Aces with fetishes and/or kinks, tell me about your experiences

[magic8ball]

I'm curious about this mainly because I think fetishes and kinks are widely accepted in the ace community not heavily talked about. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of discussion on it but it's been rare that I've seen ace people talking about their own kinks or fetishes beyond asking "can I still be ace and have fetish?"

 

So if you do have a fetish and/or kink, tell me about it. You don't necessarily have to disclose what it is if you don't want to, but I'd love to hear anything you feel is important about it. How does it affect/not affect your asexuality? Do you identify more with your kink or your asexuality? Have you ever interacted with it before in real life? If you haven't do you want to? 

 

I really like hearing about peoples individual experiences when it comes to these topics because everyone is really similar but also insanely different at the same time. Share what you want, I would love to hear about it

[nutterwithasolderingiron]

i'm quite lucky in that my main fetish doesn't really exist IRL so it can just remain a fantasy but i like monsters. 

[blunose2772]

I have a balloon fetish. I like to watch people (mostly women) bow up and play with balloons but I don't masturbrate to it nor want to have sex. I've been to a half dozen balloon fetish gatherings. Mostly it was just hanging out with friends for a week with some balloon play mixed in but any NSFW stuff happened behind closed doors. Closest I ever got to sex was a balloon model who also happened to be a trained pro wrestler locked me in a near-naked choke hold after I (which a few beers in me) stupidly challenged her to a match.

[GingerRose]

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[Sister Mercurial]

Very weird story.  I was petrified of it for years (parents instilled a bunch of weird phobias in me).  As an adult, I made a list of all the phobias and crossed them off one by one.  The one I'm referring to took ages to find a place to face it precisely because when I searched online, I found nothing but filth.  At the time, I didn't quite understand why people might get a kick out of it and obviously I didn't want to arrange anything with some stranger who would probably expect sex.  Then in 2019, I finally found somewhere to have a go without anything sexual being involved (at a theme park, of all places).  Would you believe, I actually liked how it felt and found myself thinking what parameters I'd tweak to make it even better next time? 

 

Although next time hasn't occurred yet.  At other AVENites' instigation, I joined FetLife.  There was a munch specific to my kind of kink recently in another city that I wanted to attend, but it didn't work out.  Didn't understand how to get notified of date changes (tip: as well as a discussion about a munch, there's an event page for it: confirm attendance and you get updates), so I booked a train ticket for the original date, went to the pub they mentioned and they weren't there.  Wound up going to watch a film that was nothing to do with the kink, then found out when I got home that the date had been changed.  Was supposed to be going to a concert on the new date, but the concert hall was demanding medical details even when no longer required to by law, so I applied for a refund which would've paid for another train ticket.  Nope: the gig ticket site wouldn't give me my money back because I applied less than 5 days before the gig (because the law change was 3 days before the gig, so I couldn't tell what their policy was going to be for that gig any earlier)   So I'll have to look out for another munch.  

[Guest]

I'm demi but I'll answer anyway for what it's worth. Except, I won't disclose it. It's something that I haven't had experience in, and is not common. Like most kinks it's certainly not everyone's idea of fun, but for me it is. It can be enjoyed best between two (or more) people, and if done right it can be a great way to bond. It's not always (if at all) sexual and it doesn't turn me on or interest me in some contexts, similar to how those with feet fetishes may not be interested in their own feet or those into BDSM like the sight of wounds or enjoy impalement. So if you do know my particular kink, don't get the wrong idea. For potential partners in the future, providing they're at least open-minded enough and feel comfortable about it, I probably would like to and endeavour to engage in it, something similar or maybe explore other not-so-uncomfortable or extreme plays. It's also more significant or a turn on than sex, and can go without, so I may be up for engaging in kink play than an actual sexual relationship - yet not as much as the idea of merely partnering up with an actual crush, that I know well and trust.

 

I'm aware of at least a few members here who share it though (or a compatible/similar overlap)...I'm just not sure who they are, though I have one or two likely suspects.  It's very unlikely I'd engage with them in it though, just maybe I'll be happy to talk about it with 'em.

[bare_trees]

I go back and forth about whether to refer to this as a fetish or kink (I expect everyone to assume those things are sexual); tbh it's almost like a religion, but I love listening to people's heartbeats and I love to have mine listened to.  I have a small collection of stethoscopes of all different colors. 🌈  If you Google "cardiophilia," you come across porn related to this and not much ace content.  It's not that I'm incapable of finding this arousing, it's just that it's not about arousal or sexual intimacy to me.  It's very comforting, fulfilling, and often romantic.  It's my favorite way to feel close to someone, and it's an important way that I appreciate life itself.  I've never met anyone else who feels this way, and the online community is disappointingly focused on the sexual aspects of it.  That said, I've met people who liked to partake in it, even if they didn't feel as strongly about it as I do.  Right now it's something I share with my partner, but in the past I've had friends I shared it with as well.  I miss that and would like to have close friendships like that again someday.

[Mr. Cellophane]

I have kind of a weird one so this is a little embarrassing. My fetish is called macrophilia. It's an attraction to giant-sized characters, in my case giant women (think Attack of the 50 Foot Woman or Giganta from the Justice League cartoons). I think it's related to my gray-asexuality because I only seem to take an interest in erotic or sexual things when they're in the realm of fantasy.

 

Actual sex isn't very appealing to me. The times that I've experienced it, it mostly left me cold or gave me anxiety. And I found it difficult to...perform, shall we say. Yet stories or artwork involving giantess characters or tiny people seem to get me going. Since it's all imaginary and impossible, maybe it feels more safe to me. I've found an online community that's into this concept but have never met anyone in real life who shares the interest.

[Guest]

I have one kink and it isnt particularly abnormal i think there are quite a lot of people with this kink but idk about how many ace people have it, it is orgasm denial and it has nothing to do with anyone else just my own feelings in my own body. i wouldnt try it with another person because there is no need to and the idea of someone else being involved is actually quite a turn off. it is the only thing remotely sexual about me and it is an entirely solo thing for me anyway. it is a good way for me to deal with my libido which since i started a particular birth control has been high. 

[Guest]

My kinks are bondage and sensory deprivation. I regularly engage in them in real life. I wouldn't say I 'identify' with either my kink or my asexuality, I don't really understand what that is supposed to mean. I am asexual, that's just a fact. I have this kink which I greatly enjoy participating in, also a fact. Neither are more or less important to my understanding of who I am that the other. I suppose there is more of a social aspect to being kinky than being asexual, because I go to munches and rope events and have friends who I solely do kink with.

[sexlessbychoice]

I do have some fetishes and they play out in my solo / private masturbation.  Nothing bad, but they make thinks work that do not otherwise work.

[A as in artist]

I thought I couldn’t be ace because I like to fantasize about a kink that sexually arouses me (and involves erogenous zones in some capacity). But I realized recently that even when engaging with material related to said kink I get grossed out if it goes in an explicitly sexual direction and is not kept in the realm of foreplay. Now it seems more like allosexuality is about desiring to have full-on sex with people, and I don’t think I identify with that. But this is all very new and confusing for me so I’m not quite sure what it means for me. Regardless, exploring this kink through fantasy has played a huge part in helping me discover my identity and figure out what I actually want and enjoy

[Rhyn Corinn]

I'm very into predator/prey stuff, I've come to realize it's a lot more than just a fetish for me but there are a lot of aspects of it that turn me on so I still count it. And tbh I think it is a much bigger part of my identity than any other individual part including me being ace (though they are somewhat connected because I lose interest in pred/prey stuff if it gets more sexual). I am into some kinds of vore (not the safe kind) but that's really just one expression of it. And also the only one I've been able to find much content for and/or people who share the same interest.

 

I've never really interacted with it irl as some parts are impossible (given I'm not a predatory animal and that's an important part of it for me), all I've really done are some pred/prey related roleplays with a few people. I do want to though. I wish I could shapeshift into a predator animal and have a partner that's a sentient prey animal (like basically a human in an animal's body if anyone is confused, and we could both talk and etc.) Obviously that isn't going to happen so the best I can hope for is maybe someday I'll meet someone who also wishes for that and we can suspend our disbelief together. 

 

Idk. I need to stop because I will go on about this forever.

[Mr.Fazbear]

Do yall know Loona from Helluva Boss? I need help to stop my friend from fantsising. his sexual orientation is heterosexual

 

[bare_trees]

On 2/22/2022 at 11:23 PM, Mr.Fazbear said:

Do yall know Loona from Helluva Boss? I need help to stop my friend from fantsising. his sexual orientation is heterosexual

 

Having those fantasies doesn't make him not heterosexual if that's what his orientation is.  It's something he can explore in therapy if he feels uncomfortable by it and doesn't want to have those fantasies, but otherwise, I don't see how it's anything he needs to stop doing.  It's normal to be attracted to characters that way, even those that aren't necessarily human.  (I'm not familiar with the show but I Googled it).

[sexlessbychoice]

On 2/8/2022 at 4:51 AM, Eden1313 said:

I have one kink and it isnt particularly abnormal i think there are quite a lot of people with this kink but idk about how many ace people have it, it is orgasm denial and it has nothing to do with anyone else just my own feelings in my own body. i wouldnt try it with another person because there is no need to and the idea of someone else being involved is actually quite a turn off. it is the only thing remotely sexual about me and it is an entirely solo thing for me anyway. it is a good way for me to deal with my libido which since i started a particular birth control has been high. 

I have that kink as well and like you its all about denying myself rather than denying someone else.  Being married to a classic asexual woman works well for me.

[Eroell]

I might have hair fetish but I'm not entirely sure. And no, I've never interacted with it (haven't touched the type of hair that excites me). That would be so dumb and embarrassing lol

[CuddlyAce]

I'm almost completely asexual but I have a bit of a foot fetish. I've only found a few of people to indulge in any foot play with, mostly giving (and occasionally receiving) foot massages. One friend in high school found out I liked rubbing feet and took me up on it all the time, even eventually letting me suck her toes and rubbing her feet on my face! 

[Eroell]

23 hours ago, CuddlyAce said:

I'm almost completely asexual but I have a bit of a foot fetish. I've only found a few of people to indulge in any foot play with, mostly giving (and occasionally receiving) foot massages. One friend in high school found out I liked rubbing feet and took me up on it all the time, even eventually letting me suck her toes and rubbing her feet on my face! 

  

So actually caressing someone's hair wouldn't be that freaky 😂

[Kimi_gata]

.

[S0rrowSong]

On 2/21/2022 at 7:13 AM, A as in artist said:

I thought I couldn’t be ace because I like to fantasize about a kink that sexually arouses me (and involves erogenous zones in some capacity). But I realized recently that even when engaging with material related to said kink I get grossed out if it goes in an explicitly sexual direction and is not kept in the realm of foreplay. Now it seems more like allosexuality is about desiring to have full-on sex with people, and I don’t think I identify with that. But this is all very new and confusing for me so I’m not quite sure what it means for me. Regardless, exploring this kink through fantasy has played a huge part in helping me discover my identity and figure out what I actually want and enjoy

I relate to this so much. My experience is very similar.

[MusicSoul]

On 1/31/2022 at 11:08 AM, magic8ball said:

I'm curious about this mainly because I think fetishes and kinks are widely accepted in the ace community not heavily talked about. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty of discussion on it but it's been rare that I've seen ace people talking about their own kinks or fetishes beyond asking "can I still be ace and have fetish?"

 

So if you do have a fetish and/or kink, tell me about it. You don't necessarily have to disclose what it is if you don't want to, but I'd love to hear anything you feel is important about it. How does it affect/not affect your asexuality? Do you identify more with your kink or your asexuality? Have you ever interacted with it before in real life? If you haven't do you want to? 

 

I really like hearing about peoples individual experiences when it comes to these topics because everyone is really similar but also insanely different at the same time. Share what you want, I would love to hear about it

Well, I have fetishes/kinks, but haven’t had the opportunity to explore them. I would be more than willing to try them out, the ones that are realistic anyway lol (because vampires don’t exist). If I did have the opportunity to live out my fetishes/kinks it would have to be with someone I 100% trust. In the scenario where I fantasize about having a threesome with a married couple, I would have to 100% trust them or at least they have to be 100% okay with it because I am not a home wrecker. 

 

I’m not sure if my fetishes/kinks correspond with asexuality then. Because as I mentioned I would be willing to explore said fetishes/kinks; therefore, that means I am participating in sex so wouldn’t that go against the definition of asexuality 🤨? IDK. It confuses me. I do know that, if I am going by my ‘pansexual’ label, then participating in these fetishes/kinks means I would do so with said person(s) regardless of their gender or lack of…which is true because to me feeling safe with the person is more important, not their “gender.” With that being said I think maybe I identify more with my asexuality, or sexuality than my kink. 

 

So far, out of my six sexual experiences, only one (my current partner) has been my longest lasting. He is the only one I feel safe exploring my kinks/fetishes with, but we haven’t really explored them. When we first started out, we tried a bit of rope play, blindfold, Dom/sub (me as sub), but it stopped. Eh, it’s not the end of the world for me 😕 either way.

[StrayCat]

On 2/22/2022 at 8:36 AM, Rhyn Corinn said:

I'm very into predator/prey stuff

Seems to be pretty popular, especially if you like violent, cnc kind off stuff?

 

I only enjoy consensual, cute, playful and loving predator/prey relations, where both parties actually care about one another. So I'm complete abomination, since humans only seem to love brutal and violent things? 🐱

[Sister Mercurial]

23 minutes ago, StrayCat said:

I only enjoy consensual, cute, playful and loving predator/prey relations, where both parties actually care about one another. So I'm complete abomination, since humans only seem to love brutal and violent things? 🐱

Predator/prey is not my kink, but I've noticed while looking at a forum related to my kink that even if you filter out the ones looking for sex, a surprising number of people seem to want it to be as uncomfortable as possible for the one on the receiving end.  Which isn't what I'm after at all.  As I've said before on here, my encounters with it have generally been watching TV shows from back in the day where it was part of harmless banter, often between showbiz types who knew each other, or else part of a game.  If it's cruel, it doesn't interest me.  

[StrayCat]

3 hours ago, Sister Mercurial said:

even if you filter out the ones looking for sex, a surprising number of people seem to want it to be as uncomfortable as possible for the one on the receiving end. 

I think in kink world it's called being "a brat", and it seems to be super common in humans?

 

What is your kink actually?

[Rhyn Corinn]

11 hours ago, StrayCat said:

Seems to be pretty popular, especially if you like violent, cnc kind off stuff?

 

I only enjoy consensual, cute, playful and loving predator/prey relations, where both parties actually care about one another. So I'm complete abomination, since humans only seem to love brutal and violent things? 🐱

Well to be clear I like those too. They just usually don't turn me on very much, but in general I tend to think about those more often as it's a comfort thing for me. I've particularly been obsessed with certain 'subversive' scenarios for a long time (usually something like "no don't worry I'm not going to eat you, you can stay here and I'll protect you")

 

Also, I'm not sure what you mean humans only love brutal and violent things? In my experience at least, I've only ever had people think I was weird for the violent side of my interests. 

[StrayCat]

Just now, Rhyn Corinn said:

Also, I'm not sure what you mean humans only love brutal and violent things? In my experience at least, I've only ever had people think I was weird for the violent side of my interests. 

Virtue signalling? Insecurity on their part? Prudish people who try to repress their violent human nature?

 

Have you checked fetlife? Your thing is called "primal predator/prey" if I remember correctly, seems super popular, although they often don't bother pretending to be any other animals, since humans are apex predators themselves after all. Well, and they are more about rape than eating obviously, but I'm sure some would be open to negotiations?

 

On the other hand, I find it basically impossible to locate anyone into cute and soft things. It's so rare it's crazy... 🐱

[Rhyn Corinn]

Just now, StrayCat said:

Have you checked fetlife? Your thing is called "primal predator/prey" if I remember correctly, seems super popular, although they often don't bother pretending to be any other animals, since humans are apex predators themselves after all. Well, and they are more about rape than eating obviously, but I'm sure some would be open to negotiations?

Oh humans as predators and/or sexual stuff is a huge turn off for me, I'm only interested if it's roleplaying animals (humans can be prey though, but in general I usually prefer it to be only animals). It's probably why I'm not that interested in much physical stuff, because at a certain point it becomes really hard to suspend my disbelief and if I didn't feel like I was an animal, then I would lose all interest.

 

5 minutes ago, StrayCat said:

Virtue signalling? Insecurity on their part? Prudish people who try to repress their violent human nature?

Well I'm sure some of them are at least... (looks at my younger self)

 

6 minutes ago, StrayCat said:

On the other hand, I find it basically impossible to locate anyone into cute and soft things. It's so rare it's crazy... 🐱

Huh interesting... I will say, I have found it much harder to find anything related to the softer side of my interests. Of course I'm still pretty into the less soft side, but when I'm not in that specific mood I feel really disconnected. 

[Guest]

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[Ksenia]

Before hrt, I had sexual interest in bondage and sm role playing.  Now, I don't have any sexual interests, but I have preserved some mild sensual interest in such things. It doesn't affect my sexual identity (asexual) and gender identity (transwoman).