Girlfriend of 4 years potentially Fraysexual. Where do we go from here?

[Zman419]

Hello, ive been dating a girl for almost 4 years now, and we havent been sexually involved for a little under 3 of them. Early on in our relationship sex was frequent and often initiated by her, she definitely appeared to be really into it too. About 6-8 months in it became less frequent and by the year mark any time she was touched sexually she would feel anxious, panicked and uncomfortable.

 

Shes told me this exact same thing has happened in past relationships, which leads me to believe shes potentially Fraysexual.

 

As it stands, i dont think im ok with never ever having sex again so we have to figure something out.

 

I think they first thing were going to try is experiementing to see what sexual acts between is she is comfortable with. Tackle it like were awkward teenagers in our first serious relationship, slowly doing more sexual things over time (until we get to where she isnt comfortable ofc).

 

Shes mentioned that we could think about an open relationship as a last resort. In general im open to the idea of an open relationship, but i have a big concern about one in this specific situation.

 

Obviously, the opportunity to see other people would be extended to her as well if shes interested, and if she is Fraysexual theres a possibility that a sexual spark towards this new person could be ignited in her. While again, im ok with the idea of an open relationship, one where we're both exclusively sleep with other people and not each other rubs me the wrong way (but maybe its something i could get over).

 

How do mixed relationships with Fraysexuals tend to work anyways? Is it usually just a matter of "after x amount of time together, no more sex." or do they go the "well both just sleep with other people" route. Are there options were just not considering? Because we definitely want to make this work

 

[alto]

If you're considering an open relationship, I suggest you both check out the webcomic Kimchi Cuddles.  It discusses poly and open relationships in a really cute, nonthreatening way.