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Traveler40

Organize a “piss-up” in a brewery! Haha I’d go with “piss-down” but that’s why I’m likely not in charge of phrase creation. 😬

 

Hopefully you eventually got some good rest! 🍻 

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Astutusdomina
On 1/27/2022 at 8:21 PM, nanogretchen4 said:

If the story is going to be about an asexual detective, most detectives are adults who have already figured out their sexual orientation. Very few detectives, on television or otherwise, are in mixed orientation relationships. Most television detectives are heterosexual, and a very few are gay. Heterosexual and gay television characters could be happily married to someone with the same orientation, or single and looking for people with the same orientation to date. Why must asexuals and asexuals alone be involved in mixed orientation relationships or seeking mixed orientation relationships? What is "limiting" about finding or building an asexual community?

I think I really haven't made myself clear.

A  I don't know if detectives or other characters are in mixed relationships because if they were it's not said.

B on chesil beach has a female character who is sex repulsed, she sounds asexual but when I read the book I simply thought that some women and I repeat women might be like that due to upbringing. Now that I know about asexuality I would think differently about it, but I don't see on chesil beach as having informed me.

It is a brilliant story but not exactly vox pop.

The juxtaposition in a story is so you can explain not judge.

I don't think asexuals are interested in mixed orientation affairs but if asexuality is so invisible that's often the route they take 

I'm all for an asexual community and root for it to happen.

I'm simply saying we need to be educated and educate. 

If you read people's experiences on the forum you can see how asexuality is simply not known. 

When asexuals come out they get all sorts of replies. These replies are a direct result of not Knowing, not understanding. Are you with me on this. If you are. How would you explain?

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nanogretchen4

I am all for more asexual representation and awareness, and I agree that it is very much needed. At the current stage of the asexual movement, there is so little representation and awareness in mainstream culture that I don't think there is room for negative or misleading representation or toxic messages about asexuality. When there are multiple asexual characters in the same production then fine, one of them can be a villain, or have terrible self esteem, or be in an abusive relationship, or pass as straight while having a sexual relationship with a heterosexual character. Drama that revolves around an asexual character's orientation needs to be earned by first giving us some fleshed out major characters that happen to be asexual. I'd like to see some asexual characters who are out and proud. I'd like to see asexual characters who are happily non-partnering or in stable relationships with other asexuals. I would like the drama to be about the mystery the asexual detective is solving, for example, not about the detective's unhappy love life. Maybe we could see scripts that pass the asexual version of the Bechdel-Wallace test: there are at least two asexuals who talk to each other about something other than sexuals.

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Astutusdomina

Have searched Chesil and read quite a bit of the discussion. I kind of agree with Serran.

You see I doubt my husband would want to see something too close to home. I'll tell you you what's more. I've made an effort to understand him but he really doesn't want to know about me. Yes, he sees he feels guilty etc, but actually I think he's disgusted.

I gave him a copy of mating in captivity by Perrel, hoping he would have some insight into my feelings. He didn't get past page 1. Now my husband is an avid reader and reads in many languages. He just doesn't care about having this topic come up. 

I think it's easier to sweep it under the carpet and troubleshoot when and if required.

Thanks for pointing out the search.

 

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Life Of Tass
2 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

You see I doubt my husband would want to see something too close to home.

Oh, so I'm not the only one who actively avoids media that I know will hit way too close to home! I thought I was the only one and that there was something wrong with me, but I guess not!

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6 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

I've made an effort to understand him but he really doesn't want to know about me

I find a similar situation on our search for non PIV intimacy.  I will bring up a possibility but she will not take 5 minutes to read about it on the internet.   Then it doesn't work out because she hasn't considered how to make it work, how I would find it fun.

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Astutusdomina
13 hours ago, nanogretchen4 said:

I am all for more asexual representation and awareness, and I agree that it is very much needed. At the current stage of the asexual movement, there is so little representation and awareness in mainstream culture that I don't think there is room for negative or misleading representation or toxic messages about asexuality. When there are multiple asexual characters in the same production then fine, one of them can be a villain, or have terrible self esteem, or be in an abusive relationship, or pass as straight while having a sexual relationship with a heterosexual character. Drama that revolves around an asexual character's orientation needs to be earned by first giving us some fleshed out major characters that happen to be asexual. I'd like to see some asexual characters who are out and proud. I'd like to see asexual characters who are happily non-partnering or in stable relationships with other asexuals. I would like the drama to be about the mystery the asexual detective is solving, for example, not about the detective's unhappy love life. Maybe we could see scripts that pass the asexual version of the Bechdel-Wallace test: there are at least two asexuals who talk to each other about something other than sexuals.

Yes, I think this is a good start. I agree about not being judgemental and not showing asexuals as any more weird than non asexuals. That's precisely my point. We're all human and part of society, why should one's sexual orientation dictate any fixed character traits? Will look up the BW test don't know it.

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Lady Telecaster

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Traveler40

Thinking about you and sending a few prayers @Ceebs.. When you wake up, the hardest part will be over. Bonus: You’ll have had one of the best sleeps in your life!
 

May you make a speedy recovery and then move your ass to the UK forthwith! 🙌🏼

 

Please pop in and say a word or two so we know you’re both alive and well enough to type! xoxo 😘 

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Lady Telecaster

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2 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

Alive and well enough to type

Yay!!  I hope you don’t feel too bad later/over the next few days.

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22 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

Alive and well enough to type.

How are you feeling today?

 

On 1/29/2022 at 9:48 PM, nanogretchen4 said:

I don't think there is room for negative or misleading representation or toxic messages about asexuality.

I always find this to be a fine line.  I agree that it’s not helpful to just randomly make the ace character the bad guy when anyone in the story could be but, if every ace character is self-aware, well-adjusted, out, and only in relationships with other aces, people may not recognize themselves.

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Lady Telecaster

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4 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

It was major jaw stuff

Yeah, you told me what you were having done a while back.  I’ve had less extensive jaw surgery and based on that you’re looking at a couple of weeks of misery before things fully turn the corner.

 

The best bed setup is pillow, big towel, plastic bag a little smaller than towel, big towel.  the towel edges stick together a bit and make for less sliding.

 

Hope you can get some rest and your appointment isn’t too sucky!

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8 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

I'm proud of myself

Excellent, and deserved!

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Lady Telecaster

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7 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

Brains are weird things.

So very true.

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nanogretchen4
9 hours ago, ryn2 said:

 

 

I always find this to be a fine line.  I agree that it’s not helpful to just randomly make the ace character the bad guy when anyone in the story could be but, if every ace character is self-aware, well-adjusted, out, and only in relationships with other aces, people may not recognize themselves.

This argument will make some sense once self-aware, well-adjusted, out asexuals in relationships in relationships with other asexuals become a cliche. Can you list five asexual characters from movies or television who answer that description? There are very few canonically asexual characters at all, and nearly all of them either show up just long enough to make a coming out speech and then disappear from the show forever or are destined to eventually get into mixed orientation relationships and have sex. Can you imagine if virtually every gay character on a movie or TV show ended up marrying someone of the opposite sex and having straight sex and living happily ever after?

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19 minutes ago, nanogretchen4 said:

Can you imagine if virtually every gay character on a movie or TV show ended up marrying someone of the opposite sex and having straight sex and living happily ever after?

I can imagine how helpful it might be/have been in areas where many people are closeted to see people in not-so-happily-ever-after relationships realize their experiences actually aren’t like everyone else’s.

 

I’m not saying it’s helpful to portray all aces as happy in mixed relationships; rather, that it’s helpful to portray them as being realistically equivocal or unhappy in mixed relationships and coming to understand why.

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