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How to live with an asexual spouse?


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2 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

Firstly I'm sorry it ended bitterly and that love didn't conquer all.

It's okay. I wrote, long before I met my ex-wife, an entire essay (not schoolwork, just personal research) on how love is weak. That's why it needs to be maintained, cradled, kept up, cherished, and many more things. It isn't that thing that moves mountains or ends wars. From my perspective, I didn't expect love to conquer all. I think of this as a positive outlook on love, not a pessimistic one, btw. The alternative is that so many people have never loved and thought they did, and that's a much sadder world for me.
 

2 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

I wonder if your wife really understood asexuality.

Certainly, there was a knowledge-based understanding. But not a context-based understanding. It's like reading, you can know the words and even understand there's a sentence coming out of it. If you don't appreciate the complexity of what those words mean, and how they connect to culture, the time, the people, and the audience, you are missing context.

My concern was never with her understanding asexuality, we had that conversation a lot, it was in her not being faithful (even though this was agreed to, not communicating with me as things changed, not trying to work on this together. I'm fine with sex, it isn't on my mind, or whatnot, and as I mentioned I would participate when she would initiate. That was kind of the 'agreed' upon idea, but when I would ask about what else, or specifics, she would want, she had no answers. That part was the rock and a hard place I was in, she needed to communicate this to me, I opened the door for it, would try whatever she wanted to try (within the scope of monogamy) and it was the lack of being willing to participate in that communication that ruined things for me. We weren't doing it together, I was the one looking up, guessing at, trying to accommodate for, and a one-sided effort is doomed to have unsatisfactory results for any relationship.

 

2 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

Personally I find it a hard concept to grasp. Furthermore we have little to reference ourselves on it in the way of literature, films, philosophy, psychology, religion and life examples. ( If you dig there's some, but it's scant). Also I wonder how much you understand about sexuality. Of course you see it around you, but perhaps you have your own thoughts which I'd be happy to listen to.

You found here, so, good on you for doing the research. From an 'outsiders' perspective you might also find the Podcast episode from Stuff You Should Know on Asexuality very illuminating. It's two guys talking about it, who do a good job, and neither of them are asexual. Since I'm not demi or grey, or anything like that, I often explain it this way:
Do you find every man/woman/person sexually attractive? Do you find the person you love sexually attractive 100% of the time you are around them? The typical answers to these questions are no. Then I ask, okay, so how often? 50% of the time? 20% of the time? Less? More? Well, let's take that time you aren't sexually attracted to a sex you are attracted to (or even the person you love and aren't sexually attracted to them) that's how I am - just all the time. In movies, the vast majority of the movie isn't about the lead man and lead woman going after one another, there's a story there, events outside of their relationship or any sexual relationship. So, there's some reference, I do understand the idea that it may be difficult to think about "Well, why would you ever be in a relationship then? Or, where's the satisfaction come from? Or not ever!? Sometimes I just can't help but be looking at someone and think, if we were alone together I'd... them..." But the majority of the time you aren't, and I'm not.

That's all I can do to make sense to people what being asexual is like. And since there's some variety this doesn't work for every person in the asexual spectrum. I understand most of what I can use about sexuality. The rest is a unbridgeable chasm that I'll never understand, like I'll never be able to understand being a cat (even though I know a lot about them). 

2 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

You say I couldn't change, but nor could she albeit she did say she was okay with your asexuality.
It would be impossible for me to see fault in either of you. Suffice it to say your good intentions were not enough which makes me sad.

Here's the real message. Good intentions are never enough. Not in anything we do that's worthwhile. There is a lot of effort necessary, self-discovery, research, and of course communication. It's too much for one person to handle, it's too much for good intentions or love to tackle alone, it requires honest work and a willingness to fail.

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Hi dwest,

You've explained a lot. Thanks for sharing.

I'm a great believer in communication and learning.

I find that in today's world there is a tendency to be blinkered eye and have polarised views. There are so many vetoes and taboos it's sometimes difficult to string sentences together.

I'm really grateful to you for taking the time out to share and explain.

Thanks a million. I may get back to you with some more queries.

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Hi dwest,

You've explained a lot. Thanks for sharing.

I'm a great believer in communication and learning.

I find that in today's world there is a tendency to be blinkered eye and have polarised views. There are so many vetoes and taboos it's sometimes difficult to string sentences together.

I'm really grateful to you for taking the time out to share and explain.

Thanks a million. I may get back to you with some more queries.

I'd love to read your story on love.

I've reread your message and like you say one doesn't really know what it's like being a cat even though you might know a lot about cats.

Similarly, when I say I have a hard time grasping asexuality that same cat analogy applies.

As a sexual person it's difficult for me to fathom having sex with my husband again even if he were predisposed. The reason is that he's simply not interested. For me sex is a two way thing, so knowing that he gets no or very little pleasure from it lessens my enjoyment or rather depletes all enjoyment. It's not about what he can do for me but what we can do together. 

When I say love has not conquered all, I don't think that love alone can overcome physical desires per se, but love can lighten the load.

I admire the courage you both had to try and make it work and wonder if your experience has made you want to try again, or whether you are now seeking asexual partners or none at all.

Obviously, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. My curiosity is not personal, but solely to quench my thirst of knowing more about the subject. You see, I think the more you know the more you can empathize with the rest of humanity.

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  • 2 weeks later...
UnplannedCauli
On 3/29/2022 at 4:45 AM, Lonelyalone said:

But I feel so unloved, so worthless, rejected by the one person  who means everything to me. How do partners of asexuals survive this? I thought with time I would stop needing sex but it’s not just sex, he never wants to hold hands, cuddle or even sleep in the same room most of the days. Yet he promises me that he loves me

 

I am writing as a person from the other side. Both asexual and married with children, having lived several years with my (a)sexuality as an important factor of our relationship. I had even been called "barbed wire" most of my life, that's how much I avoided cuddles (though not by my husband, mostly by my abusive birth family)

 

First of all, it can get better. It might not, but all the people who say it never does - they are simply too pessimistic. As far as I can tell, I am an example of someone who managed to live through it and come out the other side victorious

 

While you don't want to consider any form of an open relationship, they offer a great framework to think about your own relationships. Consider briefly this point of view: you entered the relationship with your husband, 14 years ago, with certain assumptions. The expectations of a monogamous relationship include for example: no other romantic or sexual relationships, a certain level of both romantic and sexual relationship between the two of you, offering emotional support. As you *changed* your relationship into a marriage, more assumptions showed up: shared material possessions, shared parenting, even the assumption that all the children are biologically common to the two of you. Yes, there are people who engage in monogamous relationships having spelled out and commonly agreed on these things, but in general, people just get together and assume monogamy, buying a house etc. without ever really thinking about it, while most forms of open relationships understand that these should not be assumed, they need to be consciously agreed to and can be negotiated up or down, they don't come as a fixed package. Many monogamous relationships could benefit from negotiating what is included and what is not

You entered a relationship 14 years ago and from the very beginning it was not a relationship you thought you were entering. Your relationship has changed throughout the years, but it has never been the one you thought you were in. I will give your husband all the benefit of the doubt and assume he doesn't know about his orientation until this day in saying: he never intended to deceive you, but you were deceived. The Roman Catholics among whom I've lived most of my life will say: a person who entered a marriage not knowing important facts about it or the partner (and the partner not wanting sex definitely counts!) is entitled to annulment. Not a divorce, because they don't believe in those, but a statement "this relationship had never existed". The relationship you thought you had, had never existed

 

You have discovered yourself in a different relationship, one to which you never agreed. A relationship that doesn't satisfy your needs for sex, closeness, appreciation. That is not a good place to stay in! You need to think now very carefully, what is it that you *want* and what is it that you *need* - a therapist will have the tools to help you with that. You will also need to talk with your husband. He has needs and desires, too, and he also may need time to formulate them. Once you both know what it is you want and need from your relationship, you can finally work on transforming the relationship you have into a better one. You might end up divorced. You might stay together. You might decide that a certain level of openness will be beneficial. You might find ways that your needs and desires can be fulfilled with him. It will take time

 

Your relationship has changed before and it will keep changing. One more insight from open relationships framework - there is no happy end. All relationships end, either by people parting ways or one of them dying. The lack of happy end is not something to despair over. Relationships are worthwhile whichever way they end, in whichever direction they change, this is how they teach us about life and love, this is how we grow

 

Sending all the love and hugs to you

 

(PS: my pathway? not important here, but I can share a few details. We had been together half of our lifetimes before my asexuality was finally said out loud. My husband thought his life would end then and there. We slowly disentangled the parts of our lives we wanted shared from the parts of our lives only one of us wanted shared. With the right group of friends I started to learn to actually trust people not to hurt me. Just last year I found out that I was healed enough to be able to engage with him in some form of sexual connection of my own will. And, what still surprised me, that form of sexual connection was enough for him, it was more than enough. He still struggles with feelings of abandonment and inadequacy and I with feeling pressured into things and not trusting others, we are not and never will be "happily ever after", but we are happy together)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, I have made up my mind like this! I really love my aromantic ace wife and our life on a daily basis, that we have with a nice family,  …but… if I have to live with no cuddles, kisses, warm touches or sweet words (though she loves me) then I definately need her to prioritize sex. And she does. Its put in a not-sexy schedule with agreed-upon businesslike words for expectations and time-frames. 
If she had to say ‘it was fun but no more!’ Then I would only get mad at her, if she had kept that important information away from me for a long time, but not for making the decision. It just ougth to be a mutual decision based on facts. We have to stop if it isnt a good thing anymore. But First we could try to talk about whether the agreement could use adjustments. 
Though ‘sex’ is everywhere, then the asexual can be surprisingly oblivious to how much it matters. I think it is called a blind eye?
(…but come home one day and casually tell that you have had awesome sex with someone you just met, and many asexuals will suddenly see this ‘sex’ as an important relationship deal-breaker)

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  • 1 year later...

Something I havent seen posted anywhere....how to deal with MY trauma of finding out my wife of 50 years is and has been asexual all along and is now denying me any sexual relations at all. This all came out in an announcement from my wife with no warning, no build up, just blurted out like she had just discovered she could play golf or something. 50 years of LIES and making me think something was wrong with ME for needing and wanting NORMAL relations. Yeah I said NORMAL, go ahead and try to legitimize ACE all you want...but the NORMAL life of a married couple involves sex. "OH my god you're so brave for admitting that you aren't horny"....but what about the other person that got screwed only in a figurative way? SO Ive WASTED 50 years on a cold personality. I coulda been with someone who liked me. 

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Mountain House

Hi @Freddie56. Welcome. I hope venting helps you feel better.

 

Your feelings are valid. That's a long time. What are you going to do now?

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intheshadowoferos

Wow, really? Nothing indicated that she was asexual? Just one day it turned off like a light switch? 
I am not sure I have seen anyone else say it happened like that. 
That must be quite a shock.

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StardewEnjoyer

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We're both very romantic and physically affectionate. I'm extremely happy with him and we love each other completely. Sex is the one part of our relationship where we are not compatible. Neither of us came into the relationship knowing he was asexual. It was honestly something he was afraid to think about, and he often avoided the topic when I tried to bring it up after noticing how drastically different our libidos are.

 

We have "sex" (him using toys on me/other means besides penetration) maybe once every few months. We've had penetrative sex even less. Maybe 5 times in the entirety of our relationship. Most of this has been initiated by me. It's very rare that he initiates any kind of sex between us. He's only recently come to terms with the fact that he may be asexual. As he puts it, "it's never on my mind. I just don't think about it". 

 

Reading through previous threads has affirmed to me that I can't just make myself stop being sexually attracted to him and he's never going to magically start being sexually attracted to me. Any advice on how to keep our different sexual needs from being a relationship breaker?

 

I will say we had real sex recently that was initiated by him. He even surprised himself, because it's usually difficult for him to stay hard but he said his "hormones were working for once". I in no way expect this to be a regular occurrence.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 3/29/2022 at 4:45 AM, Lonelyalone said:

I love my husband of 12 years. He’s my best friend and he’s kind and a good husband to me and a good father to our 2 kids. When we were dating, he would kiss me. We had sex for the first time 6 months before our wedding and then didn’t have sex until our first wedding night. After that it was the same story which has been going on for 12 years now. We go months without sex, more than 18 months each time we had a kid.  Then finally I need to bed him for weeks until he finally gives in. We have a perfect marriage save this one private thing that has made me doubt myself and makes me feel rejected. I used to ask him if he’s gay or doesn’t find me attractive. But after all these years I finally found out about asexuals and he seems to fit the description to a T. He is unromantic to the extent that he will not wish me for birthdays, anniversary or valentines. But he will do the dishes or be nice to my parents when they visit. He also is hands on with our kids. But I feel so unloved, so worthless, rejected by the one person  who means everything to me. How do partners of asexuals survive this? I thought with time I would stop needing sex but it’s not just sex, he never wants to hold hands, cuddle or even sleep in the same room most of the days. Yet he promises me that he loves me. No he’s not having an affair. What do I do? I’ve thought of leaving him, but the thought of breaking up our family is heart breaking. I have everything except this one thing. How do I compromise without hurting him? I love him so much. Why doesn’t he reciprocate or compromise even just a little? What do I do? Will it ever get better?

For what I am hearing, then you got yourself a loving life partner, who is very aromantic, but also asexual to an extend where it bugs you. He does not need to understand “why” but should understand that it bugs you. He should be interested in finding a way for you through life without this problem. Dealing with this problem should be a concern for the relationship. Since romance/affection is not on the table, then you need to discuss what the options are to deal with this. In my life, it has worked to some degree, to make some simple agreements and lower my expectations. Can I get hugs? Do you need alone time? Will you help me masturbate/get off? Timeframes, keywords, acceptable things for each session. It has helped to remove all sexyness from the actual sex. 

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Olallieberry
4 hours ago, MrDane said:

It has helped to remove all sexyness from the actual sex. 

Boy, do I hear that.

 

I haven't been able to decide if it's worse than no sex with her at all. It might be.

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firstly, as an asexual, I want you to know that I recognise that your feelings are valid. you are not asexual, and you deserve to have these needs filled. sadly I feel that you both need to talk about this openly and put your cards on the table, and it doesn't sound like he is in a place where he wants to do that or even thinks he needs to. needing to feel desired and cared for is obviously part of your love language. 

 

if he isn't open to talking about it, could you write him a letter and put all these thoughts down on paper and let him read it? 

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Happy Pensioners

I've been 22 years with my wonderful asexual husband and couldnt imagine living my life without him by my side. 

Before meeting him I was an extremely sexually active woman - perhaps addicted. Early on in our marriage I worked hard to dampen my sexual needs, and finally reached the point that I also became sexually disinterested.

In his previous long-term marriage, they parted because his wife didnt want to live as flatmates any longer.

As the years rolled by, I missed the intimacy and deep connection of cuddling and making love... and at the end of 2022, I told him I craved touch and would be seeking it in 2023... hopefully with him. 

My hubby knew this was the one thing missing in our otherwise caring and very happy marriage and he agreed to try to be more affectionate with me. 

He was unable to change his nature, and I didn't want to pressure him, so we talked it through. 

We have a mutual friend who we approached over a cafe catchup and, for the last 6 months, our friend has become my cuddly lover. I stay at his place two nights/days a week with my husband's full knowledge and blessing. Hubby says it's a huge relief to know my needs are finally being met and he doesn't have to twist himself onto shapes he is not. Our friend is also very happy with the arrangement, and I'm feeling more physically fulfilled and alive than I have in decades. 

It's early days, but this solution is, so far, working well for us. We are all over 65 and I hope to grow old with both of them.

I know this wouldn't work for everyone, but it may be something to consider at some time in the future.

Edited by Happy Pensioners
typo
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I'm wondering what proportion of mixed relationships can make this work. I know we can't evaluate that here because it would be very biaised but I'm really wondering how many couples use the ENM option to make their mismatched relationship work.
For instance, for me, it's not possible.

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Olallieberry

My wild-ass guess is that the proportion of ace-mismatched couples who make ENM work is not different from the proportion of everyone else who make ENM work.

 

In other words, not zero % but not a lot.

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14 hours ago, Ollie415 said:

My wild-ass guess is that the proportion of ace-mismatched couples who make ENM work is not different from the proportion of everyone else who make ENM work.

Yeah, I think I tend to agree. There are obviously lots of things that factor in to whether it's going to work for a couple, and I imagine it's a challenge to find the right mix of personalities of all people involved in an ENM situation. I suppose there was a brief period where I kind of wondered if maybe something like that would work for me and my ex-husband, largely during the time period where I was coming to accept my bisexuality and felt like I would be devastated and feel like something was missing if I never explored that aspect of myself. He wasn't comfortable with any type of non-monogamy in that context, so I certainly knew that any type of, er, above-board connection with another man was unequivocally off the table. Truthfully that's not even what I wanted anyway, as I seem to have the capacity to have a proper relationship with only one person at a time and didn't want sex without love or love without sex... and what I had was comfortable companionship and friendship without either sex or love in the way that I needed it. That's a thing my current partner and I both realised kind of after our marriages were over -- we didn't really love our spouses, and there were huge emotional voids in both cases. When someone truly does love their spouse/partner, perhaps that contributes to a stronger desire to try to make something like ENM work, even if they've generally considered themselves to be monogamous. Probably on some level I always knew that if I fell in love with someone else, I'd simply want to be with that other person and not carry on multiple relationships. Because... why bother?

 

I think it's great that we have members here who are making ENM work though, because they provide proof that it's possible. Certainly not easy and definitely not common, but still not 0% either.

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Traveler40
14 hours ago, Ceebs said:

Yeah, I think I tend to agree. There are obviously lots of things that factor in to whether it's going to work for a couple, and I imagine it's a challenge to find the right mix of personalities of all people involved in an ENM situation. I suppose there was a brief period where I kind of wondered if maybe something like that would work for me and my ex-husband, largely during the time period where I was coming to accept my bisexuality and felt like I would be devastated and feel like something was missing if I never explored that aspect of myself. He wasn't comfortable with any type of non-monogamy in that context, so I certainly knew that any type of, er, above-board connection with another man was unequivocally off the table. Truthfully that's not even what I wanted anyway, as I seem to have the capacity to have a proper relationship with only one person at a time and didn't want sex without love or love without sex... and what I had was comfortable companionship and friendship without either sex or love in the way that I needed it. That's a thing my current partner and I both realised kind of after our marriages were over -- we didn't really love our spouses, and there were huge emotional voids in both cases. When someone truly does love their spouse/partner, perhaps that contributes to a stronger desire to try to make something like ENM work, even if they've generally considered themselves to be monogamous. Probably on some level I always knew that if I fell in love with someone else, I'd simply want to be with that other person and not carry on multiple relationships. Because... why bother?

 

I think it's great that we have members here who are making ENM work though, because they provide proof that it's possible. Certainly not easy and definitely not common, but still not 0% either.

I was reading this thinking, “hell, this person makes sense, has depth and self awareness and why don’t I know them?  It sounds like they’ve been around for awhile…”

 

😂  

 

So yeah, note to self, check the name and don’t simply glance at the photo. Hehe

 

What’s with the toilet bowl? I dare ask…

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2 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

I was reading this thinking, “hell, this person makes sense, has depth and self awareness and why don’t I know them?  It sounds like they’ve been around for awhile…”

 

😂  

Man, that made my day. 😂

 

I worried the avatar change would confuse some people... turns out I wasn't wrong. (Tallulah will be back at some point.)

 

2 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

What’s with the toilet bowl? I dare ask…

I so glad you did. 😁

 

My beloved and I were playing around with an AI art app briefly, plugging in weird and silly prompts for things for it to create. Combining my love of hedgehogs with my love of unfiltered bodily function talk, Tele (who's going to be back here on Sunday btw, for three whole weeks 😁) typed 'hedgehog on a toilet'... and that's what it gave him. Obviously I thought it was incredibly adorable, asked him if I should make it my AVEN avatar for a while, and he said 'do it do it do it do it do it'.

 

Proper grownups, we are. 🦔🚽

 

You asked! 😎

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Traveler40

Thanks for that - er - intel. I use that loosely. 😂 “intel” that is…

 

I’m so happy for you two love birds. If you resurrect the thread, I’ll be able to follow you closely! (Creepy!) haha

 

Funny thing about that avatar is that I noticed it a week or two ago then forgot. #aging

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On 7/3/2023 at 11:31 PM, Traveler40 said:

I’m so happy for you two love birds. If you resurrect the thread, I’ll be able to follow you closely! (Creepy!) haha

I'm considering it... probably will briefly lol. At some point it starts to feel a little narcissistic, but hey, people don't have to read it if they don't want to and AVEN is kinda still our home (even without one of us actively posting 🙄) and folks here knew us as A Thing before anyone else from any other part of our lives, so. 
 

Anywho. Massively derailing now (I blame that on you this time lol), so I'll shhhhhh.

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On 7/3/2023 at 10:02 PM, Ceebs said:

My beloved and I were playing around with an AI art app briefly, plugging in weird and silly prompts for things for it to create. Combining my love of hedgehogs with my love of unfiltered bodily function talk, Tele (who's going to be back here on Sunday btw, for three whole weeks 😁) typed 'hedgehog on a toilet'... and that's what it gave him. Obviously I thought it was incredibly adorable, asked him if I should make it my AVEN avatar for a while, and he said 'do it do it do it do it do it'.

Far more of an ethical use of AI generated art, tbh.

 

Our local pub of sorts (by local, I mean "literally downstairs from us because it's convenient") that the spouse and I go to weekly do a trivia night every month, and one of the recurring categories is that they'll put in a movie title into an AI, have it generate four images, then have the patrons guess the movie based on those images.

 

I'm still usually rubbish at this because I'm not a moviegoer (a lot of the movies used are pretty much before my time, too), but I did recently guess Top Gun: Maverick correctly pretty much on the sole basis that I recognized Tom Cruise in one of the pictures due to the movie being plugged super hard by Youtube advertisements at the time.

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8 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Our local pub of sorts (by local, I mean "literally downstairs from us because it's convenient")

Now that's how to get me to go out. If I lived directly above a pub...

 

Oh, who am I kidding. If I lived directly above a pub, I'd still opt to stay in my flat the majority of the time and drink beer from my fridge cos it would be cheaper. While complaining about the noise from downstairs.

 

8 hours ago, Philip027 said:

I'm not a moviegoer

Non-moviegoer solidarity. 🤜🤛

 

I mean come on, why make the effort to go sit in a room with a bunch of strangers where you have to be quiet and wear pants and there are no subtitles to help you pay attention and you can't stop the movie to take a wee or google everything known to man about one of the actors or the filming location or whatever (or possibly something entirely unrelated to the film at all, like maybe suddenly you need to know the average length of the gestation period of crocodiles even though you're watching a romantic comedy containing precisely zero crocodiles) or make a coffee or go outside for a ciggie (yeah yeah, shhhh about bad habits) or reply to a text from someone or rewind the film occasionally because you weren't paying attention and need to watch part of it again (sometimes the same part five times, because you failed to pay attention more than once).


 

Sources are conflicting so it's a bit confusing, but it seems like 80-90 days is roughly the typical gestation period for crocodiles btw. I mean, obviously I was going to google that now.

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Oh damn, that's a mammals-only word, yeah? Incubation period, then. Although when googling, two of the pages I read used the word 'gestation'. Confusing. 🤨

 

I dunno. I'm tired, I've been awake for nearly 30 hours. 😂

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Olallieberry
1 minute ago, Ceebs said:

when googling, two of the pages I read used the word 'gestation'.

yeah, no, exactly, that's why I'm damned, I had no idea (I found the same thing)

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I swear to god many derails aren't my fault, yet somehow I'm always involved. 😂

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On 6/1/2023 at 7:58 AM, Freddie56 said:

Something I havent seen posted anywhere....how to deal with MY trauma of finding out my wife of 50 years is and has been asexual all along and is now denying me any sexual relations at all. This all came out in an announcement from my wife with no warning, no build up, just blurted out like she had just discovered she could play golf or something. 50 years of LIES and making me think something was wrong with ME for needing and wanting NORMAL relations. Yeah I said NORMAL, go ahead and try to legitimize ACE all you want...but the NORMAL life of a married couple involves sex. "OH my god you're so brave for admitting that you aren't horny"....but what about the other person that got screwed only in a figurative way? SO Ive WASTED 50 years on a cold personality. I coulda been with someone who liked me. 

Jesus man, you don't even sound like you liked your wife, I feel sorry for her. She's not the cold personality here; I'm not even going to touch your bigoted statements with a 10-foot pole.

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  • 6 months later...

As my asexual husband says, after years of marriage “would you leave me if I were sick?”.

so. I wonder if all my dis eases are a result of not having a sexual or sensual Element in life.

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kamikaze4kanojo
8 hours ago, Taniat said:

As my asexual husband says, after years of marriage “would you leave me if I were sick?”.

so. I wonder if all my dis eases are a result of not having a sexual or sensual Element in life.

Hi there, would you like to elaborate on your story a little more? It appears to be your first post, and I'm feeling a lot of frustration there, I'm sure you'll find some good support here if you feel inclined to share.

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