When did you realize you were ace ?

[Since]

April 4... as in 6 days ago. 

 

I realized a few months ago that I was sex-repulsed and at that point started to consider searching the term 'asexual' (idk whether I'd heard the term before somewhere or just thought of it. I probably saw it somewhere but I didn't know what it meant). When I first read the definition of asexuality, I was shocked at how much it fit my experience, and things kind of naturally fell into place from there..

 

Overall, I'd say the adjustment process was pretty quick 🤣 I guess bc it literally describes how I've always been. 

[Typhoon]

I realised that I was ace when I was 25. Before that I knew I was something but didn't know what.

[steel_quill]

First heard the term from an ace friend when I was 14 and felt vaguely like it fit. Brushed it off for several years.

 

Started questioning in college. Really questioned when I was 21 and friends were talking about how amazing sex would be and fantasizing about Mr. Right -- while I felt squelchy-sloshy 🤢 inside and emphatically told them I'd rather have mac&cheese.

 

Wrote three novel manuscripts when I was 22. Spotted Freudian slips while revising those manuscripts -- stuff like how life would be much better if people could perform binary fission for reproduction and horizontal gene transfer for genetic diversity like the bacteria do instead of having to go through the messy and sorta gross process we have now. Realized if friends saw those parts of the manuscript, friends would think I was crazy. Heart went da-dump. Mind went OMG. Tried to brush it off some more...unsuccessfully.

 

Finally realized now, at the age of 23.

 

Joined AVEN on Apr. 6, which turned out to be (unbeknownst to me at the time) International Asexual Day.

 

My life is an indescribably strange collage of inconceivable coincidences.

[NoButterfly]

Just over half a year ago. I’m 37. Best realization ever 😁

[JordanT]

Figured it out mid way though college (20 or 21). I always knew I wasn't particularly interested in sex with other people but I didn't know what ace was and just thought I was weird.

[previously known as aroace]

15/16 when I learned the word

 

I dont know when I learned aromantic, but at the time I did not know of the split attraction model either.

[Karret]

I knew I was "the opposite of bi" for several years before I was told about the term asexual, but idk a specific time.... Maybe when I was about 12 ish is when I first picked up on the fact that everyone else was into dating each other and I was just not about that life. Didn't find the term asexual until I was like 19 though. XP

[mercaesan]

I was 19 when I first heard of asexuality and thought, maybe that's me but I'm probably just a late bloomer. Then at 20, a year later, decided that I consider myself an adult and was more comfortable admitting to myself that I'm indeed asexual. Which was quite freeing, I'd say!

 

But I had noticed I was different from most of my peers starting about age 14, so if I'd both known about asexuality and been more self-confident, I might have figured it out much earlier. For a long time I thought I was way behind everyone else, and it wasn't until 20 when it dawned on me that other people I knew weren't waiting to finally figure out if they're straight or gay or bi, and I was just in limbo until I felt attraction to someone.

[hudsonvalley76]

In junior high. People were starting to date and I was wishing everyone could stay virgins. 

[WhiteCatandcherries]

I was 23 when I started to think I might be asexual (before then I thought I was bisexual - based on the fact that I had had crushes on both genders. I simply didn't realize that there needed to be a sexual element for me to be biSEXUAL - you can laugh).. It's only recently (I'm 24) that I have become really sure in my identity. What held me back was basically that I couldn't wrap my head around what sexual attraction was. I now have a better grasp on what it is and that I don't feel it. 

[wordforger]

I was in my early 20s when I started to suspect, 23 when I truly accepted the label for myself. 

 

When I was in college, I was basically the only person in my dorm who had never had a boyfriend before nor been interested in it. My date for High School prom went with me because we made a promise in Freshman year that if neither of use had a date we'd go together as friends.  We went to the Drama Club Banquet in the same manner.  When everyone talked about their crushes, I'd always thought they were exaggerating or playing into media stereotypes.  I'm not sure where I heard the term 'asexuality' first.  Maybe it was brought up on one of the livejournal communities I was frequenting at the time.  Maybe I looked it up.  I don't really remember.  I was still "sure" I must be some form of straight for a time after I heard it, though.  I mean, I'd always maintained I was just going to wait to date until I was 23... 

 

Then 23 rolled around, I had a chance to try and pursue someone... and I didn't want to.  After about five minutes of standing back and thinking about it, I just knew that's how I was.  There was no getting around it. 

[npmac1995]

I was 25 when I finally realized that wanting to procrastinate figuring our my sexuality might mean I just didn't have one. 😅

[NekoRain]

It was a looooooooooooong time ago so I don't remember most details, but I do remember the summary of it. I was 11 and trying to figure out my gender identity, and at the same time I learned about different kinds of orientations. I'm not sure where I first heard the term asexual specifically, but it was definitely online. I related a looooot to what I was learning, and super quickly came to the conclusion I was asexual. The aromantic sepc part didn't happen at the same time tho, it happened yeaaaars later. When I learned I was asexual I thought it was the coolest shit as an 11 year old lol.

[TheSmolFoxWeeb]

I figure it out when I was 13. I am now 14, not much older.

[ChipmunksBeCute]

At 14:  Too young for sex and it would be irresponsible

At 16:  Focused on school and still too young

At 19:  College studies and haven't met the right person

At 22:  I am a broken heternormative male

At 25:  Discovered asexuality was a thing and aromanticism.  Instant relief and validation.  I am not broken.

At 35:  I am a heterodemiromantic asexual

[KatDeLacey]

Technically earlier this year, since I would have described myself as demi before that but didn't really understand the full nuance of the word or the ace spectrum.

[Geekykitty]

I guess I first started to consciously feel I was different to others when I was 15 and had my first boyfriend. I quickly realised that I just wasn't at all interested in kissing or touching and started thinking there was something wrong with me. I would see sex scenes on tv and I just thought it seemed gross and I felt that was something I never wanted to do. I never dated after that and just went through life hardly even thinking about sex. It wasn't till my late 20s that I started to think about sex a bit more and actually not mind watching some sex scenes and creating fantasies in my mind. I thought maybe I was becoming "normal" finally and being interested in sex. But the idea of having sex with someone in real life still didn't appeal to me.

I only heard the term "asexuality" a couple of years ago when I was 35. I was actually very relieved and happy to learn that so many other people were similar to me and also not interested in having sex. For so many years before that I thought I was the only one and that I was broken somehow. 😥

[Aye]

I think I heard the term a couple of years ago, only started to question my sexuality recently because my friends talk about sex and crushes and stuff and I was like -no

so I'm pretty sure I'm ace at 13 

[BunnyBunBun]

I didn't even know what Ace was until the Rona hit. I was seeing someone just before then and we tired to, but I stopped him. So I was in HS in the 2010s and I would date different guys they always wanted to hug and kiss etc but I was so uncomfortable the entire time I tired to kiss and my body would recoil and this was at a time I didn't know anything about lgbtq plus, all I knew was gay and straight and that was it. I tried to be this sexual being in High School sending nudes to random guys just seeking their approval which eventually got me into trouble as I was 14 and the photos got leaked to the entire school.  Anyway cut ahead to when I became an adult, I tried to kiss a few different dudes and it just didn't feel right I kept trying to push myself to have sex and I don't know how to describe it really. I just really wasn't interested. And this took a toll on all my relationships, as the guys thought I didn't like them which now I probably didn't. I told them I didn't believe in public displays of affection, and to not hold or touch me in anyway.  It wasn't until I broke up and cut everyone out of my life that I realized I was Ace, and that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for this damn virus. 

[AltairNox]

I was around 23. I had always thought maybe I was just a late bloomer… but then I met another ace at a party and was introduced to the concept. Then years later - or last summer - I met another ace and we’ve become really good friends, she was the one who told me about this community! 
She’s a couple of years younger than me, and have known she’s ace for a while now - but I’m the first ace she’s ever met, which was quite a cute experience for us both 😊❤️

[Aye]

On 5/4/2022 at 7:39 PM, AltairNox said:

I was around 23. I had always thought maybe I was just a late bloomer… but then I met another ace at a party and was introduced to the concept. Then years later - or last summer - I met another ace and we’ve become really good friends, she was the one who told me about this community! 
She’s a couple of years younger than me, and have known she’s ace for a while now - but I’m the first ace she’s ever met, which was quite a cute experience for us both 😊❤️

That's so cute

[Diana Swords]

On 4/15/2022 at 6:39 PM, hudsonvalley76 said:

In junior high. People were starting to date and I was wishing everyone could stay virgins. 

Haha, I kinda have a fetish for virgins. I also like the phrase 'pure culture'. And when I was at school I read a line from a poet "Why would we love, why would we suffer, since all the ways lead to a bed". I thought why everything is reduced to sex, it's so inefficient and boring. Was feeling ace since teenage years. ) 

[hudsonvalley76]

20 hours ago, Diana Swords said:

Haha, I kinda have a fetish for virgins. I also like the phrase 'pure culture'. And when I was at school I read a line from a poet "Why would we love, why would we suffer, since all the ways lead to a bed". I thought why everything is reduced to sex, it's so inefficient and boring. Was feeling ace since teenage years. ) 

Please don't respond to my posts.

[alto]

I started suspecting when I was around seventeen, and confirmed it at eighteen.

[AlsoKnownAs]

About a year ago, when a friend suggested it and I looked into and was, "well, that makes sense."

AKA

[estherann]

I found AVEN aged about 19 when my not wanting to have sex was a factor in the breakup of a relationship. I was on the verge of identifying as ace when I got together with someone else who was much less pushy about sex. Over the years we had sex that was a mixture of kind of nice, ok, and awful and I went back to defining as bi. When sex got to being mostly awful (largely due to physical pain) I stopped doing it. He always said I didn't have to do anything I didn't want so that seemed fine to me as a solution. Eventually (like two years later, after splitting up (ish) for other reasons) he told me going without it was in fact a problem for him, which I hadn't realised. I decided I wasn't willing to have sex again. Wound up back here at 34. Feels comfy.

 

I've had sex with women that was a lot less painful, frightening and traumatic, so for a while I identified as a lesbian. However I feel no particular enthusiasm for doing it again.

 

I don't think I get sexual attraction, although I experience wanting to be physically close to people I deeply care about. I don't see what's wrong with hugging as a solution to this.

[alexmk]

On 4/10/2022 at 8:39 AM, Lord Revan said:

When did you first find out that you were ace. I was 13.

About 20 years ago, around the time I first got into a relationship (I was 17). That’s when the realization started, anyway. But because of huge societal pressure  to be in relationships I gave them a try a few more times over the years before officially realizing for myself that that wasn’t what I wanted. I first came out as ace about 12 years ago, and promptly had someone tell me I wasn’t ace and they could change me. So, that was a thing that happened I guess. Anyway, they didn’t change me. 

[Sally]

For those of us who are now old(er), we didn't know we were asexual until we heard about asexuality, and for me, that was about 18 years ago.  We just thought we were weird.  

[ace.cyborg]

I didn't realize until I was sixteen or seventeen. Some mix of comp het and me feeling like I was too young to date blinded me to the realization that most people actually feel attracted to other people

[caracal]

I didn't know the term when i was younger.but thinking back since i was a teen although i thought i was normal because i didn't know about it .i knew something was off but it wasn't obvious yet