My mother said Asexuality isnt real

[Shadow girl]

My dad thinks asexuality is propaganda.

[kbrd143]

Propaganda?

*imagines a Soviet-style poster, showing hale Asexuals tilling the fields*

[moonstar]

I have heard the propoganda label before in relation to the perpetuating of awareness of gay rights and in my opinion it is a pathetic excuse that narrow-minded people use to remain in denial of the spectrum of orientations in existence.

[jungler]

Propaganda?

*imagines a Soviet-style poster, showing hale Asexuals tilling the fields*

We can call anything that we can't accept. Cool...

[cdraines1959]

parents can often say the worst things to thier children, and not realize it at the time. and add alcohol, and that is a recipe for disaster. we don't always get the approval we look for, but other peoples' ignorance does not make us any less real. do you need her acceptance in order for you to live your life to the fullest? i think not. i should think she has enough problems of her own to be meddling in others lives.

[pupsbabygirl]

i told my ex, i myt b asexual, n he said, u guys are abnormal n sick.. n said he will find cure for me.. n said if im rili asexual, he wont even consider to b wif me.. :roll:

oh yeah,..lots sexual think asexual is not real.. :roll:

[BleedingThrough]

^My mom said asexuals aren't real because she's never met one (this was right after me telling her I am one). :roll:

[l'héros]

Tell your mum I said that she wasn't real.

[BleedingThrough]

^Lmao.

[gothicat]

I understand you Anima, I am in a similar situation. My mom thinks there is only one sexuality:straight. Everything else is a choice.

The annoying thing is she's a closeted asexual! She's has told me many times she never felt attracted to my father or any other man, hates being touched especially on her breasts and finds kissing disgusting, and even told me that she since she didn't have much sex with my father he had many affairs before they divorced. And she hasn't desired another man in 20. She also says she only married my father cause she wanted to get out of Portugal, but that's another story.

I think she pretty much fits in the asexual category, but since she is so closed minded about sexuality, she doesn't want me to admit I'm not sexual, even less considered about the possibility that she might be one herself.

I pretty stopped talking about private things to my mom. It really hurt our relationship. I prefer to tell all my secrets to my friend who knows about my asexuality, at least he believes and is really supportive unlike her.

[Tabi]

^Hey Anima

You seem like a really strong person, even though all I know of you is this thread, because you are being very honest.

Re: depression, IME it has been a huge struggle to get to any point of social integration because of low self esteem, hyper sensitivity to others' energies and emotions, social patterns and being so honest I left myself vulnerable in all sorts of ways.

Part of having self esteem and self respect is choosing to mark and maintain your personal and social boundaries. To walk down the street without a strong mental sense of positive personal boundaries is to leave yourself vulnerable. No matter how you dress, your insecurity can show in your body language. Not only that, people subconciously sense a lack of barriers, like they can smell your openness or something (not literally of course). If you can hold in mind thoughts of feeling comfortable with who you are choosing to be and what you are choosing to do in each moment, you will project an 'aura' of strength around yourself and your body language will change to match it. You can make this happy space around yourself to be just for you, and choose who you let into it. Since doing this I have found that people who respect me always respect my boundaries, and that is most people. This is because it is honest and self-respecting behaviour. Those who don't usually go away of their own accord in search of an easier target. To have others value you, you must value yourself. :)

As far as your Mum goes, I raised the subject of my boyfriend being asexual questioning the other day with my Mum, who is a rather emotionally suppressed dentist. "Asexuality doesn't exist" she said. "He's just young, frightened, inexperienced and confused. Trust me, I'm a scientist."

"Why are they writing about it in New Scientist magazine then?" was my unimpressed reply...Needless to say, I reminded her that if I ask for respect as a bi romantic hyposexual then I must offer the same effort of understanding. She tutted a bit and said 'oh silly labels' and other such don't believe you type things. This is regardless of the fact that I came out to her aged 16 or 17, have had extensive conversations with her about it (she's straight as a die) and she's even knowingly been to see me perform with an LGBT choir!

Chill with it. Stick to what you know in yourself to be true and carry its warmth inside you like porridge on a winter morning. (sorry if that's an odd picture - LOL)

[Jin Kisaragi]

Dunno, I'm asexual, but I still consider myself straight. I think it's harder for females than for males, since women NEED a man to take care of them, or whatever is propagated in womens circles. It never comes up for me, I've told a couple people, and given I'm a Christian, it's either "you have the gift" or you don't understand. (I've only told 4 people IRL and it wasn't a big deal for them, I mean, I would be surprised if they actually thought about it later or even gave a crap.) I don't think anyone would care about that, for me anyway.

[thylacine]

"I think it's harder for females than for males, since women NEED a man to take care of them, or whatever is propagated in womens circles." I am truly sick & tired of people, both male & female, believing that women need a man to "take care of them." In all my 43 years, no one has taken care of me, paid my bills, supported me financially, done the heavy lifting for me, fix broken toilets for me, whatever... My mother raised me by herself while daddy was off drinking and chasing broads in a bar... no one took care of her either. Meanwhile, my retarded so-called friends are viciously plotting behind my back to "find a husband" for me so I'll have someone to "take care of me." No matter what I say, I can't convince anyone that I don't need someone to do my thinking for me, tell me what to do, take care of my money (which I earned myself, excuse me) so I don't have to think about difficult things like finances, yada-yada-yada... Truly, honestly, I'm sick to death of all the crap my so-called rotten ass friends put me through. If I hear "you need a man to take care of you, you poor dear," one more freakin' time, I will puke.

[BleedingThrough]

^That must be so annoying. Even if you do need someone to fix the toilet etc, females can always learn how to do it, we're not stupid lol, or you could ask a friend/relative or hire someone. People don't just seem to get that.

[Paradox]

Anima_Sola_3o4

I totally agree,

I saw a lot of myself in that post, a lot of people think I'm gay but that doesn't bother me, because they simply don't matter.

[............]

Quote:

it's harder being an asexual than it is being gay

I agree totally.

I actually disagree with this statement. I think that there is still a stigma upon gay people that asexuals fortunately don't have to deal with. People may think we're odd, but I think our culture does accept one's right to say no. They may think its odd, they may tease in jest, but I think at the end of the day they can respect the decision, even if they can't understand it.

Indeed.

Personally, I've found it easier just to go with the flow of being asexual. With being gay, if you want a relationship, you have to deal with the stigma.

Maybe it's just that I've been lucky, and few people have attempted to persuade me into relationships I wasn't interested in.

[RobinRoz]

I agree with the person who said that you are in control of your social life. If going to bars, clubs, etc., does not appeal to you, don't go. If this friend of yours ditches you eveytime, don't hang out with her. I hate to sound judgemental, but she hardly seems like much of a friend to me. If you do like this person, maybe you should suggest an activity like a movie, a concert, a ballgame, etc.

I realize that there is more going on than just your asexuality. I believe that you mentioned social anxiety? Try taking baby steps in that direction. Maybe you could take a craft class (or something else that interests you) in which you could quietly do your work and then ease into things at your own pace.

The way you describe how sexual people act around you, well, that's what they do. Don't bash them, it's just how they are.

Please, please, please continue with getting therapy. I mean this in all earnestness, not as an insult. I think that you need help and you will find the right help.

I realize that all of this is easier said than done, but you will make it.

--Love--

--Robin--