Poll: Why are you or your significant other asexual?

[juicebox]

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[Kawaii_Neko]

That was a little confusing on the choices for me. I didn't realize I was asexual (because I'd never knew it existed) but I've had the responses of one my entire life. However, I am in a married relationship and only very recently realized where my orientation laid.

[Wolf X Omega]

I'm really not sure, I not sure if i was born asexual because i had a few doubts while i was growing up, i guess the closest is a matter of preference, but it's not like i have the choice to be sexual, it would just give me a lot of headache

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[Hayley]

I can't ever remember desiring sex so I'd assume that I was born this way, but I can't remember any of my childhood which has made me wonder if abuse could be a cause more than once. (My grandfather's brother was a paedophile.) :? Voted "not sure".

[helana12_03]

"Born asexual" I think.

I don't think I've ever been horny or desirous of sex. I've never masturbated and have never had the urge to do so.

[Yelsel]

Different sexual orientation than when relationship began (i.e., realized you/they were gay)

Nothing to do with anyone being gay, I think I always had a low sex drive, but now feel more and more asexual.

Is it possible I am now asexual but was not when I was younger or would this make me not really asexual?

[funaladanaly]

I picked "Simply a matter of preference," because I prefer not to make out with anyone. As far as I know, I've always been that way, but am not sure why.

[EGAD!]

I'm curious - I think that the results of this poll might be surprising.

(I did a search of the whole forum (I think) and did not see a similar poll)

If I missed any obvious choices, let me know and I'll try to update it!

....................................................................................

Are you conducting this poll out of idle curiosity or are you attempting to prove/disprove some stereotype about people who aren't heterosexual?

You list as choices:

Not sure.

Born asexual.

Sexually abused as a child.

Different sexual orientation than when relationship began (i.e., realized you/they were gay)

Simply a matter of preference

Personally I find your choices a bit insulting.

I don't know how well the search feature works but I know there are numerous threads about whether sexual orientation is caused by biological factors or environmental factors.

[Mark from the OCD board]

Please... Understand that enkafan may only just be beginning to understand what asexuality is, and as a result he may write things that ruffle a few feathers. How can someone know how to express questions about asexuality properly while still learning the basics of what asexuality is and is not? By all means, correct him if his words seem insulting, but do so with friendship and understanding.

I do not know enkafan, but I don't think he would be posting here unless he really wanted to know.

As a sexual, I have winced more than once at some of the ways I have seen sexuals described by a small number of people here, but I take it with a grain of salt. As a multiple minority -- a gay Arab-American atheist with OCD in the homophobic, anti-Arab, very religious, uncaring world -- I have often had to be patient while explaining any one of the four things that cause me to suffer discrimination. And sometimes, despite my best efforts, I do lose my temper all the same, but that is because I am human...

To enkafan...

I can't vote in this thread, as I am a sexual -- and a homosexual. There are some homosexuals who, for whatever reason, do not have sex. (I am not one of them.) If they are sexual via their biological wiring, they are then called celibate. They have sexual desires but don't indulge them. An asexual does not experience sexual attraction, on the other hand. That is why asexuality and celibacy are two different things.

Homosexuality is something completely different. The only link between homosexuality and asexuality is cultural: our being sexual minorities who are mistreated by some in the mainstream sexual community but understood by others. There was little understanding in the past, however.

I have only had sex with other men, and I can understand the asexual perspective since I have close female friends in addition to close male friends, and I find women aesthetically pleasing (in the way that I find a sunrise aesthetically pleasing). In no way, however, does my admiration for a woman's personality and/or appearance make me want to have sex with her. I am just not wired that way.

Similarly, enkafan, you are not wired for sex with men, although you may have close male friends whom you care about. You may admire the build of someone who works out, or you may find a male friend's familiar face or arm of support comforting when you are feeling low -- but there is just nothing sexual there.

In other words, in a sense you are aromantically asexual with other men but both romantic and sexual with women.

Aromantic asexuals are with men and women the way you are with men. Hetero-romantic asexuals have the feelings that go with bonding and intense love for the opposite sex; they usually (although not always) enjoy cuddling, hand-holding, and so on... But there is just no sexual interest. Homo-romantic asexuals are the same as hetero-romantic asexuals except that they feel romantic bonds to members of the same sex. There are many other types of asexuals, but, I am afraid, I am not the best person to explain them all.

As a sexual minority, I fully understand the frustration asexuals feel in the way their feelings and motivations are misconstrued. That does not mean in any way that the needs and feelings of a sexual partner, whether heterosexual or anything else, should not be taken seriously. It's a tough situation and exactly what constitutes a compromise is a tough call--one that will be different in each relationship.

Hope that helps. :)

[juicebox]

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[Kawaii_Neko]

Don't take it too hard, enkafan. A lot of new people here will post something, meaning no offense, but someone will take offense anyway. Keep at it! ^_^

[Frigid Pink]

I chose "Born Asexual" because there has never been a time in my when I was sexually attracted to another person.

I don't get aroused or "turned on" by other people.

When I like someone, I'm not thinking, "Dude, I'd love to have sex with them." I'm thinking, "Dude, I want to be close to them, be around them, kiss them, touch them, hug them, get to know them better."

I've never understood sex or the enjoyment others get from both the action and thinking about it and sexual things. It just doesn't do anything for me and I can't recall a time when it ever has.

I was sexually abused as a child, but I believe that has more to do with what aversions I do have toward sex. I don't believe one experience or past experience is a determining factor in the person one becomes. Sure, we are influenced and shaped by our past experiences, but there are so many things we experience that pinpointing just one as the source of something is not very accurate. We are also shaped by our present situations and experiences. The past is not the only thing at work, and I would even argue that the present is more powerful in a lot of ways. It is the present that we are living, and thus our decisions and our behaviors are going to be influenced by what we currently experience more than what we have previously experienced (in my opinion).

[Clowd Cole]

I picked Not Sure, because I have only recently learnt of Asexuals.

But I would bet I was born this way.