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upfront and honest, friendship only..then 180 turnaround


kiss73

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Why is it the cool funny person we found friendship with, throws in the towel because they thought we would change once we felt more comfortable and trusting????? This happens repeatedly, I no longer even try to have new friendships with men. Each says they respect me for my choice (?) and swear they can handle a friendship, that they are actually honored to have a chance at that. Then same old same old …..3 months later they say they are confused that the relationship isn't progressing, is it them they ask? Am I seeing someone else? Oh for the love of peanuts!!

I hate to be discriminatory but, I may be gravitating towards asexual relationships for the clarity of NO expectations on either party.

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I've never had that problem with my male friendships, but then I doubt any of the guys ever saw me as a girl either. As a child/teen the boys would remark that I wasn't a girl, and not unkindly. When I went to Europe this year, the men in my tour group would invite me to go with them whenever the women started making plans to do something together

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I know what you mean, kiss73.

I think it's just human nature, and the fact that, for a lot of guys, not wanting sex is so incomprehensible that they assume you MUST mean that you just don't want it YET. They just don't get it.

If you manage to convince them that you are seriously not interested in EVER having sex, then they usually leave so fast that they burn rubber on their way out of the driveway! :roll:

Guys who are willing to be friends are extremely rare, but they do exist, and when you finally find them it is so refreshing that it makes the waiting worthwhile.

A number of them are members here at AVEN.

Good luck finding some new friends, and welcome to AVEN!

Enjoy some of our welcome cake! :arrow: :cake: :cake:

(It's an AVEN tradition, and it will always be your favorite kind!)

-Greybird

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I've had that happen a few times, albeit they have never upfront told me that "the relationship wasn't progressing." It would usually be more along the lines of suddenly they start avoiding me and then I learn from a friend of the friend that they were trying to push the relationship further then gave up.

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I've never had that problem with my male friendships, but then I doubt any of the guys ever saw me as a girl either. As a child/teen the boys would remark that I wasn't a girl, and not unkindly. When I went to Europe this year, the men in my tour group would invite me to go with them whenever the women started making plans to do something together

Its quite funny but I was chatting with a phsyically male friend when I wrote this. And just about when I hit send, without any prodding from me to do so, he sent a message that said, "I see you as a guy"

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I have had no problem with my male friends, but then they are gay, so the interest for more than friendship is not there. My problem is with the senor ladies who think that here is always someone there for all people.

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kiss73 wrote:

Why is it the cool funny person we found friendship with, throws in the towel because they thought we would change once we felt more comfortable and trusting????? This happens repeatedly, I no longer even try to have new friendships with men.

Same Old Same Old.

All my life it has been that same thing. Except with women instead of men. :lol: :lol: :lol:

I say friendship and they agree and then next thing I know they are confused because I aint kissing on them and trying to make out. Who makes out with friends? That's just sick. To me- That would be like making out with your sister. :lol: :lol: :lol: Because thats the way I view friendships. Like family.

I gave up making friendships a long time ago. I got tired of having to deal with the stress. People dont believe what you tell them. They have it in their minds that they can change you. So I don't go that route anymore.

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I think it's just human nature, and the fact that, for a lot of guys, not wanting sex is so incomprehensible that they assume you MUST mean that you just don't want it YET.

Bull's eye.

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Frigid Pink
Who makes out with friends? That's just sick. To me- That would be like making out with your sister. :lol: :lol: :lol: Because thats the way I view friendships. Like family.

You know, Ziffler, the person who my romantic relationship with just ended told me that they never felt anything more for me than a close friendship. They said they thought of me like a little sister even ... but we open-mouth kissed and shared semi-sexual physical intimacy! Those are not things I would do with family, let alone someone I thought of as a little sister :shock:

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I hate to be discriminatory but, I may be gravitating towards asexual relationships for the clarity of NO expectations on either party.

That's what I'm holdin' out for and I can be called discriminatory if people choose to call me that. Hells bells, a straight woman wanting to go out with a man is being discriminatory isn't she? A man who wants a younger woman is too, right? People have preferences and mine happens to be an asexual woman.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Same Old Same Old.

All my life it has been that same thing. Except with women instead of men. :lol: :lol: :lol:

:? I know what you mean, I have had more female friends that stopped doing things with me because I wouldn't/didn't want to go all the way then I have gay male friends.

:lol: and I also find it so funny to see posts on here with women that can't believe there are asexual men, I would love to find a woman or even male to do stuff with and not have to worry about OMG am I going to have another person to get attached to only to have them leave because they are not getting what they want.

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We (asexual men) do exist. Big part of the reason I haven't dated is because I know that if it goes on long enough the woman will probably expect the relationship to progess further. At that point it would end so why bother. That's why I've stayed with casual relationships with people that have similar interests in whatever.

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  • 1 year later...
We (asexual men) do exist. Big part of the reason I haven't dated is because I know that if it goes on long enough the woman will probably expect the relationship to progess further. At that point it would end so why bother. That's why I've stayed with casual relationships with people that have similar interests in whatever.
From a woman's point of view. I belatedly discovered my so called past relationships were happiest or just me? when I wasn't being so called seduced or weighted with guilt over not performing my then conjugal duty!!
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Can I guess your age as it isn't on your profile?

I'm guessing your on the younger end of the scale i.e 16-22? tell me if I am wrong please

Boys/men that age think with clarity for about 15% of the time with thier head the other 85% of the time they think with the other head so almost even saying your name is seen as a come on

for many you not wanting sex means the following

(1) you must be a lezza if you don't fancy them!

(2) she's shy... I can cure her of that

(3) the old classic.. she aint met the right boy/man yet and he is looking at you

(4) she's a freak if she don't want to shag me

(5) even if she ain't a lezza I will tell everyone else she is to hide the fact she turned me down

Young men saying they want to be just friends will, on the majority of times, lead to a line being crossed. It does seem to be human nature within the young male population

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Why is it the cool funny person we found friendship with, throws in the towel because they thought we would change once we felt more comfortable and trusting????? This happens repeatedly, I no longer even try to have new friendships with men. Each says they respect me for my choice (?) and swear they can handle a friendship, that they are actually honored to have a chance at that. Then same old same old …..3 months later they say they are confused that the relationship isn't progressing, is it them they ask? Am I seeing someone else? Oh for the love of peanuts!!

I hate to be discriminatory but, I may be gravitating towards asexual relationships for the clarity of NO expectations on either party.

It isn't just you. I have had the same thing in reverse. It's the women that change on me. We start off as very great friends and then for some reason they get ticked because I won't go beyond friendship.

I might be wrong about this, but it is my belief that the problem we have is one of expectations.

As asexuals our expectation is an awesome friendship without the sexual hangups.

Our friends expectations seems to be, start with a friendship now and then move to sexual later?

The women I have dated always considered me such a gentleman for not coming on to them, but later as the friendship grew they felt I was ice cold and sending mixed signals and teasing them and so on and so on, until they just concluded I must be gay and moved on.

I dont know if this is what you are experiencing or not but if so, I don't know anyway around it happening. I have tried to be totally honest up front but it doesn't work. It still comes down to expectations and their expectations aren't the same as mine. They listen to what I am saying but they don't really hear it and don't believe it if they do.

Good luck getting through.

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