xx Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Also, those of you who are asexual, do you wish you weren't or are you happy with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Live R Perfect Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Hello there, XX ! :D Anyone who forces themselves to abstain from sex would be Celibate. Asexuality is different because there is no concious choice involved.... we just don't experience sexual attraction in the first place, so engaging in sexual antics just ain't gonna happen (unless, like some here, you are willing to compromise for the sake of someone you truly love). And I would say that 99% of asexuals here are completely happy with their orientation. PS. There is a Welcome Area forum on this site. Why not introduce yourself there and tell us a bit about yourself? :D *Nudges XX towards the Welcome Area* Link to post Share on other sites
xx Posted February 8, 2004 Author Share Posted February 8, 2004 thanks for the reply. I know there's a difference between celibacy and asexuality, but I'm wondering if there are ways to purposefully lessen the sexual attraction a person experiences... perhaps eliminating it completely would be a bit much. Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Believe me, I tried to be sexual. It didn't work, it couldn't work. Desire is not enough to overcome the asexual's sense of alienation in the sexual situation, in the sexual act. Link to post Share on other sites
xx Posted February 8, 2004 Author Share Posted February 8, 2004 Believe me, I tried to be sexual.It didn't work, it couldn't work. Desire is not enough to overcome the asexual's sense of alienation in the sexual situation, in the sexual act. hmm. perhaps you misread the thread title ? I'm not asking about forcing yourself to be sexual.. just the opposite in fact. Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 You'd have to ask one of the few sexuals who post here that. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 Believe me, I tried to be sexual.It didn't work, it couldn't work. Desire is not enough to overcome the asexual's sense of alienation in the sexual situation, in the sexual act. hmm. perhaps you misread the thread title ? I'm not asking about forcing yourself to be sexual.. just the opposite in fact. Well, technically, one might view this as just replying in the negative to your question. After all, if asexuals can't force themselves to be sexually attracted to other people, what makes one think that sexuals can force themselves to NOT experience sexual attraction? Now to reply to your questions... First, is it possible to force asexuality? Well, I don't think so. At least, not yet, I guess. There is no field of medicine designed to explore the possibilities of decreasing sexual attraction. The current science geared toward improving sexual desire also is unable to create attraction in individuals, so presumably if a drug was created to decrease one's sex drive, then they would be less horny less often, but still experience attraction to some degree. Second, am I happy with my asexuality, or would I change it if I could. I suppose I'm about as happy as I can be with my asexuality. This is and what has always felt perfectly normal for me, so I don't want to change myself. From a personal standpoint, my asexuality has never been a source of unhappiness for me. It's only when I try to compare myself to sexual norms that I may feel less-than-happy. But it rarely bothers me anymore. I'm mostly out to everyone I'm close to, and that has helped me cope with societal pressures to be "normal." Link to post Share on other sites
mcsquared Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 I know there's a difference between celibacy and asexuality, but I'm wondering if there are ways to purposefully lessen the sexual attraction a person experiences... perhaps eliminating it completely would be a bit much. Well, most people on this list don't seem to purposefully lessen it so wouldn't be the best people to give advice, but would think that maybe meditation, good friends and keeping busy with many interests might help. Alcohol and places like bars might be good to avoid too. Also, those of you who are asexual, do you wish you weren't or are you happy with it? Many people who are vocal on the list see it as part of their root identity so are happy with themselves, but there seem to be a lot that at least initially are confused or worried about it until they find support and resources. Of course, there are probably a lot more out there that haven't heard of AVEN that are wondering what's wrong with them and those that aren't happy might not seek this place out... Link to post Share on other sites
(SP) Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 well, actually some people do believe that you can, i believe they mainly say that by ignoring your sexuality(not just not having sex=celibacy)but not being sexual in any way at all, and just 'killing' your sexuality that it eventually dies away. THe people at the antisexual stronghold site seem to belive that http://www.ktk.ru/~cm/ , that site is a little extreme, and a little odd (but i still give mild support to them if it works for them)but not all people who have done that/belive that are quite so 'anti'-sexual, and are a little more moderate, simply wanting to do it as a personal choice. I think a few AVEN members fit that description (though i don't think they hung around very long, and i don't remember who they were, but i swear i remeber a couple of stories like that)...I think people who follow this path are just as asexual, as to me it doesn't matter how you got this way, just that you are asexual now.....and if a person is 'converting' themselves out of their own genuine personal choice, and not other pressures, i think that deserves respect instead of just being labelled repression.....i have however also heard stories of people trying this and not having it work, so maybe it doesn't work for alot of people, and their is skepticism around it...as someone could theoretically just be repressing and saying that they have no sexuality... also there are people who are sexual and just become asexual(or the other way around i guess)without trying or even necessarily wanting it, for reasons they don't know......Although i've always been asexual, i did at one time have a (very weak, and barely there, but still there)undirected sex drive, it however seems to have completely disappeared for what seems like a year, without me willing it...... though i don't mind at all..and kind of like it...but, still also you should know that the vast majority of people here fall into the 'just have always been asexual' category ...at least thats my take on everything ..and 'am i happy with my asexuality? you query I am completely fine with it, other than a couple of concerns, and feeling here and there, it is largely a source of joy if anything, as i was somewhat messed up,and confused as to what i thought was wrong with me regarding these things before i knew what i was. Link to post Share on other sites
xx Posted February 8, 2004 Author Share Posted February 8, 2004 PS. There is a Welcome Area forum on this site. Why not introduce yourself there and tell us a bit about yourself? :D *Nudges XX towards the Welcome Area* Done: http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?p=48355Thanks for the replies everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 I'm going to echo what the others said about it being close to impossible to make yourself asexual. Personally, I'm perfectly happy being asexual. It doesn't upset me, I don't want to change. I am a bit curious about what love is like, since I'm a Type D, but not enough to ever search it out. I look at it this way: Let's say an alien who can see a colour no human can came up to you and said, "You can't see that colour? Your life must be horrible." Sure, you might be curious for a couple days as to what the colour looks like, but you'll never be able to see it, and you can't even comprehend being able to see it. You won't live a miserable life or go to your grave horribly depressed that you couldn't see the colour. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 well, actually some people do believe that you can, i believe they mainly say that by ignoring your sexuality(not just not having sex=celibacy)but not being sexual in any way at all, and just 'killing' your sexuality that it eventually dies away Use it or lose it? :lol: Excellent question XX, I always hope that if I end up discussing my asexuality with someone close to me they'll ask something like this. It probably won't, it'll probably be them telling me I'm wrong, but I can always hope. A lot of the time it is clearer, like Mindlife did to pose it in reverse. It's just like when somene says to a gay or lesbian "you're not gay, you're confused, you're in with the wrong crowd, you'll change your mind." You just pose it to them "do you think YOU will change your mind?" So it's kinda the same thing. I think you can force yourself to be celibate i.e. to have an asexual relationship (I don't have confidence in the latter as far as a sexual and an opposite gender asexual but others say it's possible) but to actually to have no sexual interest? I don't think so. I don't think I was ever 'unhappy' with being asexual. I didn't know it existed but I wasn't unhappy about having no sexual feelings, I was just unhappy that I was losing my friends to "more important" (in their eyes) relationships and was unhappy that you couldn't watch a movie or read a book without time out for a fuck scene but being unhappy that I had no interest in sex? No. I just wanted so badly to find others like me and for years and years they didn't exist. So, now I have stumbled in amongst these yahoos...and become of the yahoos m'self (said with only the most affection, y'all know that) it's like icing on the cake. To put another spin on Tessa's alien colour theory, I think it's more like WE can see the colour that the rest of the people miss. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Posted February 8, 2004 Share Posted February 8, 2004 i pretty much agree with what others said, if asexuals cant make themselves sexual then i dont suppose a sexual could make themselves asexual... as to weather i'm happy as an asexual, i don't really know- sometimes i wish that i could just be "normal" like all my friends and i wish i could take part in thier conversations and games, but thats more about wanted to feel a part of the group than wanted to be sexual, if that makes sense. Most of the time though its just a part of who i am, i couldn't imagine being anything differnt. i'm a generally happy person so i guess that means i must be happy as an asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 Mmmm...I'm happy. A lot happier with that aspect of myself than before I found AVEN, that's for sure. Sure I wonder sometimes what it'd be like to be "normal"...but then I remember that touching makes me nauseous, commitment makes me nauseous, I don't trust men, and life/relationships is/are complicated enough without the sexual dimension. Not to mention STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and other increased risk that can come along with being a single sexual woman (e.g. frequenting bars full of hornies). Then I say pshaw, this is AWESOME! . . .I was just unhappy that I was losing my friends to "more important" (in their eyes) relationships and was unhappy that you couldn't watch a movie or read a book without time out for a fuck scene but being unhappy that I had no interest in sex? Exactly! Shallow romantic relationships that don't last, more important than long-term, intimate friendships? Wha?? Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 Anyone who forces themselves to abstain from sex would be Celibate.*agrees... my thoughts exactly...* A person really can't choose to be attracted to someone, nor can they choose not to, attraction may change over time, but still is unchosen, and to try to be non-sexual, one would be celibate :P Link to post Share on other sites
silentcrow Posted September 7, 2004 Share Posted September 7, 2004 THe people at the antisexual stronghold site seem to belive that http://www.ktk.ru/~cm/ , that site is a little extreme, and a little odd (but i still give mild support to them if it works for them) Sorry, this is an old thread, but I recently found it, and I wanted to say that I used to be an avid supporter of the Stronghold, and quoted them in an earlier post. But I've discovered that it has not been touched for about two years. Also, I've noticed that they are extreme in contrast to the laid-back, easygoing Avenfolks. The people at the Stronghold seem to think that sexuals are all sick and in need of help. Aven is generally friendlier. Link to post Share on other sites
endofthespiral Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 thanks for the reply. I know there's a difference between celibacy and asexuality, but I'm wondering if there are ways to purposefully lessen the sexual attraction a person experiences... perhaps eliminating it completely would be a bit much. The mind is an incredible thing, I beleive that yes you probably could make yourself asexual. There are cases where people have made themselves paranoid or even psychotic so I don't see why not. Of course for a while it would be celibacy but after so long there would be no urge in you what so ever and that is in a nutshell what asexuality is. Link to post Share on other sites
Xezlec Posted September 12, 2004 Share Posted September 12, 2004 There is no field of medicine designed to explore the possibilities of decreasing sexual attraction. That's false. There are a number of ways of doing this medically. Castration (a bit drastic), hormones, and hormone blockers are all capable of doing such things. But as far as the questions go: Can you force yourself to be asexual? Without using drastic medical techniques, no, I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt it. What's more, asking this question seems a sign of poor mental or psychological health. Are you getting over a breakup or something? Please don't do anything stupid to yourself. Are you happy being asexual? I am, yes. Except for the minor problem of being stuck in a world of sexual references and obsessions that I don't really "get", as well as the minor problem that a lot of people find it hard to believe or understand asexuality. But bear in mind that I was born this way. I didn't "choose" it. If I had a choice I might very well choose to be "normal", so I could enjoy the same activities my friends enjoy. Also it might be cool to experience romantic love, which sounds like an interesting emotion. But *shrug* I yam what I yam. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Angel Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Well, technically, one might view this as just replying in the negative to your question. After all, if asexuals can't force themselves to be sexually attracted to other people, what makes one think that sexuals can force themselves to NOT experience sexual attraction?Now to reply to your questions... First, is it possible to force asexuality? Well, I don't think so. At least, not yet, I guess. There is no field of medicine designed to explore the possibilities of decreasing sexual attraction. Actually, for me it isn't a question of "can I force myself to be asexual"? Rather, it is a question of "can I force myself to be asexual without prohibitive site-effects?". I've been on medicines at times, and herbs at other times, that have caused me to become completely asexual. Problem is, so far, each of the times there was some kind of side-effect that forced me to get of of it - and within a week my desires would return. One time, my noze got stuffed up (even more than it usually is) and I had to get off of the medicine that I was on - which was a bummer for me, because the medicine had caused me to become 100% asexual for the time that I was on it. The current science geared toward improving sexual desire also is unable to create attraction in individuals, so presumably if a drug was created to decrease one's sex drive, then they would be less horny less often, but still experience attraction to some degree. Yes, you see aphrodesiacs offered all over the place - but if you want an antiaphrodesiac, everyone is stumped. Nobody can help you. The only thing I ever saw touted as an anti-aphrodesiac was Monk's Pepper (for men not for women). I tried it. But from what I recall, it wasn't particularly effective. Second, am I happy with my asexuality, or would I change it if I could. I suppose I'm about as happy as I can be with my asexuality. This is and what has always felt perfectly normal for me, so I don't want to change myself. And you should be happy. Of all the sexual orientations one can be born into, being asexual is the best spot to be in. From a personal standpoint, my asexuality has never been a source of unhappiness for me. It's only when I try to compare myself to sexual norms that I may feel less-than-happy. But it rarely bothers me anymore. I'm mostly out to everyone I'm close to, and that has helped me cope with societal pressures to be "normal." Better to have to deal with societal pressures to be "normal" than have to deal all the time with hormonal pressures to mate. I figure - if you're not a slave to your hormones, why should you wish you were? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly Green Monkey Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 There is no field of medicine designed to explore the possibilities of decreasing sexual attraction. That's false. There are a number of ways of doing this medically. Castration (a bit drastic), hormones, and hormone blockers are all capable of doing such things. Saying that there are treatments for sexuality does not mean that there is a field of medicine devoted to it, since there is not. There are no degrees in antisexuality, there are no offices where you can go specifically to find a specialist in decreasing sex drive. There is no such field. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 There is no field of medicine designed to explore the possibilities of decreasing sexual attraction. That's false. There are a number of ways of doing this medically. Castration (a bit drastic), hormones, and hormone blockers are all capable of doing such things. Saying that there are treatments for sexuality does not mean that there is a field of medicine devoted to it, since there is not. There are no degrees in antisexuality, there are no offices where you can go specifically to find a specialist in decreasing sex drive. There is no such field. Sorry for the triple quote. What SGM says is right. Furthermore, castration and neurotransmitters only succeed in interrupting the sexual drive, or making it such that the individual cannot achieve arousal. I don't know that that's the same as being asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
TheMadPoet Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 To become abstinent is to refrain from sex ... to become celibate to avoid sex and sexual desire ... and both for personal preferences. Asexuality, as I have learned, is un willed refrain from sex and sexual desire. So, in this context, one cannot force themselves to become asexual - like several people have said, you're born with it. If a person is unattractive to you, then you would consider that person ugly, not forcing yourself to become asexual. I judge people based on their intelligence, not their looks. I also think it is possible you can stop yourself from being attractive to someone - it's all a matter of judgement. As I do judge based on intelligence, if some dude were to start spouting that all Republicans ate alien ice cream of Sundays to worship the devil, I would tell him to check his facts before spouting his speel. Thus, observing the dude to lack intelligence, I would stop being attracted to him intellectually. Due to the fact I am attracted via the physical visual elements of males, I can stop myself from being attracted to that person. Thanks to my AS (Aspergers), I don't care either - I lack emotional depth in these affairs (no pun intended). I have the desire to have sex with someone, but I am stopped short. I couldn't force myself to go through it - once was enough, thank you very much. On a good day, cuddling, touching, and kissing is dandy (and I've only done so with one person), but on my off days, I'd rather guy be a football field away, unless I needed him to change the light bulb. So, to force yourself to become this way is a silly notion to me, and anyone who thinks they can - well, go for it. Sooner or later, you'll find this life dull, and move right on back to being a sexual (where, I am sure, it's a lot more fun, from what I hear). I am happy with myself sexual wise, but still have elements of the social and behavorial to work on. When discussing this type of question, one also has to keep these factors in mind. There is a difference between attraction and desire, sex and sexual passion, social and behavorial characteristics. In a nutshell, I can desire a piece of cake, but if it's going to make me sick, I would rather refrain. Likewise, a normal sexual person would rather eat the cake, discuss it over dinner, and then discuss it again the following night (for vegetarians, make that tofu cake). My stepdad loves to talk about his sex life with my mom at the dinner table - I get up and eat dinner in my room. Bottom line is, if you can get over your sexual attractions and desires of procreation and dancing between the sheets, then yes, you can force yourself to become asexual. If you just refrain from sex, you're abstaining from sex; and if you personally make the choice to give up sex and sexual desires for the work of God, you're celibate. A lot of confusion in those three definitions alone ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 And you should be happy. Of all the sexual orientations one can be born into, being asexual is the best spot to be in. I'm comfortable with my sexuality, but I don't think I'm superior at all. I'm sure most AVENites would second that. Besides, many asexuals have a strong need for a partner, too. Link to post Share on other sites
ApolloSeek Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Since one does not choose to be asexual, the question of forcing oneself to be asexual is moot. Asexuality is like the weather-it happens. Barring major advances in neuroscience, I'm asexual for life. So my liking or disliking it is pointless. Would I become sexual if I could? I'd have to give it much thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Xale Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 That's what I thought I did, cause my asexuality. But now I'm pretty sure it just happend in accordance with what I wanted anyway. So, yay. Link to post Share on other sites
endofthespiral Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 I wish to pose a question in regards to this topic. Here is a scenario: Chris has had a few girlfriends before and had sex a few times and even felt it was phsycially pleasing but for some reason felt out of place, be it during the act, afterwards, or simply around people in general. Chris decides to not be sexually active anymore and after quite some time he realizes there is no point in sex and never has sex again in his life. The question is this. Is Chris celebate, abstinate or was he asexual the whole time and just didn't realize it untill that point? The other thing I would like to say is that if a person once was sexual and later "becomes" asexual through abstinance, is it possible that they were really asexual the whole time and were simply pressured into having sex be it by friends, mass media, or society? Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted October 2, 2004 Share Posted October 2, 2004 ................The other thing I would like to say is that if a person once was sexual and later "becomes" asexual through abstinance, is it possible that they were really asexual the whole time and were simply pressured into having sex be it by friends, mass media, or society? If you look at asexuality as an orientation, perhaps that might help. How likely is it for a genuinely straight person to suddenly wake up and be sexually attracted to their own sex? Or the opposite ... would a homosexual person suddenly wake up and be attracted to the opposite sex? Even if they force themselves to go through the motions, and even if they might develop an emotional connection of some sort with the "not-so-attractive" person, has their orientation really changed? Or did they only belatedly realize what their true orientation really was? Asexuals can be confused by social expectations and peer pressure the same as anybody else. I think the difference is that a sexual person truly desires sex and misses it when it isn't available. An asexual might try it due to peer pressure, simple curiousity, or a desire to acommodate a partner, but it wouldn't become a driving force in his/her life. 'Hope this makes sense ... -Greybird Link to post Share on other sites
Red Angel Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 If you look at asexuality as an orientation, perhaps that might help. How likely is it for a genuinely straight person to suddenly wake up and be sexually attracted to their own sex? Or the opposite ... would a homosexual person suddenly wake up and be attracted to the opposite sex? Barring a sudden chemical change in the person's body, I don't think so. But the question is - can there by a chemical change that can occur which would cause the person's sexual orientation to suddenly change? Even if they force themselves to go through the motions, and even if they might develop an emotional connection of some sort with the "not-so-attractive" person, has their orientation really changed? Or did they only belatedly realize what their true orientation really was? Problem is, I really don't think that I've been the same thoughout my entire life. There have been times in my life when, thinking back, I think it would be an act of revisionism on my part to claim that I wasn't really sexual, and was just going through the motions. On the other hands, there have been times when I would be equally revisionist if I claimed that I was sexual ans just repressing it. Today I decided to check to see if I'm still sexual (or whether the herbs worked). I didn't at-default notice any sexual attraction to anyone. Even when I concentrated the only sexual attraction I noticed was so faint - I couldn't even tell if it was actually there. And this is even though the herbs haven't yet had a chance to kick-in all the way. Asexuals can be confused by social expectations and peer pressure the same as anybody else. I'm sure that is true. But when such a thing happens, don't you think that in hind sight, if he/she thinks about it after he/she has come out as asexual, the he/she would be able to see that this was what happened? I think the difference is that a sexual person truly desires sex and misses it when it isn't available. I thought a sexual person is any person who experiences sexual attraction to others. Link to post Share on other sites
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