My husband is asexual and I'm not - ideas?

[Mountain House]

9 hours ago, DemonicEnby said:

that it is just about the physical thing.

This isn't true for me.  I love both of my partners.

 

9 hours ago, DemonicEnby said:

Many aren't comfortable with the open marriage thing because there is a fear of losing the other person.

This is true for everyone when setting aside the mono-normative narrative.  I worried I would lose my wife.  She worried She would lose me.

 

Getting good with the idea that even in a monogamous relationship you can lose a partner is a good step.

Extend that to acknowledge that in an open relationship your partner is free to have relationships with whomever whenever they want and still they choose to be with you is big.

Talking is super important.  Open, transparent, honest talk. Bigger in the communication category though is actions. As a hinge my actions speak louder.

[quiet_summer]

On 1/20/2022 at 4:13 AM, soyandpotatoes said:

Wow it's amazing that he's so open! I'm allo (quite a hyper-bisexual one at that) and my boyfriend of 5 years is ace. He was struggling so much with the labelling cos he felt insecure about it and only recently been more comfortable with it. Our relationship is a dream, we are each other's best friends and we love each other immensely. That is except the sex. We are at that stage where we try him watching me or use sex toys on me, but it's not quite enough for me. I just love him a lot so I don’t make him feel bad about it. I don’t think he's okay with me having sex with other people. 

I think our relationship is getting even more serious and i feel he might propose this year. I want that so much. 

How did you get your husband to be comfortable with you taking on a lover outside the marriage?

I just asked him, really. Part of our vows were to love each other as we are and trust the things we don't yet know, so ... we just didnt know. We still love each other very much, we nest and I prioritize time with him. He's very self-secure and just doesnt feel threatened by it. We kind of looked at it like a hobby,  actually. He likes to do woodworking with one of his college friends, we visit her for dinners and game nights, he helps her with projects at the house, etc. I'm not bothered by him hanging out doing something he finds fun with his friend - neither is he bothered about me having fun with my friends, if that makes sense.

[quiet_summer]

On 1/21/2022 at 9:25 AM, Mountain House said:

This isn't true for me.  I love both of my partners.

 

This is true for everyone when setting aside the mono-normative narrative.  I worried I would lose my wife.  She worried She would lose me.

 

Getting good with the idea that even in a monogamous relationship you can lose a partner is a good step.

Extend that to acknowledge that in an open relationship your partner is free to have relationships with whomever whenever they want and still they choose to be with you is big.

Talking is super important.  Open, transparent, honest talk. Bigger in the communication category though is actions. As a hinge my actions speak louder.

Mountain House - This!

 

I dont love hubby any less or different because he doesnt want sex or feel sexual desire for me. We agreed to be a life team and still choose to continue that. I care for my other partners, albeit in different ways, but it's not just sex for me.

 

Leaving the mono-normative Does feel weird, but we are ok with it.