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Astutusdomina

 Wouldn't it be wonderful if some talented writer could write a script where asexuals had a role? 

I'm thinking of a detective, crime story, whose main character is asexual.

the main plot is the crime but the secondary plot is how he/ she deals with his/her asexuality, with his/her partner, with a therapist, with colleagues and so on. 

Is it just wishful thinking?

WHat are the plusses?

what are the traps?

 

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Itsa me a person

I'm actually planning on writing something that has multiple aspec characters, it's not a detective, crime story though. 

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Lady Telecaster

Telecaster does scriptwriting... actually working on something in the realm of crime/intrigue at the moment. He didn't seem too interested when I mentioned this idea to him, though... I think maybe he's had enough of the topic after his years on AVEN lol.

 

But I imagine some asexual writers write about asexual characters. I've seen members on here discussing books and people in TV shows, though none in the genre you mentioned as far as I know.

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Monke Ilahi

I've actually come up with a story about an asexual woman who tries to have sex and eventually ends up murdering people. There's a bit more complication with warring time travelers who are trying to prevent the murders/preserve the timeline. Asexuality can be significant to a story, it's just that not many people think about it in story writing. After all, sexual attraction is the cause of most domestic disputes and murders. 

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What are your thoughts on Sheldon on Big Bang?  

 

I wish I could get my ace to understand his reasoning for having a schedule (Honeymoon episode).

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Life Of Tass

Not asexual, definitely not a scriptwriter, and I don't think of myself as a writer, though I do really like writing and storytelling, and I recently wrote a 10-chapter, 70-page long fanfic.

 

I just want to contribute to this thread to say that it's good to have an overarching plot through which asexuality can either be expressed (as @Doomed21 said) or be part of the background (as was your suggestion, @Astutusdomina). I'm saying this for two reasons.

 

1) In my own fanfic, the protagonists were a genderqueer lesbian (oc) and a bisexual girl (existing character in the series my fanfic was based on, with the sapphic element being part of adaptational sexuality). The fanfic was just as much about their budding relationship as about the oc's time of growing up in a commune, their relationship with their best friends (one of whom turned out to be an aroace guy, but it never comes up explicitly) and their parental figures, having to leave people behind and finding people again after a long time, generational trauma, guilt, the nature of fascism and the journey of deradicalization from it, and weaponised tomfoolery against the military junta. If I were to just write stories about sapphic people falling in love just to have some more sapphic representation, it would go nowhere, because "once upon a time there were two sapphics" isn't a plot. As May Sarton had put it when asked why she resisted the label of "lesbian writer",

 

"The vision of life in my work is not limited to one segment of humanity...and has little to do with sexual proclivity"

 

And that also extends to characters of any sexuality. I'm very happy to see that the characters of both @Doomed21 and @Astutusdomina already have a lot more going on for them than just "asexual", because, well, I've been burned before when I was a baby gay and trying to write characters with their sexuality being their only defining factor.

 

2) Does anybody remember "all or nothing"? It was a concept of a series pitched on tumblr during (I believe) the mid 2010s, that went like "a sitcom about an asexual person and their pansexual roommate". And that was all. It was funded, but never got anywhere, because it had no plot. Here's a video for anyone interested to learn more. Personally, I'd only ever seen the concept art and people being excited, I had no idea that there was an attempt for it to be turned into a thing before watching the video.

 

 

Sorry for not really having anything relevant to say. I guess I just... wanted to talk.

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1 hour ago, Astutusdomina said:

 Wouldn't it be wonderful if some talented writer could write a script where asexuals had a role? 

I'm thinking of a detective, crime story, whose main character is asexual.

the main plot is the crime but the secondary plot is how he/ she deals with his/her asexuality, with his/her partner, with a therapist, with colleagues and so on. 

Is it just wishful thinking?

WHat are the plusses?

what are the traps?

 

A detective story whose main character is asexual kinda exists... that's basically all of Sherlock Holmes. ^^

The problem would be having a secondary plot line focused on the struggles of asexuality. The thing is... writers or scriptwriters don't exactly decide what they are writing on their own. At least, not when they are making a living out of it. I wouldn't see a lot of showrunners or editors jump for joy at the idea. Not because they have anything against asexuality... just because we are not much of an audience, number wise, and you can't really see asexuality spark any kind of fascination in non-asexuals which would make  them engage anyway. 
I mean... asexuality is not sexy, that's the whole thing. 😅
It's not impossible, but... that would be a hard sell, at least in my country where asexuality is almost invisible. You are right that it would do some good and I'm thinking more and more about integrating openly asexual main characters in my stories, but probably not to the point where the 'dealing with asexuality' would be a big chunk of the story. My editors would balk. I think it would be a lot more viable in new international formats like webcomics. I can see webtoons giving a go at something like that and I thought about it as well but here... the problem is to find pro artists who want to commit to that kind of workload (which is very very heavy) and who would be open to slaving away on a story which might potentially only hold the attention of a very small community. 🤷‍♀️

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Traveler40

This is neither new nor a novel idea.
 

Does anyone recall the thread from a few years ago regarding, “On Chesil Beach”?

 

(*Fruitlessly paging @Telecaster68…)
 

So, the result of that discussion had me asking my lover to watch it with me. Our conclusion was that he would pick all movies going forward, forevermore!😬👎🏼

 

Asexual character(s) do not equate to visibility. Hell, I suspect it went over most people’s heads. If you’re not aware, you don’t get it. Watch the movie, and you’ll understand what I mean. 

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Astutusdomina

Gosh all good replies and food for thought.

What spurred this idea is that sure asexuality is the absence of sex, but and there's a big but it involves us all.

Although there's a lot of sex in film and non fiction rarely people talk about their low libidos, or their non desires or their mismatches.

Reading through Aven I've come across some incredible stories. Just one example; ace woman lets her husband have a lover, who's also her friend, she's left without both husband, lover and house.

A poignant, tearful story, which could ring true no matter one's orientation.

Having a therapist in the plot could bring out so much. Especially, what can and can't be fixed.

I think the stories should cater for a general audience, because unlike what we see and read I would imagine that incompatible sexual relationships would resonate with a great many.  The antithesis of 50 shades of grey or whatever it's called.

At the forefront we have human relationships, but the leit motif is asexuality and it's many shades.

I agree that it might be a hard sell if it's only about asexuality or sex, but if the main story is detective or crime it wouldn't be pigeon holed in one single category.

Again reading through the posts I can see that asexuality is still so much an unknown, aces are met with incredibility. The incredibility is due to the unknown, ignorance.

Frankly before finding out I  too did not imagine. So the initial pull is wow this exists.

I can just imagine people saying hey did you know ...

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Lady Telecaster
14 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

Does anyone recall the thread from a few years ago regarding, “On Chesil Beach”?

Oh yeah, that was Tele's thread right?

 

I started watching that film several years ago, I think before he posted the thread, and found it a little boring and gave up. (To be fair, my attention span is absolutely abysmal.) I gave it another go sometime within the past year and made it all the way through. It was... okay. It made me feel sad for the people in it. But yeah, I wouldn't say it did anything for visibility. Maybe because asexuality was never explicitly mentioned? 

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Traveler40
1 hour ago, Ceebs. said:

Oh yeah, that was Tele's thread right?

Not sure, but he was part of the discussion that day. It was one of those random SPFA chit chats that I recently referred to.  Our discussion was many times more interesting than the movie itself. 😂
 

1 hour ago, Ceebs. said:

Maybe because asexuality was never explicitly mentioned? 

Even if it had been, if they don’t live it, people don’t understand. 
 

Back when I was looking for my lover, I hadn’t mentioned the why. Once I revealed the full situation, he surprised me as he’d already heard about asexuality. He had known about it due to Morrissey’s coming out in the 80’s.
 

While he may have been aware of the concept, he truly didn’t understand. Knowing the word, or even asexuality as an orientation, does not bring meaning unless you’ve experienced it personally in some way. 
 

Asexuality is tougher than LGBTQ given those are relatable via the existence of want or drive. I find the lack of desire full stop hard to wrap one’s mind around as it’s opposite of what we know. Most folks can’t relate which makes it harder to grasp.
 

Back to the movie, I’d wager that many walked away thinking, “if only they would have stayed together….”  Uh, no. If you truly understand, you know that would not have been a better ending as perhaps insinuated. 

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Lady Telecaster
21 minutes ago, Traveler40 said:

Back to the movie, I’d wager that many walked away thinking, “if only they would have stayed together….”  Uh, no. If you truly understand, you know that would not have been a better ending as perhaps insinuated. 

Yeah I remember having more or less that thought when I finally watched it. It was a sad situation, but that doesn't mean that a different ending would've been a better one.

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47 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Oh yeah, that was Tele's thread right?

I am pretty sure it was, I also remember the discussion.   

 

Dear moderator,  please consider returning the deleted discussions.  

 

Reasoning:  the older discussions are often helpful when new folks are working thru stuff.  The SPFA discussions benefit our aces whenever the sexual partner gains any understanding.    Personal example,  when I would have read everything on Tele's feed in 2018, the timing was not right to watch this movie with my wife.  But seeing this discussion, I am going to get my son and wife's Hulu login, make popcorn, and see if we can watch this in front of the woodstove.  And hopefully generate some useful discussion as we maintain our compromise. 

 

 

 

 

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Lady Telecaster
19 minutes ago, R66forM said:

Dear moderator,  please consider returning the deleted discussions.  

Yeah there's a reason most of Tele's stuff, and almost all of mine prior to about a year ago, is gone. Our, uhh, stalker issue... think I told you about that? Fun times. It's a pain in the arse that a lot of old posts were lost cos of that bullshit.

 

Edit: Although actually I don't mind that parts of my 18-year history here are gone. Criiiiiiinge. 😅

 

Anywho. Do report back on your thoughts on the film. Curious to hear opinions. I think the reason I found it... meh... at first was that it seemed like the plot was a little slow, but once I got into it it was compelling enough.

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3 hours ago, R66forM said:

...Dear moderator,  please consider returning the deleted discussions...

Hi. Unfortunately, when a member is banned, all of their posts, automatically, become "hidden."

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The Abhorred

I am an amateur writer and one of the things that I am trying is too have characters with deep relationships that are not romantic or sexual. This is one of the things I don't like in popular fiction is when two people are the perfect duo, like two detectives and also care for each other, then there's must be something else going on. They can't "just" be friends. Especially if both are single. 

In my stories I don't talk that much about these subjects, dating, sex etc They are there but I don't make a big deal about them. 

One time I had the idea to have an asexual character come out to a friend, both him and me the writer, are sick and tired of others assuming stuff. But there was no way I could do it, it seemed out of character for him to bring such a topic. In the end I came out with a phrase similar to "I'd rather eat cake" and with this phrase both characters said to each other how they have one thing in common that they much prefer over romance or sex. 

The most difficult part I think with asexual character is how to have them speak about their orientation without using the words. It is more likely the readers not to get the hint. 

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Lady Telecaster
1 hour ago, LeChat said:

Hi. Unfortunately, when a member is banned, all of their posts, automatically, become "hidden."

No... that's not the reason. Longtime contributing members who are banned due to warnings do not have their posts hidden. Spammers and people who are here to be intentionally offensive, yeah, I believe so. Most of Telecaster's posts and all of mine prior to January 2021 were manually hidden at the same time by administrators because we had someone stalking and harassing us.

 

Anyway, off-topic, but that's incorrect and you're spreading misinformation. I'm sure there are threads in the back room from this time last year about the issue. It has nothing to do with the ban.

 

Moving along...

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@Ceebs. Hi. Admods are able to see account info that non-staff members can't/aren't able to check and see for themselves. So, the info I gave isn't incorrect and isn't misinformation.

 

Unfortunately, due to Admod rules, I don't think I'm allowed to give out details, but can only say that I've checked on this.

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Lady Telecaster

It literally is? 😂 This is ridiculous. I spent ages communicating directly with administrators about the issue at the time. I have PMs from an admin asking me to ask him if he wanted his content hidden and he said yes. The posts disappearing -- his and mine, at exactly the same time -- happened like a month after he was banned and was entirely unrelated. Most of his content would've been hidden if he had still been an active member, in the same way mine was. He was banned back in 2019 as well and his content stayed exactly where it was then. Everything was there until someone was harassing us. Get your story straight.

 

Aaaaaaaanyway...

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Astutusdomina

Precisely. If the story is just about asexuality, it's limiting. The asexuality needs to come out because someone's involved in a mixed relationship. Or in a workplace or any social environment i.e. in life we're all mixed up  If you read on Aven it's always the same pattern:

Not understanding

Becoming aware epiphany

What to do?

The what to do has all kinds of outcomes that anyone, I mean anyone can relate to.

Self sacrifice, generosity, denial, lovers, deceit, acceptance ...

Not talking Shakespeare but all the standard themes can be included.

Lest not forget that there are people who are in incompatible sexual relationships for other reasons, such has health, porn addiction, burn out and so on. People can't understand asexuality because it's unknown, unimaginable.

Again on Aven, same thing asexuals try and explain, but it gets lost.

I mean Freud told us all our problems were due to sex. Sex is seen as a primary need. This is what we've come to learn and know. There's no reason why new stories can't change that knowledge. The abhorred I'd loved to read your stuff.

 

 

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nanogretchen4

I would be happy to see more asexual characters on television, but I don't want to see any tragic asexuals or asexual psychokillers or mixed orientation relationship drama or even implausible fairytales where true love changes people's orientations. Until everyone knows all about asexuality and you can't turn on the television without seeing asexual main characters and multiple asexual characters in the same story, teens who are just starting to realize they are asexual don't need to see that garbage. Let's start with some positive representation. I'd like to see some happily single aro aces and some happy asexual with asexual couples and some asexuals who won't give up the search for asexual partners. I'm even okay with the occasional mixed orientation poly relationship. But on balance, maybe let's not promote the message that asexuality is all about out asexuals getting into incompatible mixed orientation relationships on purpose, then having unwanted sex to hold on to their partners. The asexual version of "It gets better" needs to be better than that.

 

By the way, if an asexual detective were any good at their job, don't tell me they couldn't locate other asexuals.

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On 1/25/2022 at 1:09 PM, Doomed21 said:

 After all, sexual attraction is the cause of most domestic disputes and murders. 

Please give us some data showing that's the case.  If you can find it, that is.  🙄

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Astutusdomina

Agree. That's why the therapist should put things right. I'm not claiming that asexuals should be in a negative light. Indeed the asexuality should be about visibility, writing this unknown back in. Sex aside we're talking about human relationships, conviviality and all that entails.

What I hear is asexual is not sexy so let's not write them in. When in fact exploring the myriad of different relationship possibilities with all the pros and cons is a universal concern. I dare say a token asexual just wouldn't do. The way we understand is by exploring. Humour needs to be present. Think of the odd couple. No judgement. Visibility is key.

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The Abhorred
19 hours ago, Astutusdomina said:

Precisely. If the story is just about asexuality, it's limiting. The asexuality needs to come out because someone's involved in a mixed relationship.

Or when someone is forever alone, so they will start wondering what is wrong with me.

 

In my story the asexual character realized he was different when his friends and classmates start dating and caring to much about flirting. When he was around them he felt like he stopped growing up, while in fact with this group they were incompatible. Then by chance he met two friends, who are the example of being tender, sharing love and affection without being lovers. None of them are asexual and I like it turned out cause it's like saying, open your eyes you are not alone in this.

 

Finding the right person now sounds more appealing right? It's not the one who will fix you but the one who will help you realize you weren't broken from the start.

 

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Astutusdomina

I read McEwan's on chesil beach a long time ago, but frankly it wasn't an eye opener for me re asexuality.

I love Ian McEwan, and I thought it was a brilliant story.

The way I read it was that Florence was certainly not into sex, but not knowing about asexuality I simply thought she was still stuck in the past. After all no one is at all surprised to hear that people of our grandmother's generation were not into sex.

Weren't women supposed to think of England, or something of the sort?

I've just read the blog on Aven about the book and the author says Florence is one of us.

I'm a bit contrary to  'them and us', but leaving that aside, Florence' s character simply did not open my knowledge of asexuality. The reason I say this is to illustrate  how much asexuality is out of sight, mind etc. and how I crave for it to be more visible.

 

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nanogretchen4

If the story is going to be about an asexual detective, most detectives are adults who have already figured out their sexual orientation. Very few detectives, on television or otherwise, are in mixed orientation relationships. Most television detectives are heterosexual, and a very few are gay. Heterosexual and gay television characters could be happily married to someone with the same orientation, or single and looking for people with the same orientation to date. Why must asexuals and asexuals alone be involved in mixed orientation relationships or seeking mixed orientation relationships? What is "limiting" about finding or building an asexual community?

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Traveler40

May I say how much I miss @Telecaster68, @ryn2, @anisotrophic @Philip027 and the old gang of chit chatters all converging on a topic here in SPFA?

 

SPFA has been but a shell of what it once was since the fateful and dastardly decision to silence a valuable voice. For shame in my humble opinion. I miss you around here Tele. Sure, I could email you, but it’s not the same, and you’ve left a void. FYI 😢 

 

… and what I may now say is, “Good on you Ceebs!” 💕 Haha

 

So yeah, for all others, go to the little search box and type in “Chesil”. That’s the kind of great conversation we used to have around here. Damn if it isn’t still available. It never would have occurred to me to do that. Good stuff. 
 

Off to await a ridonkadonk sofa delivery  🙌🏼. So yeah, I can never stop tinkering. Oh, the things we fill our time with in a sexless household… Interior design can provide moments of exhilaration around here. 😬😂

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2 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

...So yeah, for all others, go to the little search box and type in “Chesil”. That’s the kind of great conversation we used to have around here. Damn if it isn’t still available...

@Ceebs. Oh. I found that thread and see that there are some posts of Tele's that aren't "hidden," there. Sorry about that...my mistake...I was only trying to be a helpful Admod, informing non-staff that the posts they wanted might be "hidden." I did check, and it appeared as though everything was "hidden," since there were tons and tons of pages/comments that were.

 

The movie/performances look very good. Although, like others mentioned in that thread, I can understand why some people/couples might not find it enjoyable to watch, that it might feel "too close to home" (e.g. the couple arguing in the movie).

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6 hours ago, Traveler40 said:

May I say how much I miss @Telecaster68, @ryn2, @anisotrophic @Philip027 and the old gang of chit chatters all converging on a topic here in SPFA?

I still come in and read.  I just rarely post because… I guess my opinions don’t really fit in anywhere?  My experience isn’t consistent with a lot of people’s, but people in pain who need to vent (understandably) don’t want to hear me saying “but it’s not always like that!” about things.  So, sometimes I read something and almost reply and then sigh and think *it’s just not worth it*.

 

I do miss the discussions from the old days, though!

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Traveler40

I have always appreciated your input even when we disagree. Hell, especially when we disagree? Haha💕

 

The thing about Tele is that he always created a Central Perk vibe. His writing style made him accessible even while being wascally like a wabbit.😂


I mean, he always made good, clear points which I appreciated. It also helped that I (almost) always agreed with him. Ha

 

He was a conversationalist and invited that element. It made you want to add 2-3 cents. Nowadays, it’s throw down a monologue and run which is not the same. I’ve tried to start a few conversations, but always give up. Folks are here to rage, be sad or commiserate it appears. Me? I come for the snacks…

 

So now what? Do we throw his ashes overboard? This feels funeralesque…

 

Oh Tele, you SO want to say something. Too bad, so sad! Be happy you’re missed mate! Well, at least by all but one of us…😉 

 

🤔 That could be taken from various angles: @ceebs doesn’t have time to miss you OR the one that voted you off the island and surely doesn’t 😬. Hell, take your pick! 😂

 

P.S. PSST It’s worth it @ryn2! Walk on the wild side sometimes! I’d love you to anyhow. ♥️

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