3 Reasons You're Proud to Be Ace

[Since]

I realized I was ace like 4 days ago, but I've found that it's already impacted me a lot. Reading and being able to relate to other people's posts as well as reflecting on my own past and preferences has allowed me to gain a better understanding of myself. Even though it's only been a few days, it's already become a big part of my identity. I thought it would be interesting to reflect on the things I love about being ace, and also to hear from other people about what you value/relate to most about being ace. I would love to hear your thoughts! 

 

1) I'm proud to be part of a community. It's really exciting to feel that you're not alone and to feel part of a community -- having a place where I can be myself and other people won't judge me, and where I can actually find people who feel the same way. I didn't even realize all the ways being different affected me -- I've never really felt comfortable talking about issues of sexuality, and I often feel like I get put in a box because of how I am. Since realizing that there's a community where I can safely learn more about my asexuality and talk about popular culture without sounding weird, I've become more open and confident about who I am. 

 

2) I'm proud to be part of a community that welcomes and includes people on the 'outside.' I think there's always a temptation to define a community through a sense of inclusion/exclusion, but for me respecting other communities should always go hand in hand with care for one's own. So for me, the fact that AVEN encourages respect towards people who are ace, but also people who identify as sexual, and gives sexual people a voice on the platform is really important. I think it is really important for fostering mutual understanding and spreading awareness, but it also makes me more inclined to embrace an ace identity.

 

3) I think it's cool. I feel like I have a way to explain my asexuality without saying I am a virgin/celibate/weird/religious/naively-childlike. Also I personally think the acronym 'ace' sounds pretty cool 😀  I like the fact that it's fluid -- there are a lot of different ways to be ace and there are different ways to relate asexuality (am I allowed to say ace-ness?) to other identities (you could be ace and queer or ace and romantic). And it's just cool to know there's a word to describe exactly how you feel! 

[ThunderStorm13]

1. Realizing I'm ace led to me getting to know myself better. I never took much time for self-exploration until I looked around and realized I was relating to my peers less and less. I didn't know why I was different, I just thought I was broken. Stumbling across asexuality and then later identifying as ace has been a huge relief.

2. Being part of such a diverse community has finally made me let go of all of the things that were drilled into me as a child, like homophobia and transphobia. I'm now able to think for myself and see everyone as equal. Before I did much research on asexuality, I immediately dismissed it as something that couldn't be possible, or something that was "wrong," much like my initial reactions to everything other than a heterosexual relationship. I never really had an opportunity to realize that being anything other than "normal" was a possibility. Basically, living in a conservative Christian family has messed me up, but now I'm thinking for myself instead of repeating what I was taught.

3. Our flag looks really cool! Also my cat kind of looks like our flag. Maybe I should get him a purple bow tie?

[Monke Jimmy]

1. It's very educational. I've learned a lot from reading and relating to people on AVEN and in real life. 

2. Being able to find a bit of community. I don't get a lot of opportunities like that. I'm surprised I didn't get bored of it 3 months ago. 

3. Peace of mind knowing that I know what I do and do not want to do regarding love, and making educated decisions. 

[a little annihilation]

1. Blatt is cool

2. Blatt is ace

3. Blatt is a cool ace

[gwennol]

1. i get to wear a cool ring!
2. the flag has purple on it!!
3. also like self-acceptance and identity and comfort or whatever...... but PURPLE

[Blue eyes white dragon]

I struggle with feeling proud tbh cuz I feel like I'm not supposed to be proud of anything and draw attention to myself 

[notafigmentofurimagination]

1. The memes/jokes/puns are endless and I can share them with my friends

2. We have garlic bread

3. We got a cool flag and a cool ring that sends telepathic messages to other aces saying "hey you're not alone here"

[SorryNotSorry]

1. No silly competition for the most sexual contacts.

2. Little to no risk of STDs (the human papilloma virus is pretty scary).

3. No chance of being hit with a paternity suit.

[Artemis42]

1. All the self-discovery that came from exploring my (a)sexuality. I now have more precise terminology to describe what I experience, and I have a stronger idea of what I desire from relationships, and what I might and might not be okay with doing in one. 
2. Being ace is part of my sense of self. I better understand what I do and don’t feel, and it gives me a sense of agency over myself. I’m also more in touch with my romantic side which has brought me joy. 
3. The unique perspective it gives me. It influences how I see the world and move through it, similarly to how my disability does. 
Overall, realizing I’m ace led me to understanding myself on a whole new level, which makes me feel strong and capable. I have very positive associations with this part of my identity.

2 hours ago, gwennol said:

1. i get to wear a cool ring!
2. the flag has purple on it!!
3. also like self-acceptance and identity and comfort or whatever...... but PURPLE

I agree about the purple 

[Shoro]

I’m very proud to be Ace 😊 I think that being asexual makes it easier to appreciate all the non sexual parts of a relationship. 

[Bozi]

1. Great Community 

2. Knowing that I don’t have anything wrong with me

3. Plastering the flag everywhere  

[UsiresAedon]

1. Being ace allows me to focus on and appreciate the non-sexual aspects of my relationship with my partner.

2. Being ace allows me to view women as individuals rather than sources of sexual pleasure.

 

3. Being ace allows me to focus on myself in ways that allos would normally struggle with; for example I don't have to invest as much time and effort into competing for a sexual partner and can therefor utilize that time in more constructive ways.

[everywhere and nowhere]

I don't mind things such as "coolness". I don't even want to be "cool", because I view it negatively: I'm an anti-trendy person, even an open trend-hater (the Idea of Trendy: you should dress like this, do this or that - because someone had such an idea, someone who doesn't even know you and has no idea about your personality. Isn't it absurd?), and also... given its etymology, "cool" connotes things like indifference, not showing emotions, and these are values I reject. I'm very much "pro-intensity", I value a passionate approach to life, and it's irreconsilable with being "cool".

But there are obviously things I value:

1. I'm proud to have developed critical thinking about sexuality. I perceive asexuality as an important factor in having done so. And it's important, given how many myths about sex we encounter. They may have a different "tone": some have at least an undertone of conservatism (such as only recognising some sexual activities as "sex" and others only as "foreplay", "not yet sex", "not really sex", "lesbians technically don't have sex" - yes, I have seen such a statement) and some are blindly sex-positive and refuse to recognise that not everybody has sex, not everybody desires sex, not everybody enjoys sex and/or any kind of not necessarily partnered sexual sensations, but they are all harmful because they (attempt to) push people to make decisions about sex based on something other than personal preference. They can even prevent people from realising their preferences, at least for a time - by making them believe that all people, basically, feel the same about sex and suppressing their sense that maybe these assumptions don't apply to them.

2. I'm proud to accept my sex and nudity aversion and to have no sex. Given how sex aversion and nudity aversion are pathologised in an almost exceptionless way, how individuals are almost never "allowed" to accept sex aversion and refuse to "treat" it, I am proud to have rejected such views and accepted my sex aversion. Accepting my sex aversion is, basically, a refusal to inflict trauma on myself. I also have developed sex-negative views - not in the sense that "sex is bad", but rather as a recognition that sex is an area deeply entangled in sociocultural inequalities, and that most people refuse to even acknowledge it - which, combined with sex normativity, makes sex into an area with high risk of coercion. Think, for example, how people have problems with finding relationships even if they just need several months to become comfortable with sex, or how nowadays you can easily be shamed for not accepting casual sex. Altogether, I'm sex-averse because of my nudity aversion and because of generally finding sex disgusting, but my recognition of the way it's combined with sociocultural pressure even more strongly makes me want nothing to do with it.

3. I'm proud to be able to help others within this community. I'm not a sociable person (but perhaps having a constant online outlet is indeed a factor in letting me feel good with so little interpersonal contanct in day-to-day life), so I would say that I value this community in a different way. Not so much the "sense of belonging". Long before I had even heard about asexuality, I already felt that I don't want to have sex at all in the future - and it was simple to me: if I don't want to have sex, then I won't have sex, because my will stands above sociocultural mechanisms. If I'm aware that sex is something I don't want to do, I can't be pushed into "just letting it happen". (Although I admit that it might have been different if I wasn't unattractive and received sexual proposals at the rate most women are bombarded with them, rather than once every few years.) But I meet many people here who have yet to accept themselves, accept that their feelings are valid and that "normalcy" is an idea used to threaten people, rather than any useful concept. And I am happy to be able to help them along this journey. For example once I took part in persuading a clearly distressed and sex-averse girl, who somehow believed that she should push herself to have sex, that she should cancel her hookup. Asexual people have it much harder to find advice and resources suited to their needs - and one size doesn't fit all and if we assume that one kind of advice will be helpful to all people in a particular kind of situation, in fact it will be unhelpful to most.

[a little annihilation]

17 minutes ago, everywhere and nowhere said:

I don't mind things such as "coolness". I don't even want to be "cool", because I view it negatively: I'm an anti-trendy person, even an open trend-hater (the Idea of Trendy: you should dress like this, do this or that - because someone had such an idea, someone who doesn't even know you and has no idea about your personality. Isn't it absurd?), and also... given its etymology, "cool" connotes things like indifference, not showing emotions, and these are values I reject. I'm very much "pro-intensity", I value a passionate approach to life, and it's irreconsilable with being "cool".

 

it's called being a hipster lmao

[Zagadka]

I think there's this issue where "pride" used in terms of LGBTQ+ movements changed from "pride" being used as "stranding proudly in solidarity against this mob of hate" to some bizarre perception of "I'm proud I"m _______ and thus have a superior trait that can be viewed as either an accomplishment or an inherent magic."

 

Not really "proud" to be ace. Proud to stand with this and other communities, happy to hang out and chat, but there is nothing inherent about it as an individual. It has good points, and bad points.

[Since]

47 minutes ago, Zagadka... but Ukrainian said:

I think there's this issue where "pride" used in terms of LGBTQ+ movements changed from "pride" being used as "stranding proudly in solidarity against this mob of hate" to some bizarre perception of "I'm proud I"m _______ and thus have a superior trait that can be viewed as either an accomplishment or an inherent magic."

Good point -- I have to admit that I'm not very familiar with the way term is used in LGBTQ+ movements, but I didn't really mean it in either sense. Still, it's good to keep in mind the way terms can get loaded with connotations of inferiority/superiority, so thanks for pointing this out. 

[Richie Fashion Cat]

@ Since that original post was very well said - Was thinking about it last night wondering if "taking the plunge" and being loud and proud about being ace is a struggle at moment.  I would like to say thats my outlook as well but i wouldn't of said it so "cool"!

 

 

[Zimmermikeee]

1. Finding out that I'm ace and valid made my life better cuz since then i stopped wondering what's wrong w me

2. As I'm ace, i can focus on many other cool things in this life. Sex is boring (just my opinion)

3. Cool flag n cool ring

[kashfy]

I don't think i feel proud nor do i feel discomfort with it at all..

I just never did, I'm not sure why though..i just feel like there's nothing for me to feel proud about it because i was always like this, i just never found it fascinating (not to offend anyone) i just feel like there's nothing so new about it, i knew about it all along..

[Calliers]

[J. van Deijck]

15 minutes ago, kashfy said:

I don't think i feel proud nor do i feel discomfort with it at all.

Same here. It's just the way I am and I don't overthink it.

[Phalena]

I can't say that I'm proud. If at all, I can only be proud of things that I have achieved. Asexuality is not an achievement to me because I just happen to be ace. It wasn't a choice and it didn't take effort. If that makes any sense? But I am grateful for everyone that I've met on AVEN and that we are such a chill community that has lots of love to give. 💖

[Richie Fashion Cat]

i dont know much about pride im a fashion cat for ironic purposes lol 

 

However Pride is also part of being "cool" if you think being ace is cool then you can just be like well i don't care about fashion but im still kind of cool as im not like everyone else ima Ace a 1% lol.

 

if your me - that is - my brain is kinda weird i guess i can trick myself into confidently doing things when I'm not lol.  

 

I will get me coat....  

 

 

[KatDeLacey]

3 hours ago, Zagadka... but Ukrainian said:

I think there's this issue where "pride" used in terms of LGBTQ+ movements changed from "pride" being used as "stranding proudly in solidarity against this mob of hate" to some bizarre perception of "I'm proud I"m _______ and thus have a superior trait that can be viewed as either an accomplishment or an inherent magic."

 

Not really "proud" to be ace. Proud to stand with this and other communities, happy to hang out and chat, but there is nothing inherent about it as an individual. It has good points, and bad points.

Definitely this. I'd title my list "three things I like about being ace" or "three pros to being ace"
1. Broader understanding of human sexuality/desire, including my own

2. Missing out on all the many, many inconveniences of casual sex

3. Cake

[Milque Toast]

1. I'm proud and happy to know who I am and that I have a place in this world

2. Realising I'm ace (and aro) has helped me view love and relationships in a brand new way that I never did before

3. I'm really proud to be part of this wonderful community. AVEN is a really great place, for one, and my best friend is also ace!

 

this is a really sweet thread ❤️

[Lord Revan]

1-The community

2-We have the best flag

3-The memes

[Anomaly Q3Xr]

1. The ace community, first time I made real friends in my life.

2. Finding out I'm not broken and need fixing.

3. No risk (for me) of getting another Human pregnant.

[Someone Else]

8 hours ago, kashfy said:

I don't think i feel proud nor do i feel discomfort with it at all..

I just never did, I'm not sure why though..i just feel like there's nothing for me to feel proud about it because i was always like this, i just never found it fascinating (not to offend anyone) i just feel like there's nothing so new about it, i knew about it all along..

I've heard about ace pride so much and I often found myself wondering if I was somehow doing something wrong.
Like you, it's nothing I feel proud (or ashamed about.)  It's... just there, for me.  It's not a hard-won achievement (it exists on its own separate from any effort or choice of my own), but not something to feel ashamed of either.  

[Acing It]

I would replace 'proud' with happy. I'm not sure if being ace is something that generates pride as it's not an achievement. it's just something I am, without trying. 

As for the 3 things:

1. it has allowed me to know myself better

2. I can focus on things other than sex and sexual partners and no STIs

3. The ace community and Aven

[Osiyo_Waya]

49 minutes ago, Acing It said:

I would replace 'proud' with happy. I'm not sure if being ace is something that generates pride as it's not an achievement. it's just something I am, without trying. 

My thoughts as well, though I would replace 'happy' with 'contented'.

 

1) A sense of clarity as I continue my journey through life.

2) A sense of freedom from certain societal expectations; even the ones I wasn't actively aware of.

3) An opportunity to re-discover myself with new perspective.