When Going to the Gyn...

[Genetically_Dead]

I have been sexfree for 3 or 4 years and last year my exam really hurt me for several weeks. In my real life I am a extremely shy person and finds the whole process of being examined like this humilitating. It don't matter if the doctor is male or female other than the female not having 6 inch claws she calls nails. My question is should I tell him I am asexual and it hurts to be touched like that? :oops: I know I should know this as I'm 42 but I have zero to little interaction with other females and chatting about the gyn. Males are no help as most I know are sexual and many of them want to check out my organs themselves. :oops:

[Kelly]

I am more comfortable with female doctors, especially in intimate exams. But I usually do not relate that I am asexual unless it is pertinent, such as questions about sexual activity, or even with an endocrinologist when she asks if I have a "healthy sex life" or a healthy libido (because a negative answer there is supposed to indicate a problem :? ).

Asexual or not, doctors who unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt you there (or elsewhere) should be told that they should be more gentle.

(just my li'l ol opinion)

[Hallucigenia]

You should definitely tell your doctor if what they're doing hurts you, but I'm not sure if being asexual is really relevant. It might be better to say "I haven't had sex for three or four years, so it really hurts when you do that." Or even just "That hurts." The doctor shouldn't need a big long explanation to know that he or she should be gentler.

[Kelly]

It might be better to say "I haven't had sex for three or four years, so it really hurts when you do that." Or even just "That hurts." The doctor shouldn't need a big long explanation to know that he or she should be gentler.

As usual, Hallu's reply is right and right to the point. :)

[Genetically_Dead]

Thanks everyone. Tomorrow is my day of dread, I'll take my scriptures to read and calm me and hope that it will be over in a matter of a few moments.

[M51]

Good luck, girl. I dread them, too. I have actually started shaking uncontrollably in the office, and many times I have cried for an hour or so afterwards. I'm usually Ms. Tough Girl and people would laugh at me if they knew how freaked out I am by gyno appointments. You are not alone.

[Brodertun]

It shouldn't hurt you that bad. Once he/she sees you are "tight" down there, a good doctor will switch to a childsize scope, without your asking him/her to.

It will still hurt, but they should be able to get it open. If you hurt for three weeks afterward it sounds like the doctor was forcing the adult size scope open in you which should never happen. Thats a doctor you don't want to go back to.

But if you have to, just tell them when you walk in that you need them to use the childsize scope because the adult size one causes you alot of pain

[mindlife]

I dislike them.

Intensely.

[cijay]

There is no reason for you to have to tell your doctor that you are asexual, not even in reference to your sexual activity or lack thereof. Asexuality isn't relevant to the internal exam at all.

[Genetically_Dead]

Praise be, it's over and it wasn't that bad! The man is a christian. :D

[Kelly]

Yay! :)

[Wicked Freemartin]

Try taking an over-the-counter painkiller with a muscle relaxant about half an hour before your appointment (doesn't mean the appointment will be pain-free, but it may help). I agree with others that telling the doctor you're asexual to explain why you find the exam uncomfortable may just lead to problems (if he/she is unfamiliar with the term). I'm sure telling him/her that "It hurts when you do that" might go over better--I'm sure asexuals aren't the only people who find those exams painful and the doctor will have heard this before.

-Wicked

[thylacine]

Lookit, just because you are asexual does not mean it should hurt going to the doctor. Not if the doctor knows what he / she is doing... !!!

It's not fun, but you should go to see a doctor regularly -- anyone can get cancer. Even the cleanest, most wholesome people can get cancer. Cancer can just happen.

[Lehcar]

Um....I hope you don't mind GD ;), but I'm hijacking your thread to ask another gyno-related question.

Why bother going in the first place? I can see no sense in putting yourself through that on a yearly basis. thylacine mentioned getting checked for cancer, but is that the only reason? Is the off-chance that you MIGHT get it really worth it?

Anyway, thought I'd ask, 'cause I don't relish having the conversation with my mum or sis. :P

[bard of aven]

OK, I'm a guy, so what do I know?

But the nurse at the women's clinic we went to on a field trip in the sexuality ed class I co-teach said an interesting thing about this when one of the girls in the class asked a question on this topic. The nurse said that if the if the doctor causes you pain during the examination, you should tell him/her immediately, and if the doctor cannot examine you without causing pain, you should find a new doctor who knows what they are doing. And the (female) general practitioner on the teaching team agreed: according to both, for the vast majority of patients, a competent practitioner should be able to complete the exam without causing the patient pain.

boa

[Genetically_Dead]

Um....I hope you don't mind GD ;), but I'm hijacking your thread to ask another gyno-related question.

Why bother going in the first place? I can see no sense in putting yourself through that on a yearly basis. thylacine mentioned getting checked for cancer, but is that the only reason? Is the off-chance that you MIGHT get it really worth it?

Anyway, thought I'd ask, 'cause I don't relish having the conversation with my mum or sis. :P

Actually I have to go back in August for a follow up exam and more testing as my Pap Smear came back with the results of being Atypical.

So being Asexual doesn't stop you from getting Atypical test results. :cry:

It's kind of scary but the nurse told me that the results doesn't mean that I may have Cancer just that some of the cells were Atypical and I need another exam in a few months.

[FISH']

Okay, now I'm worried. I have to go to the doctor to get 'checked on' because I've just explained to my mother a few pains I've been having in that general area. I suppose it's for the best that I get it checked out, but I'm sure everyone here can relate to how awkward that will be. I mean, it's my stuff. I'm horribly, disgustingly, INSANELY ticklish, and plus I'm not too good at shaving sensitive places.

EDIT: I don't think it's a gyno exam, but it will take place down there.

[Genetically_Dead]

Shaving isn't too hard to do I have hot waxed and I will be honest I would rather shave. I don't use the organs for sex but I have shaved so long down there that I just think it is cleaner and nicer to not have public hair.

[cijay]

OK, I'm a guy, so what do I know?

But the nurse at the women's clinic we went to on a field trip in the sexuality ed class I co-teach said an interesting thing about this when one of the girls in the class asked a question on this topic. The nurse said that if the if the doctor causes you pain during the examination, you should tell him/her immediately, and if the doctor cannot examine you without causing pain, you should find a new doctor who knows what they are doing. And the (female) general practitioner on the teaching team agreed: according to both, for the vast majority of patients, a competent practitioner should be able to complete the exam without causing the patient pain.

boa

I don't know if I would back that. I think it's going to hurt. Some will be able to get it done without excrutiating pain but I mean they're putting a cold metal instrument into an area that was not designed for it and stretching it. That is going to hurt. It's like dental work. There are some good dentists and some bad ones but nobody is going to be able to pull a tooth (without freezing) and not cause the patient discomfort.

Shaving isn't too hard to do I have hot waxed and I will be honest I would rather shave. I don't use the organs for sex but I have shaved so long down there that I just think it is cleaner and nicer to not have public hair.

Actually, the pubes are to keep it clean, same reason you have nasal and ear hair. Waxing/shaving are for aesthetics only. As long as you keep the pubes clean, the genitals will take care of themselves.

[Rikusephirosu]

Im never ever letting anyone down there.. Everytime my father is driving me somewhere and we pass the GYN place I cringe in disgust.. I dislike anyone touching me or even being that close. I guess it comes from being highly antisocial and my past. But honestly.. Currently Im 15 but when I am forced to go, Im telling them right away Im asexual, so Im not bothered with "how is your sex life? having sex?" etc etc. Its bad enough I have to let them near my chest area..I dont see why I have to go. You can check your breast on your own. The self checking exam.. And if they needed my blood test they can go to my regular doctor for that. :oops: With that said and done.. I dont need to see them for anything! To be honest any other virgin asexual shouldnt have to either..Even the ones who stopped having sex for a long period of time. :(

[AliceInWonderland]

Hello.

I'm sexual, but my husband is asexual, and I find it to be extremely painful to have the speculum exam also. Last year, I had an abdominal hysterectomy because of fibroids. At my six week checkup, the dr. did the exam with the speculum and it was very painful! So, I told her it was. She said that it was because I hadn't had sex in six weeks. (Of course it had been longer than that, but I didn't mention that). Anyway, at my next visit which was the yearly, I saw the physician's asst. and told her before the exam that I wanted her to be gentle during the exam because I hadn't had sex and that the dr. told me at my six week visit that sex makes a difference. So, the phys. asst. said, "Yes, it certainly does make a difference". So, I found the exam to be much more tolerable because of that. She never asked me why I had not had sex. Once, I even yelled when the dr. inserted the speculum for uterine biopsy and told her, "Ouw! That hurts!" I hope her other patients heard me. I was having the biopsy for a reason - because of problems downstairs. Also, I have told gynecologists in the past to use a pediatric speculum. Everytime I have asked them, they have used the pediatric speculum without questioning me. I'm sure they know I'm married because it's on my records, so I don't know if they take that into consideration or not. So, basically, it seems like you could just tell them you haven't had sex and that you heard that it makes a difference during the gynecological exam and to be gentle during the exam, or maybe just ask them to use a pediatric speculum. For years, I was ashamed to tell gyns about my sex life, but please don't feel that way if you have any problems because it's not good for your health. I think I might have been able to avoid a hysterectomy if I had been going to the gyn. regularly, but I could be wrong.

I don't think it should ever hurt for weeks afterwards. Well, I don't think it should ever hurt at all, and you need to let them know that. Perhaps that it hurt for so long could be attributed to whatever caused the atypical problem. When I would have my exam, I'd hurt to the point where I felt like I was going to pass out during the exam - I'd see stars, but the pain was tolerable afterwards and didn't hurt for more than a few hours at most, but that was before I knew what to tell them. Now, I tell them I haven't had sex or to use the ped. spec. Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.

I'm glad you made it back okay.

[Genetically_Dead]

Thanks AliceInWonderland. I think my Gyne finally figured out I was asexual or non-sexual, whatever the case may be. At my last exam and re-testing in August he call the nurse out of the exam room and sent in another to take my readings. The first nurse told me that I needed to have a pregnancy test as I had skipped two periods. I simply said 'No'. Then she implied I made a mistake on my dates like I didn't know June from July. I repeated my June date to her. That is when the doctor called her from the exam room and sent in another to take down my weight and ask the questions. The second one just wrote on my chart my last period and did not say anything about my having a pregnancy test. Also the doctor was very gentle with me and though the exam was a little painful I rested the next day and was fine after that.

[AliceInWonderland]

Hello.

You're welcome and thank you. I just thought of more to write as well. If you're concerned that they might ask why you haven't had sex, here are some reasons that I have thought of over the past day or two. You could tell them:

1. I broke up with my boyfriend/significant other

2. My boyfriend/significant other is working overseas (or something to that effect)

3. I'm a nun

4. I'm currently celibate for my belief system (because it shouldn't matter to them if you're celibate or asexual)

Also, here are some things (other than not having sex) that can cause painful gynecological exams (when speculum is inserted in vagina):

1. diarrhea (my gynecologist's nurse told me that)

2. anemia (my gynecologist told me that anemia makes the mucous membranes thinner, so that could make having the speculum in you more painful)

3. If you have fibroids and they're sitting and pressing on the cervix, it could displace the cervix and make the exams painful (according to my gynecologist)

I'm sure there are other reasons, so it doesn't always have to be because of not having had sex.

If it were me though, I'd probably do anything to avoid the conversation if I wasn't ready to tell them my situation and just ask them to use the pediatric speculum - anything to avoid them looking at me like I'm from Jupiter if that's what I thought they were going to do. Just because I'm not having sex doesn't mean I don't need to have exams. It's almost like they make assumptions about that when they do the exams. The only reason why I can think as to why they aren't gentle WITH EVERYONE and this is only speculation because I've never heard this before is maybe because it's faster and easier for them to not be gentle? I don't know. I mean, there must be a reason, but I'm one of the ones who insofar has been too shy to ask, and they're usually in and out of the examining room so quickly that I don't think I'd have much of a chance to ask even if I was not shy.

Also, there's always the option of second opinions. You could make note of what you didn't like about the first opinion and make sure you address those issues with your second opinion at the very start so they don't happen with the second opinion. If you don't like the second opinion, maybe you could go to a third opinion. Also, there are now websites that rate MDs. Go to one of them and see how your current or potential doctors are rated and add your own opinion if you like and let them know if the speculum exam was gentle enough for you.

I'm glad your last exam went okay and that you flat out told them, "no" to the pregnancy test and repeated the June date. It sounds like you were very straight forward with them. Good for you! Hopefully, you made things a little bit better for the rest us.

Take care.

[Genetically_Dead]

Hello.

You're welcome and thank you. I just thought of more to write as well. If you're concerned that they might ask why you haven't had sex, here are some reasons that I have thought of over the past day or two. You could tell them:

I don't have a need to tell them anything of my sexlife or lack there of, however I think that my depression therapist may have informed the doctor that I quit sex several years ago and that Dennis and I have separate bedrooms. I think it was just one specialist speaking to another to insure proper care of a patient.

I'm glad your last exam went okay and that you flat out told them, "no" to the pregnancy test and repeated the June date. It sounds like you were very straight forward with them. Good for you! Hopefully, you made things a little bit better for the rest us.

Take care.

If asexuals are going to be accepted and treated properly then we are going to have to be truthful and if the medical establishment think we have mental problems so be it, the gays and lesbians were at one time thought to be mentally ill and now we know that all people have different orientations and that's just apart of the human condition.

[thylacine]

That is right. In fact, once upon a time, gay people were actually locked away in mental asylums for being gay. It was thought of as insanity.

[Lookingman]

Hello.

You're welcome and thank you. I just thought of more to write as well. If you're concerned that they might ask why you haven't had sex, here are some reasons that I have thought of over the past day or two. You could tell them:

1. I broke up with my boyfriend/significant other

2. My boyfriend/significant other is working overseas (or something to that effect)

3. I'm a nun

4. I'm currently celibate for my belief system (because it shouldn't matter to them if you're celibate or asexual)

I can think of even more:

1. I don't have a boyfriend;

2. I am lesbian;

3. I am single;

4. I don't like sex;

5. My boyfriend/spouse does not like sex;

6. My boyfriend/spouse & I have separate beds;

7. My boyfriend/spouse is impotent;

8. I am meno-paused;

9. I lost interest in sex after menopause;

10. I am through with breeding/having kids.

Most importantly, one should be able to just tell the truth. Nothing wrong with not the sex act. Even though most of us prefer to be private and to not tell the world that we don't have sex---we don't have to be ashamed. Especially, we ought to be able to tell our doctor what we do/don't do---without shame. Perhaps the ones who should be ashamed are those who require viagra and astro-glide as aids since they are beyond the age that nature intended for them to be trying to breed.

[lux]

It is a very good post,mmm the gyn frightens me,Last monday I went to her,she is a woman,before I went to another woman very rude,I go nowadays to another woman but she is as rude as the first,she asked me if I have sex relations,I answered "no",so she tried to insert an ultrasound bar in my anal place..¡¡¡it was a terrible pain !!! :cry: ,I told her that I have haemorrhoids,and they hurt me so much,so she let to do it.She only tried to do a ultrasound over my belly and touched my breasts,uffff,It was a terrible experience,could you advise me for the next time?,what can I do to avoid this terrible test?,I have pain today since last monday,I think that this zone of my body is hurt,I am putting a special cream for haemorrhoids,I was been operated for twice times,and I have very sensitive this zone of my body,definitely the gyns are horrible. at less the two doctors women who I went,I was thinking to change.

By the way, I 've never listen about the pediatric specul,could you tell me in what consist?.Thank you for your advices and your answers.

[Endurance]

A speculum is the metal instument inserted into the vagina and then braced open. It allows the doctor to see the cervix clearly and do any tests needed.

A pediatric speculum is just the same instrument made smaller. It is used for children, teens, and anyone small. It's a little harder to get a good look at the cervix, but it's less uncomfortable.

I've been agonizing over going to get a check-up because I am so nervous about the gyn exam. I think most women hate it anyways, but I ESPECIALLY hate it, I think because my first gyn exam was as part of an after-rape evidence gathering.

I am averaging about 7 years between exams (and check-ups). I am upset with myself for being so irrational, but I don't seem to be able to shake it yet.

I do know that getting a regular Pap smear is very important, even if you are monagamous or not sexually active. Even nuns can get cervical cancer! (Just not as often).

Endurance