Waiting for the one

[foodie]

UPDATE-- WARNING GRAPHIC

After my last post, I dated a man intensely for a month (this past August/September) and experienced a few firsts with him. For one, PDA. OK, folks-- I established through this experience that I'm really not a PDA type of gal...with a bad kisser, that is. Ugh, he was just awful (overly wet and just...gross), but because he was super nice & a gentleman, I tried to overlook that...

After four dates and constant talking, I did another first: I went to his apartment. It was OK-- I was nervous, but not overly nervous. Just anxious I suppose. Anyway, after eating dinner and whatnot, he wanted to fool around on the couch...that was fine, I guess... awkward, but fine. I avoided touching his member, just got this image in my head at the time that doing that would be somehow wrong. Weird, I know, especially considering that I wasn't raised particularly religous.

Anyway, things suddenly escalated and he was removing my clothes. I was willing, just unaware of what the hell to do. "You can take my clothes too, y'know?" he said. So I did.

He went down on me right there on the couch. That was another first. Frankly, well, I liked it. It was totally...what's the word?...sensational, albeit awkward. We went to his bedroom where he continued this-- he then wanted to have actual sex and asked me if I wanted to and was ready. In retrospect, I'm surprised at how go-with-the-flow I was at the time. It just seemed right. Yeah, he was an awful kisser and he isn't my type, but I felt safe with him.

We attempted sex, but well...my virginity got in the way. He couldn't enter at all and it hurt a lot when he attempted, so that was that. I didn't feel bad or anything. Actually, I was relieved for some weird reason.

I went down on him. Again, interesting, but awkward. Just not as into it as I would've wanted to. Well, for a first time I guess it wasn't an entirely bizarre situation.

We broke up after only a month-- not based on physicality, but that we're at two completely different life stages. Frankly, though, experiencing these firsts made me realize how significant sex is in a relationship. I want to experience it with someone I feel safe with, but also with someone experienced who will guide me through it with patience and such.

So, yes, we broke up about early- to mid- September and I decided to take a break for dating for a bit. Just needed time to focus on me and reevaluate things.

To be continued-- more to tell-- need a few to write up a new post.

[foodie]

UPDATE- cont'd (WARNING GRAPHIC)

In October, while still on my dating sabbatical, I attended an informal engagement party of my friend's. Present was a man that struck my interest immediately. I couldn't approach him casually (not seated near him), but I knew I had to get in touch with him via somehow. Just something very intriguing about him. At the time, I only considered friendship in the cards.

Well, after that encounter, I got his info and we emailed back-and-forth that following week-- we took an immediate liking to each other...he told me to call him if I liked-- it happened to be the weekend after the party. We talked for almost three hours. Totally wonderful.

I should point out that I'm in NY and he's about a 3-hour train ride away. I was a bit uncertain about that-- as anyone who follows this thread knows, I really need to be with someone regularly in order to establish a level of trust. I decided to throw that sentiment into the wind because he was just too great a guy to turn down because of distance. Besides, we weren't too far away from each other, I thought. Plus, he knew I'm a virgin and told me that he would never rush me and that he could wait a year if that's how long it took, because "you're worth it." Never had anyone say that to me ever, just made me feel so special!

Well, folks, flash-forward to now: I'm totally in love. We've seen each other every other weekend since our first date and I spent the holidays with him and his family. He's an amazing kisser and our first three dates involved just that, towards the end. Never in my life did I ever want to hold someone more than him. I can't describe how strong our bond that first month was-- tangible. And, bluntly, I loved feeling 'him' on me during those kissing sessions. Something I had never experienced nor a sentiment I had ever felt for anyone prior.

On our fourth date, which was towards the end of our first month together, I decided it was time. I told him that I was going to visit him and spend the night. So anxious, but ready for anything.

After a full day together, we went back to his apartment. I felt totally comfortable. We watched a little TV-- me on his one-seater and him on the bed. After 20 minutes he said, "honey, come watch it in bed with me." So anxious, but again yearning to be close. I layed down next to him and we began kissing and hugging each other. When he started to put his hand in my blouse, I got nervous...err, and said, that I needed to shower (yes, talk about killing the mood). He asked if he could join me, but I told him..."err, no! I'll be back. It'll be quick." I guess I needed a moment to myself, to collect my thoughts. Returned from the shower and he went in after. We resumed.

I won't go into details (we did oral and attempted sex but couldn't), but I will say this: it was incredible. Not just him and his patience with me (so attentive), but looking into his eyes and hearing him say I love you and saying it back to him and knowing we both meant it. It was just incredible. I hope to have more experiences like that in life, hopefully with him.

Our second physical encounter was not the greatest, I confess, mostly because I had caught a bug and was sick and then he caught it...le romance...not!

So we're three months into our relationship as of next week! Only two physical moments together. Valentine's Day weekend will be our third. Hoping to finally...do the deed. Just want to learn more about sexuality with him-- he has the patience and, well, sense of humor for it!

I've come a long way since my original post.

[Cazz333]

When I initially joined the board, I think admitted that I was uncertain about whether I was an asexual or not. After some time away from the board, I realize that I'm more of a celibate than an asexual.

I'm a 24 year old virgin (never been in any sort of relationship) and, for the longest time, had been repulsed at the thought of sexual contact. The thought would make my skin crawl and those feelings deterred me from getting close to males. The minute I sensed they might be interested in asking me out, I would just avoid them.

Now, I'm getting to a point in my life where I would like to date and meet someone special. There's a part of me that wants to experience a physical side to a relationship. I want the whole package. The thing is, I plan to approach this in an old-fashioned way.

Problem is, everyone is just sleeping around nowadays, after only a few dates. Ugh! I want to develop a strong, long-lasting friendship and emotional bond with someone. I'm willing to wait for the right guy.

I've never shared these thoughts with any of my friends because, most of them-- both male and female-- whine about not getting laid or whatever.

I'm not asking any questions to the board, specifically. I'm just sharing my experience so that maybe someone out there is going through the same thing.

I find the right guy. I be the best me and look for who I believe is suitable companion. If it goes past friendship, cool if not, he/ she's a good friend.

When I initially joined the board, I think admitted that I was uncertain about whether I was an asexual or not. After some time away from the board, I realize that I'm more of a celibate than an asexual.

I'm a 24 year old virgin (never been in any sort of relationship) and, for the longest time, had been repulsed at the thought of sexual contact. The thought would make my skin crawl and those feelings deterred me from getting close to males. The minute I sensed they might be interested in asking me out, I would just avoid them.

Now, I'm getting to a point in my life where I would like to date and meet someone special. There's a part of me that wants to experience a physical side to a relationship. I want the whole package. The thing is, I plan to approach this in an old-fashioned way.

Problem is, everyone is just sleeping around nowadays, after only a few dates. Ugh! I want to develop a strong, long-lasting friendship and emotional bond with someone. I'm willing to wait for the right guy.

I've never shared these thoughts with any of my friends because, most of them-- both male and female-- whine about not getting laid or whatever.

I'm not asking any questions to the board, specifically. I'm just sharing my experience so that maybe someone out there is going through the same thing.

I'm a 40-yo man who's in a similar situation. It's been my experience that sexually active people just do their thing because they have a rep to protect (however little they may actually want sex at any given time), but if they were really man or woman enough, they'd be frank about wanting a relationship based on friendship instead of avoiding it like the plague. Take hookups, for example... people who do the hookup thing think they're really scoring and getting satisfaction from it. Maybe a few do, but people who've done hookups for any length of time usually end up admitting that they feel even lonelier afterward than before they started doing hookups.

Part of the reason I don't have a gf or a wife (yet) is because I'm very matter-of-fact about emotional intimacy, but I'm supposed to just drop subtle hints. People are not used to someone who tells it like it is.

I prefer to say it straight with guts. My greatest wish in any relationship is for a guy to say something painfully or something difficult i.e. I want to be with you as more than a friend out straight. Plainly and to mean it.

I did ask a guy out in the above manner, and I wonder whether he rejected based on his awe of my nerves or whether he was bothered that a woman could tell him that with no shame or embarrassment. Heck, I don't do subtle.

I can understand the negative reaction, especially the experience of having someone 'pressing' their aroused member against you, Foodie. However, I would be ecstatic if somebody were to do this to me, fully clothed, preferably without the arousal on their part, which I would have to 'blot out' as part of the 'compromise'.

It is very frustrating in clubs seeing attractive people 'horseplaying', i.e. kicking their friends up the bum and grabbing their crotch. It is all just playful, but they won't do it to a complete stranger in clubs in Vancouver, unless they're old, fat and gross, whereas they will in London clubs, especially after a few drinks. I don't get aroused by it, but do crave it and wish people were a little less reserved here ;) .

If somebody is trying exceedingly hard to make it happen, I can become mildly aroused. But it feels acutely 'odd', rather like a dream in which you find yourself in the supermarket completely naked. Accordingly, I understand exactly the confusion you experienced.

Damn, those London clubs... <_<

UPDATE- cont'd (WARNING GRAPHIC)

In October, while still on my dating sabbatical, I attended an informal engagement party of my friend's. Present was a man that struck my interest immediately. I couldn't approach him casually (not seated near him), but I knew I had to get in touch with him via somehow. Just something very intriguing about him. At the time, I only considered friendship in the cards.

Well, after that encounter, I got his info and we emailed back-and-forth that following week-- we took an immediate liking to each other...he told me to call him if I liked-- it happened to be the weekend after the party. We talked for almost three hours. Totally wonderful.

I should point out that I'm in NY and he's about a 3-hour train ride away. I was a bit uncertain about that-- as anyone who follows this thread knows, I really need to be with someone regularly in order to establish a level of trust. I decided to throw that sentiment into the wind because he was just too great a guy to turn down because of distance. Besides, we weren't too far away from each other, I thought. Plus, he knew I'm a virgin and told me that he would never rush me and that he could wait a year if that's how long it took, because "you're worth it." Never had anyone say that to me ever, just made me feel so special!

Well, folks, flash-forward to now: I'm totally in love. We've seen each other every other weekend since our first date and I spent the holidays with him and his family. He's an amazing kisser and our first three dates involved just that, towards the end. Never in my life did I ever want to hold someone more than him. I can't describe how strong our bond that first month was-- tangible. And, bluntly, I loved feeling 'him' on me during those kissing sessions. Something I had never experienced nor a sentiment I had ever felt for anyone prior.

On our fourth date, which was towards the end of our first month together, I decided it was time. I told him that I was going to visit him and spend the night. So anxious, but ready for anything.

After a full day together, we went back to his apartment. I felt totally comfortable. We watched a little TV-- me on his one-seater and him on the bed. After 20 minutes he said, "honey, come watch it in bed with me." So anxious, but again yearning to be close. I layed down next to him and we began kissing and hugging each other. When he started to put his hand in my blouse, I got nervous...err, and said, that I needed to shower (yes, talk about killing the mood). He asked if he could join me, but I told him..."err, no! I'll be back. It'll be quick." I guess I needed a moment to myself, to collect my thoughts. Returned from the shower and he went in after. We resumed.

I won't go into details (we did oral and attempted sex but couldn't), but I will say this: it was incredible. Not just him and his patience with me (so attentive), but looking into his eyes and hearing him say I love you and saying it back to him and knowing we both meant it. It was just incredible. I hope to have more experiences like that in life, hopefully with him.

Our second physical encounter was not the greatest, I confess, mostly because I had caught a bug and was sick and then he caught it...le romance...not!

So we're three months into our relationship as of next week! Only two physical moments together. Valentine's Day weekend will be our third. Hoping to finally...do the deed. Just want to learn more about sexuality with him-- he has the patience and, well, sense of humor for it!

I've come a long way since my original post.

Keep going at it slowly. I find some surprising knowledge along the way. Nice to know you're more comfortable with yourself and being with him.

[Guest (?)]

there is no "one" unless your referring to the matrix

We all have people who have a place in our life, nothing is permanent, what you do with those people and what they do to you makes what will be

[Guest EGD]

Oh my god, Foodie.

I was so riveted reading thru this thread.

I do think you have been with this person quite awhile, but do realize that for certain [physical] things it could still be construed as "relatively early on" in some people's eyes.

I related a lot... just how much you value the other person, and being a bit of a "little things" romanticy type. *blushes and hopes makes sense*

I hope you find someone who realizes how lucky they are to meet you.

*hopes things are good, and sends hugs either way*

--EGD

[YP]

Foodie - I thought I'd chime in as I seem to be in a similar place to where you are now. I don't hang round here much, but popped in today because I need a bit of a headspill.

*may contain detail*

Until, erm, Sunday, I was a 30 year old virgin. In my early 20s I had a relationship with a guy but he was also a virgin and we couldn't quite get things in the right place as it were. I've never had a huge sex drive and wasn't particularly enthusiastic. He wasn't experienced or persistent enough to find the buttons that would turn me on, and the physical barriers got in the way somewhat. There was oral sex, but nothing more.

After that I had nearly 10 years without so much as a kiss. I put on a lot of weight in the first half of that decade and couldn't bear the thought of anyone seeing me. And I never had any desire so increasingly identified as asexual. I was comfortable with that, and didn't feel like I needed anything more.

When I first lost the weight (100lb) it took my brain a while to catch up. I was still conscious of my body, and I was still a long way from experiencing sexual desires. But after a couple of years I started to realise that there were men out there who I actually quite liked, one in particular.

That got me to a new stage of nervousness when I realised that at some point he would realise that I was 30 and had never had sex. I knew that I could at least part explain it by the weight thing, but the experiences I had with my ex made me rather nervous about the whole thing.

We flirted for a few months before anything happened. Then one night he kissed me and it felt good. Nothing more than that. We arranged to meet up the next week and I spent most of that time feeling physically sick about the prospect. I knew that I wanted him, but I didn't know what to expect, how he'd react or anything like that. I took the only approach I know and got drunk. Told myself that it was best to get it over with. Took him home.

He tried and failed. Possibly because he wasn't expecting what he found. At this point I had to come clean and hope that I hadn't messed up monumentally. But he was absolutely fantastic about it. Over the next couple of weeks he was patient and gentle and I let him go further and further each time. Then finally it felt right, and I told him I was ready.

Another failure, although slightly less of one. Getting closer. I think he could see how much it was hurting and pulled back, but we were getting there. I think there was a second failure in there too.

Then, finally, success. Again, it hurt like hell, but by this stage I really trusted him and he knew that he wanted it so he persisted. I probably felt more relief than enjoyment, but it was enough to whet my appetite.

And this morning it was fantastic. No pain, no fumbling, and pure enjoyment. I thought I might start to tolerate it, but enjoying it was a surprise. As was the fact that I seem to be getting bolder about initiating things, and parts of my imagination which have been dormant pretty much since birth are starting to wake up and come up with ideas about what I want to do with him.

The ironic thing is that having always thought I would wait for The One, I'm now less concerned if he isn't. I've started to think that if he can teach me to love myself and to be comfortable with a man, even if it doesn't last I'll be in a far better position to go back out there and find someone who makes me happy. And I'd rather regret having tried something than regret being too scared to do it.

Which isn't something I thought I'd ever say. But while I certainly identified as asexual for a long time, I always half wondered whether it wasn't the weight and maybe the hormones associated with the weight, rather than anything fundamental. I'm not sure I'll get, or even desperately need, an answer. Being single and independent for so long has made me who I am in a good way, but equally, what I need now is a bit of human contact and intimacy, and I'm comfortable with that.

Sorry to hijack your thread, but so much of what you have put struck a chord that it made sense rather than starting one of my own.

[foodie]

The prodigal avenite returns with another update! Thanks for all of the recent comments, folks! I'll reply to bits of them, but first the update.

First, I'm still with the same guy from my last post! Unfortunately, the month of February was a dreadful one for us. We're long-distance (3 hours away by train) and it was killing him to the point where he was withdrawing from our relationship. I can't explain it, but he felt 'far away' from me. I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Then, one night, while talking on the phone, I finally said... "what the hell is going on?"

He confessed that he loves me tremendously and cares for me, but that the distance was hurting him. "When we're together everything is perfect, but when we must part ways, it's unbearable. I've been distancing myself while you've been trying your darndest to keep things together. You're the most giving girlfriend I've ever had-- the most selfless."

The more he withdrew, the more effort I put in. Mind you, we didn't see each other at all in February. He said, "I can't be the boyfriend you deserve when I'm here and you're there." Mind you, again, at this stage, my mission was to find a job in his area...which is tough...during a recession...but that's a whole other story for another thread!

He suggested a break to ease tensions-- he was juggling a lot of things (moving, long work days, etc). I agreed- at least now I know where we stand, I thought at the time. We said we would continue to talk to each other over the phone, as per usual. He was rather emotional-- while wanting the break, he still didn't want to lose me and said, "I won't be dating. There's no one I'm interested in. L---."

Well, the next two weeks (in March) were good. We continued to talk as we usually did and I felt so close to him...maybe it was the fact that we didn't have any expectations while on this break. I went out on four dates with four different men-- all platonic.

One night, maybe two weeks after our break, while talking to him, he suddenly said, "L---, I can't believe I'm letting you slip through my fingers. I miss you terribly. I love you. I need to see you."

It didn't take much to convince me-- I love and care for him tremendously. So, he said he would come to see me that weekend...and so he did.

We had a wonderful afternoon. By midnight, we headed back to my place. While he was unpacking a few things, he stripped down to his boxer-briefs. "Hey, look, the ones that you bought me. How do you like them?"

I said something silly and he said, "Oh come here, you."

We hugged and I said, "I missed you so much." He said the same. I don't know what came over me. A sort of sudden rush of passion? We hugged and kissed each other hungrily. Then again, it had been an entire month since we last saw each other...

It was an incredibly passionate night-- and, no, I'm still a virgin. We did everything else and it was all extremely exciting. Well, after that ended, we cuddled the rest of the night and pillow-talked until 3am. Glorious. I love those tender moments so much.

"You were very passionate yesterday night" he told me when I was taking him to the train station. "Really? I just went with my feeling" I said.

Well, since that visit, we're back together as a couple and have seen each other again. The long distance is a pain, but we do see each other every other weekend for three days. I'm job-hunting relentlessly-- not only to be closer to him, but also because I've been whining about relocating to a new city since I graduated from university.

So, we shall see. Here's hoping for a good next few months-- relationship-wise, job-wise, and whatnot!

Major progress with intimacy. I'm feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin. I dare say, that's what I love most about him-- that he makes me feel comfortable and certain of myself.

[foodie]

In response to YP-- thanks for sharing a snippet of your story with me! It's always comforting to hear that there are others in similar circumstances.

At this point in time, I'm not sure if the current man of my life is the one for me! Maybe he is. Maybe he isn't. We're 6 months into our relationship.

If anything else, I'm learning a lot about myself through my time with him-- my strengths, my weaknesses, you name it. I particularly love the fact that I can explore my sexuality with him. I've also learned that I crave stability-- the type that is found within a relationship. Eventually, perhaps in the next four years, I'd also like to have (or, at least, begin) a family. So, there's that.

Let's see what life has in store these next few months (err, hopefully not a child, as I'm not ready for that just yet!)!

[sonofzeal]

Nothing in particular to add here, but I'm glad to hear you're doing well. :)

[AmoebaAlice]

I admire you for you optimism in all of this, you dont seem to be letting the negative side of these experiences effect your willingness to seek out something or someone positive.

I know how you feel though, about your first experience with anything physical or intimate being exactly the opposite of what you had thought it would be, I myself was pressured into things I didn't want, and was not ready to do. Angry at him on your behalf as well =P

Kinda sad for me though, because I greatly care about the person who pressured me, and he greatly cares about me as well, but even if I didn't think myself mostly asexual, I doubt I'd be able to trust him enough to keep control of himself to be able to try anything sexual with him. Just because of those first few experiences with him.

It's bad that I'd not be able to get past that, but at the same time, it's also just protecting myself from something worse.

--Mei

[foodie]

Thanks, sonofzeal!

I admire you for you optimism in all of this, you dont seem to be letting the negative side of these experiences effect your willingness to seek out something or someone positive.

I know how you feel though, about your first experience with anything physical or intimate being exactly the opposite of what you had thought it would be, I myself was pressured into things I didn't want, and was not ready to do. Angry at him on your behalf as well =P

Kinda sad for me though, because I greatly care about the person who pressured me, and he greatly cares about me as well, but even if I didn't think myself mostly asexual, I doubt I'd be able to trust him enough to keep control of himself to be able to try anything sexual with him. Just because of those first few experiences with him.

It's bad that I'd not be able to get past that, but at the same time, it's also just protecting myself from something worse.

--Mei

I'm definitely more optimistic than pessimistic. I keep reminding myself that I'm new to all of this and that each moment is a learning experience & building block.

It's a shame you felt pressured into things during your first time. Ugh, so many folks, it seems, have been through that sort of ordeal. It definitely sounds like you're in self-protect mode right now. Hope things change for the better for you, in terms of that.

I was in self-protect mode until last year-- another reason I'm a late-bloomer. I was always very shy and fearful of getting too close to a guy because I knew intimacy would crop up.

[red_brick_dream]

.

[Jazmin]

Nice to see that things are working out for you :)

[LimeTreeArbour]

i dont believe in "the one"

if there was only one person for you the odds are well against you ever meeting them - its probably more like the 1 (or less if asexual) per cent of people you are compatible with

its very dismissing to say there is only 1 person who is right for you

[AVENCakes]

i dont believe in "the one"

if there was only one person for you the odds are well against you ever meeting them - its probably more like the 1 (or less if asexual) per cent of people you are compatible with

its very dismissing to say there is only 1 person who is right for you

I dunno, it's still possible to find the one person who's perfect for you. If you take all the bits of compatibility, it's such a small percent that there might as well be only one person in your lifetime who's perfect. And maybe you never meet them- but some people do, and not meeting htem doesn't make them not exist.

[LimeTreeArbour]

i dont believe in "the one"

if there was only one person for you the odds are well against you ever meeting them - its probably more like the 1 (or less if asexual) per cent of people you are compatible with

its very dismissing to say there is only 1 person who is right for you

I dunno, it's still possible to find the one person who's perfect for you. If you take all the bits of compatibility, it's such a small percent that there might as well be only one person in your lifetime who's perfect. And maybe you never meet them- but some people do, and not meeting htem doesn't make them not exist.

the one as in youd only ever meet 1 in your life but there is probably more than that

[foodie]

The prodigal Avenite returns!

I began this thread when I was 24 and I am now 27...and no longer a virgin, and am extremely affectionate. It took 3 years, but I'm finally comfortable with being loved and physical affection. It was a long road to get to this point.

CONDENSED GRAPHIC DETAILS BELOW

I'm still in a relationship with the man from my previous post-- nearly a year since we began dating! Unfortunately, I won't be with him much longer as I will be breaking up with him, for reasons unrelated to intimacy. Although I'm extremely sad about having to move on (by this time next month, I will be breaking up with him), I have taken away so much from my time with him. I've learned so much about relationships, intimacy, affection, give-and-take, trust, comfort, and love in general. Not sure how he's going to take it-- this is going to be extremely tough for me and I know that he will be hurt (as he has told me many times that if he loses me, he'll be absolutely devastated). I'll always care for him, always, and he'll always hold a special spot in my heart as my first lover. The man who was patient with me and me comfortable with intimacy. This won't be an easy break-up by any stretch of the imagination- ugh.

In terms of the big picture, I guess this is sort of like that campfire rule-- as the older partner in the relationship, he has left me much better off than when we first began. I've matured so much-- emotionally and physically.

It took us 4-5 months to have actual sex because I was very tight (late-20's virgin and all that). When it finally happened, it wasn't painful. Unlike a lot of women my age who lost their virginity in their teens because of peer pressure and such, I lost mine to someone who actually cared, loved, and was patient enough with me to wait until the time was right. We have been making love since then (May) and each time it is wonderful. Fun, intense, romantic, comforting, loving.

Overall, life has been pretty good to me these past few months! For anyone out there, that's reading this and in the same boat I was in 2-3 years ago, don't worry, you're definitely not alone-- and things improve when you're positive!

It's funny because whenever I'm at a transitional/pivotal stage in my life, I always remember to provide an update on this thread! lol.

[SexualHubby]

Just curious- why when everything sounds so good with this guy are you breaking up?

[foodie]

Just curious- why when everything sounds so good with this guy are you breaking up?

Don't blame you for asking. We are extremely compatible-- emotionally, physically, interests, etc.

It's complicated. I learned, accidentally, completely by chance, without his knowing, that he hasn't been truthful about his profession and higher education-- we've been dating for almost a year now. He has talked of marriage and having a family with me-- when exactly does he plan on telling me this?! Ugh.

Oddly enough, his actual profession is a good one-- I've no idea why he would lie in the first place. I've been giving him opportunities to come clean and he hasn't--- for example, I've told him that I had a friend who broke up with someone because the person lied about his profession. I told him that if I were in a similar situation, I'd rather be told the truth...if someone loves and cares for another, why would they do that? It definitely hit a nerve, I think, and he had a golden opportunity to confess, but he didn't and tried to rationalized why someone would lie/exaggerate to begin with ('to impress'). Extremely sad-- I could tell it's something that he WANTS to tell me, but just can't because he's afraid of my reaction (breaking up with him or doubting his word).

Where there is no trust (even on a basic level), there is no relationship, I feel.

Other things-- he's 41 (I'm 27) and has two young children (whom he sees every other weekend) from a previous marriage. I want to have a family, but (and it pains me to write this) I just don't like the way his children are being raised! Completely different from how I how want to approach parenting. Materialistic, among other things. Because of his children (again, I'm not upset, it's a fact of his life!), we can't take vacations as a couple-- at least not until they are older. I'm 27-- I don't want to put my life on hold. I want to experience the world with a partner that isn't so financially and geographically strapped. I don't seek Richy Rich (I sure as hell am not wealthy myself!) but I want someone who has more freedom. For example, he has mentioned us going to Paris this summer with his children. Again, I adore his children, but I've never been to Europe and I want my first travel experiences there to be romantic ones-- not with him and a 10 year old and 5 year old. I'm not at that life chapter at the moment.

Really, I just want to share my life with someone-- I want my future spouse to be my best friend, lover, rock, adventuring partner, and father of my children. I'm hopeful that there's someone out there that's of the same mind.

[foodie]

Mildly graphic paragraph below--

In terms of intimacy, just to stay on topic with this forum, I love the fact that he is sexually adventurous and has a sense of humor about things (hey, you need one sometimes when you're dealing with a newbie in the world of physicality!). We engage in 2-4 positions at one time, during our intimate moments. It's all very loving and comfortable for us. He's encouraging. He initiates sometimes, I initiate sometimes-- most times, we're of the same mind and it's unclear (at least to me!) who it is. Sometimes it's slow and sensual, other times it's fast and done hungrily. It's all wonderful. Not a day goes by, practically. He's a wonderful lover.

[foodie]

I finally broke up with my boyfriend as of a few days ago. I procrastinated for the longest time, which I hate, but it's finally done. I've been feeling very lousy about all of this, but I know it's for the best. Ugh! I knew it would be tough to let go of my first love, but not this tough. I will miss the good times with him and hope that at some point we can speak to each other as friends.

So, back in the dating pool for me! I will take some time for myself-- do things I like, mingle with friends, make new friends-- that sort of stuff.

[NoMorePBJ]

I finally broke up with my boyfriend as of a few days ago. I procrastinated for the longest time, which I hate, but it's finally done. I've been feeling very lousy about all of this, but I know it's for the best. Ugh! I knew it would be tough to let go of my first love, but not this tough. I will miss the good times with him and hope that at some point we can speak to each other as friends.

So, back in the dating pool for me! I will take some time for myself-- do things I like, mingle with friends, make new friends-- that sort of stuff.

kudos for knowing what you need in a relationship, and making the difficult decision to free yourself to find an ideal Sig. Other.