Taking a lesser role but still around for other articles

[Mark from the OCD board]

Hello, all.

I am very, very tempted to take a greater role rather than a lesser one on this board, but I know that I need to pull back a bit. (More about that later).

Nevertheless, if I can ever write another article for the asexual community or do something to help asexual awareness, I would be delighted to. In addition, I'll still be poking my nose on the board from time to time to provide what I hope are helpful comments. I have also been talking very openly about asexuality the way I do OCD, homosexuality, getting the hell out of Iraq, and liberal politics.

I further love the honesty and willingness to be very, very human here, and the only place I have ever seen anything like it is on my OCD board. That is the board where I put in hours and hours, answering the neverending barrage of panicky private messages from people suffering from HOCD, the OCD form of false gay fears that I explained elsewhere on this board. I have become a Dr. Ruth of sorts, which is very funny when you consider that I am the only gay person who posts there regularly.

I don't get as much support as I would like for my own issues, but I don't expect to. (In fact, I just had to duke it out with a Fundamentalist with OCD who told me that Jesus does not approve of me...but at least a few of the OCD folks, including liberal Christians with OCD, stood up for me. Not as many as I would have liked, but a nice number...)

The Aven board really isn't the place for my issues either (ex-Fundamentalist/atheist, OCD, openly gay, and, especially, lonely because of lack of sexual love); I understand that. This board is absolutely necessary for the mental health and self-respect of people just becoming aware of their asexuality--and, for me, it is also a good place for friendship and conversation.

What I need, though, if I am going to put in as much time on another board as I do on the OCD board (and as I do with my students in real life), is a place where there is a chance of my meeting and possibly dating other gays in my area. The prospect of spending the rest of my life alone terrifies me, and (take my word on this) it has been so long since I have had sex that I am ready to tear my hair out. I don't want cheap sex; I want love, romance, and sex as a package, and that is hardly an easy thing for a 41-year-old gay guy in ice cold New York City to find.

Suffice it to say that I really, really hear the pain of romantic asexuals who want love, romance, and asexuality as a package. (I think aromantic asexuals who desire non-romantic, non-sexual relationships also feel the same pain even if they do not express it on the board as much.) At any rate, we do have a lot in common.

I'll be talking to you,

Mark

[Chiaroscuro]

The prospect of spending the rest of my life alone terrifies me, and (take my word on this) it has been so long since I have had sex that I am ready to tear my hair out. I don't want cheap sex; I want love, romance, and sex as a package, and that is hardly an easy thing for a 41-year-old gay guy in ice cold New York City to find.

Hey Mark, I understand this feeling. It's not easy looking at the world after 40, and thinking "am I going to go to my grave without experiencing x, y or z?" A loving sexual partner, for me, is one of those things I'm not prepared to forgo.

I showed your essay to my asexual wife, and she (a psychologist), has given it out as a resource when telling other professionals about asexuality. So you've done a lot of good that you'll never hear about. She said I should ask you to write a similar essay explaining sexuality to asexuals, because as puzzling as asexuality is to sexuals, it's equally puzzling the other way too.

You've added a lot to the discussion here. Thanks for that, and good luck with everything.

-Chiaroscuro

[cijay]

Thanks for everything, Mark. Take care and be sure to pop back in every now and again!

[Mark from the OCD board]

Thank you both! I intend to keep popping back--just not as often as I had been. This is a great place to post, and I'm not about to give it up. :)

And Chiaroscuro... What a wonderful idea! Let me think on this... I'd love to write something like that. At the moment I have a few looming deadlines, but later on, just maybe... 8)

[kbrd143]

I hope you do keep popping in, Mark.

As I have said elsewhere, I rather snarkily avoid posting in my own forums, for fear that something I say might be taken as "official"; however, I do not mind being taken as official when I say that I genuinely value your input and enjoy your company, around here. You seem to have a singular knack for speaking in terms that many different kinds of people can understand -- and I envy you for that. . . .

[thylacine]

"The Aven board really isn't the place for my issues either (ex-Fundamentalist/atheist, OCD, openly gay, and, especially, lonely because of lack of sexual love)... " Oh come on, we luv you, dude.

[Freed_Spirit]

Thanks for all the strong and helpful writing you've done here - don't stray away too far!

[Sam B.I.]

Hey, everything you wrote on the boards made sense from the word "go".

By the way, what article are you refering to? Is it one of your posts (specifically which one?) or is it something else you wrote. I would like to read it.

If you do feel like chatting, even if it is about stuff that logic dictates an asexual would not be interested in talking about, DO IT. I for one is interested in human experience, and what matters more to me is the honesty of the discussion than the topic.

[Mark from the OCD board]

What kind words. Thank you, everyone! :D

Although I have been away for a week or so, this is my fourth post today. My first one, in the Welcome Lounge, was quite long. So, yes, count on my popping in from time to time.

Stupendous Sam: The thread with my article appears here: http://asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=22386

[Sam B.I.]

Wow! I just read it and my head is spinning. You made it so clear.

I will have to think about what it says for a bit. I also suspect that it is about to change the way I come out to people.

And I am glad to find a feminist who happens to be male.