Aces with fetishes and/or kinks, tell me about your experiences

[Frac]

On 1/31/2022 at 9:08 PM, magic8ball said:

How does it affect/not affect your asexuality? Do you identify more with your kink or your asexuality? Have you ever interacted with it before in real life? If you haven't do you want to?

Yup, one of those people. It doesn't really have anything to do with my partner preference, but the combination certainly makes me feel that much more alienated from other people. For example, I guess the concept of "aegosexuality" sort of applies to me, but a lot of people identifying with that label just like sex in this kind of detached, abstract way, while I don't, so sometimes I feel like too much of a freak to really relate to them. On the other hand, most kinky people want to do things with other people, but I don't, so I also feel "too asexual" for them. In the end, I feel that my asexuality is the important thing because it defines my relationships, while the kinkiness is almost like an afterthought.

 

It feels like a cosmic joke that life has nevertheless provided me with plenty of chances to explore that stuff, but I just DGAF. 😂

For example, there was this time when an objectively attractive and popular person had a not-so-subtle crush on me, and unknowingly did something that might be a "thing" of mine... repeatedly. I honestly don't even remember that much about it because I just wasn't interested, but it's pretty hilarious that this "opportunity" was wasted on me of all people, when practically everyone else was talking about how hot they are behind their back.

[EmeraldIce]

On 2/20/2022 at 10:13 PM, A as in artist said:

I thought I couldn’t be ace because I like to fantasize about a kink that sexually arouses me (and involves erogenous zones in some capacity). But I realized recently that even when engaging with material related to said kink I get grossed out if it goes in an explicitly sexual direction and is not kept in the realm of foreplay. Now it seems more like allosexuality is about desiring to have full-on sex with people, and I don’t think I identify with that. But this is all very new and confusing for me so I’m not quite sure what it means for me. Regardless, exploring this kink through fantasy has played a huge part in helping me discover my identity and figure out what I actually want and enjoy

The way I understand it, being ace means that you are not attracted to anyone. It doesn't mean you can't be turned on by things other than humans.

[EmeraldIce]

On 1/31/2022 at 11:08 AM, magic8ball said:

So if you do have a fetish and/or kink, tell me about it. You don't necessarily have to disclose what it is if you don't want to, but I'd love to hear anything you feel is important about it. How does it affect/not affect your asexuality? Do you identify more with your kink or your asexuality? Have you ever interacted with it before in real life? If you haven't do you want to? 

I'm a sub/masochist. I grew up idolizing book/movie characters who go through a lot of torment at the hands of others and yet take everything in stride and respond with only kindness. That's sort of how it all started. Being hit and dominated, for lack of a better explanation, simply makes me feel like a better person.

 

At first, it wasn't anything sexual and I didn't act on it. But that all changed in high school when I watched a video of judicial caning. It triggered something in me I didn't know I had, and I later realized it was my latent sexuality. I started learning to masturbate to videos and stories involving spanking and rape and cheating, and I also hit myself from time to time, though it was difficult to do so to the extent that I would like.

 

I'm not into the BDSM aesthetic. I hate the leather and latex seen in BDSM porn and I hate it when the scene is accompanied by sexual play. While I do get sexual pleasure from seeing people hit and dominated, I don't want to visualize people doing it for that reason. I hate erotic show, I hate fake or exaggerated cry, I hate seeing the sub visibly enjoying the experience. I want to see punishment, force, and I want to see the sub try to hold it in and only cry if they can't hold it in any longer.

 

Recently, my husband and I have started doing some impact play for real. I still have to convince him that it's okay to spank me harder and longer, but he's getting more comfortable with it. Before, what turned me on was mostly the idea of spanking. Nowadays, I find myself actually liking the sensation and crave more even while it's happening. It's way better than sex itself! And on the rare occasion it leaves me with a bit of a sore bottom, it keeps me aroused all day.

 

As far as how my fetish interacts with my asexuality, I think it's a gift. To this day (I'm in my 30's), it remains practically the only way to turn me on sexually. Before I discovered this, I had no idea what it felt like to be sexually aroused, and now I do. I felt like I was missing out on this experience that people told me was universal, and whereas I still have never desired sex with another person, nor do I know what it's like to feel sexually attracted to another person, at least I now understand what it means to have a sexual urge. And it works well in a relationship because even if you're willing to have sex for your partner's sake, the fact is that many people take it hard when they can't please you in bed. Some people even find it a turn-off. At least with a fetish, they know of ONE way to please you.

[You dont know who I am]

TLDR it’s not sexual or non-sexual but a secret, third thing

 

I’m biromantic asexual. I get zero genital stimulation from kink but I have a deep euphoric fascination with it. Body horror is alluring. I have a fetish for hands, I fixate on their hands when I have a crush on someone. I’m very dominant as a person which shows in my relationships with other people, romantic or otherwise. I’m an artist, I create characters and stories which are deeply connected to my sexuality. Im pretty sexually frustrated, masturbation is unsatisfying. I haven’t felt “turned on” in my day-to-day life since i was a teen, but my libido was overwhelming and repressed in my childhood. I felt so much shame about it that shame is my only genuine sexual turn-on. This is all very confusing and lonely, for a while I gave up figuring it out and lied to myself that I was bisexual

[yummyscrumbly]

On 4/12/2022 at 10:28 PM, EmeraldIce said:

I'm a sub/masochist. I grew up idolizing book/movie characters who go through a lot of torment at the hands of others and yet take everything in stride and respond with only kindness. That's sort of how it all started. Being hit and dominated, for lack of a better explanation, simply makes me feel like a better person.

 

At first, it wasn't anything sexual and I didn't act on it. But that all changed in high school when I watched a video of judicial caning. It triggered something in me I didn't know I had, and I later realized it was my latent sexuality. I started learning to masturbate to videos and stories involving spanking and rape and cheating, and I also hit myself from time to time, though it was difficult to do so to the extent that I would like.

 

I'm not into the BDSM aesthetic. I hate the leather and latex seen in BDSM porn and I hate it when the scene is accompanied by sexual play. While I do get sexual pleasure from seeing people hit and dominated, I don't want to visualize people doing it for that reason. I hate erotic show, I hate fake or exaggerated cry, I hate seeing the sub visibly enjoying the experience. I want to see punishment, force, and I want to see the sub try to hold it in and only cry if they can't hold it in any longer.

 

Recently, my husband and I have started doing some impact play for real. I still have to convince him that it's okay to spank me harder and longer, but he's getting more comfortable with it. Before, what turned me on was mostly the idea of spanking. Nowadays, I find myself actually liking the sensation and crave more even while it's happening. It's way better than sex itself! And on the rare occasion it leaves me with a bit of a sore bottom, it keeps me aroused all day.

 

As far as how my fetish interacts with my asexuality, I think it's a gift. To this day (I'm in my 30's), it remains practically the only way to turn me on sexually. Before I discovered this, I had no idea what it felt like to be sexually aroused, and now I do. I felt like I was missing out on this experience that people told me was universal, and whereas I still have never desired sex with another person, nor do I know what it's like to feel sexually attracted to another person, at least I now understand what it means to have a sexual urge. And it works well in a relationship because even if you're willing to have sex for your partner's sake, the fact is that many people take it hard when they can't please you in bed. Some people even find it a turn-off. At least with a fetish, they know of ONE way to please you.

I have a similar experience! Intense CNC kink, when I watch porn I want to believe the person role playing as being taken advantage of isn’t enjoying it even though I know they’re a paid actor. I am strictly a sub and bottom. I’ve always fantasized about being out of control in sexual situations in out of this world fantasies since early elementary school lol. Like being immobile and naked in a museum where my different body parts are sectioned off into different rooms with tools for passer bys to interact with and I can’t see what’s gonna happen to me. Now finally acknowledging my asexuality and aromanticism I’m able to be comfortable like never before, and it’s making me curious about intimacy I find overwhelming both socially and sensory wise. I tried sex before despite not experiencing sexual attraction because I was aroused and had never wanted to have sex before so I thought about it for a week then went ahead. Ended up being alright. Way more pleasurable than masterbation but is something I can live without. Mainly had planned to try sex a specific day and then when it was set up and we had like cuddled and her kissing my neck and ears and such made me libido go off we moved ahead to her going down on me. It felt maybe too abrupt and I remember feeling really nervous but I wanted to even though I was full of hesitation. And I wish I had like said pause. It felt mean to say no or I don’t want to or I changed my mind felt too definitive. Cause Id never experienced intimacy outside of a couple makeouts (like 3 and barely, very calm ones) so realizing I could enjoy being kissed sometimes and that that coupled with cuddling and soft intimate but non-sexual touch turned me on- I wanted to do something about it cause that’s what my body was telling me to do. Haven’t felt horny in the way where I wanted to have sex about it since tho lol. I think it’s just in a blue moon or smth. I also consistently didn’t respect my own physical boundaries in rhat relationship  so even though the sex was good and I was communicating the bare minimum, so much had gone unsaid for so long that I ended up breaking it off. Realized sex was fun with her but she was just my friend vs she told me she thought she was falling in love with me like the second time we had sex during it it was so awkward what do you say! who says that in that situation like how do I not hurt your feelings. Getting off track processing my last relationship regret and things but I huge part of why the sex was so mid aside from the lack of communication on my part (less sexually, she was good at what she did I didn’t need to tell her lol) was my inability to participate in my kink. I have an intense one and I didn’t disclose it to her cause I knew she really didn’t like being in a dom role. So the whole time I’m just closing my eyes so I can focus on the physical sensations and imagine my body as someone else’s in a different context that more accurately meets my kink. Ie pretending that I’m in a role play where it’s rapeplay and that she’s into that sort of thing. I identify a lot with aegosexuality cause i’m practice it’s just not as good I always feel out of my body. I haven’t tried sex post gender affirming surgery tho and I also made 100% of intimacy and boundary and emotional decisions in that relationship while high on pot which messed with my communication and interception and made the bodily sensations way more sensitive and pleasurable than usual. I am looking forward to presenting more honestly in future dynamics and also I just have to be sober to make those decisions. I grew up my whole childhood googling ‘rape’ and the like when i wanted to get off and it made me believe I was a terrible person. Turns of CNC is super common and also often a trauma response or how your brain responds to the fear of SA even if you haven’t experienced it. My mom was SA’d and wanted me to be safe from that as a child and well-meaning as they were- they detailed every last part of their assault to me at a young age and I didn’t know how to process it so I got a kink. I remember being a child and masterbating to that scene in the incredible where the dad gets caught in those sticky balls and progressively suffocates in them until he looses consciousness. I have some desire to have sex, mainly for fun and to be able to feel safe exploring kink I felt ashamed of my whole life and still do, and also because idk last time I think I know what went wrong and if the opportunity presents itself and I’m feeling it, I might do it! That’s been the most freeing part of asexual acceptance is finally taking back my sexuality and what it means for me. Hope this resonates with someone ❤️

[yummyscrumbly]

On 4/12/2022 at 10:28 PM, EmeraldIce said:

I'm a sub/masochist. I grew up idolizing book/movie characters who go through a lot of torment at the hands of others and yet take everything in stride and respond with only kindness. That's sort of how it all started. Being hit and dominated, for lack of a better explanation, simply makes me feel like a better person.

 

At first, it wasn't anything sexual and I didn't act on it. But that all changed in high school when I watched a video of judicial caning. It triggered something in me I didn't know I had, and I later realized it was my latent sexuality. I started learning to masturbate to videos and stories involving spanking and rape and cheating, and I also hit myself from time to time, though it was difficult to do so to the extent that I would like.

 

I'm not into the BDSM aesthetic. I hate the leather and latex seen in BDSM porn and I hate it when the scene is accompanied by sexual play. While I do get sexual pleasure from seeing people hit and dominated, I don't want to visualize people doing it for that reason. I hate erotic show, I hate fake or exaggerated cry, I hate seeing the sub visibly enjoying the experience. I want to see punishment, force, and I want to see the sub try to hold it in and only cry if they can't hold it in any longer.

 

Recently, my husband and I have started doing some impact play for real. I still have to convince him that it's okay to spank me harder and longer, but he's getting more comfortable with it. Before, what turned me on was mostly the idea of spanking. Nowadays, I find myself actually liking the sensation and crave more even while it's happening. It's way better than sex itself! And on the rare occasion it leaves me with a bit of a sore bottom, it keeps me aroused all day.

 

As far as how my fetish interacts with my asexuality, I think it's a gift. To this day (I'm in my 30's), it remains practically the only way to turn me on sexually. Before I discovered this, I had no idea what it felt like to be sexually aroused, and now I do. I felt like I was missing out on this experience that people told me was universal, and whereas I still have never desired sex with another person, nor do I know what it's like to feel sexually attracted to another person, at least I now understand what it means to have a sexual urge. And it works well in a relationship because even if you're willing to have sex for your partner's sake, the fact is that many people take it hard when they can't please you in bed. Some people even find it a turn-off. At least with a fetish, they know of ONE way to please you.

I have a similar experience! Intense CNC kink, when I watch porn I want to believe the person role playing as being taken advantage of isn’t enjoying it even though I know they’re a paid actor. I am strictly a sub and bottom. I’ve always fantasized about being out of control in sexual situations in out of this world fantasies since early elementary school lol. Like being immobile and naked in a museum where my different body parts are sectioned off into different rooms with tools for passer bys to interact with and I can’t see what’s gonna happen to me. Now finally acknowledging my asexuality and aromanticism I’m able to be comfortable like never before, and it’s making me curious about intimacy I find overwhelming both socially and sensory wise. I tried sex before despite not experiencing sexual attraction because I was aroused and had never wanted to have sex before so I thought about it for a week then went ahead. Ended up being alright. Way more pleasurable than masterbation but is something I can live without. Mainly had planned to try sex a specific day and then when it was set up and we had like cuddled and her kissing my neck and ears and such made me libido go off we moved ahead to her going down on me. It felt maybe too abrupt and I remember feeling really nervous but I wanted to even though I was full of hesitation. And I wish I had like said pause. It felt mean to say no or I don’t want to or I changed my mind felt too definitive. Cause Id never experienced intimacy outside of a couple makeouts (like 3 and barely, very calm ones) so realizing I could enjoy being kissed sometimes and that that coupled with cuddling and soft intimate but non-sexual touch turned me on- I wanted to do something about it cause that’s what my body was telling me to do. Haven’t felt horny in the way where I wanted to have sex about it since tho lol. I think it’s just in a blue moon or smth. I also consistently didn’t respect my own physical boundaries in rhat relationship  so even though the sex was good and I was communicating the bare minimum, so much had gone unsaid for so long that I ended up breaking it off. Realized sex was fun with her but she was just my friend vs she told me she thought she was falling in love with me like the second time we had sex during it it was so awkward what do you say! who says that in that situation like how do I not hurt your feelings. Getting off track processing my last relationship regret and things but I huge part of why the sex was so mid aside from the lack of communication on my part (less sexually, she was good at what she did I didn’t need to tell her lol) was my inability to participate in my kink. I have an intense one and I didn’t disclose it to her cause I knew she really didn’t like being in a dom role. So the whole time I’m just closing my eyes so I can focus on the physical sensations and imagine my body as someone else’s in a different context that more accurately meets my kink. Ie pretending that I’m in a role play where it’s rapeplay and that she’s into that sort of thing. I identify a lot with aegosexuality cause i’m practice it’s just not as good I always feel out of my body. I haven’t tried sex post gender affirming surgery tho and I also made 100% of intimacy and boundary and emotional decisions in that relationship while high on pot which messed with my communication and interception and made the bodily sensations way more sensitive and pleasurable than usual. I am looking forward to presenting more honestly in future dynamics and also I just have to be sober to make those decisions. I grew up my whole childhood googling ‘rape’ and the like when i wanted to get off and it made me believe I was a terrible person. Turns of CNC is super common and also often a trauma response or how your brain responds to the fear of SA even if you haven’t experienced it. My mom was SA’d and wanted me to be safe from that as a child and well-meaning as they were- they detailed every last part of their assault to me at a young age and I didn’t know how to process it so I got a kink. I remember being a child and masterbating to that scene in the incredible where the dad gets caught in those sticky balls and progressively suffocates in them until he looses consciousness. I have some desire to have sex, mainly for fun and to be able to feel safe exploring kink I felt ashamed of my whole life and still do, and also because idk last time I think I know what went wrong and if the opportunity presents itself and I’m feeling it, I might do it! That’s been the most freeing part of asexual acceptance is finally taking back my sexuality and what it means for me. Hope this resonates with someone ❤️

[RedMack]

So I’m a sex positive ace and my kinks make me enjoy sex a lot more but even then i think of it more as a “ intimate trust exercise” rather that sex. I like the intimacy that I can get from sex but I don’t feel sexual attraction to the person or people I’m engaging in it with. The kinks/fetishes just help my mind stay focused on in it rather than jumping elsewhere. 
 

I am currently dating a sex repulsed ace though. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need sex from people for intimacy. I actually really don’t like the thought of sex with my current partner because I worry that it would change our relationship, so for us it works that they’re sex repulsed. They also have some kinks that they want to try in a completely non sexual way. Bondage is a big one for them. It’s more of finding a way to do a scene that gets them in a headspace but involves no sex. Being tied up while playing a game is one. Or cuddling with a rope harness on. Suspending them in a way that looks like art and doing a photo shoot. It’s a lot harder for us to do more power exchange things but there are some ways we engage in kink with no sexual interactions at all. 
 

there is also a really good article on asexuality and kink from the barefoot backpacker that I apparently can’t link but it’s a good read. 

[SakuraMochi1]

Personally, I have a fat fetish and also weight gain/ stuffing related stuff. I like when belly big and squishy basically. And thicc thighs. But I'm still ace. I also really like the humilation part when someone's clothes no longer fit/ button popping. I was pretty active in the feederism community a while ago because of this. 

[BarefootJedi]

Still new to the AVEN Community but I found this thread while looking for the same topic.

 

I’m a homoromantic but with an intense bisexual foot fetish/kink. I’ve been self-conscious about it since before puberty. Not sure how it started but I suspect it’s due to some form of “mal-imprinting” during early childhood development. 
 

Not gonna lie; it’s always been difficult to talk about it. Research shows that foot fetish is the most common fetish, but there are times where I feel like I’m the only one. I don’t carry as much baggage around it as I used to but I feel the need to keep it a secret because I’m well aware that it’s repulsive to many people.

 

I have indulged my fetish with other individuals but not in the sense where my focus ever strayed from feet. I don’t really know how it affects my Asexuality since it’s still my first day here and I’m still trying to figure this all out.  There doesn’t appear to be a consensus about kinks and where they fall into the spectrum although there seems to be a majority of people who say it’s a “gray” area. I see some people suggesting that a fetish is a sexual attraction but is it really considered as such if the focus is purely tied to a specific body part like the foot? Yes, I find feet arousing. Yes, I fantasize about worshipping them to the point where I experience orgasm but I don’t really think so much about the person they’re attached to. Furthermore, I don’t necessarily perceive feet as having gender despite the gender of the person they belong to. In other words, I don’t necessarily see “male” feet or “female” feet—I just see feet.

 

Hopefully I’ll figure this all out someday. If anyone has any feedback, please share.

 

Peace, love and happiness 

[The Long Quiet]

On 11/21/2024 at 10:26 PM, BarefootJedi said:

Still new to the AVEN Community but I found this thread while looking for the same topic.

 

I’m a homoromantic but with an intense bisexual foot fetish/kink. I’ve been self-conscious about it since before puberty. Not sure how it started but I suspect it’s due to some form of “mal-imprinting” during early childhood development. 
 

Not gonna lie; it’s always been difficult to talk about it. Research shows that foot fetish is the most common fetish, but there are times where I feel like I’m the only one. I don’t carry as much baggage around it as I used to but I feel the need to keep it a secret because I’m well aware that it’s repulsive to many people.

 

I have indulged my fetish with other individuals but not in the sense where my focus ever strayed from feet. I don’t really know how it affects my Asexuality since it’s still my first day here and I’m still trying to figure this all out.  There doesn’t appear to be a consensus about kinks and where they fall into the spectrum although there seems to be a majority of people who say it’s a “gray” area. I see some people suggesting that a fetish is a sexual attraction but is it really considered as such if the focus is purely tied to a specific body part like the foot? Yes, I find feet arousing. Yes, I fantasize about worshipping them to the point where I experience orgasm but I don’t really think so much about the person they’re attached to. Furthermore, I don’t necessarily perceive feet as having gender despite the gender of the person they belong to. In other words, I don’t necessarily see “male” feet or “female” feet—I just see feet.

 

Hopefully I’ll figure this all out someday. If anyone has any feedback, please share.

 

Peace, love and happiness 

Fellow foot lover here... I'm reaching the point where I hate using the term fetish, because it makes it sound like what we feel is unhealthy and obsessive desire, as opposed to deep appreciation or even love.

That said, much of what you say here feels so familiar! In particular, the part about it being the only thing that can trigger sexual arousal, and even then, not as a prelude to sex. In point of fact, I don't know if this is the same for you, but the sexual arousal stemming from thinking about feet or engaging in foot play is more of an unfortunate side-effect for me. Sure, it feels great, but in my experience, it's almost a distraction from the enjoyment of the feet themselves.

 

I am curious about something you said though... You say that for you, feet are just feet. You can detach the actual person from them in your head, and just focus on the feet themselves. If you don't mind my asking, how exactly does that work? That is to say, if you could somehow just have a disembodied pair of feet to play with, you would be ok with that? You have no need of some sort of personality driving the feet you want to worship?

 

I'm only asking because, as you might be able to tell, this is not something I can do. While it is true that I find feet of certain sizes, shapes, and textures aesthetically pleasing, for me, there needs to be a human (or other fantastical creature in case of fantasy), in control of those feet. This is because I need someone to either convince/force me to worship their feet, or someone to appreciate, or at the very least acknowledge, my attention to their feet.

Again, this doesn't have to be a sexual at... In fact, I would very much prefer it not to be. This is why I absolutely can't stand most foot-related content on the interwebs, because sooner or later, sex or sexual discussion or reference to sexual arousal would be brought up, and that would immediately shut me down.

 

Regardless, I'd be very curious to know more about how your particular flavour of this fetish works, either through discussion on here or via PM if it's too personal to discuss openly. It's so great to have finally found a space to safely talk about this without it being so obnoxiously and unnecessarily sexualized!

[Miss Grey]

My fetish is the only thing I've been able to masturbate to my entire life, which I suppose helped me realise I was asexual. It's also something I find arousing only in fiction and am actually disgusted by irl. 🤷‍♀️I blame all the weird gross-out humour I was subjected to in my childhood cartoons!

I'm grateful to have it nevertheless. It'd be very hard to satisfy my libido otherwise!

[BarefootJedi]

On 11/29/2024 at 11:49 AM, The Long Quiet said:

Fellow foot lover here... I'm reaching the point where I hate using the term fetish, because it makes it sound like what we feel is unhealthy and obsessive desire, as opposed to deep appreciation or even love.

I’ve never been fond of the word “fetish” either. In comparison to other preferences, you never hear the term “boob fetish” or “butt fetish.”

 

On 11/29/2024 at 11:49 AM, The Long Quiet said:

That said, much of what you say here feels so familiar! In particular, the part about it being the only thing that can trigger sexual arousal, and even then, not as a prelude to sex. In point of fact, I don't know if this is the same for you, but the sexual arousal stemming from thinking about feet or engaging in foot play is more of an unfortunate side-effect for me. Sure, it feels great, but in my experience, it's almost a distraction from the enjoyment of the feet themselves.

I can relate to what you’re describing. It’s like eating a delicious meal too fast. You’re anxious to feel full but you’re not really taking the time to enjoy the experience. At the same time, however, I’ve not had the pleasure of being in a relationship with someone in a long time. Most of my satisfaction comes from looking at pictures of feet of watching foot porn.

On 11/29/2024 at 11:49 AM, The Long Quiet said:

I am curious about something you said though... You say that for you, feet are just feet. You can detach the actual person from them in your head, and just focus on the feet themselves. If you don't mind my asking, how exactly does that work? That is to say, if you could somehow just have a disembodied pair of feet to play with, you would be ok with that? You have no need of some sort of personality driving the feet you want to worship?

My desire for feet is predominantly just that. I’m well aware they are attached to an actual person but I don’t necessarily need their undivided attention for me to enjoy the experience with feet. Not quite sure how to describe it but it’s as if my brain can totally ignore the rest of the person. They could likewise ignore me too. I can get so “ hyper-focused” on the feet that nothing else matters to me. I don’t really need any further participation from the person in order for me to enjoy the experience.

 

I will say, however, there was a time when I was dating someone and my foot fetish was something that they personally found arousing. I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone who felt any pleasure from it except for this one particular person. They knew exactly how to tease me and distract me with their feet. Some of the most in tense situations often stemmed from both of us worshiping their feet at the same time. But that was a rare situation for me and not one that I need.

 

You mentioned something that I’d like to ask you about…

On 11/29/2024 at 11:49 AM, The Long Quiet said:

Again, this doesn't have to be a sexual at... In fact, I would very much prefer it not to be. This is why I absolutely can't stand most foot-related content on the interwebs, because sooner or later, sex or sexual discussion or reference to sexual arousal would be brought up, and that would immediately shut me down.

For me this IS about gratification. 99% of the time, my enjoyment of feet leads to masturbation. Again, I’m not in a relationship with anyone so I don’t have the ability to enjoy feet in an intimate setting. I get that I’m asexual. I do, however, feel horny. Foot-related content usually satisfies my libido. But I don’t really see foot-play as a gateway to any other desire for sexual contact. It’s very unlikely that I would start at the feet and “work my way up.”

 

I’ve engaged in conversations with other feet aficionados and the common thread is that we enjoy getting off on feet. Perhaps I’m misinterpreting what you wrote but it sounds to me as if you prefer to avoid any sexual gratification from feet. Hopefully you can explain it better.

 

 

Nonetheless, I think we, as a “foot community(?)” should not have to live in shame. It’s important to develop a sense of community where we have the freedom to talk about it, ask questions, and share our experiences. I’ve lived with this for as long as I can remember and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand the science behind it because there a millions of people who are living with the same experiences.

 

I’m always available to talk about my thoughts on the subject. Feel free to inbox me any time!

[TaoL]

I have many kinks, but they rarely happen outside of pure fantasy. A lot are situation/personality based (control, humiliation, CFNM, etc of very specific types of men), others are more visual (burlesque, costumes, art), some I wouldn't enjoy doing in real life due to safety/guilt (recreational discipline, medical kink). I tried out a few things at S&M clubs with very willing participants, but couldn't get past the guilt over causing pain to another human being to fully enjoy it and there was no emotional bond involved which I need. So a lot of those kinks stay as purely fictional work (writing and art when I was younger, now AI or computer games to roleplay and I enjoy the creation process itself). I've never dated anyone that I was strongly physically attracted to, so I don't know if I'd feel different if given the chance to act things out in real life with a compatible partner. I'm very used to doing everything solo now and it tends to be mental/visual rather than physical (i.e. I don't need to orgasm to enjoy various kinks). On the very very rare occasion I meet someone that I'm attracted to, I will fantasise about that specific person in various kink-related scenarios. But it's usually mixed in with a lot of trauma bonding and I can't neatly separate that from genuine attraction.

I seem to be far more kinky than most people I know (certainly compared to any of my exes) and I don't know if I lack interest in vanilla sex as a result of that or if the lack of interest in vanilla sex is the cause (i.e. I still have a libido, so my brain has found other ways to deal with that). I'm also an artist at heart, so very much into the aesthetics of kinks as well. I have a thing for shibari (a type of rope bondage) mainly for the visual/creative aspect. I don't really get turned on by it, but I love tying people up or (these days) watching people be tied up and all the intricate patterns used or how the skin/materials look underneath. Certain textures or materials like silk or leather also 'turn me on' due to synaesthesia and I enjoyed the whole dungeon atmosphere you get in certain clubs regardless of what else was going on. So it's a bit of a mess.

I do wonder if I just have a very disconnected sense of self. I'm rarely 'me' in my fantasies. I'm either another person/character or just a third person 'watcher' that's seeing everything play out like a film. If I had a different body and could be with a partner where there was mutual physical attraction, then perhaps I would enjoy sex more? I don't know. I've tried a couple of VR scenarios that someone created for me and got really into those. Which makes me think perhaps I've just never been in the right situation for me and in a different lifetime in a different body/situation maybe I'd be a complete nympho! 🤣

[lovely_xm07]

On 1/31/2022 at 12:08 PM, magic8ball said:

How does it affect/not affect your asexuality? Do you identify more with your kink or your asexuality? Have you ever interacted with it before in real life? If you haven't do you want to? 

I honestly didn’t think I had any kinks/fetishes and wasn’t aware that aces could have those. That was just because I was uneducated at the time and didn’t know what a kink or fetish was. 😅 Anyway, I do have some fetishes. I’m into BDSM type stuff specifically pegging and femdom. I’m also into people in masks sometimes. At first, I thought it did affect my asexuality and that masturbating or watching porn in general made me less ace. I felt very ashamed like it was out of character and off for me to do.
 

After joining AVEN and further understanding/educating myself on the complexities of asexuality, I felt better. And more valid. Personally, I identify more with my asexuality. Although, I am unashamed of my interests, I don’t necessarily think about them all the time. Just like sex. In fact, I only really think about it when my libido activates a little. I have never interacted with it ever before in real life.

 

I didn’t want to for a while. Now I’m more open to trying some things out. I don’t want to dive deep into the lore, more just dip my toes in it and try it out. I’d try it every time I’d feel like it which I know wouldn’t be often. I do know that I want to try pegging at least once to be honest, but that’s as far as I’m willing to go. It’s basically sex without actually having sex if that makes sense. I know I’d be comfortable with that.
 

Also the masks would help me dissociate. I feel like I would need that because I’m becoming comfortable knowing that sex is just an action. I feel like I could participate in just that but I can’t or don’t want to see the person. Cause once I connect the sex to the person, it gets uncomfortable for me. But again, the masks would help separate the two. 

[lovely_xm07]

I’m really glad this thread exists! Reading these comments helps me understand and validate my feelings. I really identify with the term placiosexual. Which basically means that I like performing sexual acts onto others but I don’t want any do on me. I found this term a while ago like a couple months after finding out I was ace. I remember reading it and thinking, “That could be me.” But I never ventured into that thought more deeply again. 

 

Anyway, I’ve started to venture more into my kinks and started to realized I have a major kink for being dominant in sex. In my last post I mentioned how I wanted to try pegging. I particularly want to try it with a man. Personally, I find the reverse power dynamics to be the most satisfying to me. Having a male be submissive to me would be such a turn on. I’ve also always like being in control. Being the leader in groups. Giving the orders and having people obey/listen to what I say. I just like the power so it makes sense how that desire would venture into the bedroom. I would LOVE being dominate during sex! Like I said, I’m into pegging and I keep watching these videos of these men submitting to their female partners and just getting so turned on. I read accounts from men who have been pegged and they keep saying how much they love it or would love to do it. They express how they find the reverse power dynamics to be hot and the penetration erotic. I, personally, like doing it more towards men because of the reserve power dynamics. I want to be “the man” in this case and just fuck away. I want the man to be “the woman” and know what it’s like to get fucked hard. I want to hear their moans and express how much they are enjoying it. That would be so satisfying to me! I want the man to like getting fucked and scream and beg for more just like women do in traditional sex. 
 

I find this activity so hot and perfect for me. I just want the control and to be dominant. I don’t want anything done to me. If anything is done to me, I’d get sex repulsed and my interest or sexual urges would disappear immediately. All I want is to be doing the acts on the men and that’s it. I genuinely have an interest in giving people pleasure. I want to make people happy and satisfied. It makes me feel good seeing others happy like that, but I just don’t want anything of that done on me. It wouldn’t feel good and I know I wouldn’t enjoy it. But again, performing it on a person is a completely different ordeal. Now back to pegging. It’s like I said earlier of how I want to be “the man” in this case and fuck men. I want to put in them in the same positions that men put women in and fuck them like crazy. I want to watch them get hard and orgasm and enjoy every second of it. I want them to be vocal too. Moan, screaming, yell, curse, whatever just show me you enjoy being controlled and dominated by me. I think another reason I find this dynamic hot is because you know men are typically the ones who are always dominant and controlling in sex. Which is fine but when I meet men who break that norm, it is SO HOT! Men who purposely want to be submissive or just like being submissive is hot. When they want to be dominated by a woman who is typically the submissive one, it just hits different! Like going against societal norms. Like rebelling almost. I find that bit attractive too. 
 

I’m kind of obsessed with men now that I’m into pegging and this idea of “rebelling.” I want to fuck all kinds of men. Masculine men, feminine men, muscular men, thin men, shy men, confident men, tall men, short men, straight men, queer men, trans men, just any man that’s open to it really. I also mentioned in my last post that I wanted to try being a femdom which inherently ties into pegging. Personally, I don’t want to be too deep into the lure of femdom but just scratching the surface where I can be a little rough or demanding is good enough for me. Also I really like anal play. Again, not for me but for the men. I now have just a straight obsession with men’s asses. I want to rim, finger, and fist men while they jerk themselves off. I want that tension to be built up in them. I know this may sound weird but I genuinely would like to explore someone’s ass and feel inside. I feel like I would be genuinely curious to feel it and be inside it. 
 

Weirdly enough, I think curiosity plays into a lot of my kinks. Like if it’s not sexual urges driving my actions it’s curiosity. Like “what if I did this, would you feel it? Oh get he did and he liked it. Well, what about this?” That kind of thinking. I also have a praise kink. Both receiving and giving. I want to tell them they’re doing a good job and I want them to tell me I’m doing a good job. Whether that be through moaning their praises, grunting them, or simply speaking it. I just want to hear that you like it in whatever way possible. I want to get rough as well. Like hair pulling and ass smacking and even soft bondage. Impact play I’d be willing to try. Okay, last kink! I like when men dress up in feminine clothing. Like in fishnets with a skirts, lace tights, and lingerie on men. Again, going on the whole “rebelling against societal norms things.” 
 

Overall, my biggest kink is my need for control and dominance. I desperately want to try this at least once in my life and if I like it I’ll keep going. I just love the idea of submissive men. I want to hear them be vocal and express how much they like it. I just want to be in charge and put them in whatever position I want and listen to my orders. I want them dressing up and I just want them to take it. Gripping the sheets, moaning, with their hard cocks  visible to me, red in the face, moaning, and saying how deep it is. I just want to pleasure them and make them feel good. I just want to be dominant in sex with men and watch it all unfold. That’s it. 🤭 The kink comes from breaking societal norms mixed with plain curiosity. I have a kink for anal play, impact play, pegging, praising, and femdom. I am strictly placiosexual and only want to do those things to other people and not to me. Giving those sexual acts is the only way I can enjoy those sexual acts and continue my sexual interest. No touching me in a sexual way or I might actually throw up. I find men’s physical bodies to be hot along with their moaning. Being with any type of man will do since I find the diversity of men to be appealing as well. I don’t really have a type because I don’t get sexually attracted to anyone. It would be nice if they were in shape and took care of themselves hygienic wise too.

[MetalDan86]

On 1/31/2022 at 1:08 PM, magic8ball said:

I'm curious about this mainly because I think fetishes and kinks are widely accepted in the ace community not heavily talked about. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of discussion on it but it's been rare that I've seen ace people talking about their own kinks or fetishes beyond asking "can I still be ace and have fetish?"

 

So if you do have a fetish and/or kink, tell me about it. You don't necessarily have to disclose what it is if you don't want to, but I'd love to hear anything you feel is important about it. How does it affect/not affect your asexuality? Do you identify more with your kink or your asexuality? Have you ever interacted with it before in real life? If you haven't do you want to? 

 

I really like hearing about peoples individual experiences when it comes to these topics because everyone is really similar but also insanely different at the same time. Share what you want, I would love to hear about it

I do identify with my kink more than my asexuality as it was something that happened well before puberty and was something more “visible” to me than asexuality. It sort of affects my asexuality when intersecting with my autistic and somewhat self-centered cognition, though thinking about the paraphernalia is what turns me on, and not the person necessarily wearing it. As for interactions, there are actually a number of conventions dedicated to it. It was a real joy going to one last year and also meeting a lot of other neurodivergent and ace individuals.

[islayhawkin]

On 1/20/2025 at 9:27 AM, lovely_xm07 said:

I really identify with the term placiosexual

me too! I feel a lot like you on that department. I would be repulsed at someone touching me sexually, like literally it would feel like rape even if it's my partner but I love to pleasure the other. I love having control over him and seeing that I have an effect on what he feels or how his body reacts. I'm also just really really curious and interested in how the male body works and how he reacts if I do something. Kinda in a scientific way because I also do this outside of sexual interactions and I'm autistic so I always want to know HOW things work. I think the concept of edging is something I could be interested in too since it would feel pretty powerful to have that kind of control over someone.

[lovely_xm07]

5 hours ago, islayhawkin said:

me too! I feel a lot like you on that department. I would be repulsed at someone touching me sexually, like literally it would feel like rape even if it's my partner but I love to pleasure the other. I love having control over him and seeing that I have an effect on what he feels or how his body reacts. I'm also just really really curious and interested in how the male body works and how he reacts if I do something. Kinda in a scientific way because I also do this outside of sexual interactions and I'm autistic so I always want to know HOW things work. I think the concept of edging is something I could be interested in too since it would feel pretty powerful to have that kind of control over someone.

Oh My God!! I am so glad someone gets it!!! That’s EXACTLY how I feel. I didn’t mention it before because I didn’t want to sound like I was over exaggerating but if anything sexual was done to me, I would feel like rape to me also. I would genuinely find it so incredibly repulsive and honestly flat out scary! I mean, of course, I feel this way I’m still asexual! I DON’T want to be touched in any way at all. But I TOTALLY get what you mean on the fascination with the male body!!! I also sometimes would think about partaking in some sexual deeds just because I’m flat out curious to see how they would react. Like I would see it on a scientific level as well!! “If I touch here then, oh he liked it I guess.” Like you know what I mean?? I am just genuinely curious and would like to know how it works. And of course, I just love the idea of being in control. I’d prefer it that way and I think it meshes well with the idea that I’m placiosexual.

[Ksenia]

On 1/20/2025 at 3:27 PM, lovely_xm07 said:

I’m really glad this thread exists! Reading these comments helps me understand and validate my feelings. I really identify with the term placiosexual. Which basically means that I like performing sexual acts onto others but I don’t want any do on me. I found this term a while ago like a couple months after finding out I was ace. I remember reading it and thinking, “That could be me.” But I never ventured into that thought more deeply again. 

 

Anyway, I’ve started to venture more into my kinks and started to realized I have a major kink for being dominant in sex. In my last post I mentioned how I wanted to try pegging. I particularly want to try it with a man. Personally, I find the reverse power dynamics to be the most satisfying to me. Having a male be submissive to me would be such a turn on. I’ve also always like being in control. Being the leader in groups. Giving the orders and having people obey/listen to what I say. I just like the power so it makes sense how that desire would venture into the bedroom. I would LOVE being dominate during sex! Like I said, I’m into pegging and I keep watching these videos of these men submitting to their female partners and just getting so turned on. I read accounts from men who have been pegged and they keep saying how much they love it or would love to do it. They express how they find the reverse power dynamics to be hot and the penetration erotic. I, personally, like doing it more towards men because of the reserve power dynamics. I want to be “the man” in this case and just fuck away. I want the man to be “the woman” and know what it’s like to get fucked hard. I want to hear their moans and express how much they are enjoying it. That would be so satisfying to me! I want the man to like getting fucked and scream and beg for more just like women do in traditional sex. 
 

I find this activity so hot and perfect for me. I just want the control and to be dominant. I don’t want anything done to me. If anything is done to me, I’d get sex repulsed and my interest or sexual urges would disappear immediately. All I want is to be doing the acts on the men and that’s it. I genuinely have an interest in giving people pleasure. I want to make people happy and satisfied. It makes me feel good seeing others happy like that, but I just don’t want anything of that done on me. It wouldn’t feel good and I know I wouldn’t enjoy it. But again, performing it on a person is a completely different ordeal. Now back to pegging. It’s like I said earlier of how I want to be “the man” in this case and fuck men. I want to put in them in the same positions that men put women in and fuck them like crazy. I want to watch them get hard and orgasm and enjoy every second of it. I want them to be vocal too. Moan, screaming, yell, curse, whatever just show me you enjoy being controlled and dominated by me. I think another reason I find this dynamic hot is because you know men are typically the ones who are always dominant and controlling in sex. Which is fine but when I meet men who break that norm, it is SO HOT! Men who purposely want to be submissive or just like being submissive is hot. When they want to be dominated by a woman who is typically the submissive one, it just hits different! Like going against societal norms. Like rebelling almost. I find that bit attractive too. 
 

I’m kind of obsessed with men now that I’m into pegging and this idea of “rebelling.” I want to fuck all kinds of men. Masculine men, feminine men, muscular men, thin men, shy men, confident men, tall men, short men, straight men, queer men, trans men, just any man that’s open to it really. I also mentioned in my last post that I wanted to try being a femdom which inherently ties into pegging. Personally, I don’t want to be too deep into the lure of femdom but just scratching the surface where I can be a little rough or demanding is good enough for me. Also I really like anal play. Again, not for me but for the men. I now have just a straight obsession with men’s asses. I want to rim, finger, and fist men while they jerk themselves off. I want that tension to be built up in them. I know this may sound weird but I genuinely would like to explore someone’s ass and feel inside. I feel like I would be genuinely curious to feel it and be inside it. 
 

Weirdly enough, I think curiosity plays into a lot of my kinks. Like if it’s not sexual urges driving my actions it’s curiosity. Like “what if I did this, would you feel it? Oh get he did and he liked it. Well, what about this?” That kind of thinking. I also have a praise kink. Both receiving and giving. I want to tell them they’re doing a good job and I want them to tell me I’m doing a good job. Whether that be through moaning their praises, grunting them, or simply speaking it. I just want to hear that you like it in whatever way possible. I want to get rough as well. Like hair pulling and ass smacking and even soft bondage. Impact play I’d be willing to try. Okay, last kink! I like when men dress up in feminine clothing. Like in fishnets with a skirts, lace tights, and lingerie on men. Again, going on the whole “rebelling against societal norms things.” 
 

Overall, my biggest kink is my need for control and dominance. I desperately want to try this at least once in my life and if I like it I’ll keep going. I just love the idea of submissive men. I want to hear them be vocal and express how much they like it. I just want to be in charge and put them in whatever position I want and listen to my orders. I want them dressing up and I just want them to take it. Gripping the sheets, moaning, with their hard cocks  visible to me, red in the face, moaning, and saying how deep it is. I just want to pleasure them and make them feel good. I just want to be dominant in sex with men and watch it all unfold. That’s it. 🤭 The kink comes from breaking societal norms mixed with plain curiosity. I have a kink for anal play, impact play, pegging, praising, and femdom. I am strictly placiosexual and only want to do those things to other people and not to me. Giving those sexual acts is the only way I can enjoy those sexual acts and continue my sexual interest. No touching me in a sexual way or I might actually throw up. I find men’s physical bodies to be hot along with their moaning. Being with any type of man will do since I find the diversity of men to be appealing as well. I don’t really have a type because I don’t get sexually attracted to anyone. It would be nice if they were in shape and took care of themselves hygienic wise too.

Awesome! I sometimes  have similar fantasies, although they are more sensual and gentle,  but I used to be in submissive role. And I am not a man, I am trans woman. I think that domination and penetration trans women isn't exciting for you, because they are women, and it is not a violation of social expectations. I got it that  role reversal is exciting for you, not the act of domination and penetration per se. 

[martinicus]

Homoromantic grey-sexual here. I have a fetish for things that are related to middle-aged and older men, especially formal suits and uniforms. Glasses, baldness, and a mustache or a gray beard is a bonus. Also, thinking of myself becoming such a person feels quite stimulating... which leads to movies about body swapping and body snatching being nice to watch.

However, living in a limited environment (intolerant society, being visually handicapped and introverted) I haven't had a chance to try it out with someone. So, it stays just a fantasy in my lonely bedroom.

[League Girl]

I do have kink fantasies but some things should stay a fantasy. 

 

I've always found sex very boring and a chore but if my fetish is involved, it makes sex enjoyable.