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sexual interest on a cycle?


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Hey all,

 

I identify as greysexual, as it’s the only term I’ve found that kinda fits. What I’ve noticed is that any attraction I experience generally takes place on a cycle… it used to be that I’d have 3 weeks of almost zero attraction, then 4-6 blinding days of interest, before shuttering back to asexual. Now it’s a little less dichotomous, I may get a solid 5 days of hyper-sensitivity and then it dulls, and then nothing. It honestly feels so weird and frustrating. I want to start dating, but have no idea how to explain to a person that I might only be attracted to them a quarter out of a month.

 

anyways, my real point is that my therapist (who is ace supportive) suggested that maybe I should see an endocrinologist to check hormones. None of my allo or ace friends experience such a drastic shift, and I generally feel lower energy and worse on my ace days. Does anyone else experience a cycle like this? I need to know if that’s just how asexuality can be or if I should see a professional about it. I don’t have any issue with being ace, I just want to know if what I’m experiencing is typical for it. Thanks!

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Deltalorian

Thought you meant you only experience sexual attraction when on a bicycle. Anyway, you could be grey-aceflux and that's why your levels of attraction fluctuate. I experience a similar cycle, but with libido - it plateaus at certain levels most of the time, then for several days it jumps really highly. It's perfectly natural for it to happen with libido, so it could be as natural with your sexuality fluctuations. It could be your libido fluctuating and you're mistaking interest in sex with attraction, equally it may have nothing to do with libido. If you do feel worst on the days your attraction is down, I think it can't hurt checking with an endocrinologist to see if it's a hormonal problem. Make sure it's an ace supportive one, in case you're aceflux or it's just the way that you're greyace.

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I agree with your therapist. Libido is one thing, that can fluctuate, but the idea of attraction fluctuating like that... I'm not really even sure what you mean, tbh. I'm sexual and I have days due to things like stress, mental health stuff, exhaustion, general crabbiness, busyness, simply being more interested in something else that day, whatever, that I actively don't feel like having sex, but even in a 'Nah, no thanks' moment, that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to my partner. That never changes, I'm always attracted to him the same. If I felt like I wasn't, I'd be seriously concerned for the relationship. I've lost attraction to a partner in the past and it didn't return; that's just not how it works most of the time, let alone changing as often as you say it does for you.

 

So I'd definitely take your therapist's advice. It genuinely can't hurt, and you'll either have an answer or at least rule one possibility out.

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Monke Jimmy

I haven't been on a bicycle in a while so I don't know. 

 

I have noticed that my romantic interest seems to be a cycle. It happens almost exactly every 2 years. Fall of 2017, fall of 2019, fall of 2021, and maybe fall of 2023, idk. 

I also noticed that my aesthetic attraction seems to happen usually when I'm stressed. For example, in the past week or two my anxiety has come back (finals, yay), and all of a sudden I think every girl in the world is pretty and wonder why I'm not crushing on any of them. Maybe it has something to do with testosterone kicking in during stress? There's also the Misattribution of Arousal to consider. Your brain might be responding differently due to how recently you've gotten your paycheck or some other thing that happens weekly or monthly. 

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If you're talking "I got days when I feel super horny but most of the time it's almost nothing", if you experience periods, this is likely just the natural fluctuation that comes with PMS and menstruations. Extremely normal. 

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Yeah, honestly sounds to me like the OP is talking about libido. Especially given the specific time cycle they mention, and how the female hormonal cycle can affect libido for many. It actually seems to have almost no noticeable correlation for me... weirdly (?)... but I've heard loads of women say that it does and it's a known thing from a biological perspective. In which case this is perfectly normal. Attraction... that's something else, though.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 4/26/2022 at 1:56 PM, Charley S said:

Hey all,

 

I identify as greysexual, as it’s the only term I’ve found that kinda fits. What I’ve noticed is that any attraction I experience generally takes place on a cycle… it used to be that I’d have 3 weeks of almost zero attraction, then 4-6 blinding days of interest, before shuttering back to asexual. Now it’s a little less dichotomous, I may get a solid 5 days of hyper-sensitivity and then it dulls, and then nothing. It honestly feels so weird and frustrating. I want to start dating, but have no idea how to explain to a person that I might only be attracted to them a quarter out of a month.

 

anyways, my real point is that my therapist (who is ace supportive) suggested that maybe I should see an endocrinologist to check hormones. None of my allo or ace friends experience such a drastic shift, and I generally feel lower energy and worse on my ace days. Does anyone else experience a cycle like this? I need to know if that’s just how asexuality can be or if I should see a professional about it. I don’t have any issue with being ace, I just want to know if what I’m experiencing is typical for it. Thanks!

This is likely an indication of a low Libido vs being caused by sexuality itself. 

During a womans cycle, during a womans pregnancy, and during puberty hormones are a bit high and often all over the place. Seniors of both sexes also experience hormonal problems sometimes and some need hormone therapy. I have a few older folks in my family that where having issues and had to go to the doctor to get special medicine. 

 

Teenagers are more likely to be angry and horny and frustrated and confused since thier hormones have not balanced out. Woman during thier cycle and during pregnancy have thier hormones change as well. 

 

Hormones are responsible for a lot of things though not just arousal. So if you have a low libido in general and only get the itch during those times it is likely just that. Hormones are also responsible for aggression, depression, general mood regulation, weight gain, weight loss, sleep and so many other functions in the human body. So it might be beneficial if you got assessed by a trained medical professional. 

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I'm Not sure exactly what you mean by a cycle but I can share my own experiences. I can go for months on end with absolutely no interest in sex at all. Then seemingly randomly I will be super interested and want it often for several days. Then it fades. Then it's back for several days. Then it completely disappears again for ages. During these times, even the things which would arouse me during my "interested" phases don't do anything for me at all. But I remain romantically interested at all times, that never fades. I had my hormones checked (for another completely different reason) and found that I have slightly elevated androgens. This was followed up to check for polycystic ovaries but I am clear of that so it was just generally regarded that my slightly higher than normal androgens are just "normal" for me and there is no reason to do anything about it. It also does not contribute or explain my phases of sexual attraction. I associate with being demisexual/greysexual. 

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