Boyfriend only wants oral sex

[listentomyheart]

Hi Everyone. My boyfriend of nearly two years is a 27 year old virgin who only enjoys oral sex. For the majority of this relationship, he has stated that he is waiting for marriage. But just recently, he said, that he was afraid sex would hurt him and that he would not enjoy it. In a more recent conversation, he stated that he was not interested in sex at all. While he likes oral sex, he admitted that he never had a desire for it until his ex-girl friend introduced him to it. I myself am sexual but am not sure if I can handle the possibility of being with a person who will never wants to have intercourse.

I doesn't not know much about the female body or sexuality. When we engage in foreplay, my needs are hardly ever met (orally or by him manually stimulating me). He does not seem to have a big interest in learning how to satisfy me or intercourse...just oral sex. I don't believe he has ever heard of asexuality. He does however enjoy watching strippers and has a great interest in big butts. Can this relationship work? What can I do to accomodate him.

Any suggestions?? Is this normal or is he being selfish?

[TheBlueGreenie]

Why is this posted twice? What do we look like sex counselors? Why don't you ask him rather than asking a group of complete strangers?

[Brodertun]

That's a bit harsh evergreen, and this type of question is frequently asked by sexual partners.

I won't answer it because I'm not a sexual, nor am i in a relationship with one, but there are plenty of sexuals here who are in relationships with others and they can tell you all about their trials and tribulations.

As a newbie I assume she didn't understad about aven's organizations - i know in most of the larger threads I've participated it was not only acceptable to multiple post across threads but pretty much necessary if you wanted to reach most of the posters, as only one or two forums were ever visited.

[Hallucigenia]

listentomyheart, your boyfriend doesn't sound asexual - he sounds like a sexual who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to bother to please you.

Intercourse is only one kind of sex; if you desire sexual contact with other people, you're sexual. There are plenty of women out there who love nonpenetrative contact but don't really like intercourse much, as well as gay men who love nonpenetrative contact but don't really like anal sex (the gay equivalent of intercourse). I hadn't heard of a straight male with the same feelings, but anything's possible. These people are sexual, and there's nothing wrong with them.

However, sex, whatever kind of sex it is, takes place between two people! He's getting plenty of sexual satisfaction from you, so it's not really fair of him to refuse to give you any sexual satisfaction in return. :?

I'm afraid that after reading your post, the explanation that springs to my own mind is selfishness, but there are other reasons that a person might behave that way. Maybe he is underinformed about the female body (as, apparently, are you) and doesn't understand that you have sexual needs similar to his. Or maybe, as he says, he is afraid of some forms of sexual contact, for some unknown reason.

I'm not sure what to suggest. You're probably not going to find AVEN very useful, but feel free to stick around anyway if you happen to find asexuality interesting.

[ily]

However, sex, whatever kind of sex it is, takes place between two people! He's getting plenty of sexual satisfaction from you, so it's not really fair of him to refuse to give you any sexual satisfaction in return. :?

That's what I think, too. Your BF doesn't seem like any asexual I've ever heard of--it sounds like you two might just not be sexually compatible. (Although- you can always show him this site and see what comes of that.) If the rest of the relationship except for the sex is fantastic, it's definitely worth working on, and communicating that giving him oral sex without getting anything in return is just not fair. If you're quiet about it, he'll just assume you're fine with the arrangement.

If this is just one problem among many...well...I guess that's when you have to decide whether it's worth it. :shock:

[FISH']

So he's afraid of normal intercourse because it might hurt him, but a set of sharp teeth wrapped around his penis is fine and dandy?

[alucard]

So he's afraid of normal intercourse because it might hurt him, but a set of sharp teeth wrapped around his penis is fine and dandy?

*ROFL*

[thylacine]

"Why is this posted twice? What do we look like sex counselors? Why don't you ask him rather than asking a group of complete strangers?"

Oh come on, Evergreen... I'll bet some of the best advice came come from AVEN -- after all, sometimes it's best to see situations from the outside to see it with logic...

Honey, why do you feel you need to be with a person who isn't making you happy?

[Hallucigenia]

Honey, why do you feel you need to be with a person who isn't making you happy?

Well, let's not jump to conclusions - maybe he makes her happy in other ways besides sexually. We of all people should know about those. ;)

[Loki]

maybe talk to him about what's up with your feelings first if he makes comments that makes him look more and more selfish then its more likely to be the case?

[Kallan]

So he's afraid of normal intercourse because it might hurt him, but a set of sharp teeth wrapped around his penis is fine and dandy?

*ROFL*

I concur

[DMG]

I've posted this in your other thread, I'll pop it here to incase you're not viewing that anymore more.

Further to the point, it's almost sickening for people to be attacking this man without knowing him or his situation. Hypocrisy.

Rather than attack the man for no reason, I’ll try and give you a bit of advice.

You said he has mentioned that he is “afraid sex would hurt him”, have you asked him why he thinks this? There are numerous reasons why he might think this, and some conditions which would be in line with this thinking. Phimosis for example is a condition where the foreskin cannot be fully retracted I.e. it’s too tight. Frenulum breve is another condition in which the frenulum of the penis, which connects the penis glands to the foreskin, is short and restricts movement of the foreskin.

With masturbation and even oral sex, the movement of the foreskin can be controlled, penetrative sex can obviously cause concern for a person with either condition because of fear that it may tear.

It could be ejaculation problems, it could be delayed ejaculation, which can be treated by a sex therapist.

You’re best being open and straight with him, pass a few of those ideas by him, and tell him that whatever it is, if anything (he could be asexual after all) it’s nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

I hope it all works out for you guys.

[cijay]

Hi Everyone. My boyfriend of nearly two years is a 27 year old virgin who only enjoys oral sex. For the majority of this relationship, he has stated that he is waiting for marriage. But just recently, he said, that he was afraid sex would hurt him and that he would not enjoy it. In a more recent conversation, he stated that he was not interested in sex at all. While he likes oral sex, he admitted that he never had a desire for it until his ex-girl friend introduced him to it. I myself am sexual but am not sure if I can handle the possibility of being with a person who will never wants to have intercourse.

I doesn't not know much about the female body or sexuality. When we engage in foreplay, my needs are hardly ever met (orally or by him manually stimulating me). He does not seem to have a big interest in learning how to satisfy me or intercourse...just oral sex. I don't believe he has ever heard of asexuality. He does however enjoy watching strippers and has a great interest in big butts. Can this relationship work? What can I do to accomodate him.

Any suggestions?? Is this normal or is he being selfish?

I don't know what to make of your relationship but I know that it's a very common complaint. I hear more about the guy not caring what the girl wants

[Busrider]

I second DMG's POV.

Anyhow talking is the best cure for interpersonal problems. Keep in mind that relationships are a permanent compromize, so try to get your needs met too, in the long run.

[foodie]

he sounds like a sexual who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to bother to please you.

I agree wholeheartedly with you. He seems like a selfish guy.

[Haunter]

listentomyheart, your boyfriend doesn't sound asexual - he sounds like a sexual who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to bother to please you.

Intercourse is only one kind of sex; if you desire sexual contact with other people, you're sexual.

What about demi-asexuals or grey As? :o

[Hallucigenia]

listentomyheart, your boyfriend doesn't sound asexual - he sounds like a sexual who, for whatever reason, doesn't want to bother to please you.

Intercourse is only one kind of sex; if you desire sexual contact with other people, you're sexual.

What about demi-asexuals or grey As? :o

Demisexuals desire sexual contact with other people; just an extremely limited number of people.

I forgot about grey-As, you're right. (This is a post from more than a year ago! Aaaaaah! *falls down time capsule*) There are some people who desire sexual contact without experiencing sexual attraction.

Other than that, I stand by what I said a year ago, though. Wanting your partner to please you, and not wanting to bother giving them anything in return, isn't an "asexual" thing, it's a being bad in bed thing. Some such people are selfish, others could be squeamish about the other gender's body (though why they're having any kind of sex in that case is a mystery to me), and others are just uninformed and don't realize that what they're doing is frustrating and dumb.