JeninMT Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 36 minutes ago, will123 said: Coming out is a completely personal thing. Here there is a wide variety of thoughts. I've told a few close friends but have no plans to tell family (enough drama). Besides at age 60, I'm definitely not looking for romance even if I wasn't a aromantic. I have to tell my husband at some point, but, like you, I’m not worried about telling anyone else. My kids when they are older, when the inevitable implosion of my marriage occurs. Do you think it would be wrong to wait three years until our youngest is out of high school to tell my husband and kids? He will not take it well, as sex is very important to him. 😕 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 @JeninMT, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂. The Asexual Relationships and SPFA forums might be a help to you, and maybe your husband as well. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JeninMT Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 1 hour ago, Asbestos Fingers said: In a way I envy you! @JeninMT! 😯 😉 😄 You can drop a bombshell, secure in the knowledge of your own identity, without being worried by peer pressure or the disapproval of 'elders and betters' who have some kind of hold over you in terms of the way you choose to live your life. Enjoy the anticipation, I would say! Could make for a really interesting Christmas! Have a good one! 🙂 It is a relief to be at an age where it won’t just be assumed it’s a “stage” I’ll grow out of.😂 But I really do have others to consider. I giggle at the thought of just tapping the wine glass and making an announcement over Christmas dinner. You have a great Christmas too. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JeninMT Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 1 minute ago, Sleighcaptain said: @JeninMT, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂. The Asexual Relationships and SPFA forums might be a help to you, and maybe your husband as well. Thank you for the suggestions. I’ve read a bit in the Relationships forum. I may share with my husband, but he’ll take all of this personally. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m going to involve my therapist before I talk to him about it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 38 minutes ago, JeninMT said: I have to tell my husband at some point, but, like you, I’m not worried about telling anyone else. My kids when they are older, when the inevitable implosion of my marriage occurs. Do you think it would be wrong to wait three years until our youngest is out of high school to tell my husband and kids? He will not take it well, as sex is very important to him. 😕 I'm single, never married or in a relationship, but have/had several female friends over the years. I'm afraid I can't answer your question. There have been threads on AVEN of AFAB persons wondering how to broach their identity(ies) to their children. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JeninMT Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Just now, will123 said: I'm single, never married or in a relationship, but have/had several female friends over the years. I'm afraid I can't answer your question. There have been threads on AVEN of AFAB persons wondering how to broach their identity(ies) to their children. I’ll head over that way. Thank you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Abhorred Posted December 24, 2021 Share Posted December 24, 2021 Always knew but didn't have a word for it. Whenever someone was speaking to me about relationships or getting married I was thinking, ermhh to whom you're talking to, not me. I discovered the word many years ago in my mid twenties and then I thought yes that's me alright. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BKPR70 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 Technically since April 2021. Before that I just thought I was frigid or had low libido. Looking back I've always known. I just didn't know what it was. Better late than never. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 27 minutes ago, BKPR70 said: Technically since April 2021. Before that I just thought I was frigid or had low libido. Looking back I've always known. I just didn't know what it was. Better late than never. While I only found out at age 44 (back in 2005) about asexuality, aromanticism was a mystery until a few years ago. When I looked up aro (that I saw quite frequently in posts), I knew I was that as well because not being interested in having a girlfriend (or a boyfriend) was on my mind back in my early 20s. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BKPR70 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 4 minutes ago, will123 said: While I only found out at age 44 (back in 2005) about asexuality, aromanticism was a mystery until a few years ago. When I looked up aro (that I saw quite frequently in posts), I knew I was that as well because not being interested in having a girlfriend (or a boyfriend) was on my mind back in my early 20s. I found out at 50 and it was quite a shock. I know I'm definitely ace, however I'm not sure where I fall as far as romanticism is concerned. I haven't tried to get to know anyone nor have I had attraction to anyone. I still have a bit of allo mentality (ie, I must date at all times) but I believe it's because it's all I've known all my life. The weight lifted off my shoulders and the freedom I feel now that I know I'm ace is priceless 🙂 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JaiBee Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 45 minutes ago, BKPR70 said: Technically since April 2021. I came out as ace in April 2021 too! 8 minutes ago, BKPR70 said: I believe it's because it's all I've known all my life. There's so much about myself that I locked away for decades without realizing I was doing it, just because I was trying to fit in with how everyone else seemed to be living their lives. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BKPR70 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 4 minutes ago, JaiBee said: There's so much about myself that I locked away for decades without realizing I was doing it, just because I was trying to fit in with how everyone else seemed to be living their lives. That's exactly it. I couldn't tell a guy I didn't want to engage in those activities. He would walk the other way if I did that. It was a horrible existence. So glad we know better now 🙂 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 9, 2022 Share Posted January 9, 2022 1 hour ago, BKPR70 said: The weight lifted off my shoulders and the freedom I feel now that I know I'm ace is priceless 🙂 I felt the same way too! Others have said the same. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wordforger Posted January 13, 2022 Share Posted January 13, 2022 Not quite sure if I count as 'older' yet, but given how young the community skews, I probably do. I'm nearly 34. I've identified as ace since I was 23, at least a full decade ago. Before that, I just knew I wasn't into the whole dating/marrying/sex/children thing as young as middle school. I found it weird how boy-crazy and girl-crazy the rest of my peers were. I thought they were all just playing it up. But then I discovered asexuality in college and it slowly dawned on me that people actually did want sex and romance for themselves, not because Hollywood told them to. It wasn't so much I realized I was asexual as it was discovering everyone else wasn't. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Luna131 Posted January 16, 2022 Share Posted January 16, 2022 Hi...just joined this site today after looking for advice about telling my husband I'm ace. I figured it out when my then 17 year old son came out to me as ace/aro about a year and a half ago. The lightbulb went on, like, ME TOO. As other posters have mentioned, I always knew I was "different" because I have never enjoyed sex. I had sex because I was in relationships with sexuals, and that was typically the next step in the relationship. So here I am, turning 47 at the end of the month, and wondering how to tell my husband, whom I've been married to for 23 years, together for 26, that I'm ace. We have two sons, 18 and 13, and live a good life. I don't know what his response will be, but I've reached the point in my life where I am tired of going through the motions. I cringe when he touches me- think a brush against me with his handas he passes by, or leaning in from behind while I am doing dishes, and I am tired of avoiding being intimate, and his mood as a result. Part of me hoped that maybe one day, his libido would wane. It hasn't, although he occasionally has "performance issues." Not sure if it is age related, or the fact that he is quite overweight, but as you can imagine, I was FINE with it. However, he was not. Then about 6 months ago, not long after he lost his erection during sex, I started noticing spam emails for male enhancers in our email, and lost it. He said he never looked into any of that, so perhaps it's a coincidence since he turned 50 and the spam-bots noticed. Sorry guys...that was a lot for trying to answer the "when did you know" question. I'm fairly sure I know what I need to do, but having trouble doing it because I know once it's said, it's said. And things will never be the same again. 10 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 16, 2022 Share Posted January 16, 2022 18, 19 years now. Wish I remembered the exact date so I could celebrate. I still remember how suddenly everything made sense. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Techie Posted January 16, 2022 Share Posted January 16, 2022 2 hours ago, Luna131 said: ...I started noticing spam emails for male enhancers in our email, and lost it. He said he never looked into any of that, so perhaps it's a coincidence since he turned 50 and the spam-bots noticed. I am 59 and a lifelong single. I never searched for any of that stuff either but the SPAM bots fill my folder with all that garbage too. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NordicNoir Posted January 16, 2022 Share Posted January 16, 2022 I have known since 2018, I was 46. Before that I thought I was a malfunctioning straight person. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Skycaptain Posted January 16, 2022 Share Posted January 16, 2022 @Luna131, CV welcome to AVEN 🍰🍰 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lilacsandroses Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 I'm turning 67 soon and only just recently came to understand that this is my orientation after years of frustration and disappointment with myself. I tried very hard to live by expected "norms" and pushed myself into situations I later deeply regretted. It was a sense of freedom to finally know that I'm not alone and that how I feel isn't wrong or abnormal. Through this self discovery I've come to understand that love and affection need not always culminate in sexual activity to be valid, and that emotional bonding is far more sensual than intimate physical expression. Now that I know all of this about myself it would be nice to find a like minded partner but at this stage of life I don't see that as being a likely opportunity. Still I'm glad to finally have a better awareness of who I am and where I fit in. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 @Luna131, @Tempesta, @Lilacsandroses, welcome and ! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 I may have answered this before -- but I knew I was 'different" all my life, only learned there was such an actual orientation only about 15 years ago, which was when I was already an older adult. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NoButterfly Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 I’m 37 and I think I have always known I was different. But I only just learned about asexuality in september 2021 and realized it described me perfectly. It gave me this calm feeling inside and made me feel a little less like an outsider. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 43 minutes ago, NoButterfly said: I’m 37 and I think I have always known I was different. But I only just learned about asexuality in september 2021 and realized it described me perfectly. It gave me this calm feeling inside and made me feel a little less like an outsider. Welcome and ! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Nima Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 Just a bit over 4 years now 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ittybittymessy Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 I'm soon-to-be-56 (in 6 days)now,I found myself as an asexual the moment I learned the word "asexual". It was only 2 years ago as I live hermit life because of PTSD.I was thinking I don't have any sexual need because (like in fiction)maybe I am passive eastern female.Totally wrong. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 On 1/16/2022 at 12:59 PM, Luna131 said: Hi...just joined this site today after looking for advice about telling my husband I'm ace. I figured it out when my then 17 year old son came out to me as ace/aro about a year and a half ago. The lightbulb went on, like, ME TOO. As other posters have mentioned, I always knew I was "different" because I have never enjoyed sex. I had sex because I was in relationships with sexuals, and that was typically the next step in the relationship. Sorry guys...that was a lot for trying to answer the "when did you know" question. I'm fairly sure I know what I need to do, but having trouble doing it because I know once it's said, it's said. And things will never be the same again. Not to worry. I've never seen anyone get flamed for saying too much here. I think it's OK, be cause we know this is a place where we can say what we want with out any judgement. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 On 1/16/2022 at 2:27 PM, Tempesta said: 18, 19 years now. Wish I remembered the exact date so I could celebrate. I still remember how suddenly everything made sense. I have a rough idea, but not the exact day. X2 on your second part! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 On 1/16/2022 at 4:02 PM, NordicNoir said: I have known since 2018, I was 46. Before that I thought I was a malfunctioning straight person. I was 44. I wouldn't say that I was a malfunctioning straight prior to finding out about asexuality. I describe it as 'straight, but not putting much effort into it'. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 On 1/16/2022 at 7:40 PM, Lilacsandroses said: I'm turning 67 soon and only just recently came to understand that this is my orientation after years of frustration and disappointment with myself. I tried very hard to live by expected "norms" and pushed myself into situations I later deeply regretted. It was a sense of freedom to finally know that I'm not alone and that how I feel isn't wrong or abnormal. Through this self discovery I've come to understand that love and affection need not always culminate in sexual activity to be valid, and that emotional bonding is far more sensual than intimate physical expression. Now that I know all of this about myself it would be nice to find a like minded partner but at this stage of life I don't see that as being a likely opportunity. Still I'm glad to finally have a better awareness of who I am and where I fit in. I've made a couple of online friendships thru AVEN and they have been a great distraction over the past couple of years. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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