Gray-sexual and sapio-romantic?

[ailbts]

I identify as graysexual but have come across the sapiosexual/romantic identifier, and after some research, I must admit I'm considerably confused if I'm one, both, or none at all.

 

I rarely experience sexual desire, therefore I identify as graysexual; and am very attracted to a person's intelligence, but only in a romantic sense. Even if I have an amazing conversation where the person blows my mind, it's not like I'm aroused and ready to go, but the romantic desire is definitely there.

 

With the little sexual desire I have being primarily for the purpose of procreation, that's where (I think) the sapioromantic part comes in because a highly intelligent partner is essential to me wanting a kid(s) and, if the romantic partner doesn't fulfill that, my sexual desire would remain extremely low or sometimes nonexistent. Does this check out? Am I confusing something? 

 

Side question:

From what I gathered, demi- and sapiosexuality seem to be sometimes labeled as part of the asexual spectrum, although sapiosexuality indicates a sexual desire based on somebody's intelligence, so I can see how it would not be on the spectrum of asexuality anymore. Can somebody clarify this?

[Guest]

Personally, I think sapiosexual is not an orientation so much as a preference.

"Intelligent" is a type preference. There aren't "orientations" for preferring brunettes, large behinds, or short people...so why is it okay to treat an intelligence preference as an orientation. Somebody will probably argue that sapiosexual is more nuanced than this, but I disagree. It's fine to be attracted to intelligence, but it's not an orientation per se.

[coolshades]

Hi and welcome to AVEN! 🍰

 

I think one could be both graysexual and sapiosexual, because you do not experience much sexual attraction, but when you do, it is  *only* because you are attracted to the person's intelligence.  But I don't think you could identify as a black stripe asexual and also identify as sapiosexual if the attraction was sexual in nature.

[Ceebs]

'Sapio' is often thought of as rather pretentious, just FYI. It's a preference for a characteristic -- intelligence -- just like a good sense of humour, brown hair, musical talent, being tall, etc., and it's very common. It's not an orientation; orientation is which gender(s) you're attracted to.

[Rynn]

Moved from Questions about Asexuality to The Gray Area,

Ryn, moderator

[ailbts]

13 hours ago, Comrade Contrarian said:

Personally, I think sapiosexual is not an orientation so much as a preference.

"Intelligent" is a type preference. There aren't "orientations" for preferring brunettes, large behinds, or short people...so why is it okay to treat an intelligence preference as an orientation. Somebody will probably argue that sapiosexual is more nuanced than this, but I disagree. It's fine to be attracted to intelligence, but it's not an orientation per se.

Fair point.

 

2 hours ago, Ceebs. said:

'Sapio' is often thought of as rather pretentious, just FYI. It's a preference for a characteristic -- intelligence -- just like a good sense of humour, brown hair, musical talent, being tall, etc., and it's very common. It's not an orientation; orientation is which gender(s) you're attracted to.

I was seconding that thought, but it seemed like that was the closest/only thing I could find to what I was feeling. 

[ailbts]

20 hours ago, coolshades said:

Hi and welcome to AVEN! 🍰

 

I think one could be both graysexual and sapiosexual, because you do not experience much sexual attraction, but when you do, it is  *only* because you are attracted to the person's intelligence.  But I don't think you could identify as a black stripe asexual and also identify as sapiosexual if the attraction was sexual in nature.

Thanks!

 

I consider my degree of asexuality stronger than any other sexual orientation, that's why I was curious about sapio in a romantic sense.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, ailbts said:

Thanks!

 

I consider my degree of asexuality stronger than any other sexual orientation, that's why I was curious about sapio in a romantic sense.

In either sense, it is a valid preference (or orientation, whichever you consider it). I don't have a preference for or against intelligence, but some people do. Either way, it's fine to like what you like.

[Kayla follett]

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