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Kegluneq117

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Kegluneq117

Brief background.  Currently in the midst of getting a novel. My 15 year old niece had asked that I write a character in like her. An asexual character because she doesn't get to see that represented in media very much. The only way I would be willing to do that is if I had help. I'm not asexual nor do I know anybody it. That's why I am here, to ask for help in understanding.  While yes I could Google all the information,  Google doesn't exactly tell me how it feels to be this. My characters are written for the audience to FEEL them, to relate to them. To do that I need a real person to talk to someone.  Thank you for your time

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Monke Jimmy

There are a lot of asexual experiences that people have, from discrimination to ignorance to indifference, and aces have a lot of different feelings about things like relationships and sex. Some really want a relationship but have never liked anyone. Others think that sex and/or romance is gross and/or doesn't make sense at all. 

I think that the best way for you to write a character like your niece is to base part of the character off of your niece. Maybe you should ask how she thinks and feels about relationships and how the world views her as an asexual. 

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Kegluneq117

I've talked with her at length about it. I made the character older than her. For her, that journey of self discovery just started. That's why I was looking at different experiences and things that this community would wish would be represented properly.  If anything I want it to be something that's done right.

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What age-range is this character in?

Are they just discovering their asexuality? Exploring it? Are the comfortable with their asexuality yet, or does that still need work? Would there be any romantic interests for this character? Do they have family or friends? 
What kind of world do they live in? 
 

I find it very hard to give advice without knowing the character’s situation more clearly. There are too many directions this could go. There are as many asexual experiences as there are asexuals.

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Kegluneq117

Character Billy Vaughn

Age: appears 30 actually 130

Realm: Earth originally from Eden

Brief Background 

Billy was born during the invasion of his country by Zelaticus, a religious country in the midst of a crusade to convert the world to their religion.  Billy spent most of his life in hiding until he was forcefully recruited to fight for his country. (Fast forward) Billy's country of Valland eventually fights off the invasion but at the cost of many lives. During the reconstruction Billy beneath the city a portal that was used to send prisoners of war to a "prison world". Someone who we haven't figured out yet throws him into said portal and he ends up on Earth. 

Ling story short because he's a brand new character,  Billy works for the Wildlife Division of a group called the Guardians.  Billy knows he is asexual but doesn't realize there's a term for it. He looks at himself as strange for not wanting that type of connection.  For him though, constantly hiding and fighting he never found a way to connect to people.  

His family is alive, he just hasn't seen them in thirty years.

Friends....he really sucks at being social. 

Love interest for him I did something different.  She hasn't been introduced yet, Aria. (Still working on her) Aria was a scientist before she died during the events of the first book. She was designing an AI that used a human consciousness as it's base then would build upon that. When Billy meets her she is an AI. He develops a connection to her since like him that physical need isn't there. A deeper bond form's between the two. 

 

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First of all, I think this is awesome! 

 

If you want to be able to portray how asexuality feels, imagine how you'd feel if someone who isn't the gender you're attracted to hit on you. Kinda blah, right? You might even think they're conventionally attractive... but you're not attracted to them.

 

(not saying all aces feel this way but I personally have that blah feeling in response to everyone)

 

I'm not 130 (or even 30) so I don't really know what experiences he would face. Honestly, questions and pressure about dating from friends and family are the most I deal with. 

 

I don't know if it would fit into the plot, but honestly a scene with an ace character learns what asexuality means and realizing that it describes them would've been really helpful to me as a teen. 

 

27 minutes ago, Kegluneq117 said:

Friends....he really sucks at being social. 

I would be careful not to equate being ace with being socially awkward. I know you weren't, it's just a trope I've noticed in the few books with ace characters I've read. 

 

One tip I found was helpful - if you're afraid of stereotyping a character in a certain demographic, include multiple characters from that demographic! It's a way to show "hey not all _____ people are alike" not tell.

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This story sounds cool!

 

It sounds like Billy is in a bit of a tough spot regarding their own sexuality. 
With their general lack of social connections, it wouldn’t be unusual for loneliness to worsen the feeling they are strange for their lack of attraction. Billy might worry about being broken or that they are missing something others have and will never get a lasting romantic partner. Negative self esteem and self-concept is a real possibility. 


With Aria around, it doesn’t seem like you intend Billy to be aro-ace.
How much does Billy want a romantic relationship?

On that note, has Billy attempted to have any romantic relationships prior to Aria, or have other people tried to court Billy? That adds a whole list of possibly very uncomfortable situations Billy may have experienced. On the other hand, if Billy has avoided getting into a relationship specifically to avoid such things, that is fine, too.

How detailed is Billy’s knowledge of their own preferences and boundaries? How are hugs? Kisses? Cuddling?

Is Billy sex repulsed? If so, to what extent?

If Billy is not repulsed, is it just a more neutral “it’s fine for others, but I’d rather not if I have a choice” or “I don’t see the appeal.”

What other kinds of attraction does Billy experience? Is it mainly romantic attraction? Aesthetic? Sensual? I’d look into that, if I were you.

 

Assuming the hetero/amatonormativity is similar to what we have here, there would be a lot of small things in the everyday environment that would remind Billy they are odd. Passing sexual comments (example: “Isn’t that girl hot! I’d love to get with her.”) or conversations (“When are you going to find a nice man and get married?”) can be very uncomfortable for some people.There is a lot of societal pressure and expectation to follow a certain schedule for life. Date, find “the one”, propose, have a fancy wedding, get married, have kids, etc. If you tell people you don’t want these things, a lot of them look at you a little funny. They’ll add things like “just you wait, you’ll find someone and your whole world will change!” 

Then there is the problem of explaining it to people. You’d think just saying “I do not experience sexual attraction” would be enough, and for some it will be, but others will not believe it. They do not think it is possible for someone to lack sexual attraction. This can lead to harassment, bullying, exclusion—if this wasn’t happening already due to either Billy’s already friendless existence. There have been a few cases of… forced sexual activity to “correct” or “fix” asexuals, but this risk seems unlikely given Billy’s age and fighting experience. Of course, I’m not sure of the norms in this setting, so that isn’t a sure thing… I hope you don’t take that direction.

Billy could also lie, and not disclose their asexuality. 
 

There are so many things you could think about, and I’m sure I’m missing a ton of the general information even after writing all this.

I couldn’t put it all down if I tried. 
I guess you had best look at some of the topics around AVEN? 

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Kegluneq117

I'll have to keep it in mind. His social awkwardness is a result of not forming social bonds in his developing stages. Instead he was scavenging food or trying not to die. I'll have to be careful with that though. 

As for his learning about himself scene there's another character that he has massive tension with. She's a half gorgon unaware of her heritage.  She straight up looks just like an average human.  Billy is able to determine she's half gorgon after hearing she has an ability to lockdown a person's movement by looking at them. So socially awkward Billy looks towards her rear to see if she has a tail or something because he's never met a gorgon before.  She takes it as sexual harassment and it leads to this awkward tension between them until they talk it out. They become friends and eventually he asks why she doesn't date to where she tells him about her attraction to women. She is the first person he talks to about how he feels. I'll definitely need advice for that part

 

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Kegluneq117

Samara. Slight spoiler. Billy is Veitmond. Souls of the dead that died for a cause who were reincarnated when the spirit of earth (for lack of a better name at this point) needs them. They are human in every way except they do not reproduce.  Most his kind do have those urges but Billy never did. (I tried keeping at as normal for his race to do the act to highlight his struggle of self discovery and to show that just because it's normal for others doesn't mean you have to be like them)  

Now Billy has coworkers.  He thinks of people as coworkers. Yes, he is curious about friendship and the one person he actually trusts is his boss. A person with Dissociative Identity Disorder who believes he's a god. Technically he kinda is but moving on. He's at that point where he feels like he's different.  He doesn't understand why. He can look at someone and see they are beautiful but there's no sexual undertones to it like some men

He's only ever hugged his mother. For him it's a childish thing. Eventually that will change.

He's never kissed.

Cuddling either.

He's a 130 year old virgin.

He is curious about the deed but not out of a "omg fap fap" deal and more of a curiosity.  Problem is for him that comes with a level of intimacy he's not certain he can share with just anyone. 

On the subject of attraction he usually keeps his apartment locked and never let's anyone in. He's sort of a sucker for those Hallmark movies. The idea of a person giving a part of themselves to him out of a romantic gesture is something that he does daydream about.

Preferences...he finds personality attractive. Gender does not matter to him at all. Veitmond are way less...what's the word..judgy? Their concept of family is different than ours.

Anyway Aria comes into the picture much later. I don't want to ruin his development with a need for love. I want it to be shown you can be happy without a relationship.  The friendships he makes will be what he's looking for. Aria will only be an AI that he won't be able to physically touch but it will supply him with a type of intimacy he craved.

The world is ours 2025. Sane political climate, same everything with the exception of famous businesses having new names and for 12 years a renewable energy source was found but the government is trying to push it down to continue making money with fossil fuels.

Billy's world doesn't come into play for a while.

Half the story takes place on a different world that you go to when you die.

If I missed one of your points I apologize 

 

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You can PM me and ask questions if you want.

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