yam Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 because i feel the need to tell and i'm not sure who else would understand, i'm sharing here... infrequently i get this idea that i want to have a relationship with someone. i've dated but i've never come out to someone i've dated as asexual so usually i find a way to end the relationship. lately it just hasn't seemed worth the trouble to date someone i'm going to break up with and i'm also ready to start finding someone for a ltr. sadly, i'm in a female dominated doctoral program (really female dominated, i have no males in any of my classes this semester and none in my cohort). at work, there's no one i'm interested in dating. so i took a crazy leap and posted on craigslist. i've done it one other time but didn't actually respond because i'm worried about the crazies out there. but after several people i know have had good relationships that started from craigslist i'm hoping that maybe i'll find someone... the first time i posted (i post in w4m) i described what i was looking for, who i am/what i do, and said something along the lines of sex is not important and mentioned that i was looking for cuddling/hand holding, etc. this time i posted in the title asexual seeks same and also put that i was looking for an asexual, i included the definition of asexuality, and also put that i wasn't interested in sex at all. i also don't include a picture because i want to talk to someone before i send a picture. here are the results: first time i got 56 seemingly original responses. this time i got 1 asexual, 2 people who didn't indicate their sexual orientation, 1 questioning, 1 person who was curious about asexuality, and 1 i'm not really sure about his feelings on sexuality... i'm not disappointed by the results, in fact i'm a pleasantly surprised. who knows where any of it will lead to... i suppose i'm throwing this out just as a conversation starter... again more about how one finds another asexual or someone who is willing to tolerate asexuality. i'm just not brave enough to proclaim my asexuality. i feel outside of the normal life enough as it is (unrelated problem) and have felt that way growing up... Link to post Share on other sites
ApplePie Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 Well done Yam. I've often wondered how successful such a post would be on a 'general' website, be it a pure dating site or otherwise. I've always assumed there would always be some who just can't understand how somebody could be disinterested in sex and will feel the need to express their disbelief and ignorance through unhelpful negative comments, but equally it's gotta be worth a try. As they say, if you don't seek you won't find... Keep us posted on how you get on! Dave Link to post Share on other sites
Loki Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 I cannot believe how many weirdo personals those people post about themselves on that site but hey everyones to their own and I'm glad that at least one asexual responded to your ad :) that gives me little bit more hope in looking local Link to post Share on other sites
yam Posted February 19, 2007 Author Share Posted February 19, 2007 in the area where i live i don't think it's as widely known as it might be in some big cities. there are plenty of weirdos i'm sure but i don't actually peruse the ads that often and have never replied. i think that if you are very explicit about your asexuality it will weed a ton of people out. my first experience i didn't say asexual and so i still got the people i assume were looking for one night stands. however, putting asexual and defining it made it very clear what i was not after. though we'll see what happens when a new work week starts and people get bored at their computers. Link to post Share on other sites
ily Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 It's crazy how popular craigslist is here! I've met some people from the "strictly platonic" section, but that didn't work out very well...but, I've found some good info on CL and joined some cool groups. I've been curious about what would happen if I posted in the personals section. Let us know how it goes! Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Craigslist sucks because m ost of the people on that site are con artist looking for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
yam Posted February 24, 2007 Author Share Posted February 24, 2007 i'm sure that's true and so i am fully anticipating it but i live in a small enough area (assuming they come from the town i go to school in) that i can usually find someone who knows someone else. anyway, anyone you meet could potentially be a con artist. Link to post Share on other sites
Elf people Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Yam, good to hear from you. Yes, we do live in a small area, don't we? don't despair though. Here's some gossip I'll let on for you. I probably guess who one of the people who responded to you on craiglist is-my guess is that the a-person you mention is from Atlanta? I met such a person not on craiglist but an asexualove.net but I know that he then posted an ad on craiglist. What got on my nerves with him-and this happens with other people who masquerade as asexuals-is that he started pushing me on whether I would not "compromise" in a deeply committed relationship; and what would happen if the guy wanted a kid (!). And also on why I was being judgmental about an experience I've never blah blah. Anyhow, don't despair though-read my other recent post under asexuality dating sites. I've met some cool ppl through asexualove and one of whom has turned out to be a good friend, who though I will probably never meet, has been good to me in many regards... I'd love to catch up with you; hope you are progressing on your way to the Phd :) I passed my prelims in the fall and should be (theoretically) working on my dissertation! :P Link to post Share on other sites
yam Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Yam, good to hear from you. Yes, we do live in a small area, don't we?don't despair though. Here's some gossip I'll let on for you. I probably guess who one of the people who responded to you on craiglist is-my guess is that the a-person you mention is from Atlanta? I met such a person not on craiglist but an asexualove.net but I know that he then posted an ad on craiglist. What got on my nerves with him-and this happens with other people who masquerade as asexuals-is that he started pushing me on whether I would not "compromise" in a deeply committed relationship; and what would happen if the guy wanted a kid (!). And also on why I was being judgmental about an experience I've never blah blah. Anyhow, don't despair though-read my other recent post under asexuality dating sites. I've met some cool ppl through asexualove and one of whom has turned out to be a good friend, who though I will probably never meet, has been good to me in many regards... I'd love to catch up with you; hope you are progressing on your way to the Phd :) I passed my prelims in the fall and should be (theoretically) working on my dissertation! :P Congrats on starting the dissertation and finishing your prelims! I haven't talked to anyone from Atlanta. Two only that I continued a conversation with -- one from Chapel Hill, the other from Greensboro (though that conversation seems to have effectively ended because I've been crazy busy with school). I will def. check out your other post. Glad to see you are still around here! Link to post Share on other sites
yam Posted March 14, 2007 Author Share Posted March 14, 2007 So I'm still talking to the person from Chapel Hill. I'm not sure if I will meet him or not but the possibility is very real. I am not shy once I know someone (and it doesn't take that long) but I'm feeling shy about doing this. Help? Suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
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