there's so much else to do in the world instead of have that burden!

OK, that helps. But I expect a better explanation, like how you would explain what is like being thirsty (we all know that, of course). I'm just curious about this feeling that the 99.9% of world population experience. :wink:

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Frigid Pink

Is masturbation a product or indication of a sex drive?

If so, does how often one masturbates indicate how high or low one's sex drive is?

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willerremyma
I have never experienced any sexual feeling in my entire life. I have zero sex drive, zero sexual desire, zero sexual attraction, and so on. So what is a sex drive? What does it feel like? Sorry if this has been asked before.

I feel the same way as you. I'm also curous to know what it feels like...

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I have never experienced any sexual feeling in my entire life. I have zero sex drive, zero sexual desire, zero sexual attraction, and so on. So what is a sex drive? What does it feel like? Sorry if this has been asked before.

I feel the same way as you. I'm also curous to know what it feels like...

I dont know how it feels to a boy since they have different parts..I assume the feeling is generally the same for both though..basically (for girl) your vagina(genitilia) feels warm and kind of throbbing, if its more intense it may even feel like a pulsating. Aside from that its kind of hard to explain..it just feels good down there..like its singing "touch me!"

I went 18 years not knowing why the hell people wanted to have sex, or how they knew they were turned on, then my sex drive kicked in and i was like "oh, shit, that's why". No one was ever able to tell me, even when I asked. But my sex drive is pretty weak, i had it for like a month or so and then it was gone again. Still standing strong on the whole "i dont wanna have sex issue" even when the drive is kickin'.

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Okay having a sex drive let's see if I can help.

Warning TMI!

Fisrtly a sex drive does not = a drive to have sex. I have a sex drive I do not want to have sex.

Sex drive manifests itself through physical signs.

In the case of males that's erections, tingling in the groin.

In females it's tingling 'down there', a throbbing in the female gentalia (which swella little) and sometimes your vagina getting wet.

It can be brought on by erotica/porn/sex thoughts etc but not always. Sometimes I can just be trying to get to sleep and the physical sensations start (often near my period, I am female).

You do have an urge to touch yourself down there to make it stop. Again it doesn't have to be a desire for sex with another person.

Easiest way to get rid of it is masturbation. So it's a product of sex drive. The more you masturbate the more you end up getting that feeling of - oooo I need masturbation now. You can become addicted due to those lovely endorphins.

Whislt masturbating some people might think of sexual situations but can also just think of painting a wall, somehting totally non-sexy. It varies from person to person.

A low sex drive would mean that the physical signs of sexual arousal don't happen that much whereas high sex drive means they happen often.

Asexuals can have high sex drives but seem to be rare.

That help any?

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Shadow girl

I've wondered myself what it would be like in that mind set.

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Asexuals can have high sex drives but seem to be rare.

That help any?

I'm still confused as to how having a high sex drive, or having a sex drive at all, makes one asexual. As far as I see it, the sex drive is your body telling you you want sex. If youre a homosexual it goes off for the same sex, if youre asexual it doesnt go off at all. I believe that's why most asexuals dont want sex, because physically there is nothing in their bodies telling them they want it. Or, if they do have a sex drive, it just isnt that strong. If your body is regularly telling you you need to have sex, then any other reason to not have sex is a mental excuse, not what your body naturally tells you. I'm not saying people can't label themselves as they wish, I'm just wondering, if asexuals don't NATURALLY not want sex, then what's their reasoning behind denying it?

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ChildOfTheLight

I have a sex drive, but it's not really directed at anyone -- it's just a physical urge. And I don't want to have sex with people (or blow-up dolls or animals, for that matter.) So that's why I say I'm asexual.

Also, there's the whole matter that having a sex drive feels physically wrong to me, which I've ranted about enough here.

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I have a sex drive, but it's not really directed at anyone -- it's just a physical urge. And I don't want to have sex with people (or blow-up dolls or animals, for that matter.) So that's why I say I'm asexual.

Also, there's the whole matter that having a sex drive feels physically wrong to me, which I've ranted about enough here.

ah, so the feeling itself isnt FOR anything. That makes more sense. What do you feel triggers it then? The feeling doesnt signal to you that something needs to be satisfied? I'm sure you get questioned on this all the time, I'm asexual so I know how nobody understand any thing we say...but I'm asexual for different reasons, so I'm curious of your reasons. Hope I dont offend.

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In the case of males that's erections, tingling in the groin.

In females it's tingling 'down there', a throbbing in the female gentalia (which swella little) and sometimes your vagina getting wet.

Do "tingling" and "throbbing" mean pounding like heart pounding? I can't imagine them... :oops:

By the way, thanks to everyone for trying to explain.

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ratatosk_lemur
I have a sex drive, but it's not really directed at anyone -- it's just a physical urge. And I don't want to have sex with people (or blow-up dolls or animals, for that matter.) So that's why I say I'm asexual.

Also, there's the whole matter that having a sex drive feels physically wrong to me, which I've ranted about enough here.

ah, so the feeling itself isnt FOR anything. That makes more sense. What do you feel triggers it then? The feeling doesnt signal to you that something needs to be satisfied? I'm sure you get questioned on this all the time, I'm asexual so I know how nobody understand any thing we say...but I'm asexual for different reasons, so I'm curious of your reasons. Hope I dont offend.

The feeling just feels annoying or distracting. It doesn't especially signal anything, though eventually one discovers that masturbation makes it go away for a while, so I guess you could say it's one's body saying it wants to be masturbated. The important thing, at least from my point of view is that (a) it doesn't signal anything having to do with anyone else and (B) that it's not a pleasant feeling but an annoyance--my understanding is that sexuals find it pleasurable and seek it out, and that in general, they see it as a signal to do something with someone--they feel attracted to someone and aroused by that person, while I just feel aroused and wish it would go away, but if someone asked to help me make it go away, it would be like someone asking to help me go to the bathroom.

Does that help?

Do "tingling" and "throbbing" mean pounding like heart pounding? I can't imagine them...

Not having female genitalia, I don't know what Amcan meant about throbbing, but my experience is that I get an erection and just sort of have a feeling that my brain is very aware of my penis and that it's a bit more sensitive than usual, but that in any case I just can't forget that it's there, when normally I wouldn't notice its existence at all.

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In the case of males that's erections, tingling in the groin.

In females it's tingling 'down there', a throbbing in the female gentalia (which swella little) and sometimes your vagina getting wet.

Do "tingling" and "throbbing" mean pounding like heart pounding? I can't imagine them... :oops:

By the way, thanks to everyone for trying to explain.

When mine first started kicking in it was very intense, and I do recall trying to describe it to one of my friends as "my vagina is pulsating like it has its own heart beat" so yeah, and from my own experience, the stronger your sex drive is going off, the faster and stronger the pulsating.

I suppose it is pretty hard to understand when you havent had it. Before I experienced it I had no idea a sex drive felt like anything, then once it kicked in I was all "oh sh*t my vaginas been posessed"

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Yes your sex drive does not affect an asexual's desire for sex, because it isn't aimed at anything, it's just a physical (rather annoying at times) reaction. As I said I have what might be termed a moderate sex drive but I have no desire to have sex at all and my body isn't telling me that either it's just looking for release and is perfectly content to have that through masturbation. And the thing is it took me years wuite literally to realise it could be relieved by that means. For a long time I had no idea what it meant. So basically what ratatosk_lemur said.

And asexuality as defined by AVEN is about lack of sexual attraction so one can be asexual and have a sex drive (and some point out you can have a desire for sex as an activity and still be asexual as it may not contradict the lack of sexual attraction part of the defination). In the case of asexuals it's just annoying.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Do people get sex drive without any reason like watching provocative pictures?? Just like in the middle of the day?

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ratatosk_lemur
Do people get sex drive without any reason like watching provocative pictures?? Just like in the middle of the day?

In my experience it mostly happens without any reason.

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I have never experienced any sexual feeling in my entire life. I have zero sex drive, zero sexual desire, zero sexual attraction, and so on. So what is a sex drive? What does it feel like? Sorry if this has been asked before.

In a nutshell? Nothing too exciting. 8)

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Shortass Lady
I have never experienced any sexual feeling in my entire life. I have zero sex drive, zero sexual desire, zero sexual attraction, and so on. So what is a sex drive? What does it feel like? Sorry if this has been asked before.

Me too. I used to think (until a few minutes ago), that perhaps I had experienced ever so weak sexual uregs before, only about once a year lasting about an hour, making me feel like I want to have sex. However, having just read all these replies, I definitely have not experinced all thees symptoms of arousal, what I was experiencing was not even close to these! It was just a bit of pointless adrenalin really. So I think I can safely say I'm with you on the 'zero sex drive' thing!

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Do people get sex drive without any reason like watching provocative pictures?? Just like in the middle of the day?

Can't say it's ever really ever happened to me. Occasionally the, erm, male ... parts decide to ... wake up, shall I say, at the strangest of times. But, at least for me, this isn't always associated with arousal. I can be aroused without having an erection, and I can have an erection without being aroused.

There are times when I am more inclined to be aroused, but even then I need to look at a provocative picture or whatever to really boceome aroused.

Course I have no idea how common my reactions are. I might just be weird :?

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I was all "oh sh*t my vaginas been posessed"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I don't have a sex drive at all. None - at least when I am awake! I have never experienced any sort of spontaneous arousal when awake. But I have had "wet dreams" before where I wake up orgasming. I never dream about sex; it is just totally random. One time I was dreaming about exploring the pyramids and got dragged out of my nice little asexual adventure by a damn night-time orgasm. The first time this happened I woke up and pretty much thought exactly what you wrote above - "Holy sh*t my crotch is possessed!" I didn't even realize it was an orgasm at the time, since it didn't feel good and was not connected to anything sexual in my head.

But since I don't wake up until I am at the orgasm part, I don't know what the build up of spontaneous arousal (what most people call sex drive), if my body even bothers with that, feels like.

I feel no urge to masturbate, but I have tried it and I can bring myself to orgasm without any trouble. That feels like my temperature has risen, my genitalia swell up and turn reddish and I get wet, a sort of pressure in the area builds, and then the orgasm itself is involuntary spasms of the vulva region which are annoying at best and unpleasant at worst. When I masturbate I actually feel the urge to STOP touching the area, and I have to push through that to get to the orgasm.

(For those who are curious I would like to report that since being off the depo shot in May I have not had any "wet dreams" at all...so if anything I have become MORE asexual since getting off the shot...)

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Yuk.. SO glad I am a girl with no wet dreams and no sudden sex drive! Must be so annoying if you get it in class or something :lol:

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I have never experienced any sexual feeling in my entire life. I have zero sex drive, zero sexual desire, zero sexual attraction, and so on. So what is a sex drive? What does it feel like? Sorry if this has been asked before.

In a nutshell? Nothing too exciting. 8)

I disagree. I don't partake in any activity to 'relieve' myself, and i have no desire to, but the feeling itself of the sex drive going off I do enjoy thoroughly. Its new, its odd, and it feels good.

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Btw, how can you have sex drive and arousal separately? Isn't it the same thing?

I don't know if this was directed at me but I guess I just use the word arousal because it is more specific. When you use the phrase "sex drive" people conjure up many different interpretations and I can never be sure if we are on the same sheet of music. I think that arousal and sex drive are the same thing by many definitions, but not all.

"Sex drive" seems to be, by most definitions, something that happens spontaneously (without direct physical stimulation of the genitals), whereas the only way I can experience the physiological signs of arousal is through direct physical stimulation. So this implication of "sex drive" does not apply to me.

Also, "sex drive" implies a sensation and an accompanying desire to satiate that sensation. When I do physically stimulate myself, if I stop stimulating myself the arousal fades and disappears. There is no further desire for more or for satisfaction. So that implication of "sex drive" does not apply to me.

And of course there is the most common confusion that "sex drive" implies you desire sex, whereas asexuals who experience some sort of sex drive still do not want sex. So since I most definitely do not desire sex, that final big implication of "sex drive" definitely does not apply to me.

In other words, I can induce a sensation akin to what others call "sex drive" in myself, but it has no "sex" and no "drive" so is it really sex drive? Hence why I prefer the word arousal. Much more specific. I can induce physical arousal of the sexual organs. It is not spontaneous. It is not progressive. It is not directed at any person/thing.

Some asexuals could say they experience spontaneous arousal but it is not directed at anything and is not progressive, and it does not need to be satisfied. This description of the parameters of their arousal is far more specific than simply saying they experience "sex drive".

Hope that makes sense.

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I don't have a sex drive at all. None - at least when I am awake! I have never experienced any sort of spontaneous arousal when awake. But I have had "wet dreams" before where I wake up orgasming. I never dream about sex; it is just totally random. One time I was dreaming about exploring the pyramids and got dragged out of my nice little asexual adventure by a damn night-time orgasm. The first time this happened I woke up and pretty much thought exactly what you wrote above - "Holy sh*t my crotch is possessed!" I didn't even realize it was an orgasm at the time, since it didn't feel good and was not connected to anything sexual in my head.

But since I don't wake up until I am at the orgasm part, I don't know what the build up of spontaneous arousal (what most people call sex drive), if my body even bothers with that, feels like.

I feel no urge to masturbate, but I have tried it and I can bring myself to orgasm without any trouble. That feels like my temperature has risen, my genitalia swell up and turn reddish and I get wet, a sort of pressure in the area builds, and then the orgasm itself is involuntary spasms of the vulva region which are annoying at best and unpleasant at worst. When I masturbate I actually feel the urge to STOP touching the area, and I have to push through that to get to the orgasm.

A couple questions, I've noticed at least in what I've read on this board that asexual people tend to not have the same physical reaction to orgasm that most sexual people do. It's often described as in your words "annoying at best and unpleasant at worst". Sure on a basic muscular level the reaction seems the same, but there doesn't seem to be any of the actual pleasure that sexuals feel. Maybe that's a mistaken impression I've gotten but that's how it seems.

Also, if you knew an orgasm wasn't going to be enjoyable why would you bother pushing through until orgasm? Is it just like scratching an itch? You do it so that the itch goes away?

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I never bothered to masturbate because I never had the urge and the few times I briefly touched myself out of curiosity it did nothing. But I got married and my husband put a LOT of pressure on me to try to become sexual. He wanted me to try just about everything, thinking that something would flip the switch and make me sexual. So I did, because I really did love him and wanted it to work out (side note: in hindsight, the fact that he could not accept me the way I am and that he pushed so hard for me to change myself should have been a warning. I've been divorced for over two years).

Once I managed to achieve orgasm, and it wasn't any good, he thought maybe I was doing it wrong, or that my vaginal muscles were just "out of shape", so he wanted me to do it regularly and find new ways to try to make it feel good. So I am actually well versed in my own sexual function - ironically probably more so than many sexual women.

Once I got divorced I did it a few more times out of curiosity and because I had another boyfriend I was sexual with who felt bad that I never orgasmed, but he was not pushy about it and dropped it when he realized it did nothing for me. Recently I tried it again for "experimental" purposes - I got off of the depo provera hormone shot and I wanted to see if it was any different. It was a little different but not any better.

As far as asexuals not liking orgasm, I would say that it is a fairly even split. Some asexuals love it and masturbate because it feels good. Others are indifferent to it and masturbate to make the physical sensations of arousal go away. And some don't like it at all. I think there are probably many different causes for asexuality and these differences in the feelings of orgasm might indicate differing sources of the asexuality.

Most asexual people who can orgasm - which is most asexuals who have tried hard enough - do show the typical physiological signs of orgasm, so I don't think it is a physical problem. I think it may have something to do with hormones and the nerve receptors for those hormones. They've shown in rodents that a few genetic modifications can make rodents react in the completely opposite way to the same hormone simply by telling the nerve receptors to process that hormone differently. I think something like that might be going on with asexuality. Or maybe my body doesn't release endorphins properly when I orgasm. I dunno.

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When someone has a sex drive, they aren't aroused 24/7, it just means that they do get aroused sometimes.

I have a sex drive, but I don't consider it a burden or an annoyance. Doesn't tend to cause problems during the day, unless I go too long without taking care of it. I seem to be an odd one here in that I find masturbation enjoyable. I think my drive increases and decreases with my hormones, because sometimes during the month I'll get aroused more(or less) often than others.

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