help, please...

[anouk]

Hi... I have a problem, and I though this was the right forum to write... well, here it is:

For some time now I've been talking to someone in my class that I had never noticed before. He has become a close friend and has integrated with the rest of my group of friends. Now, here's the problem: I'm asexual, he's a sexual guy and I'm sort of scared, because I don't want him to do anything more or to think that I like him or anything; I don't want to dissapoint him. I'm worried because I tend to have very close relationships and give lots of hugs and stuff, but I don't want this to become into a misunderstanding... What's more, I feel sometimes he's flirting on me, but I can never be sure and I wouldn't know what to say, anyway... He's very nice, and he worries about me, we have fun together, he's a special person... But he treats me differently from the way he treats the other girls on the group, and I'm really worried... I don't want this to go any further, but still, I'm not sure he even wants. Is there a way to know for sure? :(

Thank you for your help, and sorry for the spelling and the grammar

[Ithilorn]

You could just ask him how he feels about you. This, of course, is more direct than many are comfortable being, and opens up a whole other problem if he says that he does. Still, it's the most effective.

If you're comfortable coming out to people, you could tell him about your asexuality, as if it's just something you like your friends to know about. As many others have found out, however, he might have trouble really understanding.

A third option is to ask him questions about why he's treating you differently, while being fairly non-direct. This might also open the situation of him saying he likes you (with all of it's attached problems), but it might help you to understand how he feels, without the situation becoming too uncomfortable.

If you think he really does like you, then it might be good to take him aside and say that, while you value his friendship, you want it to stay a friendship.

This is all that comes to mind for me. I admit that I've never had a problem like this, nor have I ever been in a relationship, so take all the advice I've given here with a huge grain of salt. I'm pretty much just going on how I'd prefer to find out how someone feels about something, and how I'd like to receive disappointing news.