Door Number Four

[TurnedTurtle]

It's not the outcome that I wanted, but my W and I are separating (Door Number 4)...

 

We had tried the sexual compromise thing (Door Number 2) as part of our attempt at reconciliation from her "affair" a couple years ago, and that's how I came to understand her as asexual -- the compromise sex just didn't work out.

 

I didn't want to continue to be celibate (Door Number 1) for the rest of my life, as I largely have been for the past two decades, so I was lobbying for opening up of the marriage (Door Number 3). She just couldn't accept that. She'ld actually been contemplating divorce "for years" but was afraid of being alone.

 

There is a positive feedback relationship between emotional and physical connections in most romantic relationships, which when the connections are both working, continues to enhance the relationship, but when one or the other connection stops working as expected, things can snowball in the opposite direction. Add to that, the glue that had been holding us together all this time has finally dried up -- our son is an independent self-supporting adult now, and my FIL passed a year ago, which meant a change in the structure of the business partnership my W and I were involved in.

 

So it's done. Just like that. There is no going back. We just have to finalize the division of assets and the transfer of responsibilities in our businesses. And move on.

 

It sucks.

 

Thank you to all of you here for your feedback and support over the last couple years, and I wish you all luck in your respective situations.

[Traveler40]

I’m sorry @TurnedTurtle.  There’s nothing to say that would address you properly and this will have to play out as unintended. I value your insight and levity and hope you stick around. If you feel up to it, please keep us posted.
 

New beginnings are hard to see as bright at times. My only advice is to not give up on finding connection. It may be unthinkable now, but once ready, seek it out. Life may yet surprise you. Sending you warm thoughts and hugs.

[alto]

My sympathies.

[SusannaC]

You really tried to find a compromise but this wasn’t meant to be.  It does suck, but then this sort of situation sucks for so many of us.  Your path forward has cleared however, & I hope you can proceed forth  with energy & hope.  Best wishes & thanks for your input!
 

[intheshadowoferos]

@TurnedTurtle I'm so sorry. That's the door I never want to stare down. I hope you find happiness, that your needs are met, and that you live comfortably.

 

[ryn2]

I’m sorry things have not turned out the way you hoped, @TurnedTurtle.

[TurnedTurtle]

Just an update, it's been just over 3 months since stbx asked for a separation, and one month since closing on the purchase of my "new" house. I'm still moving stuff and getting set up, which will be an ongoing project for a while yet (the house needs a lot of work!). My friends and family remain supportive, our connections perhaps deeper than ever, and I've started a new job/business venture... Still there are times I feel like this was all the biggest mistake of my life, yet I know there is no going back (it would never be any better than it was with stbx). There is only continuing to go forward.