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Shortcutmethod

"Connection" Vs Attraction

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Shortcutmethod

Hey everyone, I think this will be interesting to think about. I am a gay male and there are times I feel physically attracted to males (checking people out I guess). However, I can feel the atteaction but not an actual connection with the person.

It's a bit hard to explain but I'll try. I think a lot of people can relate when I say connect with someone. You meet a new person and just truely enjoy the conversation, you like the person as a person (regardless of any sexual attraction or lack there of). People you just click with.

I also ant to add in that I feel that I have an extremely hard time connecting with people. I very rarely feel that click (I guess a better word might be enjoyment) from being around a person or group of people.

So is it possible to be sxually interested or attracted to someone and not "click" or enjoy being with them?

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Ithilorn

I don't see why not. Lust and love are two different emotions, after all. I would guess that the sexual attraction you feel would just be your sex drive reacting, rather than the part of you that actually wants to know the person.

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Face

I don't think clicking with someone has to be about love or lust at all, it just means you think in the same way which usually leads to being best friends in my experience. At the same time you can love someone but not click, which usually leads to sad break ups.

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Hallucigenia

Sexuals get attracted to people without "clicking" with them all the time. The most common form of this is attraction from afar, where the person will get attracted to a celebrity, fictional character, or distant acquaintance without having any knowledge of what it's like to have a conversation or other interaction with that person. Other times, a person will get attracted to someone they know but really don't like that much, which is irritating but normal. I've experienced both myself.

I have trouble "clicking" with people sometimes too, so I know that it can be frustrating, but occasionally it does happen. And sometimes it turns out to be a matter of my own perception: I'll make a casual acquaintance and feel okay but non-clicked about it, but the other person will act as though we have clicked. I think I just have a higher clicking threshold than most.

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Lehcar

From what I hear from my friends, it's not uncommon to be physically attracted to someone, but can't stand spending time with them. Though that's an extreme, I think that it shows that, as Ithilorn said, lust and love are definitely two very different animals.

I agree that the 'click' in relationships is hard to find, but I don't think anyone really gets on instinctively well with tons of people - I believe that it's a particular kind of person who you click with, and there are only a handfull of them in anyone's life.

I hope that answers your question...

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square peg

Maybe you're homosexual but not homoromantic. Or just hyporomantic.

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E.winEla

I will admit that I often become attracted to people that, in reality, I do not or cannot click with at all. Tis' one of those things that is necessary for the majority of humanity, because afterall, if there isn't the intial attraction we would never want to find out if we click with someone or not.

It is sad though when you are attracted to someone and then realize that you really don't click at all. And then you imagine what could have been had you connected, and it feels like a shame or a wasted opportunity for a potentially great friendship or relationship, you know? I definitely know some people who are attractive, but who's personalities really rub me the wrong way or people who I simply cannot relate to in the least bit.

But I don't think we can really influence any of that. :(

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Everhope

There are people who are nice looking and then there are those who we just get along with. It's the way of life, you can't pick your friends.. or your partners for that matter.

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Orbit

I'm asexual - biromantic and I 'click' with people I feel no romantic attraction to and feel romantic attraction to people I don't 'click' with... I actually think it's easier to 'click' with someone I'm not attracted to because I'm still working on the whole relaxing around new people I instantly like thing that is so jr. highish. *L* And it's hard to 'click' when you aren't really being yourself.

The people I click with are generally people who like me the same as I like them, and who think generally in the same way, even if we don't hold the same beliefs. There are people I 'click' with and it would probably make no sense to most others, but it makes sense to me and them, and that's all that matters. :)

Thinking about it, I think it is pretty easy to go from 'click' to 'romantic'... much easier than the other way around... at least for me.

How all this translates to a sexual? I have no clue... but maybe it might help some?

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