chasingvictory530 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 is it possible to be a virgin and be an asexual? i am 18 and am a virgin but have no desire to have sex. the thought of it repulses me to the point that i dont even think i want to have kids that way. all my friends have had sex and they are like drug addicts always looking for thier next fix and i just dont get it. i thought it the reason i didnt want to have sex was because i was insecure, but i am content with myself and still dont want any part of it. im not ready to talk to my friends or even my family about it just yet in fear of what they might think. the last person i asked asked me if i was attracted to girls implying that maybe i was gay. that pissed me off so much. but now ive gotten off topic. is it possible to be a virgin and still be an a-sexual? Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Moving this to Q&A. :) To answer your question, yes, it's definitely possible to be a virgin and to be asexual. There are actually quite a few virgins on AVEN, just as there are asexuals who have had sex. The asexuals who've had sex have generally been in relationships with sexuals, or have been curious and wanted to try it out. However, just because a person hasn't had sex, doesn't mean that they can't understand their own attractions (or non-attractions?). (I'm not sure if this is what you were getting at?) Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Yes, it's possible. When I was your age, all my friends who were still virgins kept saying they could "not wait" to have sex and were on the prowl all the time from age 13-14, and did it as soon as their parents weren't looking. Then they quickly became "very experienced women" and all the bragging started... I've been asexual all my life, never wanted to have sex, most likely never will want to have sex... You might be a late bloomer, or you may be asexual. In time, you'll figure that out. Don't have sex just to be cool or to find out if you like it or not. Only have sex if it's what you really, really want -- not what your boyfriend wants, and not because your friends pressure you. You remember that you have a right to make your own choices, okay? Sorry to be such a grown up, but I've seen too many kids get pregnant and have to give up school and all their dreams... So remember, it's okay not to have sex, you can still live a good life without it, if that's what you truly want or don't want. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 is it possible to be a virgin and be an asexual? I'm 44 and a virgin so yeah, 18 isn't out of the question. It's like asking if it's possible that a virgin be gay. Link to post Share on other sites
M51 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Yay for 40-year old virgins! :lol: Unfortunately I will never join your club. So I just wanted to add from my experience that if you don't feel the urge to have sex, don't. I got pressured into it, and did it because I thought I was supposed to, did it because I thought I had to have sex in order to have a relationship...and it always sucked. In fact, I think it only got worse. If you don't want to have sex, don't. Period. Don't listen to the "how do you know until you try it" crowd. I don't think there is a single person who had no urge to try it, tried it, and was suddenly sexual. It doesn't happen like that. You either have the sexual urge or you don't, and the action of having sex will not change your lack of sexual urges. If you are actually sexual then it will manifest itself naturally and someday you will wake up and want to have sex. Until then, be true to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Friendly Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I'm a 23-year-old virgin, and I plan on keeping it that way. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I got through high school and college and nobody gave me any crap about being single. Link to post Share on other sites
square peg Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 It's like asking if it's possible that a virgin be gay. Or straight. :) Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I'm 23 and I'm still a virgin(a very proud one!!) :). Most of my friends aren't virgins and some of them can't understand me or think I'm lesbian, even though I keep telling them I'm not - I really hate that but when you come to think of it, who cares what others think?. I also find it really hard to understand why people are so obsessed with sex. Link to post Share on other sites
marytyp Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 is it possible to be a virgin and be an asexual? Of course it is. The two go together (although some asexuals have tried sex). I am a 26 year old romantic female married to a loving, romantic, asexual, virgin male. I have always been sure I didn't want to have sex, and I met a man who also didn't want to have sex. So I never had any reason to try it. Right now I have no children and have no immediate plans to. However, if I decide to have them, I would consider intercourse, with my husband, to be somewhat less undesirable than having a doctor squirt hubby's sperm into me. (and a heck of alot more convenient--no appointments necessary). Although I don't think it would enjoy it, it would be no worse than all the other things a mother-to-be have to go through. So if you don't want to do it, don't do it. The worse possible reason to have sex is because others expect you to. Link to post Share on other sites
M51 Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 So if you don't want to do it, don't do it. The worse possible reason to have sex is because others expect you to. That is a fantastic quote, and some advice I wish I had heard several years ago!! Mind if I use it sometime? And what is this? An asexual marriage? Wow, that is amazing that you two met, without the help of AVEN, I presume? That is so fantastic. Congratulations!!! Link to post Share on other sites
marytyp Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 M51, Please use the quote often. Yes, I am four years into an asexual marriage. My husband and I are deeply in love and are very romantic. We were lucky to meet. While in college a friend, not knowing that I was asexual but knowing that I was not interested in having sex early in a relationship (unlike her) introduced me to a guy she had dated. He didn't seem interested in sex, so she wasn't interested in a relationship with him. (she and I are still friends, but her sexual interests are quite the opposite of mine). So that guy and I dated and spent some time together. After the we got closer we admitted to each other that we had no interest in physical sex, but wanted a close, loving relationship. We got married after graduating. He started work, I went to law school, he is now in grad school (engineering). Our friends (including the one who introduced us, now married) assume that we are just like them (we certainly don't discuss what we do or don't do in bed). No one but hubby and my doctor know that I am a virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
Rai Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 is it possible to be a virgin and be an asexual? i am 18 and am a virgin but have no desire to have sex. the thought of it repulses me to the point that i dont even think i want to have kids that way. all my friends have had sex and they are like drug addicts always looking for thier next fix and i just dont get it. i thought it the reason i didnt want to have sex was because i was insecure, but i am content with myself and still dont want any part of it. im not ready to talk to my friends or even my family about it just yet in fear of what they might think. the last person i asked asked me if i was attracted to girls implying that maybe i was gay. that pissed me off so much. but now ive gotten off topic. is it possible to be a virgin and still be an a-sexual? Hey, I'm a 16 year old virgin and I'm asexual too! Its just like they say with other sexual orientation, you don't have to have sex to know that's what you are. Actually I'm thankful I realized it before trying to be "normal" and having sex. Cause it really just grosses me out, if I ended up doing it it would be my biggest regret in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
chasingvictory530 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
maufry Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 It's definitely possible! I'm 26 and still a virgin (although, I suppose that would depend on your definition, but I've never had intercourse, which is how I define it). I was getting pretty close to the point where I felt like I was going to have to force myself to have sex, assuming that I would then understand what all the fuss was about. I enjoy being with the guys I've dated, and I like physical affection, but I don't like sexual physical affection. Never have, really. The stuff I have done I just did b/c I thought that's what people in relationships did. I assumed I was just a late bloomer and I'd "get it" eventually. Thank Goddess I realized that I was asexual before I finally got fed up with being "defective" and forced myself to go through the experience. I think I would have traumatized myself, and I definitely would have ruined the relationship I was in at the time. At least now we're still friends, even though we're not dating anymore, whereas if I had forced myself to sleep with him, I don't think I'd be able to be around him anymore, even though it totally wouldn't have been his fault. And now that I know that I'm asexual, I no longer have any problems at all being a virgin. If a guy doesn't like it, then we're just not right for each other. And marytyp, congratulations!!!!! I hope to one day be as lucky as you and find a wonderful A man to settle down with. :D Link to post Share on other sites
chasingvictory530 Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 M51,Please use the quote often. Yes, I am four years into an asexual marriage. My husband and I are deeply in love and are very romantic. We were lucky to meet. While in college a friend, not knowing that I was asexual but knowing that I was not interested in having sex early in a relationship (unlike her) introduced me to a guy she had dated. He didn't seem interested in sex, so she wasn't interested in a relationship with him. (she and I are still friends, but her sexual interests are quite the opposite of mine). So that guy and I dated and spent some time together. After the we got closer we admitted to each other that we had no interest in physical sex, but wanted a close, loving relationship. We got married after graduating. He started work, I went to law school, he is now in grad school (engineering). Our friends (including the one who introduced us, now married) assume that we are just like them (we certainly don't discuss what we do or don't do in bed). No one but hubby and my doctor know that I am a virgin. you were really lucky to have met someone that is like you. i think thats the biggest problem with this whole thing with me. other than you aven people i dont know anyone like me Link to post Share on other sites
Amcan Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 24 year old virgin here. After-all there are hetrosexual virgins. Link to post Share on other sites
Yuri_Hara Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 I'm 18 too... and also a virgin and an asexual. I don't plan on having sex cause I don't feel the urge to. I do plan to have kids... but hey... there's always adopting, test tube baby etc. :) Thanks to technology! Link to post Share on other sites
Manics_fan Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 Well I'm a 22 year old asexual virgin. Like others here I plan on staying a virgin too, I have absolutely no interest in having sex or doing sexual/romance stuff in general, and am kinda repulsed by it (well the sexual stuff, not the romance stuff, that simply uninterests me). Link to post Share on other sites
*a*rteest Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm a 31 year old asexual virgin, and as I look back, I am SO happy to be so., and it only gets better the older I get. I would have gone postal if I ever were to be pregnant, as I didn't get sterilized until 27 (I'm also childfree). Just like the previous poster said...don't let ANYONE pressure you into something you don't want to do. You'll only be hurting yourself. It's WAY too easy to get used nowadays, and there's so many weirdos that it's the best thing to keep yourself protected. Take care!! Link to post Share on other sites
Shadow girl Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 thats just dandy for me since I don't want sex or kids. Plus as of yesterday I found out I have varicose veins(yeah at 18) and one thing I can't do is have a kid. I don't want them anyway so thats cool with me. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 See? There's a whole bunch of virgins for yah, kid! So, you're not alone. Remember, you do what you want to do, not what other people want you to do. It's your life, not someone else's. Link to post Share on other sites
DannyKitty Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm also a virgin and have no interest in sex, and I don't want to try. But M51's comment makes a lot of sense. If you don't want it, don't try it. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Azurepanda Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 i just turned 17 a little while ago and I'm a virgin and asexual.... o_O I still don't know why sex is such a big thing with my friends... repulses the heck out of me. bah! *shudders* Link to post Share on other sites
maufry Posted February 22, 2007 Share Posted February 22, 2007 I'm a 31 year old asexual virgin, and as I look back, I am SO happy to be so., and it only gets better the older I get. I would have gone postal if I ever were to be pregnant, as I didn't get sterilized until 27 (I'm also childfree). I wanna know where you people who got sterilized at a young age found doctors who would do it for you. Unless it was for medical reasons, which I guess doesn't help me. I've tried, but no doctor will touch me, since I'm still young and may change my mind. What a load of crap that is, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
GoblinQueen Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Virgin asexual here. I just don't want sex. At 23 there is this belief amongst my peers that if you haven't done it by now, you're crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
chasingvictory530 Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Virgin asexual here. I just don't want sex. At 23 there is this belief amongst my peers that if you haven't done it by now, you're crazy. same here. crazy or something isnt "right" with you Link to post Share on other sites
M51 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Haha, some people seem to think I am crazy because I have tried it, and I still don't like it or want it!! I guess we just can't win! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Loki Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I'm glad theres alot of fellow virgins :) Link to post Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Haha, some people seem to think I am crazy because I have tried it, and I still don't like it or want it!!I guess we just can't win! :lol: Lol i know what you mean !!! people tell me to go take pills or i need to find someone im really compatable with.... lets just say ive had ample of chance to work out if i really like it or the people were crap lol Link to post Share on other sites
ily Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Yes, sex to me is like cottage cheese...I've never tried it, but I know I don't want to...it's lumpy! I don't have to try it to know I'm not interested. And I like your icon! Music is also my boyfriend, luckily there seems to be enough to go around :) Link to post Share on other sites
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