Please help: understanding needed

[thylacine]

That's right Canatuna. It's got nothing to do with you, honey. Some people just aren't into sex. It doesn't mean that someone doesn't like you or want you or find you attractive.

Also, try to see things from the other person's point of view. When I'm hanging out with someone, I feel like, sheesh, why is this jerk always hounding me for sex?

[Chiaroscuro]

Freed Spirit wrote:

We love our partners. The A/S divide is very cruel.

It is cruel, to both sides. It's hard to love someone and feel cut off from them in a way that's important to you. That's true of both A's and S's.

Thinker's post was more about sex between two S's, which is another whole ball of wax.

-Chiaroscuro

[bug]

Reading through all this thread, my overwhelming thought is that nearly all the problems are caused by a lack of communication of feelings.

As a simple example, I have a female friend who I want to hug and cuddle much more than she will let me. It has been very painful and I have felt unloved. However, when we really talked about it, I came to realise that she can love me without a lot of physical affection (she is heterosexual, I am female). Just sharing this, made me feel loved and happy, I mean the happiness came just from the sharing and then it was not so necessary for me to do the cuddling I thought I desperately needed. The whole basis of our friendship/relationship is emotional closeness and emotional communication, and even though I had some physical needs, I soon realised they were not so important as the emotional closeness, and the most important thing to me is that she be happy. Seeing her happy is always happiness to me. If you really love someone, I believe that is always the case. If you are always focused on what you personally want, that is not a state of love. Also, then, once you have freed your loved one from your own needs, they are much more likely to be giving to you in some special way anyway. That is how love works. Result: you both become happy though not in the way you thought happiness would be achieved.