Just curious? Are there ever meet ups for Us? To share and disscuss being in mixed relationships?

[Leianne]

Title says it all really....just wondered? I looked at the meet ups page, but even the heading just says meet Aces in your area, and obs is heavy on that side,  lol, no offence but I'd like to meet people that are like me and  in a similar boat to me. 

(Please no offence ever intended)

[Guest]

I'm down, but I'd imagine "sexual partners of asexual" are an even smaller subset of the population than asexuals themselves. It's probably not practical

 

[CrimsonFox]

I'm ace but my partner is allo, I know she would like to have something like a discord server for partners of aces to talk (I've suggested she join AVEN but I'm not sure if she has) not sure if that something anyone else would be interested in or if it already exists?

[Leianne]

Yeah it's probably not practical, @Comrade Contrarianin in Dorset uk. And I forget that people on here are from everywhere.

I have put a post in the meet ups uk page, so something may be highlighted? 

I hope she does join @CrimsonFox I am pretty new here (been lurking a while lol) but am finding it comforting that I'm not alone in revelations and realisations that happened 3 years ago.

 

[Guest]

I've joking thought about proposing a dating platform specifically for allosexual partners of asexuals in open relationships, but it would be pretty useless for the same reason.

[fblthp]

@Comrade Contrarian We’d all match with people time zones away 🤣

@CrimsonFox I would learn how to use Discord if that existed. 

[Guest]

4 minutes ago, fblthp said:

@Comrade Contrarian We’d all match with people time zones away 🤣

@CrimsonFox I would learn how to use Discord if that existed. 

Story of my life, right there. You have no idea how many random internet strangers I've flirted with for months and actually wanted to have sex with. Actually, on two occasions that was how I ended up meeting one of my partners.

[Ceebs]

4 hours ago, Comrade Contrarian said:

You have no idea how many random internet strangers I've flirted with for months and actually wanted to have sex with. Actually, on two occasions that was how I ended up meeting one of my partners.

😂

 

 

Months... years... lol.

 

And not 'random internet strangers' in my case, I don't flirt with people I don't know to a decent-ish degree already, but otherwise...

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Ceebs. said:

😂

 

 

Months... years... lol.

 

And not 'random internet strangers' in my case, I don't flirt with people I don't know to a decent-ish degree already, but otherwise...

I am said to flirt with everyone I meet, but that's partially just how my conversation style comes across. In all fairness, a fair bit of it is actual flirting.

[Ceebs]

18 hours ago, Comrade Contrarian said:

I am said to flirt with everyone I meet, but that's partially just how my conversation style comes across. In all fairness, a fair bit of it is actual flirting.

Yeah I kinda get that. Well, it's not with everyone for me, I tend to be quite reserved with people I don't know well, but I do joke with totally platonic friends in a faux-flirty way at times, so maybe my intentions have been misinterpreted occasionally.

 

Problem is, you can be actually flirting with someone for ummm a really long time before they clue in. 😅

[Guest]

39 minutes ago, Ceebs. said:

Problem is, you can be actually flirting with someone for ummm a really long time before they clue in. 

One of my partners was like that when I hit in her, actually. The other one hit on me, and I figured it out pretty fast.

[Ceebs]

2 hours ago, Comrade Contrarian said:

One of my partners was like that when I hit in her, actually. The other one hit on me, and I figured it out pretty fast.

I'm... weird. I think I intend to over-interpret people's intentions and assume they're hitting on me lol. Which is weird cos I don't generally see myself as someone highly desirable.

 

But yeah I've been on both sides of the equation. I had a hard time figuring out what was going on with my ex-gf initially. She was the one who pursued me. But with my current partner... lol, well, men can be Quite Dense (I say this with love and he would -- and does -- readily admit it too 😂).

[iff]

On 9/23/2021 at 11:18 PM, Comrade Contrarian said:

I'm down, but I'd imagine "sexual partners of asexual" are an even smaller subset of the population than asexuals themselves. It's probably not practical

 

For ace meetups where there hasn't been before, turn out can be very bad. 

 

I've been to a few with just 3 people, I travelled 75 minutes to get to it, while another had a longer journey (and this was a meet in a city and surrounding area of about 1.2 million people) 

[fblthp]

@iff You traveled to an ace meetup to meet partners of asexuals?

[iff]

1 minute ago, fblthp said:

@iff You traveled to an ace meetup to meet partners of asexuals?

No, it was just for aces but I am using it as example of difficulty with having numbers attending where there was no meets before (even in large urban areas) 

[Ceebs]

7 hours ago, iff said:

I travelled 75 minutes to get to it

😂

 

Europeans are cute. Everything is so... big... in Canada. I've been to an AVEN meetup once in my life in 2010 (I think I was the only non-asexual person there, although everyone else who attended is long gone from the forums and I've no idea how most of them identify now) and it took three hours to get there lol.

[Ceebs]

Actually no I'm wrong, @Roon was there.

 

There is apparently video footage of this meetup and I never watched it. I was very drunk for part of it. 😂

[Ceebs]

Actually no I'm wrong again. Although it wasn't exactly a proper meetup, I met up with Qute and his partner, and Coleslaw, in Toronto in 2014. It was World Pride and lots of people were in T.O. for that reason.

[LostHusband]

On 9/23/2021 at 6:18 PM, Diabolical Diatribe said:

I'm down, but I'd imagine "sexual partners of asexual" are an even smaller subset of the population than asexuals themselves. It's probably not practical

 

The cool thing about pandemic is we have a billion ways to connect now. If asexuals are a small subset of the population, and their sexual partners are an even smaller part, we could still hop on zoom and commiserate with one another. 

 

I personally wouldn't, not yet anyway. My wife just brought this up a few days ago and I am reeling. I knew it, obviously right? We all knew it before they told us. But god damn does it hurt to actually hear. That hope that things could be how I dreamed is gone. Balloon popped. 

 

But meeting is easy these days. 

[SusannaC]

On 10/12/2021 at 8:41 PM, LostHusband said:

That hope that things could be how I dreamed is gone. Balloon popped. 

Well stated. I remember well that awful feeling

[TurnedTurtle]

Withdrawal from "hopium" addiction is a real bear!

[SusannaC]

Lol…. Sort of….. 

😩…. Obviously, though, we aren’t alone in this experience

[fblthp]

"Hopium" LOL!  In all honesty, I feel like turning to AVEN is something I enjoy less and less each time because I know how it is and now I know why this forum seems to ebb and flow.  As a sexual man married to an asexual, I have come to grips with my lot in life.  What I value at this point is connection with others, we're kind of on the path to opening our relationship.  I was adverse to it at first and, if I am being completely honest with myself, it is because of fear and "hopium" that I am now very comfortable with it.  Sure there is a grieving process in recognizing that what you thought you were entitled to in a relationship is no longer, but there is another grieving process in recognizing that your relationship with your partner will never be what you thought it was and it probably runs deeper than you thought.  For me, I am finally in a place where I am done grieving and just ready to look forward.  Looking forward to what the future might hold.   Don't take me wrong, I love my wife and have zero intention of leaving her, the level of honest communication we have now?  I don't know that I could ever have that with another human being and cherish it, it means the world to me.  Sorry, drunken soap-boxing over, carry on.

[intheshadowoferos]

On 10/12/2021 at 5:41 PM, LostHusband said:

The cool thing about pandemic is we have a billion ways to connect now. If asexuals are a small subset of the population, and their sexual partners are an even smaller part, we could still hop on zoom and commiserate with one another. 

 

I personally wouldn't, not yet anyway. My wife just brought this up a few days ago and I am reeling. I knew it, obviously right? We all knew it before they told us. But god damn does it hurt to actually hear. That hope that things could be how I dreamed is gone. Balloon popped. 

 

But meeting is easy these days. 

For certain. The reality of living like this is so hard, and repeatedly looking at it under a microscope is gut wrenching.... good luck

[Guest]

We need something like Match or Tinder for allo-ace couples. Basicallly just meeting people and being like "hey, wanna bang while our ace partners go get ice cream?". That's incredibly unrealistic, but it seems like a nice way to work it out.

[Traveler40]

1 hour ago, Diabolical Diatribe said:

We need something like Match or Tinder for allo-ace couples. Basicallly just meeting people and being like "hey, wanna bang while our ace partners go get ice cream?". That's incredibly unrealistic, but it seems like a nice way to work it out.

And with that, you’re now down to a subset of a subset of a subset. 
 

I’d agree it’s Incredibly unrealistic and disagree that it seems “a nice way to work it out.”  To each their own, but perhaps regular Tinder for the hit it and quit it crowd is both perfectly fine and far easier.

[iff]

8 hours ago, Diabolical Diatribe said:

We need something like Match or Tinder for allo-ace couples. Basicallly just meeting people and being like "hey, wanna bang while our ace partners go get ice cream?". That's incredibly unrealistic, but it seems like a nice way to work it out.

2 person book club