How do you meet older asexuals?

[roddy9uk]

....and I am afraid of NUDISTS! :lol:

Lizzie

If you are afraid of nudists..you would run down the road screaming if you saw what myself and friends got up to by way of fun..:)

roddy

[Elizabeth I]

Awww ... I have never gotten the impression that Ziff is afraid of women - just that he doesn't want one under his roof.

It's perfectly okay to want to be single and eccentric.

*looks in mirror*

I'm okay! You're okay!

:D

Yep....I'm with ya on that too!

I rattle his cage once in a while and I'm pretty sure he's OK with it.

He is definately "one of us".... if ya know what I mean :) LOLOL

Lizzie

[isillote]

Hi, Lux,

I'm sure there are lots of asexuals is Spain, but being a Catholic country it's going to be even harder for them to admit to it. Also, I think there are thousands of people who don't know they ARE asexual!! I'm an intelligent, well-informed woman who just thought there was something wrong with me because I find men romantically attractive, but don't want sexual intercourse. I just didn't care enough to seek counselling, because deep inside I felt happy with my weirdness. Then I found AVEN 2 months ago and suddenly I'm normal!!

Incidentally, I have got a great relationship with a sexual man. It works wonderfull - he has sex elsewhere, and we have love together. For 12 years. It can be done.

Mucha suerte!

[mackat5]

Right at the moment, I'm having trouble meeting any asexuals, old or young! Living in Central IL does have its drawbacks occaisionally. I'm in Chicago right now, but I must get back home tonight.

[lux]

Congratulations,issilote,you're a very lucky asexual person!!!!,I would wish to be able to meet somebody for me here,although I suposse that it will be very difficult,but not impossible,thank you very much for your good wishes. :)

[Lookingman]

Hi. New to AVEN. Great to see older folks here. I am 56, male. Let me tell you there are many asexual men---if asexual is the right word. As men get older many become impotent for a variety of reasons. I have been impotent for probably 10 years due to extra-low testosterone (T-One) production. T-One (sounds like a formula for race cars) is a formula for getting people to have sex. Eunuchs are completely empty of T-One, and they can't get aroused enough to perform.

We eunuchs need love, and have lots of love to give---too. I thought it was interesting that somebody said 70% of menopausal women were asexual! If true, I sure wish they would act like it, and come out of the closet!

Lux, not all men are sexual. That is totally cool sounding for Issilote's relationship. The sexual has sex with others, and makes love with his loving asexual mate! Too cool. In my case, Do I need to look for a sexual woman? LOL.

[isillote]

Hi, Lookingman! Welcome to AVEN! Have some . Yes. I know how lucky I am! It's not always been easy, though.

I don't know if you are really asexual. Do you still feel attracted to people sexually, and want to have sex, but are just unable to? If so, I'd say you're not really asexual, but there are others on this site with much more knowledge than me!

I think it's difficult for people to admit they're asexual, because it seems the whole world revolves around sex, and if you're not interested, you're weird in some way. As far as I'm concerned the sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s was supposed to give people sexual freedom. That means the freedom to have sex, and not to have it if you didn't want. But it didn't seem to work out that way.

I'm not in the menopause yet, but I'd imagine a lot of menopausal asexual women must feel quite insecure about their sexuality and femininity in general. It's a massive upheaval in many ways. bet loads of them would want a lovely sympathetic man to talk to who doesn't want to jump on them at the first opportunity!! Good luck with searching, and keep hanging around the forums. There are some interesting discussions and the Just FOr FUn forum is brilliant!!

[Lookingman]

Thanks for the welcome.

It looks like there are as many discussions on labels and classifications, as there is anything.

I have always felt attracted to women. In my earliest post-puberty years, I definitely wanted to have sex, until I finally got a few opportunities to do so. Then, I discovered that the sex act was not exciting. Although, I still experience erotic attraction at some level, I have not had any desire for the sex act for probably 30 years or more. I no more want sex than I want to catch a rabbit hopping around.

I don't know if you are really asexual. Do you still feel attracted to people sexually, and want to have sex, but are just unable to? If so, I'd say you're not really asexual, but there are others on this site with much more knowledge than me!

[Bluesboy]

Since I was introduced to THIS group by someone I met in the BDSM community I would suggest looking at the BDSM world. BDSM is attractive to all sexual persuasions and is a very broad "church". Because of that no assumptions are generally made regarding sexuality..or lack of it!.

roddy

Hi Roddy,

I wonder if your contact was the same lady who also pointed me to this site?

Anyway, as well as the three/four of us, through recent discussion boards on a UK BDSM website I'm now aware of a handful more asexuals in the UK BDSM community, so it certainly seems to be an area where we can be "out" as asexuals with some acceptance.

Not sure that I'd recommended cruising the BDSM world to anyone who doesn't have at least some interest in dominance/submission to begin with, though. Well, not unless they're VERY broadminded!

[newgirl]

I know finding and meeting asexual people offline in California is very hard and i can relate to this thread.I wish i could find people in my area.

[roddy9uk]

Not sure that I'd recommended cruising the BDSM world to anyone who doesn't have at least some interest in dominance/submission to begin with, though. Well, not unless they're VERY broadminded!

There is a difference between "having an interest in" and "wanting" It just strikes me as reasonable that if you are interested in sexuality (even if your specific interest is that you lack it and wonder why) the best place to be would be with others who are also interested, to some degree, in exploring sexuality/sensuality. They at least could be expected to be (and generally are in my experience) receptive to various ideas.

roddy

[soma55]

I'm 52, so don't feel like there aren't any other "oldies" out there. I just found this site yesterday (8/03/07) so maybe they just haven't discovered AVEN yet. I've lived 52 years thinking there was something wrong with me, that I was a freak, and kept my "secret" to myself.

[KAGU143]

Welcome to AVEN, Soma!

We serve cake!! :arrow: :cake:

I didn't find AVEN until I was in my 50's either. Of course, it didn't even EXIST until much before then, but still ... :roll:

I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had known that there were others like myself.

-GB

[Lookingman]

Welcome to this site. I found aven a long time ago, and I thought maybe I could find a nice asexual or sex-averse woman, but....there are not a lot of older folks here. It has not happened. I was hoping especially that menopaused women would welcome an asexual guy.

Your "secret" is a great part of your nature to some of us!

I'm 52, so don't feel like there aren't any other "oldies" out there. I just found this site yesterday (8/03/07) so maybe they just haven't discovered AVEN yet. I've lived 52 years thinking there was something wrong with me, that I was a freak, and kept my "secret" to myself.

[soma55]

I have been in a great mood all day today since discovering this site, and coming to the realization that I'm not such a freak after all. I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!! I'm sure most of the rest of you felt the same way, at least those of you who aren't wondering "Am I or am I not asexual?" Well, for those of us who are, there's no wondering about it. If you are, you know it. I've experienced shame, depression, thoughts of death, and many other negative feelings my entire life. My attempts at being normal- three marriages - (count 'em!) were all disasterous. The last one was 11 years older than me and I married him because I actually thought that since he was 60, his sex drive would be diminished. Wrong again!

I had determined after the last one that I was completely unloveable and would just spend the rest of my life reading books and walking my dog. Thanks to the brave founder of this site, and those of you thoughtful enough to take the time to write and share your experiences & feelings, I no longer feel like "I'm on the outside looking in."

:) Thank you from the bottom of my "I-don't-want-to-have-sex-with-you" heart! :P

[Lookingman]

I have been in a great mood all day today since discovering this site' date=' and coming to the realization that I'm not such a freak after all. I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!!!']

Good for you that you discovered thist site. No it is not illusory, and yes there are a number of men who seek an "I-don't-want-to-have-sex" woman.

[The last one was 11 years older than me and I married him because I actually thought that since he was 60, his sex drive would be diminished. Wrong again!]

Surely, there are many older men with a diminished sex drive. Of course, it helps if everyone is upfront and open to start with!

[Sandra P]

Hi,

I am 45 and in a "traditional" relationship. It has only been very recently that I realized that I am a hetero-emotional asexual. To be wonest I did not even know there was such. I am very excited about finding this group.

[Tanwen]

Hi Soma, glad to have you here and have some more welcome (feeling generous, should have been working tonight, but it was cancelled :lol: ). I was married too, and I've tried going out with a 65 year old...yep, they still want it! I told him the fouth time we went out and I didn't see him for dust.

Still, I have my friends here and I've managed to get along to a couple of meetings in London.

So, pull up a chair, fill your cup (or glass) with your favourite drink and enjoy!

Tan

[kg]

More cake to everyone --newbies, long timers, old timers, youngsters !!! Cake to you Soma and welcome...

:cake:

I'm feeling generous.

It IS great to know that there are others, isn't it? This has been the single coolest discovery (this site) ever, and I'm 54.

It has put soooo many things into perspective. And I've discovered that the most valuable relationships I've got are my friendships. The close ones. The best freind ones.

Tanwan, as an aside -- did I detect an avatar change for a nanosecond?

[Sandra P]

I am surprised that so many of the member profiles do not list location. As big as Texas is, I thought there would be lots of members to meet up with.

[soma55]

I am also surprised that people are reluctant to say where they're located, putting down places like "outer space" or "Wouldn't you like to know." This is discouraging, as I would think that asexual people would actually be trying to find each other. Maybe this just goes to prove we've got a long way to go in getting over the stigma and 'shame' of being asexual.

[KAGU143]

I think that some people's reluctance to put their locations in their profile stems from a fear that internet stalkers will somehow find them.

Either that, or they aren't "out" about being asexual and they don't want "real life" people to contact them unexpectedly.

In reality, both of these things are so unlikely as to be almost impossible, but there is still a lot of fear of the internet.

Most members are willing to share more information in PMs, since those truly ARE private. Even the admins can't see them.

For some people, though, the online contacts alone are all they need to fulfill their need for human contact and they have no desire to deal with other people face to face.

I can't quite understand that, but nonetheless I can respect it.

-GB

[Hammerhead]

For some people, though, the online contacts alone are all they need to fulfill their need for human contact and they have no desire to deal with other people face to face.

I can't quite understand that, but nonetheless I can respect it.

-GB

I don't think online contacts alone are all they need but (at least for some) more likely what they're most comfortable with. They may wish for meeting in person but are too introverted to actually go out and do it. It's often hard to take that 1st step and for some never do. It's that fear of the unknown and I think sometimes fear of rejection.

Like myself, I've seen some people on these forums that I thought to PM but can never bring myself to do that. Would they mind? Would I be bugging them? etc.

[roddy9uk]

I am surprised that so many of the member profiles do not list location. As big as Texas is, I thought there would be lots of members to meet up with.

I don't think there should be any surprise...Texas may be big but there are a lot of spaces between places in Texas..:)

As others have said, people have got to want to meet before you can have a meeting. If it were just a percentage game there would be no room for some meetings!

Take London, for instance. A third of the population of the UK live within easy reach of London..easy reach being by my definition one hour's door to door travel or less...giving approximately 20 million or so. If you use the oft-badied about "statistic" of 1% of the population being asexual that would give 200,000 asexuals within easy reach of each other...using the usual 10% rule you would still expect 20,000 or so..yet at the regular London meets I think TWENTY would constitute a "successful" meeting.

Now the whole population of Texas is around 20 million..that is to say a third of the size of UK and although I cannot say I have ever visited Texas from what I have seen of the US elsewhere I would sincerely doubt that a third live within "easy reach" of anywhere. That would make the likelihood of more than one or two asexuals, even thise willing to meet, actually meeting slim to non-existent.

But as well as the probelm of introversion as others have mentioned there is a unique factor to "asexuality" which militates against meetings. Pretty well all "special interest groups" have meetings where they turn up and "do" something related to their interest. Asexuals have a problem because they turn up and, well, DON'T do something! Trainspotters will gather at a railway station to watch the trains..non-trainspotters don't gather at a railway station to NOT watch the trains...

roddy

[coldav]

Well, I live in California with 38 million other people.

[coldav]

Sorry, what does BDSM stand for?

[Camella]

BDSM

It has something to do with bondage in the bedroom, dominatrix, and all that Dark Brother kinky stuff. If you're from England then you should know that your country created the "Prince Albert Wand and Queen Victoria is the designer of the Prince Albert Peircing."

[Amcan]

Sorry, what does BDSM stand for?

Bondage/sado-machocism

[mizliz42]

I'm not only new to the site, but I don't believe there is anyone on it who is as old as I am. I have to admit that I have never posted anything on any thing like this. I don't know what all the things mean but it sure is nice to know that there are other people in this world who think like me and who have had some of the experiences I've had. I've been wondering what is wrong with me and now I know that isn't anything wrong with me...that's quite nice to know. I haven't met anyone here in Jacksonville who is asexual or, if I have, I am not aware of it. I would love to meet people to chat with or do things with...I get really tired of being hit on everytime I go out with someone. Even when you are right up front and tell them you are only interested in being friends, they don't seem to get it.

[soma55]

I'm not only new to the site, but I don't believe there is anyone on it who is as old as I am.

I'm 52; there are others on here who are 59, 65, etc. So unless you're about 100, you're not the oldest person here! And BTW, it doesn't matter how old your body is anyway. We're connecting on the soul level anyway, which is such a relief when you're asexual!