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virgin asexual


chasingvictory530

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That's true, you have a really nice icon. ^^ I'm 19 and also part of the virgin crowd. Since I never ever had any kind of sexual experience I haven't excluded I might be interested in sex someday, but as for now I'm NOT GOING TO go look for it since I find it pretty much repulsive, unless I wake up one day and all the libido I've been missing comes back at once. Unlikely. :roll:

Thankfully my roommate is a very... romantic girl, although sexual (I assume), so she doesn't give me all that "experienced woman" crap. 8) (... Yet...)

And marytyp, can I give you my congratulations? :shock: You were exceptionally lucky... Hope to be as lucky as you someday :3

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I'm 21, have not had sex (at least not with another person) but strongly dislike the word 'virgin'. 'Virgin' sounds like a victim, or at least a victim of circumstance - someone who is too unattractive, repressed or socially awkward to have sex. And as an atheist I dislike the religious connotations of 'virgin'. I like the idea of identifying as asexual instead because it allows me to own my lack of sexual feelings instead of feeling like I'm being controlled by outside circumstances.

Anybody else feel the same way?

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I'm 21, have not had sex (at least not with another person) but strongly dislike the word 'virgin'. 'Virgin' sounds like a victim, or at least a victim of circumstance - someone who is too unattractive, repressed or socially awkward to have sex. And as an atheist I dislike the religious connotations of 'virgin'. I like the idea of identifying as asexual instead because it allows me to own my lack of sexual feelings instead of feeling like I'm being controlled by outside circumstances.

Anybody else feel the same way?

I do I do!!!! My sentiments exactly. Rock on! I'd also like to add that the term "virgin" implies naivety, or innocence, and I am not either. In fact I know way more about sex (and life in general) than many sexuals.

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I'm 21, have not had sex (at least not with another person) but strongly dislike the word 'virgin'. 'Virgin' sounds like a victim, or at least a victim of circumstance - someone who is too unattractive, repressed or socially awkward to have sex. And as an atheist I dislike the religious connotations of 'virgin'. I like the idea of identifying as asexual instead because it allows me to own my lack of sexual feelings instead of feeling like I'm being controlled by outside circumstances.

Anybody else feel the same way?

I do I do!!!! My sentiments exactly. Rock on! I'd also like to add that the term "virgin" implies naivety, or innocence, and I am not either. In fact I know way more about sex (and life in general) than many sexuals.

Definitely, I don't like the term either. I might not have had sex, but I've been through a lot! :roll:

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is it possible to be a virgin and be an asexual?

Yes :) I'm 27, a virgin, asexual, and single all of my life and enjoy every minute of it.

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I'm 21, have not had sex (at least not with another person) but strongly dislike the word 'virgin'. 'Virgin' sounds like a victim, or at least a victim of circumstance - someone who is too unattractive, repressed or socially awkward to have sex. And as an atheist I dislike the religious connotations of 'virgin'. I like the idea of identifying as asexual instead because it allows me to own my lack of sexual feelings instead of feeling like I'm being controlled by outside circumstances.

I disagree...many sexuals may make it sound like being a virgin is a disease or something, but in my opinion its more like a badge of honor. When someone's a vigrin I don't think "they're so ugly no one will sleep with them", I think "they don't want to sleep with anyone yet".

I find it something to be respected, because if the person is sexual then it shows that they don't take sex lightly or make it a casual thing(I know they're assumptions, but whatever). I once dated a girl who wasn't a virgin...it made me lose some respect from her (especially because she was 14 O_o)

I certainly don't believe that virgins are innocent, but I DO think they are probably more mature when it comes to sex (at least if they're older...everyone knows how sexual teenage boys can get >.<)

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I'm 21, have not had sex (at least not with another person) but strongly dislike the word 'virgin'. 'Virgin' sounds like a victim, or at least a victim of circumstance - someone who is too unattractive, repressed or socially awkward to have sex. And as an atheist I dislike the religious connotations of 'virgin'. I like the idea of identifying as asexual instead because it allows me to own my lack of sexual feelings instead of feeling like I'm being controlled by outside circumstances.

I disagree...many sexuals may make it sound like being a virgin is a disease or something, but in my opinion its more like a badge of honor. When someone's a vigrin I don't think "they're so ugly no one will sleep with them", I think "they don't want to sleep with anyone yet".

I find it something to be respected, because if the person is sexual then it shows that they don't take sex lightly or make it a casual thing(I know they're assumptions, but whatever). I once dated a girl who wasn't a virgin...it made me lose some respect from her (especially because she was 14 O_o)

I certainly don't believe that virgins are innocent, but I DO think they are probably more mature when it comes to sex (at least if they're older...everyone knows how sexual teenage boys can get >.<)

Agreed. In an oversexed culture in which we live today, virginity should be respected instead of being shunned and even being attacked by some.

The problem with many sexuals in society is that they take sex very lightly without thinking about the consequences (ie, one-night stands and multiple partners). At least the virgins are more aware of the benefits and the dangers that sexual intercourse brings. Diseases such as AIDS and herpes are still uncurable, but some will still take that risk.

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"Virgin", like "celibate", has millennia of religious baggage associated with it. Most traditional faiths put a lot of stock into celibacy and sexual self-denial, at least before marriage and sometimes even after, so I can't help but think that the people here who say they prefer to be called virgins are speaking from a religious context. I respect calling people whatever they want to be called - it's just that as an atheist I can't accept that term for myself.

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I'm 21, have not had sex (at least not with another person) but strongly dislike the word 'virgin'. 'Virgin' sounds like a victim, or at least a victim of circumstance - someone who is too unattractive, repressed or socially awkward to have sex. And as an atheist I dislike the religious connotations of 'virgin'. I like the idea of identifying as asexual instead because it allows me to own my lack of sexual feelings instead of feeling like I'm being controlled by outside circumstances.

Anybody else feel the same way?

Don't hate words. Own 'em.

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November Rain

Sure, why not? I for one would be quite annoyed if someone told me that I couldn't really know if I was asexual or not until I'd lost my virginity. Asexuality isn't just about not liking sex, it can also be not desiring it in the first place.

I'm 17 and still a virgin btw.

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RomanceIsLost
is it possible to be a virgin and be an asexual? i am 18 and am a virgin but have no desire to have sex. the thought of it repulses me to the point that i dont even think i want to have kids that way. all my friends have had sex and they are like drug addicts always looking for thier next fix and i just dont get it. i thought it the reason i didnt want to have sex was because i was insecure, but i am content with myself and still dont want any part of it. im not ready to talk to my friends or even my family about it just yet in fear of what they might think. the last person i asked asked me if i was attracted to girls implying that maybe i was gay. that pissed me off so much. but now ive gotten off topic. is it possible to be a virgin and still be an a-sexual?

I am in the same position as you in terms of my age and sexual experience (or lack thereof, more accurately). I definitely think it's possible to be a virgin and asexual. It annoys me when people say to me, "How do you know when you haven't tried it?"

I know because I have zero inclination to ever trying it or even getting close to trying it.

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the last person i asked asked me if i was attracted to girls implying that maybe i was gay.

I've gotten that once before too. It was in my senior year around prom, and I have no idea how the conversation even started because it was with a guy that I don't find likable in the least and avoided talking to. Anyway... it went something along the lines of.

Guy: "So if the hottest guy in the world walked through that door and asked you to prom, you would go with him?"

Me: "No."

Guy: "The hottest girl then?"

ME: O_o

He couldn't seem to understand that I don't like dances, no matter how attractive my partner is. Apparently sexual people are willing to do things they hate as long as they do it with somebody sexy? And then of course he immediately assumed I was a lesbian. (Although, I also thought I might be for a while.)

It annoys me when people say to me, "How do you know when you haven't tried it?"

I haven't gotten that yet, mostly because I've never told anyone I'm asexual. If I did though I think I have a pretty good response.

"Do you like eating poo?"

"No"

"How do you know when you haven't tried it?"

I kind of want to tell somebody just so I can try it out on them.

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RomanceIsLost
I haven't gotten that yet, mostly because I've never told anyone I'm asexual. If I did though I think I have a pretty good response.

"Do you like eating poo?"

"No"

"How do you know when you haven't tried it?"

I kind of want to tell somebody just so I can try it out on them.

Hahaha, I did say that something like that once as a last-ditch response to someone who just wasn't 'getting it'...he just said, "I suppose." I hope you get some more interesting reactions, though, if you ever say it :lol:

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Guy: "So if the hottest guy in the world walked through that door and asked you to prom, you would go with him?"

Me: "No."

Guy: "The hottest girl then?"

ME: O_o

I've had this conversation before with my coworkers, but just replace "prom" with "going up to me and touching my boobs". I was like, NO, I'd never allow that no matter how good looking they are.

Why would I want some whacko strange man all over me like that!?

"Do you like eating poo?"

"No"

"How do you know when you haven't tried it?"

I really want to use that sometime in the future, too. :D

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I wanna know where you people who got sterilized at a young age found doctors who would do it for you. Unless it was for medical reasons, which I guess doesn't help me. I've tried, but no doctor will touch me, since I'm still young and may change my mind. What a load of crap that is, lol.

Actually, the first gyn I asked did it for me, which totally shocked me since she has a fert clinic and everything. She was more than respectful and treated my decision with care and honor. I was more than prepared to fight and fight and fight for it, and thrilled when I didn't have to.

I don't go to the gyn anymore (exams are too painful, besides, I don't care about anything else as long as I'm fixed now!), but I'll tell you to keep looking.

It's worth it even if the doc you find is quite a distance away. Don't give up!!

DO NOT EVER subject yourself to a psychological exam. NO ONE has to take one of these if they want twenty kids, so why would the childfree need one if they know they don't want them!?

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I wanna know where you people who got sterilized at a young age found doctors who would do it for you. Unless it was for medical reasons, which I guess doesn't help me. I've tried, but no doctor will touch me, since I'm still young and may change my mind. What a load of crap that is, lol.

Actually, the first gyn I asked did it for me, which totally shocked me since she has a fert clinic and everything. She was more than respectful and treated my decision with care and honor. I was more than prepared to fight and fight and fight for it, and thrilled when I didn't have to.

What kind of sterilization are we talking about here? Presumably not a hysterectomy, that's a big deal. Here in good ol' Texas, one has to have at least two living children before one can have a tubal ligation. I don't quite understand why one would bother getting her tubes tied if she is not sexual though - I mean unless you're spayed, you still have to deal with periods. I'd love to have it for political clout - "I'm so committed to not having kids that I got fixed, and you can to!" - but other than that it seems like a pointless surgery.

My docs are still very adamant that I get pap smears even though I'm not sexually active. Any hope I had that I would someday enjoy having things stuck into me, was shattered on the gyno's table when I was 16. Ouch.

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What kind of sterilization are we talking about here?

Tubal ligation.

Here in good ol' Texas, one has to have at least two living children before one can have a tubal ligation.

Gosh, that's just ridiculous. I'd definitely drive outside of Texas if I lived there to get one. ;)

I don't quite understand why one would bother getting her tubes tied if she is not sexual though - I mean unless you're spayed, you still have to deal with periods. I'd love to have it for political clout - "I'm so committed to not having kids that I got fixed, and you can to!" - but other than that it seems like a pointless surgery.

I'd love to get an incomplete hysterectomy to not have to deal with periods, but they're very expensive (even with insurance), and they're *major* surgery. I'm sterilized and that's all that really matters. Around the time I had my tubes tied I already had had a few procedures done and couldn't afford anything else.

And just because I am asexual doesn't mean I won't (God forbid) get raped, or develop a relationship with a sexual man who I'd be willing to do some compromising for.

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I wanna know where you people who got sterilized at a young age found doctors who would do it for you. Unless it was for medical reasons, which I guess doesn't help me. I've tried, but no doctor will touch me, since I'm still young and may change my mind. What a load of crap that is, lol.

Actually, the first gyn I asked did it for me, which totally shocked me since she has a fert clinic and everything. She was more than respectful and treated my decision with care and honor. I was more than prepared to fight and fight and fight for it, and thrilled when I didn't have to.

What kind of sterilization are we talking about here? Presumably not a hysterectomy, that's a big deal. Here in good ol' Texas, one has to have at least two living children before one can have a tubal ligation. I don't quite understand why one would bother getting her tubes tied if she is not sexual though - I mean unless you're spayed, you still have to deal with periods. I'd love to have it for political clout - "I'm so committed to not having kids that I got fixed, and you can to!" - but other than that it seems like a pointless surgery.

I wanted a partial hysterectomy - remove the uterus, but they could leave the ovaries for the hormonal stuff. Before I started birth control, my periods were intensely painful and I just wanted it OUT! I mean, I'm not going to use it, so what good is it to me?

I don't go to the gyn anymore (exams are too painful, besides, I don't care about anything else as long as I'm fixed now!), but I'll tell you to keep looking.

Thanks for the advice. :) Now that I can control the pain with BC, my desire to get rid of it isn't quite as strong. Although I would love to not have periods at all, that would be nice... And I feel you on the painful exam thing, but I go anyways. Like I said, better safe than sorry, right? I'm also not so good at remembering to do breast exams, so at least this way I get one once a year, lol.

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Virgin asexual here. I just don't want sex. At 23 there is this belief amongst my peers that if you haven't done it by now, you're crazy.

DarlingGurl, isn't Ville the coolest?! Why was the HIM -USA tour cancelled:(!

23-think of the remarks we'll get when we're in our thirties. I'm 26 already and the most frustrating to hear-and more frustrating still when you hear it from another a-is "how can you be judgmental about or opposed to something you've never tried before"?

there are many things I haven't tried in life, and though I am an open-minded person, somethings I am certain I don't want to try out!

(on a funny note, I've had a-friends and non-a friends who know I'm a remark "I'm sure you'd concede on your asexuality with Ville!)

what they don't get of course is that it's not a matter of concessions... :x :oops:

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Well, not a virgin but just thought I would let all you virgin types know that even if you HAVE tried it, people insist that you haven't tried it ENOUGH. Ya can't win.

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Well, not a virgin but just thought I would let all you virgin types know that even if you HAVE tried it, people insist that you haven't tried it ENOUGH. Ya can't win.

That was my next thought. "Why not try something kinkier/less kinky/more senual/faster/slower/threesome/(insert here ad nauseum)....?"

I mean, REALLY. How many different ways is there to do "insert tab A into slot B"?

Should we sleep with everyone we come across to "try it"? (Well, it goes without saying that *some* people in fact, do just that...but still...)...EEEW!

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I'm a virgin and 99.999999999999999999999999% chance I will stay that way too. :P I know a lot of sexuals by my age had have sex which is why some people I've talked to think I'm either weird or a dork or something.

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Hallucigenia
That was my next thought. "Why not try something kinkier/less kinky/more senual/faster/slower/threesome/(insert here ad nauseum)....?"

I mean, REALLY. How many different ways is there to do "insert tab A into slot B"?

To be fair, a lot of sexuals do go through a phase where they need to try things that are kinkier/less kinky/more sensual/faster/slower before they can really feel comfortable and at home in their sexual preferences and behaviour. The differences are subtle, but to sexual people, they can be immensely important.

The difference between that and asexuality is that sexual people know they want sex of some sort, even if they haven't quite figured out how to make it work for them yet. (And if you're sexual and don't want sex, then you shouldn't be having it yet!) Asexual people, like yourself, usually don't care how kinky/sensual/fast/slow it is, because the basic concept of sex itself is uninteresting to them.

Once we can get certain well-meaning sexuals to understand that distinction, it'll be all good.

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To be fair, a lot of sexuals do go through a phase where they need to try things that are kinkier/less kinky/more sensual/faster/slower before they can really feel comfortable and at home in their sexual preferences and behaviour. The differences are subtle, but to sexual people, they can be immensely important.

Oh, I believe you. I know some 20-ish sexuals at work that are in the "gotta catch 'em all" phase.

It's just the thought of all that experimentation that squicks the heck out of me. I mean, you (not *you* personally, that's meant to be a generic "you") want free sex, they want free sex, too, and they ain't gonna save it all for you (esp. if there's no romantic attachment at all.)

I want to ask them, "How do you know where these people have been? What if you end up being a daddy or getting pregnant!?"

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Hi, I'm 20 and a virgin, and have been having a similar discussion in my welcome thread. I was wondering how could I know I don't like something if I've never tried it, but a few people pointed out that there are lots of things you just know you don't like without having to try them (e.g. eating out of a toilet?). I also find the idea of sex quite repulsive, as well as pointless and somewhat primitive, and have no desire at all to try it.

Like you, all my friends seem to love sex and I also do not feel ready to talk to them about my asexuality, despite many of them being bi and gay... asexual really does seem like something completely different.

Anyway, after reading the stuff on this site and the responses on my own thread, I now firmly believe that it is entirely possible to be asexual and a virgin.

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Oh, I believe you. I know some 20-ish sexuals at work that are in the "gotta catch 'em all" phase.

Maybe it's just late, but I'm really amused by that. Thank you. :D

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It's just the thought of all that experimentation that squicks the heck out of me. I mean, you (not *you* personally, that's meant to be a generic "you") want free sex, they want free sex, too, and they ain't gonna save it all for you (esp. if there's no romantic attachment at all.)

This doesn't bug me. That's what condoms and antibiotics are for.

I want to ask them, "How do you know where these people have been? What if you end up being a daddy or getting pregnant!?"

Abortion? Adoption? Marriage? People have been dealing with this since we became people - pregnancy is not usually the end of the world. :lol:

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It's definitely possible! I'm 26 and still a virgin (although, I suppose that would depend on your definition, but I've never had intercourse, which is how I define it). I was getting pretty close to the point where I felt like I was going to have to force myself to have sex, assuming that I would then understand what all the fuss was about.

I have been there but I seem to avoid it.

I enjoy being with the guys I've dated, and I like physical affection, but I don't like sexual physical affection.

I'm the same.

I do like talking about sexual physical affection but doing it is another thing.

The stuff I have done I just did b/c I thought that's what people in relationships did. I assumed I was just a late bloomer and I'd "get it" eventually.

Exactly.

I'm 38.

I thought I was waiting for the right one but realistically, I think I would had sex by now if I really wanted to. :-)

Thank Goddess I realized that I was asexual before I finally got fed up with being "defective" and forced myself to go through the experience. I think I would have traumatized myself, and I definitely would have ruined the relationship I was in at the time. At least now we're still friends, even though we're not dating anymore, whereas if I had forced myself to sleep with him, I don't think I'd be able to be around him anymore, even though it totally wouldn't have been his fault. And now that I know that I'm asexual, I no longer have any problems at all being a virgin. If a guy doesn't like it, then we're just not right for each other.

I'm not sure but why label myself. :-)

"to thine own self be true for thou canst be false to any man" - Shakespeare

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One the other hand, there are non-sexual people who still enjoy pleasing themselves, still find people attractive and can get aroused, but don't have an urge to have sex. These people often end up having sex, because they are confused by the somewhat conflicting feeling, their bodies say one thing and their minds say another. The end result is still the same, they don't enjoy sex, but now its too late (meaning they are no longer a virgin). This was how it was for me, and if I had known so many years ago that it was "OK to not have sex", if i had known it was not "weird" to not want to have sex, I might be a virgin today.

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