Zero_is_al1v3 Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 I hate being asexual and part of my self hatred comes from being asexual, it's not "practical" its not "the norm" I hate it and I'm sick of it, I'm just waiting for it to go away but it doesn't. I do not feel worthy of love by being asexual, i feel like i can't date someone allosexual, I know some asexual people have sex with their allosexual partners but i don't think i will ever be able to. I am a rape victim, I am not asexual because of that, though. I would still be asexual if I wasn't SA'd, but I feel like if that wouldn't have happened I would give in and have sex with future allosexual partners even if i do not enjoy it as much. But because I have this trauma I have developed PTSD and learned that I can't have sex with people without having a panic attack and it's horrible. I want it to go away, I want to be allosexual, and it's so frustrating because i am waiting for my asexuality to just vanish away but i know it won't. I just want to feel like i am worthy of love. I want to feel normal, I want to feel good about myself. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TormentDubz Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 This is a toxic product of allonormativity. You're not worth less than others because you don't want to shag. Anyone who makes you feel that way needs to be decked with a 2x4. You are worthy of being loved. In terms of partnership it's best you seek a relationship with someone else who is asexual. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zero_is_al1v3 Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 Just now, TormentDubz said: This is a toxic product of allonormativity. You're not worth less than others because you don't want to shag. Anyone who makes you feel that way needs to be decked with a 2x4. You are worthy of being loved. In terms of partnership it's best you seek a relationship with someone else who is asexual. Thanks dude : ) 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TormentDubz Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 Just now, Zero_is_al1v3 said: Thanks dude : ) 💜 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TormentDubz Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 I'm gonna go ahead and put this in my forum. You'll probably get more responses there 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TormentDubz Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 Moved this thread from Asexual Relationships to Asexual Musings and Rantings. TormentDubz Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BigBassFox Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 I don't know if this helps but no matter what you are and can be loved, even by someone who's allo. Many allosexuals can go without sex. What helps with me is being around other aces, it helps making you feel less alone. Like mentioned above, there's also dating someone who is also asexual. But your asexuality is not something to be ashamed of, not a curse, not a burden. It's just the way we are, nothing can change that, and in a way that's beautiful. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zero_is_al1v3 Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 14 minutes ago, BigBassFox said: I don't know if this helps but no matter what you are and can be loved, even by someone who's allo. Many allosexuals can go without sex. What helps with me is being around other aces, it helps making you feel less alone. Like mentioned above, there's also dating someone who is also asexual. But your asexuality is not something to be ashamed of, not a curse, not a burden. It's just the way we are, nothing can change that, and in a way that's beautiful. thank you so much, i really needed this, i found this page about 1 hour ago and im so happy about it, i feel so safe here 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BigBassFox Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 I'm glad that we helped out in any way shape or form. Here is a thread I made a little back about what people like about being ace or aro: link here. I know asexuality is often seen as a something bad, but there are so many positives to it, and it's important to focus on that. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
coolshades Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. You are certainly just as deserving as love as anyone else. Society tends to equate love with sex, and that's simply not the case. There are so many different ways to experience love, and I feel like as asexuals, we are able to experience love and attraction in ways that allosexuals either will not or think they cannot. For example: The strong love between two friends in a QPR. Many allosexuals would say that kind of love is impossible without it eventually leading to sex. It's the whole "men and women can't just be friends" mentality. But asexuals can experience that kind of love between friends, and I personally think that's great. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zero_is_al1v3 Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 6 hours ago, coolshades said: I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. You are certainly just as deserving as love as anyone else. Society tends to equate love with sex, and that's simply not the case. There are so many different ways to experience love, and I feel like as asexuals, we are able to experience love and attraction in ways that allosexuals either will not or think they cannot. For example: The strong love between two friends in a QPR. Many allosexuals would say that kind of love is impossible without it eventually leading to sex. It's the whole "men and women can't just be friends" mentality. But asexuals can experience that kind of love between friends, and I personally think that's great. Thanks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CloudHidden Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 I just want to say I hear you- It is tough to be out of the “norm” in whatever way- it is a process to reach a point of self understanding and acceptance, but it IS possible- be patient with yourself - even a little increase in self acceptance is huge! Just keep working on it creatively- and know that you are you- full stop. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lilibulero Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 It's the side effect of being in an allo world. Don't let the b*****ds grind you down, as they say.😆 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
S17 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 I know this feeling. I've lived this feeling and am still living it. It's so hard to want to be "normal". Keep your head up friend. We're perfect the way we are 😊❤ 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
greenflamingo Posted January 12, 2022 Share Posted January 12, 2022 I also waited for a long time for my asexuality to go away. Affirmation from other members of the community is great, but it is also okay to mourn the sexual life you thought you were going to have. It's okay to feel upset sometimes. The thing that really hurt me was trying to force myself to be something I wasn't. Now that I have accepted it, I let myself feel sad sometimes, but I'm much more at peace. I can start building a good life around the hand I was dealt, rather than waiting for things to change. I recommend finding a local group for asexuals. That way, you can connect with people in your immediate community who understand what you are going through. If your friend group includes other asexual people, it will feel more normal and comfortable for you to express your orientation. I rejected the label aromantic for even longer, because I read all these things about asexual cuddling and thought that if I said no to that, it would make me some kind of cold unfeeling monster who wants to be distant and alone. I'm starting to wrap my head around the idea that no matter what others say, I know that I'm not any of those things. It's not easy to be confident in your personal truth when convention is telling you otherwise. Good luck and I hope you feel better. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AppleSas Posted May 12, 2022 Share Posted May 12, 2022 I get that so much. I would love to just be normal and it's taken a while for asexual to become a normal state in my mind. I feel like I can't date because of a similar experience. I feel so much fear when people try to touch me and even platonic touch has become a chore for me. It does get better though. As shit as everything may be right now. You at some point will start feel better about being asexual overtime. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Geekykitty Posted May 13, 2022 Share Posted May 13, 2022 On 1/4/2022 at 1:44 PM, Zero_is_al1v3 said: I hate being asexual and part of my self hatred comes from being asexual, it's not "practical" its not "the norm" I hate it and I'm sick of it, I'm just waiting for it to go away but it doesn't. I do not feel worthy of love by being asexual, I don't hate being asexual because I feel in some ways it has made my life easier - not having to worry about all that sex stuff that people need to think about and the consequences of sex. But I get what you mean about wanting to be normal. I often have felt like things like "I don't fit in, I'm not normal, I hate myself." Not just because I'm asexual but also for other reasons like because I'm socially awkward and find it hard connecting with people. I sometimes wish I could have some kind of romantic type relationship but I just never feel much attraction or interest in people. Ultimately there are some things you can try to change about yourself, but there are other things you just can't and its easier to accept it then fight it. On 1/4/2022 at 3:24 PM, coolshades said: There are so many different ways to experience love, and I feel like as asexuals, we are able to experience love and attraction in ways that allosexuals either will not or think they cannot. For example: The strong love between two friends in a QPR. Many allosexuals would say that kind of love is impossible without it eventually leading to sex. It's the whole "men and women can't just be friends" mentality. But asexuals can experience that kind of love between friends, and I personally think that's great. Yes there are many other ways to have a relationship and experience love other then a sexual relationship. I have a very intense love for my cat, nothing sexual there of course 😻 It is certainly possible to have a very loving relationship without sex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zero_is_al1v3 Posted July 3, 2022 Author Share Posted July 3, 2022 On 5/13/2022 at 1:16 PM, Geekykitty said: I don't hate being asexual because I feel in some ways it has made my life easier - not having to worry about all that sex stuff that people need to think about and the consequences of sex. But I get what you mean about wanting to be normal. I often have felt like things like "I don't fit in, I'm not normal, I hate myself." Not just because I'm asexual but also for other reasons like because I'm socially awkward and find it hard connecting with people. I sometimes wish I could have some kind of romantic type relationship but I just never feel much attraction or interest in people. Ultimately there are some things you can try to change about yourself, but there are other things you just can't and its easier to accept it then fight it. Yes there are many other ways to have a relationship and experience love other then a sexual relationship. I have a very intense love for my cat, nothing sexual there of course 😻 It is certainly possible to have a very loving relationship without sex. thank you :)) <33 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zero_is_al1v3 Posted July 3, 2022 Author Share Posted July 3, 2022 On 1/4/2022 at 4:07 AM, BigBassFox said: I don't know if this helps but no matter what you are and can be loved, even by someone who's allo. Many allosexuals can go without sex. What helps with me is being around other aces, it helps making you feel less alone. Like mentioned above, there's also dating someone who is also asexual. But your asexuality is not something to be ashamed of, not a curse, not a burden. It's just the way we are, nothing can change that, and in a way that's beautiful. Thank you so much! im so glad i found this website full of aces tbh 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace_Reporter Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 I think this is why I still question it every day. I'm not REALLY Ace I just haven't me the right person, have a very particular sub-type, etc. If it helps ... labels exist to serve us, not the other way around. And there may come a time when the label doesn't fit anymore. For now, I chose to celebrate the things in my life that make it rich and full. That's why I turned my Instagram into an Ace awareness campaign and put the hashtag AceLife on things not ace related ... because we have rich, full, meaningful lives. We have people we love. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TormentDubz Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 On 7/3/2022 at 1:02 PM, Zero_is_al1v3 said: Thank you so much! im so glad i found this website full of aces tbh We’re all glad that you’re with us Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lilibulero Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 Think of all the upsides to being ace. Bet you can think of loads. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
whatever_idk Posted July 30, 2023 Share Posted July 30, 2023 When me and my ex split he quickly got into a sexual relationship. I told him it was fine and I just wanted him to be happy but it just really hurts. I loved him and he got me through so much the past 2 years of my life. I don't want to hate myself for being asexual but I do. I look at it as if something is wrong with me. If I wasn't ace would he still be with me? Yes I know there were other factors but it doesn't feel like it. I hate myself for being asexual. It's been 2 months, and the emotional pain is now becoming physical, I'll throw up after hearing about what he's doing with them and had to unfriend them both on social media. I just want all these thoughts to stop. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LateToAce Posted August 1, 2023 Share Posted August 1, 2023 I have been reading Angela Chen’s book “Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex”. It’s available online through many libraries on CloudReader if anyone hasn’t read it. There is a chapter that really impacted me that you might enjoy, Zero. It’s the one titled “Playing with Others.” It addresses the freedom and creativity that aceness can bring to relationships, in ways that are valuable for all parties and for restructuring society in healthy ways. Maybe it would be a helpful resource to put on the other side of the scale for you in considering your aceness. I finished reading it much more excited and joyful and positive about relationships and myself. I don’t mean to imply that what you are feeling is something to be avoided or squelched. It seems important and necessary to be really emotionally honest moving through discovering aceness, and what you are feeling is a healthy part of that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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