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Questioning, confusion about gray-ace labels


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A as in artist

I’m starting to wonder if I’m some type of ace/ greysexual, but I don’t know what label would fit me best. I have no actual experience with kissing/ physical affection with a partner, so this is all coming from what I think I want. Cuddling, kissing, making out, and dry-humping all sound appealing to me. I also have a fetish that’s a major turn-on, and I fantasize about all these things/ masturbate on a frequent basis. But the thought of adding naked genitalia to the mix grosses me out, and I don’t like the idea of oral or penetration of any type (not sure where I stand on fingering/ handjobs). It’s like I experience sexual attraction, but it doesn’t go as deep as actual sex; the idea of other people getting aroused is extremely attractive to me but mostly in theory, if that makes sense. I don’t know where that leaves me if I’m attracted to someone’s body but not entirely. The label aegosexual feels close but I’m not sure if it completely captures my experience. Thoughts/ opinions appreciated! 

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Maggiestitius

I can't help but I can tell you I am in a similar position ☹️

52 minutes ago, A as in artist said:

I’m starting to wonder if I’m some type of ace/ greysexual, but I don’t know what label would fit me best. I have no actual experience with kissing/ physical affection with a partner, so this is all coming from what I think I want. Cuddling, kissing, making out, and dry-humping all sound appealing to me. I also have a fetish that’s a major turn-on, and I fantasize about all these things/ masturbate on a frequent basis. But the thought of adding naked genitalia to the mix grosses me out, and I don’t like the idea of oral or penetration of any type (not sure where I stand on fingering/ handjobs). It’s like I experience sexual attraction, but it doesn’t go as deep as actual sex; the idea of other people getting aroused is extremely attractive to me but mostly in theory, if that makes sense. I don’t know where that leaves me if I’m attracted to someone’s body but not entirely. The label aegosexual feels close but I’m not sure if it completely captures my experience. Thoughts/ opinions appreciated! 

 

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Hi A as in artist,

Believe it or not, your post sounds exactly like me. Naked genitalia grosses me out too and I've also had limited experience with kissing and/or physical affection.  I tend to get uptight when someone is interested in me because I don't want to tell them that nudity turns me off.  I've never been physically attracted to women, but they are usually the ones who are attracted to me.  I've never felt a part of the gay scene because it seems to be extremely sexual, and I don't want sex. This has always made me feel like an outsider (until I found this forum). Thank you so much for sharing. It's great to have the reinforcement that I'm not the only one. ☀️

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Maggiestitius
16 hours ago, Colton J said:

Hi A as in artist,

Believe it or not, your post sounds exactly like me. Naked genitalia grosses me out too and I've also had limited experience with kissing and/or physical affection.  I tend to get uptight when someone is interested in me because I don't want to tell them that nudity turns me off.  I've never been physically attracted to women, but they are usually the ones who are attracted to me.  I've never felt a part of the gay scene because it seems to be extremely sexual, and I don't want sex. This has always made me feel like an outsider (until I found this forum). Thank you so much for sharing. It's great to have the reinforcement that I'm not the only one. ☀️

I partially feel like this. 

I think the very hard part of creating "relationship", for me, is that you have to share about this from the beginning or at least in the early stages to avoid misunderstandings. 

At the same time, all the men I have met so far have been from what I understood while having conversations, allosexual.

It makes  IMO having a romantic life (which I want) a lot lot harder 

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marina r.g.

Hi! When I was questioning my a/sexuality I came across this particular definition of gray-asexual from the AVEN "gray area" page:

 

Quote

Others who identify as being in the gray area might feel vague and infrequent sexual attraction but it’s not enough to act on

I completely resonate with that sentence.

 

In fact, I'm not even sure about what sexual attraction is supposed to feel like. I just assume that what I've felt in those specific situations was sexual attraction. When I read definitions of other types of attraction I can tell for sure that I experience those, but sexual attraction sounds abstract and not the most accurate description of how I feel. 

 

I'd suggest taking a look at this other AVEN page that tackles the concept of sex-favorability, sex-indifference and sex-aversion/repulsion.

 

Maybe this can provide you some insight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Mr. Cellophane
On 1/26/2022 at 8:26 AM, A as in artist said:

I’m starting to wonder if I’m some type of ace/ greysexual, but I don’t know what label would fit me best. I have no actual experience with kissing/ physical affection with a partner, so this is all coming from what I think I want. Cuddling, kissing, making out, and dry-humping all sound appealing to me. I also have a fetish that’s a major turn-on, and I fantasize about all these things/ masturbate on a frequent basis. But the thought of adding naked genitalia to the mix grosses me out, and I don’t like the idea of oral or penetration of any type (not sure where I stand on fingering/ handjobs). It’s like I experience sexual attraction, but it doesn’t go as deep as actual sex; the idea of other people getting aroused is extremely attractive to me but mostly in theory, if that makes sense. I don’t know where that leaves me if I’m attracted to someone’s body but not entirely. The label aegosexual feels close but I’m not sure if it completely captures my experience. Thoughts/ opinions appreciated! 

You sound a lot like me. While I have a little experience with kissing and physical affection, I've found I dislike or am generally disinterested in sex. It fills me with anxiety and makes me uncomfortable. Like you, I do have a fetish however and things that I fantasize about. Aegosexual strikes a chord for me as it seems like I have interests that are sexual or erotic in nature but would prefer them to remain in the realm of fantasy.

 

I'm not sure what label is right for you because I'm still figuring that out myself. Gray-asexual seems like a good catch-all term. I sometimes think I may be demisexual since I value the emotional and intellectual side of relationships and have often taken romantic interest in women I have a close emotional connection to. But if I understand correctly, many demisexuals don't experience primary attraction (i.e. looking at someone and finding them sexy) so that's not a perfect fit for me either.

 

Long story short, you're not alone. Labels are confusing.

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